Eventful Day

last minute got a call from SN. Vuthy is in town, from cambodia. so met up w him for lunch. always good to see Vuthy with his beautiful smile. :)

got to see G for a while en route to Gill. Poor gal, she's kindof overworked and really tired. good thing her break is coming... :) her break time.. will be the start of my marking season... lol

went to Gill.. met up w pple.. buddy, xiaomei, some familiar faces and a couple of new ones. nice.

went for the talk on coral spawning w EW. Man last min the rest of those who were supposed to turn up played us out. Supposed to be 5, left 2. *sighz* in anycase, bumped into DR there. Only after i attended the talk den did i realize... i dunno many things abt corals!! yeah.. learnt geographical stuff abt them in sec sch.. but the biological part... still a little confused. LOL.

met sandfly at the place where the talk was held. den went for salsa course. it was so-so. i tink the guys there hv to learn how to 'lead' if not it becomes hard for the gals too. but its not easy, considering its the first lesson... and also given not everyone has a good sense of rhythm, so they cant really come in (but they have to lead?!?) in anycase, i myself suck at psychomotor skills.. so i dun fare too well too... cant do/feel the watever tension thing they were talking abt... #*@&#(* lol

J was very sweet. she picked me up from the dance center to go to DL's place for her housewarming. met more new pple.. ate a lot of food (wats new...) happy for her.

joined the divers for a KOK session. but i left within a short while cos tom hv to be up early to play for morn service. while Es was driving me there.. she helped me 'tackled' a problem by telling me wat words to use to pple.. boy she's good w words. lol... anywayz, those worked! also, she told me something which came as a surprise to me... sighz... @#*$&(#

now.. time to sleep.... its been an eventful day. no work done.. but eventful enough.. i tink that's enough. i need a break. lol.. nites

on the verge of falling sick...

tired... feeling sick.... physically and mentally....

Thank you EC

Thanks for your pollution song.. Really hilarious!! definitely something i'll listen to when i'm blue... *smile* appreciate it heaps.

Things not as 'fantastic'... but it sure brightens up w frens like ya... :)

Its a good day and I thank the Lord for that.

well...

generally there are the ups and downs...

ups from students...

downs from sudden arrows shot in tis direction which may very likely jeopardize one weekend dive trip i intend to go on. okiez.. its 99% gone.

heard from a fren a piece of 'interesting' news. just taking the news as it comes. not surprised to hear it. its something i'll hear eventually. thankfully... i'm okiez. :)

so... its a good day and i thank the Lord for that...

A week in a teacher's life... ...

7 points for 7 days

1. Geography and English Exam papers more or less vetted and nearing printing press.

2. More or less finished marking CME exam papers minus those absentees who have to sit for their exams.

3. Spoke to a few gals abt their behavior. One of which - the gals copied work BLINDLY. Qns 1 - 10 can be from Passage A, and Qns 11 - 16 from Passage B. AND the spelling and gramatical errors are EXACTLY the same... write down to the smallest atom. How can they claim it is group work? Yeah, sure, group copy work? *laughs*

4. Got 'scolded' by a parent for over 20 minutes. It is tough. People think it is easy being the teacher. Worse, they shaft all the blame to teachers. *sighz* I'm glad not all parents are like that, and that I have nice colleagues to rally behind me to support me. Tho... the call spoilt my mood for a while... but as i've learnt, life goes on. There are things I can control, there are those I cant. There are things that matter, there are those which matter less. *smile* Life goes on.. for the important.

5. Had a short chat with two of the gals I brought for the music IT competition. It was nice. They told me their seniors think that generally I'm nice. Even one gal told me her seniors said I taught geography well. I'm like?!?!?! With the poor quality of materials I produce...?!?! But it was encouraging. *smile*

6. I am still learning how to tackle 'uninterested', 'you suck', 'i cannot be bothered with you' faces... still get discouraged seeing these faces. Still learning...

7. Point for reflection: How 'smiley' a teacher should I be? Esp the first time I meet a class (Esp lower sec)

Life Goes On......

when happy things happen...

life goes on....

when disappointing things happen...

life goes on....

whether or not i am prepared to face up to tomorrow...

life goes on....

In short.....

life goes on.... face it....

Some random conversations

Venue: Staffroom
Time: Sept 11, 2004, Approx 11 am
TS: So are you prepared for school?
Me: Prepared or not still have to face it. School's still reopenning soon, does it matter? Just face it lor.

Venue: Along the river, Boat Quay
Time: Sept 10, 2004, Approx 1015pm
Me: I just realize I've actually met quite a couple of guys tis year, comparatively more than in previous years.. but alas, all the wrong ones... how tiring...
EV: Yeah, we always meet the wrong ones...

Venue: In AG's van
Time: Sept 11, 2004, Approx 1215am
AG: Actually in army its very free. They don't do much. Regulars have a lot of time. Still get paid loads.
Me tinks to myself: &@*#% all civil service.. but y so different?

Communication Mode: Email
Time: Sept 9, 2004, Approx 12pm
EW: i'm going for another dive over d weekend... was thinking if u would go for another dive over d next weekend,take it as i chio u, how???
Time: Sept 10, 2004, Approx 3pm
Me: thanks for d invitation for d dive. i'd love to. but two major factors.1. i dun print money. maybe if i find a rich old man who's gonna kickd bucket soon.. sure, i'll dive every week. LOL.2. i dun hv d time. attached to a CCA tt's got me stuck in sch allsats. well, den again, maybe if i find a rich old man who's gonna kickd bucket soon who can pay up my bond, y not? den i'll get him to godiving too... den he'll kick d bucket in the sea and.. MUA HA HA HA...

Venue: Swing, Near Centerpoint
Time: 8 Sept, 2004, Approx 11pm
Me: Since when do you start smoking? Neva seen you smoke all these years.
FL: Since I was 14. Now that my bf smokes, its not helping...

Communication Mode: MSN
Time: 11 Sept, 2004, Approx 9pm
EC: eh comment on my blog leh, no one has commented yet
Me: LOL since when u wan tis kindof attention one. I setting exam paper. Later....

HA HA... dun kill me EC. ;) Just felt like putting urs in. :-P

of junk... and food....

check out wat i had within the past 24 hours from 7pm yest to 7pm today:

- popcorns (salted and sweet)
- amos cookies
- KFC (crispy)
- frozen magaritta
- more cookies for breakfast
- kueh dadah, sandine puff and dunno wat malay kueh kueh
- jap food (the only healthy meal!!)
- Mackies strawberry shake
- OO-jian (fried oyster)
- an entire plate of sea haarm (by myself!)
- some fish keropok
- two servings of fried chicken skin (i've found the place to buy fried ckn skin without having to eat the meat like in kfc!!! absolutely fabulous... and sinful...)

well.. these doesn't include the more than one entire big mooncake i finished just before that 24 hours begun...... hmmm.......
-

Life since I was back ....

Monday -
1. marking
2. marking
3. marking
4. some karaoke session w pple who went on the dive
(no, i dun sing, its for the company and break out of marking)

Tuesday -
1. extra class w my sec threes
2. setting term four test
3. setting exam
4. setting exam
5. setting exam
6. getting a little irritated with a fren i got to noe over the dive trip
7. setting exam
8. catching up on emails
9. setting exam
10. catching up w some frens online
11. setting exam

Today?
1 - 10 . setting exam
11. @#(*^$ some silly 'socializing' meeting a more senior teacher w the other new teachers. yes, teachers have to socialize to... @#*$&#*

God's forgiving grace....

juz came back from my dive. totally pooped. so mayn things to write... so little energy... but something i tink of imptance....

God's Forgiving Grace

My first two dives weren't 'fantastic' cos i was nervous n trying to get accustomed to the feeling of being underwater again. Subsequent dives i slowly got time to appreciate what i'm seeing all around me intermittently (when i'm sure i wldn't sink/'over-float') *laughs* i thot 'hey finally i get to really appreciate wat God has created under the sea too!'...

On my way home, thots of the comments my student came back briefly. Suddenly, it occurred to me (i believe God told me *laughs*) that... i have to forgive that gal. Its not a huge 'sin' she committed against me, cos its not even about me. BUT, i have to forgive her.. to make the decision to let it go. I asked, how to forgive? Letting go and letting God have everything that has happened. The disappointment.. the hurt.. Continue to do my best and love and nurture as He has placed me there for.

Then, I heard something along this line... what you have seen... the corals, the fish, etc etc, the beauty of what has been created... is a reflection of the Creator. Let it serve as a reminder that... as He is beautiful, as He is good, and as He is faithful as the creation has so testified, He has forgiven our sins. Creation testifies to His goodness and forgiveness. Meaning, if and when i feel hurt again, maybe i'll just have to tink of the things i saw this weekend? and remember His forgiving grace on me... and so i have to forgive and entrust my gals to him...

All glory to God....

(ARGH... so many things more to write.. but i shall sleep!!)

GIMME MY KFC!!

craving for kfc now...

who cares abt the pounds?

GIMME MY KFC!!!

woman in black...

or almost...

wore my dark grey long dress... black covered shoes... hair tied up in black scrungee...

one student commented to another one... she looks like a married woman today...

yeah.. maybe black widow? *mua ha ha*

my English paper just came back, vetted, major changes to be done....

exhausted...

Food Glorious Food....

its Teachers' Day today.

Had been 'in touch' with food a lot lately.. meaning... ha ha ha... the weighing scales are starting to creak under my weight. Yesterday during Teachers' Day celebration it was makan makan... in the evening, met up w Ana and makan makan. Tis morn went for a conference and makan makan... still makaning the stuff the kids baked for us too. lol

Besides food so wat have i been up to?
1. went crazy over the last weekend and monday night marking to meet the deadline for CA submission.
2. Teachers' Day celebration was... hmm... lets say most of us teachers were trying to keep awake during the 'concert'.
3. Was trying to keep awake for the Christian Teachers' Conference tis morning.
4. perpectually tired...

Looking forward to my dive trip this coming weekend!! :)

This is my life story... boring...

13.49

clocked 13.49 for my 2.4km i did w TN n DY in sch. hvn't done a timed run in a long long long time... esp for 2.4. usually does 3km now. but v happy w results cos its close to my sec 1 time at 13.38. i mean, i was light and small and all then.. den over the yrs in sec n jc.. the time started to deprove. d fact tt my timing is close to sec 1.. ha ha.. i'm happy.... but.... i miss running longer distances at east coast n macritchie....

"You are the only teacher who don't answer your own questions...."

*chuckles* One of my classes's comments.

I asked them a simple question "so what are some of the examples of weathering processes?"... *silence*

I waited....

*silence*

I looked around and saw faces spacing out...

*silence*

I stood up poised... and waited....

*silence*

thinking to myself... hey i'm supposed to be the 'master of waiting in silence til they give in... but they are taking .... way too long'

*silence*

i spoke. "for your info, i hv just posed you a question. and we can continue waiting until you answer".

*class looks stunned*

i spoke again. "for the benefit of those of you who have spaced out, my question was - so what are some of the examples of weathering processes?"

class decided to defend themselves and spoke. "but ms ting, all the teachers never expect answers from us. they will answer their own questions..."

*i tried to hide my shock* and went "well, then here is one class where YOU will have to answer the questions. i will always stand here and wait until someone answer."

*answers came streaming in*

Is there meaning to life?

had a discussion w J couple of nites ago... trying to iron out our existential purposes. Is life meaningless (stepping out from the religious points of view)? So is there meaning to life? If so, what is it?

Smile again....

i was exhausted today... even tho its only mon.... but after my last period, something made me smile.

i was on my way back to the staffroom when i saw one of my students. din noe which class she came from, but i just smiled at her. she smiled back. and she told me 'Ms Ting, thank you. People in my class smiles now. I'm happy.' Den i realized she's from my weakest class in sch, whom during my last music lesson when i was doing My Favorite Things with them, I encouraged them to smile - whenever, good or bad times.

that made me smile for today... :)

What say you?

Just came across this in a book I'm currently reading - How to Listen to God by Charles Stanley.

"God never says anything unless it is important and worth remembering. He doesn't engage in chitchat. He doesn't preface His remarks with anything. God is always to the point. He has something to say, and He says it precisely and concisely."

Is that the case? I thot He takes time to say things to let us know more of Him too?

TRIVIA

Which word has no vowels in it?

on middle grounds....

getting quite swamped with marking.. tt's PILING UP!!! and deadlines due with papers to be set.. trying to stay... calm....

quite happy in one of my geog class. my weakest geog class. some gals who are always disinterested. i spoke to one of them briefly during class that time, and today, she's responding to my lessons!! so happy.. i mean.. she used to be disinterested. told me she din like phy geog cos its a lot of work compared to human geog. told her she hv to work on both cos they will link tog eventaully. today, she was participating in grp discussion.. asking qns when i was teaching hydrograph.. and eager to present her grp's pt from the discussion!!! i dunno if this is only temporal.. but.. it makes me.. *smile*

on middle grounds because... i'm encouraged but tired sometimes mentally. surprisely, i've been doing fine physically by the grace of God. i only pray that He will grant me more wisdom to teach, handle the load, organize my time and keep the right perspective, more love for pple ard me... and more of Him... so tt He may be glorified...

Smile....

was telling my dearest class about smiling.. when they commented that it was the third time they were greeting me for the day. Told them.. greeting is good.. since we wish others 'good' ... juz like smiling... it makes one's own day better... simply saying positive things.. or smiling.. (since there is apparently some physiologically effect... yada yada)...

it did not occur to me tt.. i do smile? at least, i was pleasantly surprised n encouraged when TS who has been my 'big sister' in this school told me that she's encouraged by my smiles... .. cos noeing tt sometimes deep within, i might not be all well.. but yet.. i still smile to others.. and my smiles brightened up her day.. esp when she's going thro a lower patch...

i was a little surprised yest when she revealed to me tt she was affected by students comments (just as she was the one who advised me earlier last week not to be unnecessarily affected by students' comments). i guess in tis line, or in life in general, no one, no matter how mature is totally immune to these.. and we all have to take turns to pat each other on the back and say 'hey, you are doing just fine!'

i'm glad my smile brightened up her day. din noe i smile.. tt much?

i'm still growing... going thro growing pains.. learning... maturing.... but i'm thankful tt i'm growing.. and tt He is the One carrying me thro...

Nerve-wrecked....

just came back from a visit to a doctor.. waited for 2.5 hours before my turn!! thot that was bad... til.... i took a cab home...

the driver... lets just put it tis way... i tink i can drive better than he!! he was just driving very unsteadily.. simply put, not in a straight line... the entire journey was a torture. initially i gave him the benefit of the doubt.. tinking that he's an older man trying to make a living... he cldn't be drunk cos he did not stank of alcohol.. but after sometime he started to talk.. and i just cldn't make out wat he was trying to say... finally the only thing i cld discern from his unclear pronounciation is the mandirin of 'the motor(biker) in front is a ghost'. i cld have fainted. i seriously dunno wat that guy was up to... the entire ride.. was like... I WANNA GO HOME SOON!!! but he was not fast.. and just.. going left rite left rite....

in the cab, i knew i'd be safe because my seat belt was buckled (rarely! lol). no... more because i knew God is with me and is taking care of me. just need to .... reach home soon... it was only until i got off the cab den did i realize... my legs did go soft...

good gracious me.... i cld hv driven better...

PSI Index Gone Up

Running was much more strenuous than usual. Haze from Indonesia creeping in plus smoke from the burning of joss sticks watsoever for the Lunar Seventh Month has made air unconducive for exercising... how long will this last?

L.O.V.E

Nope, not the song by Frank Sinatra (which is supposedly up on my site, but has disappeared since... whenever...)

Attitude in life has gotta change. During convocation, I was talking to thamps, telling her that at that moment my attitude was the 'Just do it' which accounts for my msn nick... dun feel.. dun even tink too much, just do it! It is 'emotionless', nonchalant, deviod of feelings for my students.. but at least i'll survive at that moment. Either that, or fall into depression... Both of us agreed it cannot be the long term solution, but at this phase, out of the two, 'Just do it' is the more feasible one.

I am thankful that God, being a faithful and God of grace is slowly changing my heart. Slowly, a third 'alternative' has emerged.. and that is to look at life in totality again, and not to look at things in a myopic manner. Well, more like a heart change. I knew these things earlier.. but my heart was... cold.. hardened... deaf... blind.. watever.. Many things that have overwhelmed me are but.. temporal and small things in comparison to the many other important things God intends. He has reminded me again.. to LOVE.

How do i noe? I dunno. lol. But this morn just before church, i dunno wat made me smsed a close fren.. telling her tt she's got a fren in me. well, i SINCERELY meant it. strangely, that made me feel 'good' inside. many frens have been encouraging me. i hvn't been encouraging pple for long. den it occurred to me... that He wans me to love... well, apparently today's sermon happened to affirm that.

I wanted to love.. I wanted to love my students.. but I did not know how to. Honestly, I still dunno how to. But I am trusting Him to teach me to. I'm just allowing Him to do it at this moment. Sometimes my heart still quivers at the thot of the week coming up.. facing the students.. worse! having an observation for ENGLISH class?!? but... are those really THAT important to Him?

People are asking who i wanna love... at least those who just saw my new msn nick saying 'giraffe wans to love'. All i can say is.. 'people in general'. my frens, my students.. and even the challenging ones.. the teachers.

well... the week going to begin again. much tasks. (much because uncountable. mua ha ha.. english tr. :-P) i'm sure i'll waver.. but by the grace of God, may He help me love.. just as He loved...

An Interview with God

Author Unknown

"Come in, God said to me, "so you would like to interview Me?"
"If you have the time," I said.
God smiled and said; "My time is called eternity and is enough to do everything; what questions do you have in mind to ask me?"
"None that are new to you. What’s the one thing that surprises you most about humankind?"
God answered: "That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.
That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.
That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.
That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived…."
God’s hands took mine and we were silent. After a long period, I said, "May I ask you another question?"
God replied with a smile.
"As a Parent, what would you ask your children to do for the new year?"
"To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved. To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.
To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.
There will be others better or worse than they are.
To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
To learn that they should control their attitudes, otherwise their attitudes will control them.
To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.
To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
To learn that there are persons who love them dearly, but simply to not know how to show their feelings.
To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.
To learn that they are masters of what they keep to themselves and slaves of what they say.
To learn that they shall reap what they plant; if they plant gossip they will harvest intrigues, if they plant love they will harvest happiness.
To learn that true happiness is not to achieve their goals but to learn to be satisfied with what they already achieved.
To learn that happiness is a decision. They decide to be happy with what they are and have, or die from envy and jealousy of what they lack.
To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.
To learn that those who are honest with themselves without considering the consequences go far in life.
To lean that even though they may think they have nothing to give, when a friend cries with them, they find the strength to appease the pain.
To learn that by trying to hold on to loved ones, they very quickly push them away; and by letting go of those they lvie, they will be side by side forever.
To learn that even though the word "love" has many different meanings, it loses value when it is overstated.
To learn that they can never do something extraordinary for Me to love them; I simply do.
To learn that the shortest distance they could be from Me is the distance of a prayer.

I take things too seriously?

It just occurred to me these two days... that in this year... at least 3 persons have outrightly told me to 'chill'... 'take things easy'... 'not take things so seriously'....

there's my bong earlier this year.... there's DR some time ago.... its only when even people I'm not that close to me who observed that I seem stressed out like AO just kept mentioning it to me of late that makes me question... "Am I taking things too seriously?"

One of the things I've learnt after my dive trip previously was to work hard, and play hard. Its not an easy feat, someone like me who can be quite a perfectionist, on myself. I must say I've improved a little, on not thinking too much about things and circumstances in which I can't do much about. Yet, sometimes I struggle, because I'm learning.

Still, do I take things too seriously? With so many tasks at hand, how to be carefree? With life so short, how not to ensure that time spent is fruitful? Yet, does that mean that we should be so hard on myself? Then again, am I being hard on myself? *chuckles*

When do we be serious? When do we have fun? Surely God has blessed us with times of fun and happiness... If He has created the word called 'freedom', then surely He wants us to enjoy freedom as well. When? How? Where is the balance? How to live with both co-existing together? *ponders*

chocolate overload...

was out w G tis evening. she decided to pop by my place to drop me some cookies i told her i was craving for weeks ago. little did she noe tt i had been a cookie monster for the past week, gobbling up at least like 4 HUGE cookies. lol. but thanks G, i really appreciate it!! will savor the cookies. :) in the end we ended up at a certain hotel where i had the dessert buffet. yes, i was scolded by EC cos instead of running, i ended up w a chocolate overload. lol.. sighz.... dun dare to see the weighing scales now.

had a nice time catching up w some nie music frens online.

did some clearing up of my place. so now my room's neater than usual. 2 months of accumulation of ironing and junk all over the place. only 60 percent cleared. the rest still in a mess.. but at least my room is more 'livable' now. i cldn't continue with the rest. too tired.

tom will be a full work day. sch hol, but cos i had been running abt this weekend (as in.. doing stuff.. and not running running lah). today, i'll just take it tt its public hols. lol... also learning to strategize in my teaching methods... as in... where i'm gonna put my time into. i'm just working and working without thinking. not smart.. need to work smarter... hmm... *tinks*

exhausted but waiting for the fotos to load up online...

juz came back from D's wedding. waiting for the fotos to load. its been a long and tiring day. but pretty good. for the first time in my life, i'm a wedding coordinator. not that i did a good job at all.. but it was a good expereice. tiring walking up and down tho. thanks D for the chance. :)

ventured a few strategies in the morn to trick CT. quite funny. but i'm too tired to fill in the details. lol. for dinner.. i had a good time getting to noe Jn better. really nice lady to talk to. :) its always nice talking to someonemore mature and experienced in life.

tinking thro the question now: is it better to love or be loved? this world is less than perfect... so is it gonna be an either / or? *yawnz*

One of my dreams came true today....

I gotta wear the sari!!! :) FINALLY!

finally cleared up Ground Zero...

This is what I have termed my table since week 2. I had given up clearing up the mess of papers (be it students' assignments, worksheets, stray sheets of announcements, minutes, song sheets, etc.)

Finally today I made myself clear up the mess. It looks much much better. Tho... how long it may last I have no idea. Well, at least til tuesday. lol....

Met up w Ana for dinner. Once again, eat eat eat without tinking. (This does not include the mee soto, pizza, bao, and what have you I've had in the day). We ordered quite a bit from Thai Express. Decided to move on to coffee club next door. lol.. more desserts.... (and yes, i hv definitely put on pounds).

And guess wat?!?! CAFE CARTEL HAS STOPPED SELLING MY FAV DOUBLE CHOC CHIP COOKIE!!! :( i thot only the one in raffles city dun hv it. apparently, they've stopped selling it... :( and coffee club has some time ago swopped our fav piping hot brownie topped w a generous scoup of icecream with some sad brownie (tt's cold and sticky). Don't they know what their customers want? I wrote down our (me and many other gals!!) feedback w.r.t the brownie. Whether they will return us our brownie.... is another matter.

GIMME MY COOKIE!!! AND MY BROWNIE!!!

a good run.... ....

is what i need to settle me down from a .... day....

still working on the teaching prep for RIVERS. Man, I've been working on this topic for like at least 2 weeks. But nothing concrete has come up. Spending way too much time on this super duper gigantic daunting topic. I love rivers. I love physical geography. But to teach it.. is yet another different story....

Just thrown another curve ball today. I'm to set the CME paper for the Sec 1s. Out of 10 classes, I teach ONE class. And i'm chosen to set it. Over and above the Pure Geog and ENglish papers.. Daddy, what on earth (or in heavens) are You trying to do? TS was looking at my situation and was telling me that she thinks that Daddy is trying to teach me something. Tt i shld ask Him.. she feels He wans me to learn to be... shrewd?? I dunno... I seriously have no idea at all...

Day went on. A gal from my class cried saying she wans to go home cos she's sick but my co-tutor refused to let her go back. She is a 'challenging' gal. SO to believe her or not? I'm too trusting sometimes. I dunno how either. Anywayz, I spoke to her. Took my stand on certain things. So at the end of the day, I stuck firm to my conditions. SHe cld not accept my conditions, so she has to stay in school. Apparently she seems okiez thereafter. I'm learning to be firm. One lesson learnt. During the same period, one of my gals just cried during music class. She and the other gal claim that they are seeing things. I took time off after the period, spoke to them, prayed with them. Frankly, I dun really noe wat to do, wat to say, wat to think. Consulted my co-tutor who says that its attention-seeking strategy the gals are pulling. How much to believe? I still need time to learn. Anywayz, giving them the benefit of the doubt, but praying for wisdom and discernment... tt's wat i seriously lack and need at this point. After tt, i was awakened to realize tt i've been very diligent and spending a lot of time on preparing the content for my gals.. and its time i work on this area...

Anywayz watever happened earlier got me really tired.. the curve ball.. all the... watever 'nonsense' happening.. when i'm oredi half overwhelmed w workload. During the next music lesson w 4E1, i was pleasantly surprised they responded to me. Last week they were uncontrollaby talkative. tis week, i have about half of them responding? and copying out the responses their classmates contributed? i was encouraged... last minute curveball again.. i was down for NDP concert rehearsal again?!?! took some time to speak to the Indian dances, some of them from my 2E1, some from my 4E1, all my music students. The gals from 4E1 told me something tt encouraged me. They told me the gals quite 'like' me. as in there are mayn others they dun like.. because i dun scold them 'stupid'... etc... I mean... that made my day. It was nice talking to them. They helped me with some actions i'm supposed to teach the school during community singing on friday for the indian song. When i was on stage doing that for the rehearsal, they were supporting me at the back of the hall by doing it with me so i can model after them, (cos i'm not too familiar)... until, my mentor who was on stage with me got them to go on stage to do it too!! so now they are blaming me for getting into the act! *laughs*

yet, the thot of the CCA in which i'm totally uncomfy with... sighz.... but.. i tink i tink too much.. no point thinking at this point of time. by the time rehearsal ended it was late, headed straight home for my run. it was a good run. got my mind off the silly things.. and feelings..

wanted to set the eng paper tonite. but alas.. realized i dun have the breakdown of marks for each section!! meanting.. i can't set.. oh watever... the run has done me some good.. :) life goes on... like this for at least 3 years. wat is there to come? i dunno. each day is already so packed with thots, feelings, activities like today. 3 years!!! gosh.. i wonder wat i'll turn out to be by then.. all i can say is that.. by faith.. someone better... for the extension His kingdom.. I dunno how.. but i pray that will be the case...

spent a bomb...

on jeans... on a top.. and on my new pair of running shoes....

time to scringe!

Ms Booboo strikes again...

I hope VN dun read this post. If not, she'll kill me!! lol.. no she wldn't. but perhaps.. just *shake head*... anywayz....

0550
Awoke and decided to off my alarm set for 0600 to go running. Set my alarm to 0700.

0650
Awoke for the second time wondering if I should set my alarm to 0715 so I can sleep a little more. Decided to get up.

0730
Left home for school.

0830
PBL training cum makan to stay awake.

1230
SEM briefing.

1315
Left for City Hall to meet VN to collect sari from her.

1400
Met Vani. Sat down at BK for lunch and talk abt.. sch...

1500
Left for home. Decided to stop by Paya Lebar to get some stuff.

1530
Reached Paya Lebar. Was stuck in Watsons for very long becoz of the super inefficient staff, who got quite a few pple in the queue.. VERY irritated. The sales assistant was so flustered after the complains that.. she forgot to return me my card! gosh! Went to NTUC to buy more stuff.

1600
Walked to busstop.. relieved that i'm finally gonna be home soon.

1615
About to reach home on bus 154. suddenly realized.... THE BAG OF SARI IS NOT WITH ME!!! tried to recollect and was pretty certain that it shld be in watsons.. but whether it 'is' in watsons at that point of time.. was an unknown oredi. Half wanting to scream at myself, half praying.. ran up the bridge to get across to take a bus back to sing post. cabbing wasn't an option cos it'll prob b slower.

1630
Found the Hardrock Cafe paperbag still sitting in front of the counter. Was shocked that there were so MANY sales assistants around, but no one spotted it (den again, they were inefficient). But yet relieved that I found it.

1640
Thot i'd miss my bus when i saw it across the road. Thankfully, the terrible traffic condition allowed me to actually cross the bridge and still manage to catch the bus JUST IN TIME!!! Am thankful to God for that. Seriously. Cos I was oredi so exhasuted. Getting on board the bus does help heaps!

1655
Finally home.... Showered... Nice and clean. Still tired. Looks like I'm gonna postpone my run to another day AGAIN. Been munching away... chatting w frens online.

1751
That's my life for now today.

All music teachers can sing?!?!

thurs thot i really wanted to take time to go out in the evening, since for the previous consecutive days had spent my 'days' in school.. so asked J to go and try to con some pple out for a movie, since he's always in a movie mood and since he was trying to 'hoax' G n I into watching w him on mon. lol. he managed to con quite a fair bit of pple!! i only got sandfly. *laughs* watched irobot. at first did not tink much of it before. but its really pretty good. compared to AI.. which is.. crap. oh.. but before that.. in sch i was considering if i shld leave earlier n do my work at home. before i cld muse over that, i was 'reminded' that i'm down for the NDP concert rehearsal cos i'm doing community singing w another teacher?!?!? okiez lor.. so .... ended up spending the entire afternn on tt... yeah.. its been meetings til like 5ish 6 since tues. and one more tom... *faints* all the markings and lesson preps stuck... :(

Friday, which was just. went to support PW for her Amadeus Choral Society's tenth anniversary concert at VCH. SOngs were great.. love some bits... except.. dun quite like one of her pianists.. he's... hmm... well... overplayed for one song.. so i thot. overall it was quite enjoyable. the later part of the evening was a little more... hmm.. lets say got me on my nerves a bit... to noe.... ask... *laughs* cos like i've advised my students in my form class.... dun post too much in blog. ;)

tom another day of meeting. PBL. bleah. more 'problems'. lol. after tt will be rushing down to meet VN to get sari from her.. to wear for community singing on fri's ND celebration. cant believe it. a year ago, i was awaken in my hostel by a teacher singing all the national day songs in the sch across the road... SF told me.. next yr ur turn.. she's rite. *faints* y do they assume all music teachers can sing? its pretty amusing....  

 

Someone sent to 'lift me up' again.

I tink its amazing. This entry follows one I did about a month ago (?) on how God always provide people to give me rides/lifts.. to and/or fro NTU, to PYSS. Just during the musical last Friday, I was going for the soundcheck straight after school. The CMS sent me there because I was playing for her. Den she found out where I stayed and realized that we stay very close together, so she offered to give me rides to school for most part of the week!! When term just started, I was thinking, 'hmm, God has always sent people to bless me in this particular manner. It seems like this time round, dun have... a bitta sad. *chuckles*' But i noe that He is Jehovah Jireh. Not that I expect Him to continually provide for me in this manner. Deep in my heart, I noe that He is more than sufficient. These are the additional blessings, they are not key. They are privileges, not because I deserve it, but because He loves me, and is faithful. Yet, He does not have any need to prove that. So I left it as it is.. knowing that.. He is good. And that is sufficient. One month has passed since school term opened. And now in His time, He has blessed me once again in this manner. Its really amazing somemore. Hence... God always sends someone to 'lift me up'. Thank you Daddy.

Had cell session with some gals in my class. This session is much more encouraging than the previous two that I have a couple of weeks ago. The gals were more open and shared. They actually gave thanks!! Praise God. It was encouraging to see that they were listening, to hear them sharing, and willing to pray when asked to (well, with a little of the.. 'dun wans'.. but they did not display real resistance to it). I shared on 'words'. Whether wat comes of our mouth is positive or negative. THe effects of these words on ourselves.. on others.. and on how we display Christ... Speaking positive.. I speak positive in front of my students.. as far as possible.. but behind.. in my own life... hmmm.. lets just say.. sometimes when pple ask me how things are.. i'd rather say.. dun talk abt it... *smile*

the stress has shown evidently on my face. so evident that the music instructor who popped by after his classes to pass me the prize cheque, he actually commented tt i look bad and need to sleep, relax n chill.... sigh... i also wan to... but how does one define relaxation? when i got 'dragged out' to chill w JK and G on monday, is that considered relaxing? bcos when we go out, we get tired physically too.. so wat is relaxing? lol... these two nites.. i cldnt do work at home.. just stoning ard.. is tt considered relaxing? i still feel tired. i tried reading christian literature and the word. generally good.. but ... something is missing.. wat is it?

Maintenance Mode

Wanted a nice, slow n quiet monday nite. Got dragged out by JK n G. Ended up at East Coast having a drink. Yeah. Weird. Its mon nite. Was commenting to G, we are really relaxing ey... monday nite at the beach.. lol

Long meeting on Tues. So ... nite was burnt stoning.

Another long meeting today. so now struggling to keep awake. Today started becoming the 'mean' teacher. Made some of my gals stay back.. because they are just not handing in their work. soft approach is now over. but den.. some gals still disappeared.. *faints* i'm so exhasuted trying to keep track.. as usual, its english. watever.

NOw struggling to keep awake. COs it seems sad if i go to bed now. only 9.40! but.. dun tink i can take it soon...

As Shrewd as a serpent, as Innocent as a lamb...

What is a suitable verb to describe a giraffe eating?

Wanted to put on my msn... 'blue giraffe hunting for food'.. den realized giraffes DUN hunt.... and hence the quest for the suitable verb...

1. Feeding
EC says it sounds like someone feeding the young of a giraffe. OUT
2. Grazing
Grazing is good for grass... but leaves on the branches? NEXT

3. Munching
The best of all three entries... and hence

bLuE gIrAfFe mUnChIng!!

Entire day and nite out w my gals...

after the many practices... the ITMAP (some IT midi) competition has finally arrived. spent the entire day right into the night w them cos soundcheck was in the afternn, and competition at nite. thot cld do some marking in between.. but no.. ended up bringing the gals out for dinner at orchard and buying food for them in case they get hungry during the competition. G says i'm like her old sch teacher, like auntie, carry food ard for students.. oh watever.. i've degraded to the 'auntie' status... does it matter? not to me lah.. at least i'm not at the stage where i'll boil barley drink for them. *laughs*

we got second runner-up. the way i look at it.. it is nothing more but only thro God's grace. seriously. We fumbled... i saw a better grp.. yet we won. what else could explain it? either God's grace.. or.. powerplay, a.k.a. politics. i chose to see it as the former. the gals learnt some lessons... but there might be something else we might need to address.. but tt... i'll wait for more details... (and i thot its all ended. *laughs*)

now? exhasuted. laterz got my canoeing test.. so better koonz soon.. zzzzz.z....

Equinox is so-so... 7/10
I got a little 'higher' than usual... cos the drink was bigger than usual (of course it supposedly cost more than usual) and i drank it up faster than usual (cos G was hungry)

Indochine was not bad. 8/10
Salad was pretty decent.
Tom yam soup was... lets put it this way. salt is cheap.
Servers? Boy, they need to work on their English. Either G did not understand wat one of them was trying to say, or, the other one simply... contradicted himself in wat he was trying to bring across. 

Under 30 minutes in the school musical... x/10
lets just say that i beta not say too much here.

Gmail.com... 6.5/10
When I'm exhausted waiting to check my mail now , server down really doesn't help.

Does that sum up my day? Not quite. But, I think that's good enough.

Steady-states...

When disruption is imposed on an ecology in equilibrium, the ecology will change from the initial steady-state to a new steady-state over time. Between these two steady-states, there exist two timeframes known as reaction time and relaxation time (Gregory, K.J., 2000). The condition of the new steady-state is dependent on antecedent factors of the ecology and what occurred during the reaction time.

Life is simply that of moving from one steady-state to another. To grow, to mature, one has to learn. Through disequilibriums. Reaction time is the tough time. Still in one now. When will I arrive at the next steady-state? Yet, no steady-state is... permanent... they are all but passing, transient periods. THe antecedent factors? My anchor and faith in Christ. What happens during the reaction time? We'll see... *laughs*

i've just 'wasted' the food mommy painstakingly cooked for muaz...  boo hoo hoo...

I was tired... feeling a little blue in school....
 
en route home, i had a short conversation with a music student at the bus stop and on the bus... it was nice.

King Arthur...

yeah... me gonna watch movie finally again!!! waiting for my fren to pick me now.. so spending the few 'unconstructive' minutes blogging... boring? yeah i noe.. who cares...
 
did my 3 class for canoeing. G cldn't make it. Anywayz, i tink that gal will be bored lah. *chuckles* it was okiez today. the weather was kinder to us... i sillily volunteered to do capsize for the H-rescue... in the end, ended up stuck in the water for very long.. because we kept drifting towards oasis while they were trying to fix up my canoe... so i had to swim here and there.. all the time.. by the time they were ready for me to mount the canoe in water, i was exhasuted. almost unable to climb up!! perhaps this time round we were not learning 'new' skills, i did tink abt work sometimes during the course, unlike the first two sessions where i was so occupied work was out of my mind...
 
yesterday was a killer day at work... all the way to six-ish... still getting a little blue occasionally.. but at the end of the day, i just need to learn to give thanks and trust in the Lord... *smile*.. trying trying... :)
 
in any case, it was good to see some of my nie music frens yest during the music sharing session in the morn. i was feeling a little tired.. exhasuted.. demoralized in the morn. but seeing their faces made me smile again... i was 'rejuvenated' a little. seeing the music curriculum and facilities in the holding sch for the session inspired me a little. but thereafter when i returned to sch, i was reminded of the practicalities.. seeing the 'hall' we have for music... and looking at my table.. the english workload and all... sighz....  but den again, its good to see my nie frens. :) they sortof 'sympathized' me.. but yet, they were encouraging... :) nice to see pple out of school!! lol oh of course, i did my infamous 'booboo' trick again.. I WENT TO THE WRONG SCHOOL FOR THE SHARING SESSION!!! was oredi like 20 mins late when i arrived at pasir ris sec cos i lost my way. reaching there, i went to the general office to ask where the session was held.. they were like...'there's no session'.. oops.. called my fren and realize it was held in pasir ris CRES sec.. sighz... but its okiez.. things like this remind me that i'm me... :) unique and booboo... lol later afternn brought my gals for their prac ... i was EXHAUSTED... it was nice that at least my gals like to talk to me.. the only thing is that.. i'm so exhasuted... i feel like i'm of limited encouragement when they did not too well at a portion.... sighz.... i need duracell man....
 
hmm... my fren is late!!! argh!! but i'm not complaining.. at least got car.. lol....
 
 
 
 
 

Term 3 Week 3

Started off this week with a fair bit of energy. Now? Almost completely drained... Had been 'out' almost all the evenings, so that's pretty good. It makes me feel 'satisfied' to have a 'life'. But I do not know how long I can sustain this, given that, I have just broken my rule not to bring marking home to do.
 
Mon - met up with old college fren for dessert downstairs my place. i was too lazy to go further than that. *chuckles*
 
Tues - met up with Sandly n Jacki at Jacki's shop. Sandfly was supposed to pay up and go for dinner. We ended up hanging ard a bit.. and at the end of it all, got dragged to some silly karaoke thing. Bleah. We were the two 'early birds' who were pretty concussed by ten and had to leave by eleven.
 
Wed - met up w Dawn, TC and June to discuss Dawn n TC's wedding. ended up talking quite a bit abt diving, the kind of company those pple are, and trying to convince TC to try diving for Dawn's sake. Den went for worship practise because I haven't touched my flute for months!! Realised.. I am back to square one!! No more breathe control, my embochure gone.. *sighz* Was thoroughly exhausted halfway thro the practise. Even questioned why I even decided to crash the practise. Also made me question how able I am to survive future practises, esp when I'm on keyboard.
 
Thurs - It was supposedly a night of rest. Ended up doing my work review. Cos if not, work elsewhere would be piling up. Did 4.5km run. Great because since my hand surgery in Apr, I haven't gone beyond 3km. So it was an achievement.
 
Fri - Supposed to send sandfly off for her trip to Dayang. But later figured out its pretty silly so decided to rest at home. Aggie called me out last minute, so we ended up at Blue Note. Pretty decent place. Less 'showy' than Harry's. Band play was pretty interesting, pity I was seated too far away from the band, and that I was kindof too tired to really care. And finally after a break from blogging, I just realize blogger has come up with more user-frenly interface that requires less knowledge of html script!! Well, like I can be bothered. lol
 
Its gonna be busy busy busy... I'm thoroughly exhausted. Sometimes I feel that the 'caring staff culture' is putting on pressure on me. There will be expectations that I also go along with the 'we are one big family' mentality. Which is not bad, except, sometimes this expectation just makes one feel additional pressure? Teaching English and being assigned a uniform group (a very on one!!) is also making me blue sometimes. I know I'm supposed to take them up with joy... try..... ing..... Is teaching really for me? Or at least, is teaching in the MOE system really for me? lol... watever....

the long and short of it all....

1. today was not a bad day... not eventful.. more like peaceful... maybe cos i din teach english today. lol. tink also partly cos i've kindof made some kindof of arrangements (to stay in sch til 6 to do marking, no marking at home!! only prep etc.. but NO MARKING!)

2. cookie passed on yest. feeling sad? not really. sadly, too occupied to feel sad. wat in this world is happening to pple and emotions? no wonder pple getting less feeling each day w all the pressures mounting.

3. canoeing yesterday was fun. capsize drill (ha, i was the first to do it and reach the shore.. get to watch everyone struggle back.. mua ha ha)

4. tanned and fattened.

5. starting on the book on joshua. since my gb gals are doing it for the bible quiz, i might as well just work on that book. hope to read a chpt a day. ambitious? lol... i'll try.

6. its been nice meeting pple... just tt i cldn't be bothered w updating...
met sandfly on fri for dinner, G on sat for lunch (yeah.. she 'took me out for an excursion' in between my work in school for GB in the morning, and music competition prac in late afternoon), canoeing course on sun,...

okiez. i'm bored.

NEIL ANDERSON'S DAILY IN CHRIST
from Freedom in Christ Ministries

July 10

SECURITY IN ETERNITY

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my
rock, in whom I take refuge; my shield and the horn of my
salvation, my stronghold (Psalm 18:2).

The key to experiencing security in your life is to depend on
things that are eternal, not temporal. Christians often feel
insecure because they are depending on temporal things they have
no right or ability to control. For example, some people rely on
their money for material security instead of relying on God's
promise to supply all our needs. The safest place to keep money a
few years ago was a savings and loan institution. But many have
failed and the security people had placed in them was shattered.
Only eternal investments are secure.

I believe God is shaking the foundations of the world. Natural
disasters are on the increase, kingdoms are being toppled,
political boundaries are being redrawn, and anarchy reigns in
many poor countries. Scripture warns us that such conditions
would precede the second coming of Christ (Matthew 24). This
shouldn't alarm us; we should be excited. Christ's return will be
the day of the church for those who have stored up treasures in
heaven (Matthew 6:19-21).

Security only comes from relating to that which is anchored in
eternity. Jesus said that we have eternal life and that no one
can snatch us out of His hand (John 10:27-29). Paul declared that
nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ (Romans
8:35-39) and that we are sealed in Him by the Holy Spirit
(Ephesians 1:13, 14). How much more secure can you get than that?
When your ultimate trust is in temporal values and relationships,
you are always subject to insecurity because these things are
subject to failure and can be lost. The greatest sense of
security you can experience is the byproduct of taking a firm
grip on values and relationships which will endure as long as God
Himself.

Lord, my Rock, thank You for the peace and security that comes
from trusting in You instead of temporal values.

My time on earth... ... ...

It does not belong to me. Its a privilege given to me to use it according to His purpose... ...

English..... teacher.....

yes... unfortunately (at least based on my current myopic view, oh watever), i am an English teacher. not just this year... but "as long as you are teaching in PL, you will be an English teacher", so my supervisor who happens to be the english HOD said...

when i heard that... my heart... sank.... it really did... i was to the point of tears.. but i noe i cldn't let them out. HC was telling me i cld request to the HOD at the end of the year not to take English... but no, i dun even have to wait til then, she 'as-a-matter-of-factly' revealed to me during my briefing that.. tt's my... 'fate'... ALTHO!! one strange thing happened the moment I walked out from the brief meeting with her. the thot came to me that 'i can do it. i must take things easy... circumstances will rise, but i must ride over it.... in this case.... i must be professional....' and of course at the end of the thot was 'just three years, and i'll be out of PL. dun blame me'. lol

i cld hv continued to dwell in the pits... brood over it... blame the P and VP who interviewed me earlier who did not sound me out on this (cos if they did, no way am i coming in!! serious!)... but does it matter? will it help? it had been my resolution recently to take things easy... and I'm thankful to God that He has carried me out of this emotional pit (for today at least!! lol)

of course, it helps to think on the brighter side of things. firstly, english is such a marketable subject. whoever wans music or geog tuition.. now? ha... i can earn bucks man!! lol... jokes aside (becos i've stopped taking tuition, cos i tink i need time to spend money and not just earn).. i realize tt this might open doors for me shld i wanna teach overseas in the future. at least, i have the qualification as being an experienced english teacher? i dunno... just.. tinking 'brighter'....

alright. enough about school. there are many things to say... but tt's not all to my life.. *chuckles* but den leh.. now i'm a geography, english and music teacher... speaking of which... i need to go prac my harmonica oredi. yeah.. cos me teaching harmonica.. and i dunno how to play.. mua ha ha ha...

Daddy's Love Laws....

1. "I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with loving-kindness."
Jeremiah 31:3

2. "Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old
enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered
your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant
with you, decalres the Sovereign Lord, and you became Mine."
Ezekiel 15:5

3. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into
our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.
Romans 5:5

4. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were sinners,
Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8

5. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, netierh height nor
depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from
the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39

6. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is
not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily
angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,
always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

7. How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be
called children of God! And that is what we are!
1 John 3:1a

Murphy's love laws

All the good ones are taken.

If the person isn't taken, there's a reason.

The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.

Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
This constant is always zero.

Sent by Van Den Bossche Jochen

long long long long day...

i dun even noe y i'm posting this in the middle of the nite when i'm so dying to sleep....

went for my canoe course early this morn... thot i'll get majorly lost.. but strangely... its pretty easy to find. the only thing abt getting up this early is... i was still dreaming of a dive trip!!! getting changed and all.. when my HP sounded the alarm... @#*$(&* in any case.. canoeing.. well.. its okiez. at the beginning part when the instructor was giving instructions on how to oar to move in different directions.. i was like.. a little worried.. cos it sounded so technical!! yeah.. and anything technical makes me feel completely baffled.. but after getting on the water.. its really managable... minus... i got really toasted!!! its strange how i dun get so toasted in cambodia over 5 days, and how i din get even so tan when i spent hours on the upper deck suntanning during my dive trip.. but withihn the short 3 hours span, i got so dark!! drats.. the ugly tanlines formed by the life jacket.. *&(*&#$@ wasted all my hard work tanning in tioman.

asked G to come ove rmy place for a shower.. turns out... we talked to sandfly over msn while she's over.. so somehow.. we were all going out for dinner?!?!?! (to think that i intended to do some work today!!) so for dinner we went.. at the steamboat bbq place at marina south. ate a lot. sandfly was funny.. she will just take all the food we dumped back at her (when she dump at us) without any argument!! ha ha... now i've found the rite person to dump food on. lol.. bumped into someone i din really wanna see.. or someone i wasn't quite ready to see.. but it was alrite.. very managable.

J was asking for company to watch spiderman II. but i just watched it on fri.. so after consulting the papers borrowed from the steamboat place.. we realized there weren't really any good time slots.. so decided to give it a miss.. and go for tea at hotel rendevous coffee club instead (since we all need some camomile to help us sleep better). but there, it was like last order time. they were closing in 30 mins.. so decided to go mr beans which is 24-7. having sat down, we were informed tea will take longer to be served BECAUSE THERE WEREN'T ENOUGH POTS!! hence the debate of whether or not they were professional enough to do that.. G and sandfly said they shld say they needed time to brew the tea to be professional. me on the other hand, wld rather they tell the truth... no wonder i can't make it out in the coporate world? lol...hmm.. tt itself is another thing to ponder abt by itself. when im less braindead. J saw the Kbox sign just opp and wanted to go sing. so we cancelled the order for tea.. and accompanied him there.. i was just... stoning.. tired from the day's activity... mentally, physically.. and challenged emotionally... so tt was tt...

just came home. tink i shld sleep soon.. TOM MUST WORK!!! tt's it. zzz...

sometimes blue.... sometimes fulfilled..

i started the day in school in the morning feeling down... sianz... bleah.... the thot of the long day and many crazy periods.

as i stepped into the class.. slowly i regained my composture and interaction with students left me feeling a quiet sense of joy... but... VERY EXHAUSTING still..

this has been typical of how i've felt for the past few days... and i believe for at least the next one week to come.

i just met a fren for movie and supper tonite. just to chill out. this is a fren whom i look up to in a certain aspect. he is one who is very busy, but yet does not get uptight, and take things easy (as in.. the outlook in life). this is something i learnt in my diving trip too. to work hard and to play hard. sometimes it gets difficult esp when i get uptight easily abt things (just look at this week!!). but slowly, i hope to learn to 'take things easy' and not to 'kill' myself over work. the work will be there. actually i am fairly fortunate esp since i am very certain that the work is purposeful and that God has placed me in this position. sometimes.. i just get self-centered.. i just lose faith.. and hence the uptightness etc... my resolution for this rest of this year.. will be to learn to do my best in my work.. remembering that it is God that i shld please... and that when work pours in, i shld have faith, look to the cross rather than to myself....

yupz yupz... my resolution for the year. guess this is a trial i'm being put thro ey? *smilez* trying... trying....

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." - Phil 4:6-7

I still hate 'the act of' teaching English.... lol....

oh.. did i add...? now i have 32 periods. period.

significant things happened...

i heard 'surprising' things from DR tis evening. 'surprising' for good for me in the long run. a little too busy to tink abt things... but i noe things are turning out rite in turn. :)

lost one side of my earring.

came up with 2 SOW for music. got more to do. just finished reading 2 classes' feedback on their impression of music and wat they are interested in.

english still sucks.. the extra classes, the setting of papers... etc etc.. when i'm clueless...

still putting on weight.. for no rhyme or reason?

tt has been my life in short. mua ha ha.

ups n downs again....

started off alright today. later heard something that reconfirmed that God had really put me in PL. classes were not bad. i actually feel inspired to tailor-make curriculum for each class (but tt'll be crazy). but....

the meeting at the end of the day... sianz again.. more stuff thrown at me last minute... english.. i hate teaching english... sighz... i pray and i pray that it'll be taken away from me next year... Lord, please dun put me on 'trial' and 'test' leh.... :-P

exhausted.... and a little down.. but very managable type of down...

i just cried a river.....

gonna keep this short, but tink i shld put this in:

its been an overwhelming day. many things on my mind... etc... things in school... i tried to keep focus.. tried to rem my purpose.. but cldn't see it.. i knew i'll need a cry tonite alone.. but i din noe i'll cry a river.

thanks for all the support from my frens.. sandfly, bong, js, G. actually somehow sometimes wat pple 'say' wldn't really 'help' alleviate the stuff completely. i needed christian fellowship. i needed someone to carry me through with God. when G called.. i cried til i cldn't breathe. when was the last time tt happened? 2 years ago, the jerk episode (or so G remembered). but it was all good.. to talk.. to cry.. and to pray. thanks sis. i needed that. christian fellowship carries with it an althogether different level of support, somehow. and i do miss that a bit. Oh, dun worry, if/when ur turn comes a couple of months later, i'll be by the fon gal. *smile* thanks.

I can only learn to rely more on my Daddy. sighz.. its back to work. but now not with the overwhelmed feeling i had. thanks Daddy. *smile*

OVER... WHELMED...

ups n downs....

went for my induction in PL early in the morning. surprisingly, it ended earlier than i expected. was a little excited about starting school... however, looking at my workload, i began to feel a little overwhelmed and apprehensive. it didn't help i got news that there will be NO FREE saturdays because i'm doing GB for CCA. not even ONE... meaning.. i can't go diving OCCASSIONALLY... tt ate into me for a while.. i have to pray... for love.. and for peace... still a little down when i tink of it now..

but thankfully i'm seated beside Hwee Choo, Stev's wife. She's one of my mentor. Dun really noe her that well.. but looks like.. things may change. its quite funny cos she was more than willing to loan me her notebook for lessons (cos she doesn't really use it?) its not supposed to go to stev's ears.. so E... please.. *chuckles*

came back home. tried to nap a bit.. but failed.. but rested a little. was a little too demoralized to start work.. met up w sandfly earlier before meeting randy and gang. we walked adn walked and walked.. from raffles city.. to suntec (the other end).. and back to raffles city.. shopping while waiting to meet randy et. al for dinner.. but that boy... he was SO LATE!!! i was so famished in the end i simply did not have strength to walk back to suntec from raffles city.. we decided that sandfly n i will hv dinner on our own at raffles city before meeting them for a drink later. felt much better after having our dinner at 9 plus!!! (*grumble grumble*) simply famished... Along the way.. i picked out ANOTHER bikini. lol.. this time round a white crochet one.. dunno if i'll get the chance to wear it. the thot that i can't go away during weekends.. makes me a little bleah again.. not knowing when i'll get to wear it!! but den.. no choice lah.. i really like it!! :-P

met up with randy and gang finally. feeling quite sianz abt work.. and well.. whoever... but its really managable. :) went up to the watever bar at mt faber again. this time round, i realized the price of the drinks are actually not cheap!! more exp than like harry's even!! and no live music!! gosh.. wat do pple pay for the view.. prob one of the last few times i'll go up there. nice to have you back randy!! miss u big bro.

in any case, i shld be sleeping now.. gotta be up early for church tom.. and den its back home to do last min touching up (actually not even the stage of touching up... lol) of work. feeling a little mixed up abt starting... expectant... but yet apprehensive.... hmmmm

cab cab cab...

silly 62 took like 20 minutes.. still no bus in sight.. ended up cabbing to school. den in school... one gal not feeling well.. the other two gonna be late, so the mom says will fetch them straight to goldhill. another one? can't contact. another one? called me earlier in the morn to say she can't make it.. so why do i even go to school for? might as well just go straigth to gold hill... so silly.. so in the end... took cab alone to goldhill center...

prac was scheduled at 1pm. dunno wat happened.. ended up starting at 2pm. meaning.. ended late at 4 instead of 3. anywayz in the extra hour we had, i brought some gals out and got them mackies. supposed to go see M's daughter... but cos of the delay.. so cant. at the end of the prac, only 2 gals left cos one had to leave at 3. so funny those gals. gotta get them to relax and groove.. but they are not used to grooving.. so not too natural w the performance yet.. but alas we have THREE more gals to 'fix'.. and we are so running out of time.. the gals are so busy i seriously duno how to arrange for more practises.

went for a long overdue hair cut. came back for a run. supposed to meet up w my jc pals.. but too tired.. further have to finish up my worksheets.. still clueless abt wat to teach for music... hmm...

so far so good.. pretty kept in task. tom is an entire day of induction. den meeting Randy n grp for dinner and maybe a drink.. end of spending seasion. lol...

slowly getting the hang of things... pretty enjoyed the company w the PL gals. they are a mischevious bunch. just like my ML gals. i feel good with them. :) still dunno how i'll fit into PL. wait til next week den see... :-/

yeah.. next sun starting my canoeing course. heard the water at kallang is horrible.. bleah

Today... ... ...

Jeremiah 9: 23, 24
This is what the LORD says:
"Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom
or the strong man boast of his strength
or the rich man boast of his riches,
but let him who boasts boast about this:
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,"
declares the LORD.

My journal exactly 4 years ago... ....

Location: Methodist Center, Phnom Pehn, on my bed
Date: 25 June 2000
Time: 1414hr
Day from Singapore: 13

Yup. Today is my day of rest. Thank God for this time and this day. Today is the church's 1st anniversary. Can't believe that just one year ago I was here with Pam and Raj, should be carnival time now last year?

Comparatively speaking, it is so quiet here now. On the bed, with the fan, just taking time off from all the hustle, people - students, team, emails... I know why I am here for, and I thank God for reminding me time and time again though I may forget.

Witnessed the infant (not quite infants) baptism of 3 children just now - 2 of them are Reid's (the guard). Amazing to see how God has touched lives here. Well during the baptism, this lady (I think she's a cleaner?) just interrupted Pastor and wanted her 2 teenager sons baptized. Oh boy, they haven't even been through the classes. This place is just full of surprises.

During the youth session today, Santik and Seng distributed chocs (bought by Doris) for them. I was thinking of letting the youths take them first. But Li Diant told me to just take it. Reason: they are too used to be on the receiving end from Singaporeans. Well, learnt that we shldn't 'give too much' in a sense such that they look to us as providers.

During lunch, Carol Ong and Li Diang teased me about Bun Theong. Said they are 'creating opportunities' for us. Good grief!! Said he's tall enough, 2nd year in U, older. Siao! But its really funny. In return, Carol Ong kena the 'Wang2 Sian1 Shen1). Hee!

Actually supposed to make chui guay. Bought the ingredients already. But!! realised I didn't have the recipte. Recipe is coming with the letter [with got lost along the way]. Hee. Too bad! Figured God wants me to honor this time of rest with Him. :) Just read Marianne's and Geraldine's mail. Things at home church is going great. Praise God!

Downing a load of pineapple tarts while typing this....

have been feeling a cocktail of bleah, bored, sianz, sad, sighz, since afternoon. No, its not PMS. Its way too early for that to set in.

Possible reasons? Lets see....
1. School's starting, so no more 'freedom' I get to enjoy
2. Some silly things happening in school plus the pressure that i dunno wat to teach/stuff to prepare
3. Frustration over a relationship
4. the lack of 'adrenaline-inducing' activities i've been used to for the past month.

All these added up.... yup, the perfect cocktail of emotions. Surely there's a better way of looking at things. Yes there is. Its just that I'm not looking at things the right perspective at the moment. I'm getting a little 'used' to my current lifestyle. Nothing wrong with my lifestyle. Except, it is how i value things in my lifestyle tt's where the problem lies. Its been a lot of doing and doing and doing. One thing after another. Good things have happened. I had lotsa fun. I learnt lotsa new things. I've stepped up to the challenges i've set for myself. But perhaps, there has been too much 'I' in the picture. Perhaps why I'm feeling this way has been because i'm too focused on 'I'. There are many more important things out there.. many more important people out there.. ONE most important focus, my ABBA, all of which had been hidden beneath the 'I'. Does it mean that I wldn't feel watever I'm feeling now if this 'I' be hidden behind the cross? *ponders* I suppose I wld still feel the cocktail, except, i'll be able to handle them in a constructive manner? *ponders*

In any case, I got some stuff done today. Sent out two out of the three emails I wanted to. Did my geog pwpt n worksheets. Finally the frustration, boredness and angst got into me in the afternoon decided to pay sandfly a visit at the orchid country club where she's having her staff retreat. she almost fly me kite when i reach AMK. Nonetheless, i went there and waited for her... in her room.. listening to some MP3 and reading my national geography (first time i flipped open the jun issue!!). Thankfully, the quiet time away from home, in the 'hotel-room' setting was good to give me a feeling of being away from it all... we had a long conversation at the pool thereafter with her fren Nancy as well.. Talked abt relationships... talked abt guys who can't commit... talked abt school... talked abt diving.... it was nice to be out.... however... the cab fare wasn't a joke. cos it was late plus the place was ulu... had to call in a cab. i am 24 bucks poorer.... no kidding!!!

now just tired... tom hv to bring students out for the prac again. the instructor did get back to me. in a diplomatic fashion as well... communication is key... tt's one of my belief in life.. and i'm glad its present in this case. :)

end of boring blog... maybe its time i work on my 'I'.... sighz...

procrastinating...... ....... .......

yeah... i'm quite a procrastinator.... wat are some things i've delayed thus far? lets see....

1. an email i tink i owe a fren to explain some stuff
2. an email to Polly in Cambodia
3. an email to the teammates who went to Cambodia
4. tidying up my room
5. work
6. work
7. work
8. work
9 - infinity. work

its been a 'bleah' nite. struggling to be happy and to look at things on the bright side. wat happened? wrote an email to the music instructor. din scold him. just told him in the most diplomatic manner possible wat my view are. i hope he takes it objectively. other than that, got news from someone in my church (who is not even in PL!!!) that the music co-ord in my sch said i din wanna help out in the school musical. HELLO!!! i neva did say i dun wanna help out. i'm just asking two days off this week so i can prepare my syllabus. why has that been misinterpreted to something else? worse... word got round within 24 hours to unrelated pple? *sighz* worship prac tonite, i was looking forward to playing the piano... its been months.. but noooooo...... i dun get to play the piano. i'm on keyboard again because of some hiccups. so... disappointing...

in any case, dinner with D was pretty good. Teochew porridge. Healthy? well... not when i met EC for supper at coffee club. We were so 'bleah' and 'sianz' basically we stopped thinking and ordered a mudpie, a brownie, two freezes and finished EVERYTHING. this is... not good..... catching up w EC tho is good. when was the last time i saw that gal? weeks? hmm... before i left for cambodia, tt'll be more than 2 weeks back... soon, we'll be busy again... i'd better get my emails done... and my life tidied up. i can't afford to be blue one moment and nonchalant the other. *smilez*

Finally, I'm starting work....

Had been suffering from a bout of 'sian-ness' after the high from all the trips. Had been going back to school last two days to do some work. Today, finally, I manage to get myself seated down in front of the computer to start work. As in, really start work.

Its been a long while since I've been doing this. Sitting in front of the monitor, doing powerpoints etc. Not my favorite task seriously because I suck when it comes to IT. Well, still, its my work and I have to put in my best. :) Suddenly recalled I have to come up with my music syllabus as well as worksheets for all my geography etc. *laughs* oh well... tt's life. Really gonna miss the fun I had in the past month. Did really lotsa stuff. ANd i'm serously thankful for the break I have. Anywayz, as i have learnt, work hard and play hard. Its time to work hard. :) altho.... I'm trying to be careful not to forget that my profession is more than just 'work'. Its also abt passion and love. I could easily fall into the trap of becoming task oriented, forgetting my calling to love my little ones. :) hmm... *ponders*

not sure how life is gonna be like once school reopens. getting readjusted is definitely gonna be tough... but inevitable. no more late nites... no more late nite suppers.. no more going to bars for music as and when i like to... but there will be new things to occupy me w. the school musical coming up in july, coaching students for the music IT competition in july too, i dunno wat else... oh, of course, calling up the IT music instructor to scold him for being so irresponsible making my life miserable and wasting my gals' and my time!!! all these 'new' stuff.... well... at least tt adds to variety? :) [looking on the bright side of life *laughs* while looking forward to the next hols!!]

alamak, i dun even noe wat i'm talking about oredi. just glad tt i'm slowly getting started and not 'drifting' ard in my high. argh.. now i can't get back to work.. tink i shall rest awhile before meeting Dawn tonite and prac in church. wanna go for run leh.. but looks like the haze from indonesia is back..... bleah. oh... and i must rem to go and scold the instructor... nicely... *laughs*

I tink i can get addicted to scubadiving....

one word to describe:

AWESOME!!!

So many things to write.. but alas, so many things happened within the short time frame i can't recall loads of them!! Now I understd wat DR means when he mentions tt one will be kept occupied when going for a dive. Too tired to say too much too esp while the 'high' effect (certainly not from nitrogen i hope!!) is still sticking ard my head making me smile as and when.

What I like abt it in short:
1. the people. Fabulous bunch of pple. learnt from them:
2. you work hard and u play hard.
3. focus. Diving is really a lot of concentration, so much so, there is no room to think of silly things or worries etc while under. *smile*
4. the satisfaction in completely each task esp for a non-water baby like muaz.

Love the bunch of pple i went w. Love my instructor Jaki (absolutely funny!!). Love my DM Don (love him even more esp when i float away... urm up!!! gosh). Love my pals (who show me so much love and encouragement when i'm go jittery). Love the gay group (gay master and slaves alike lol).

Just hanging out and forgetting about things in Singapore is great. :) May blog more after the terribly needed rest... ... ... ... *drifting away to my bed.... *

overly excited giraffe!!

yeah. yesterday's pool session went well... thanks for all the support i got from pple ard me and the patient guidance of my instructor. i really like my instructor cos he's quite a sweetie as in he's very assuring in trying to encourage... very sweet to E too... nice boy. the funny thing is that he's actually from the same secondary sch as muaz, two years my senior. according to him, my elder sis shld noe him since.. he was quite notorious? watever...

hvn't been able to wake up late despite late nites. not sure why. maybe im used to the early mornings in cambodia. i find myself waking up at 7, or 8 in the morn, unable to fall asleep. partly i was nervous yesterday (due to the 'impending' pool session), this morn, i'm excited. so excited i hardly got ANYTHING done today except laundry. other than day... its a day wasted packing? yeah.. i dun usually take a day to pack!!! wats w me.. gosh.

i'm quite excited abt the dive. i seriously dunno wat to expect. partly i'm worried cos of the tasks we have to perform to clear the test for certification. partly, i'm curious, because i dunno wat to expect under the sea. is it really gonna be an eye-opener? i've seen a lot on land... rivers and waterfalls,e tc... dun get me wrong. i love them... whenever i go trekking i get reminded of God... :) looking at the trees.. the leaves.. the termites' nests, etc... the sound of rivers remind me of songs of praise we sing during worship sessions... but under the sea? its gonna be something really new. so i'm looking forward to it.

other than that, this activity has been chosen as a challenge to myself. see i'm very weak (to the point of 'moronic') in these areas... spatial, psychomotor, coordination, technical stuff... so this is a good challenge for myself to do something i'm not good in. i tink it may help me to learn to grasp things from new perspectives... not tt i'll excel in it.. but i tink it'll help in my cognitive processing to inject new dimensions to it... other than that, i tink it is impt esp as a teacher tt i challenge myself. how can i challenge my students to learn... when i'm unwilling to try things i'm weak in? yeah, i'm saying this now cos i'm not as demoralized as the previous nites. but i tink it is crucial tt even in the midst of being demoralized, one shld not stop trying.. i hope i can tell myself this in many other things in the future... hmmm.....

gonna spend time catching up with sandfly. :) also gonna spend time to talk to a fren... frenships... just like dark chocolate.. bitter sweet.. cos none of us are perfect.. hmmm....

yeah, EC and Thamps going to my church next sunday!!! looking forward to seeing u gals... tho tt day will mean... SCHOOL STARTS OFFICIALLY THE DAY AFTER!!! i'm gonna miss all the running ard i got to do... :)

SO EXHAUSTED!!!

but silly EC forcing me to download a song from her NOW and to listen to the song NOW!!! Evil.... I"M SO TIRED!!!

but its been good.. cos the pool session turned out very well!! in fact my instructor even commented once 'impressive'.... actually i'm very happy with my 'performance' today. managed to stay calm and clear minded. Thank God. Also, thanks G, E, Sandfly, et al. Thanks for all ur encouragement.. in my nervousnes and all.. i'm really touched. :)

hee.. i'm very happy tonite.. oh, EC and Pui bought me the nike singlet i've been looking high and low for!!! thanks gals!! *muaks*

shucks while updating the blog she sent me another one!! i better make this a fast one.. before more comes..

i made another boo boo.. i thot we are going to meet at lucky plaza... but NO!!! its newton. luckily G informed me.. if not.. mua ha ha. i dare not think. :-P

demoralized....

had my pool session for scuba yesterday... came home feeling really exhausted n demoralized... demoralized cos one, my buddy can't join me in the deep blue. two, i suck!! I SUCK BIG TIME!!! was so extremely slow... tasks were tough to handle... and trying... AM SERIOUSLY TRYING.... got a second session laterz... haiz... nonetheless... I"LL TRY!!!

oh.. doesn't help my broadband connection is completely done since yesterday... #*$#^(* using my darn slow dialup.. which, i can't when my sis is online/on the fon. being perpectually online 24-7 (okiez tt's exageration), but used to being online all thro my waking hours (sometiems when i'm concussed too) makes it hell for me... adding on to the pool session!!! ARGH!!!! *wrenching out hair*

I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT!!

I had a wonderful conversation w G last nite...

G and I have come a long way... very very long. Its hard to imagine that I was her Sunday School teacher!!! How time has passed, and how this gal has matured. Well, there's still room for improvement... ;) but isn't that the case for every single one of us? :)

Yesterday G 'confronted' me on an issue I never dared to really share with her. Because of our differences in personalities and methods of handling certian matters, I fear telling her what I'm going through. Its nice to be able to talk things out with a fren without trying to hide some things... And I'm glad she asked. :) SO that we can both clarify our doubts and thoughts and all.... and also at the same time learn to accept each other as we are. Now I'm really glad I can share an important portion of my life with her.... because I no longer fear 'rejection' in a certain manner. :)

In any case, G said something which really really touched me yesterday. She said that she thinks that I deserve better. It was such an 'aw........' moment. Hey gal, you might think that i'm kicking a fuss out of it... but seriously, it really encouraged me, and give me a sense of self worth I haven't heard for a long time. And that coming from you, counts even much much more. I wish I can be there for you the way you have been for me, but sometimes I seriously dunno wat to do or say. *smile*

I remember a post i published months ago on friendship... this is wat i mean by true frenship. being there and doing one's best for the other. (urm, different from imposing!) its not about the frequency of meeting up, of talking, but its being there and noeing that the other will be there whenever. We've come a long way to learn this ey? ;)

well.... now i'm seriously very very sleepy from the late conversation... but den... alas i'm used to waking up early!! drats!! tink might just take a nap later... and of course,... preparation for school. Oh yes, i'll hv to call up PL to fix up something later.... oh.. and of course there's the pool session... eeks... the 10 min 'floatation trick'!!! i'll be this idiot floating on my back for 10 mins!!! BLEAH! lol... *yawnz*

I'm home.....

Have yet to consolidate my thoughts for this entire trip.

It has been a good trip for all the participants. How so? I see that everyone has been touched by God through the children. Eyes have also been opened to see the needs of many others... things we have taken for granted... A shelter to go back to, knowing and having a choice of when to have our next meal(s), bug-free beds, accessible drinking water, variety of food, peace.... and the list goes on. It is only my prayer that what has been seen, heard and felt will remain in each heart, and spread beyond. I believe that once one sees these, their lives will never be the same again. And I'm really joyful for the many eyes that have been opened.

It has been a good trip for myself. Not 'impactful'. But good. How so? Firstly, I am glad to be involved in the youths' lives in sharing the experience of Cambodia and all with them. I'm surprised by how one or two of them actually looked up to me in the area of missions. I mean, seriously, sometimes I think I've sort of 'screwed up' my life, been an 'unholy' and nonchalant Christian. But yet, God has been merciful to me. This gives me more impetous to go back to my Abba's heartbeat for the world. To remember what is on His mind and heart. Suddenly the minute things in my life pales in comparison to the things that count for eternity.

Second reason why it has been good for me... As mentioned, I'm reminded of the many needs and cries out in the world... Two years away from missions has been replaced by many little things in life that has distracted me. The all-familiar feeling came back to me... It took a bit of adjustment. First two days in Cambodia i was like "Gosh, all these bugs, etc etc... I wonder how I can take it if I'm going to be here long term..." With each day that passes, I begin to feel at home once again. I begin to see the many lives again. I begin to see how each can be transformed to one filled with assurance and eternal joy... I begin to see how it is all worth it. I questioned my bong srey who's there, how she could be away from home, and settle here for the children. Her reply was that, she's not a 'capable' person. But, its all about obedience. If she says that she loves God, she'll want to serve Him. And this is how she does it. If the Lord calls again, can I do it? My prayer is that I will say, "Yes Lord, I'll go..." For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. Philippians 1:21

So what next? I challenged my new godbrother and a few other youths. What next? I pose myself the same question. Frankly I have no idea. Still consolidating my thoughts. But its definitely good to be out there in the field again, to see how the Lord is continuously working, to look beyond the myopic perspective again. :)

Giraffe in Kampuchea....

specially brought over from the savannas... lol....

According to my diving instructor....

diving is all abt... being... "GLAM"!! lol

God always provide pple to 'lift' me up...

Was to carry quite a load for Cambodia from home to church. Mom's even 'worried' cos she thinks the stuff is heavy (tho its so-so to me, more like bulky). Had a short msn conversation w E, after which she proposed breakfast and tt she'll pick me up. Mom always say i'm very blessed as in... there will always be people to give me lifts... for eg. in NIE, i got lifts from SS when I leave hostel on Fridays... there's also G to send me to hostel on Sunday evenings... in Sem 2, i get lifts from KY sometimes... while doing my practicum in PYSS, i get lifts from GB... and this morn... while i did not ask.. i happen to be blessed again (of course with company for breakfast as well!! if not, it'll be icecream for breakfast again... *whinez*)

Anywayz, i just told my mom... tt... somehow God is providing for me again.. so she made this comment "See, you never noe, but God always provide... things good for us... better than we can arrange..." Simple words that I've learnt since Sunday School... which I've applied in different phases of my life... which I've taught some of the youths previously... but its profound when the 'doing' gets in... when faith comes into the picture... difficult when one chooses to do things his/her way... when one refuses to let go and keeps his/her fist clenched holding on to their little 'treasures'...

i've been that little gal who's been holding on... hard to my little 'treasure'... doing things my way... because... i fear loss in His way... i cannot be bothered to hear His voice? hmmm... anywayz,i learnt... the longer one holds... the more painful it becomes... not because it becomes more painful to hold (well it is)... but (more) because.... the void of communication between the Father and the child soon becomes unbearable... How can one survive forever without ABBA, without Jesus, without the Counsellor.... not for long...

something we will be singing for service later... (one of the few songs i'm looking forward to.. given the rest of the... *faints* songs... *chuckle*)

Exceeding Joy

Copyright 2002 Miriam Webster/Hillsong Publishing
from Hope - Bonus CD

I have found exceeding joy,
Jesus answered when I called
this Name that has saved me,
pure love that embraced me.

Mercy, grace, eternal life.
Bought from darkness to His light.
While lost in my sin, He
raised me and made me live.

Chorus:
My soul magnifies the Lord,
my heart joys in God my Saviour,
for He lifts the lowly,
He's done great things for me.
I will sing, praising evermore,
He is mighty and Holy is His Name.

I will lift my head up high,
praising Jesus through each trial.
Though I have not seen Him,
I love Him completely.


Gotta go... E is 'lift'ing me up soon... :)

All by myself.....

to esplanade.... all by myself.... (to the tune of the song 'All by myself". *chuckles*

that's not a bad thing!! well... see, i've been stuck all day waiting for my fren visiting from Indonesia to call, but he did not, so i felt... *bleah* as if the entire day has been wasted at home.. well.. at the same time, i wanted to go down for my second flipside performance at the esplanade... featuring E-Tree (neva heard of them before, but the review of the fusion band sounds interesting enough)... it was a pretty last minute decision... i cldn't get anyone to accompany me.. so i decided to just... gear up and go down to the esplanade on my own. :)

i'm glad i did that. if i remain at home, i tink i'll be bored to death. being out on my own also has a greater significance. well, its been a while since i've gone out to town to 'hang out' on my own. its nice... walkng on my own... looking at pple.. tinking... yeah.. tinking.. there's no one to have to pay attention to.. no one to entertain... no one to be distracted by... i'm not saying i'm gonna be a loner from henceforth. i LOVE people... its just that.. i'm glad i manage to go out, 'hang out' on my own.. because.. chances are, i'd like to do more of that in the future... :) be more independent... too blessed with people in my life sometimes i've forgotten that. :) maybe the only boring part would be during the interval between the sets of performance... it was.. boring.. din help i did not bring anything to read.

i thot i might find some time off to tink.. and talk to God... but... i've drifted so far... i dun even really noe how sometimes... as i mentioned to my brother.. maybe i hv to relearn to look at things from a wider perspective. i dunno.. just have to see how...

hmmm.... i wonder how many people will be comfortable 'hanging out' with themselves... i'm not talking about performing tasks alone.. buying bedsheets from town etc... not sure.... maybe i'm too much a people-person. :)

been spending too much.. putting on too much weight... period.

ice cream by boat quay....

yupz... another gals nite out... :) haven't had time to update cos i was just completely tired out after...

had a tough worship prac last nite. the songs chosen... wow... just tough... i was extremely stressed last nite. was a little distracted too.. so it made things very tough. was just glad that G was there during the prac.. at least some times when silly things happened, there's someone to give me the reassurance that i did something... not wrong... *chuckle* and well... those helpless looks we give each other sometimes during those 'omigosh' moments... :)

was actually at G's place before the prac just hanging out. watched the scubadive vcd too.. it was... BORING!!! lol... we went running at east coast.. its been a while since i ran there.. and its been a while since she ran... hey gal, u need to get back your passion for running!! talking abt the glorious days won't get u anywhere. ;)

anywayz, after the tough prac, both of us were so.. bleah.. tt we just wanted to hang out.. so after contemplation at shell petrol station, we decided to buy a tub of icecream, sit by boat quay (cheap and quiet!!).. we were so super underdressed for boat quay.. in like tshirt and shorts? but it doesnt' matter.. its the company and time spent that counts. just sat there, facing the river... overlooking indochine... listening to some of the music that drifts across the river from there.. talked abt... life.. career... boys... the fact that.. maybe its not worthwhile getting married!!! *chuckles* anywayz, it was a nice nite.. only... i finished like.. more than half the tub of icecream.. i mean the 1.5L tub... :-P now i feel like a bigger blob of fat . lol we get weird looks from people.. but it doesnt matter..

by the time i was home.. i was quite concussed... so by the time i woke up at almost 10, i was almost late for the workship held by an african gospel choir.. thankfully i managed to make it.. after which, had my brunch, went home, concussed again... this time round, my nap was disturbed by some smses and calls.. nvm.. my mood has been quite good of late.. so its fine...

just came back from dinner n Harry Potter. I STILL WANNA WATCH DAY AFTER TOM!!! AND VAN HELSING!! nvm... slowly... now still have like 3 over hours of the vcd for scubadive.. *yawnz* slowly plough thro them lah...

tom's another gals' day out!!! lol.. with EC to JB again.. the fact that we din get to shop that time round cos of TROY really eating into us ey? lol... alrite.. long enough a blog... good enough for me to remember tho.. :)

another gals nite out...

yeah... and I almost had to pretend PW and I were a gay couple. LOL

oh.. let me start with my day out in the late afternoon... rushed down to the cambodia embassy to get my visa done. had to get it done by hook or by crook today cos.. schedule's quite tight for the next week... urm.. actually all the way. and thank God.. i managed to reach the embassy just before it closes!!! so visa done. Was a little early to meet EC in town to watch Shrek 2, so dropped by ANA's boutique nearby for a while. Spoke to DB while waiting for ANA... chatted abt her new baby and all... so scary. makes me tink twice whether i really wanna have kids in the future!!

EC n i were quite short of time.. so ended up sharing a two piece chicken kfc meal. so pathetic. anywayz, the show was quite funny. i love the poor-little-take-me-home-with-you look pussy put up. it was hilarious. show ended earlier than expected so we decided to drop by the scubadive shop to get my deposit paid up. something i thot wld take only 10 minutes took us almost an hour!!! forms to fill in... etc etc... poor PW had to wait for us at boat quay.

music at harry's was good. the pianist was.... fabulicious!! the gals had a great time... just letting our hair down.. and when i mean that.. i mean.. we go almost completely bersek!! lol.. okiez.. not quite.. but was a little 'ruined' by some irritating group of guys who came along the way and sat at the table next to us. One of them seem to be looking over quite a bit... looking for opp for contact? anywayz, i wasn't feeling quite comfy, so just shifted towards PW... and after a while.. decided to just shift my chair and face my back towards them. According to PW, one of them was like pointing at me.. and encouraging the other fren to pick me up.. or something like that.. so PW suggested tt if they do that, we'll just tell them that we (PW and myself) are oredi an item!! meaning.. we are... LESBIANS!!! lol we almos t laughed our heads off. PW later commented/complainted that singaporean guys are cowardy.. in a sense that they dun dare to just come over, or buy a drink... but to me... THANKFULLY they are cowardy.. at least in this case... *faints* so irritating... thanks to these pple i cldn't face the band. hmph. we had fun... wld just have more fun without these irritating pple ard.. one of them even dared to sweep his hands off EC's hands when he was walking by!?!?! ^@&%@$! wats wrong w them?

after the final set of music, we decided we were hungry. headed off to geylang for supper.. tao huay... not my fav.... but its for the company... oh no... at the rate i'm going.. somemore dinner at G's place tom... I"LL NEVA LOSE WEIGHT!!! bleah!

anywayz... i'm quite tired now. dun tink i can make it to meet SJ for hiking at bukit timah tom morn... lol.. *yawnz*

hmm... church camp begins tom.. i wonder how the rest of them are doing... i wonder what good things are in store for them.... :)