have been smiling quite a bit....

unconsciously...

i hv pple ard me telling me that i look happier. one even said i glow. :)

since the past couple of days, i've still have the mixed feelings, which i believe will conti for a while more. when pple online greet me and ask how i am, i dun even noe how to respond to that.

moments where its difficult to let go... e.g. when i helped colleagues with some IT related stuff.. its like.. hey i've got them going.. e.g. during the dept meeting when i no longer see my name attached to class, the project i'm down for put down as KIV, hearing another colleague anchoring the level for the subject, it was like... ouch...

but... there are some little things that God has shown me bit by bit that hey its all good... and His plan is good...

e.g. God brought in a teacher so much more experienced in Geog tis yr. He also brought in another teacher so much more experienced and capable in music tis yr as well.

besides the restlessness in my heart, suddenly there are more options opened before me, tho none concrete, but these options had neva been so stood out so clearly before, all within this period of time.

and when i looked at the deployment (which the sch at first mentioned tt my departure midyr will cause in conveniences), i realized it served the kids and staff well as well. my 4NA class will have a much more experienced teacher to carry them thro. a gap has been created for one of my colleague to move to upper sec which served her well for her career prospects esp in the current situation. only LL complains tt God doesn't seem to hv shown a 'replacement' for me in the OCIP component YET. but as we spoke today, and as we had a break during staff meeting, we both came upon another colleauge... who seems to show some potential....

i neva knew that things would fall into place so nicely even for teh school. the Lord provides. the Lord takes for pple to move on. tho now.... wat next is still the qns... tho i'm learning to just wait and trust.

meanwhile, i might be bloggin a little more often again. LOL

moving on....

finally... the sch has 'released' me....

its been a tough week since mon... hving to speak to figures of authority... and things did not go as i intended... someone revealed my plans somewhat prematurely, the pple whom i'd like to inform personally got wind of my decision before i spoke. it wasn't ideal. but the LORD is in control.

negotiations started taking place... i was sort of asked to 'justify' my decision... which did not seem to satisfy the pple... i was 'questioned' to the point when i started to doubt my own decision.. i started to doubt if that was really what GOd is revealing...

it wasn't an easy period... when i thot things were 'settled' on mon, new stuff cropped up on wed... it was discouraging... but on hindsight, the matter that cropped up on wed... was the one that allowed the full release... God has the best plan... and He's showing it by revealing bit by bit. if nuthin happened on wed, den i'd hv to make do with the 'second-best' based on the talks on mon. if only we have faith... the faith journey is slowly but evidently unfolding as i start to take the first step. when i worry how i shld speak with wisdom, He has oredi 'fought the batter for me' and paved the way. I previously questioned if I was on the right track.. this was a sign that... yup....

PJ asked wat my emotions are the moment i got the news tt i was 'released'. first... FREEDOM... den... almost immediately the feeling tt followed was a sense of loss as well.. it is official. it is confirmed. there's no turning back. i'd be packing my table real soon... putting away all that i've gathered... the experiences, the accomplishments, the possibilities in this place, the security...

but i wan to learn to trust in Him. He has shown Himself to be faithful so evidently even when i had so little faith. Yest, i wondered how i cld get thro this... and tis morn.. i din even hv to do much... except to pray.. not that i 'felt strong faith'... but He is faithful...

moving on....

something i've wanted to do since young....

ok.. its not major major!! like a 'dream'... not that major. but since young, i always wanted to raise the flag up the flagpole. Its always the prefects who do it. i even used thread and put a knot (liken the flag) and pull it on my door's grille when young... sang the anthem, and 'raised' the knot...

finally... couple of days ago... i raised a real flag up a real flag pole... and took it down too during the S3 camp. Ah ha ha... childish... but hey... FINALLY ok! :)

the camp was good in a sense.. (other than the nice sea breeze and waves and horizon and aeroplanes...) in the sense that... it made it very clear that... i've had enough.. and its time to move on... and move on... i will.. small steps have been taken here and there. tmrw will be one of the bigger steps... *jitters*

my tuition kid...

likes me.... so does her mom... :) tt's wat the mom said lah....