when two well-rested gals get together......

i am talking abt EC and myself. Just popped by her place (not quite pop by, cos i literally had to drag myself there due to inertia n lethargy) to practise swimming for the scubadive course (it did not turn out successful still... sighz... i'm still sinking... to the point i seriously wanna laugh at myself!!). Had a lot of fun at the pool because i was so pathetic...

after the 'swim' decided to go for dinner and to do some stocking up of junk food from the supermart. we had quite a long dinner at this near sushi outlet (yeah, the last time we eat tog was sushi too).. as usual... we ended up talking and talking... and talking.. it was a lot of fun... a lot of crap... she was back to her notti n mischevious self. we figured something, that we were really rested after our trips overseas. at this moment, we are both on perpectual high... u noe when u take 'grass', u'll end up with this fixated smile on ur face... and yeah, we sort of had that kindof smile on our faces lately. :) its good. being well-rested and being high also means that we come up with crazy things to do.. at least things i'd not have expected EC to do.

That gal wanted to have sake. But we figured the sake in the restaurant was a little too costly. so we decided to pick up the drink on while i stocked up on my junk supply. she bought a lot of sweets under my 'encouragement'. lol... and i still can't believe we ended up in the aisle with alcohol, browsing around... and finally picking up one lemony drink... because.. it looks nice to drink lah. lol in anycase we were having a lot of fun at the supermart...

den we just went and found a nice place just outside parkway with fountains and all.. shared the drink and talked more crap. it may be common for some pple to do it.. but EC and myself? its funny... but great. :) Gal, thanks for the fun. :)

its really nice to be rested. :) and i'm glad tt she's rested too... she's been so stressed for the previous months... we all had to 'leave her alone'... as in.. not ignoring her.. but giving her space... and i believe in giving pple space in frenships. its crucial... and hence my entry some time ago on frenship... :) u dun always have to meet a person etc... but its really abt being there...

well anywayz, i'm a well-rested and well-fed gal. seriously need to work out.. tom need to go embassy to get my visa done.. must remember... just got a piece of bad news... someone just died of freak accident while doing his open water dive course in tioman... and i still can't tread water... i hope this won't make them more strict in terms of the prerequisite needed... sighz.. i'll be so so so disappointed....

happy-go-lucky or cynical?

two things triggered off this thot. was reading G's blog in which she 'classified' herself as a cynic as well as... wat comes in a package as one being cynical/skeptical. this triggered off a statement EC told me before. i guess i had been a little 'unhappier' maybe a month/few weeks ago, and thus she mentioned to me that the first time she visited my church, when she spoke to ANA, ANA told her that i'm a happy-go-lucky person. but at least my behavior for the past weeks hvn't quite reflected that? :)

So now i pose myself this question. Am I a happy-go-lucky or cynical person? *ponders* I was definitely a happy-go-lucky person in my younger days. Well, even a couple of years back, I was still happy-go-lucky. Perhaps as one goes thro more experiences and events in life, or due to the company one delves himself in, one becomes more critical about things. Hey, nothing wrong with being critical. I tink it is important to be critical without becoming pessimistic/skeptical. Once negativity sets in, it might become a downward spiral going further and further down? I'm not sure.

i like to tink that i'm still happy-go-lucky, except that i'm more reflective and critical (to the point of being skeptical sometimes). G mentioned that being skeptical/cynical helps her gain certain knowledge from reflections that might not hv surfaced if she wasn't. Tt's true. But I believe being happy-go-lucky has its value too. We get different sorts of happiness and disappointments. Perhaps more disappointments because we are more 'susceptible' to them? Well in any case, people come in assortment. Tt's y we complement each other. I need a critical (dun quite like the term cynical, negative connotation attached) person to hold me on track, while a cynical person needs a happy-go-lucky person to remain optimistic in this not too happy world. Well, occasionally we might strangle each other and wonder how 'stupid' the other party is since we dun see eye to eye and thus dun understd the logic of thinking of the other. still.... we need the balance from these pple...

so happy-go-lucky or cynical? hmm.... i tink a lot depends on my 'mood', the circumstances i'm in... i like to say that i'm still a happy-go-lucky person, tinged with some critical-ness for survival... hmm... for leading a fulfuling life. :)

its a 'so-so' day. strange. shldn't be... but i just feel so-so. :)

church in the morning. worship was.. urm.. quite good i tink. i'm sometimes worshipping, sometimes 'distracted'? but den again, how does one 'define' worship while one is a musician? having to multi-task.. istn't really that easy.. hmm... i mean, u've gotta watch out for the worship leader, u've gotta watch the band... u've gotta blend in with the rest of the band... u've gotta think ahead... u've gotta pay attention to what is being spoken by the leader... its not the typical 'i can close my eyes and focus only on God"... tt's a luxury. its always having to balance... i dun get the 'i feel so good' during the worship feeling one might experience.. so its.. 'so-so' feeling. is that anything wrong with that?

following service was a fairly long *chuckles* meeting in prep for the cambodia trip next week. still not excited. wat's wrong with me? *chuckles* maybe i just need to be there again? maybe its been too long since i was there? each time i go back, the sense of excitement decreases. it becomes a 'norm'. is there anything wrong with that too?

supposed to practise treading water with E. But meeting ended late. plus the heavy rain tt followed.

met up w sandfly much later than planned because of the heavy rain. went to support ADW for his launch of his CD at the esplanade openair theatre. music was fantastic. that boy has gotten really good musicians on his band!! if only i'm half as good. oh well... thou shall not covert. lol

bumped into my nie music frens at the esplanade. nice. :) had 'supper' w sandfly at thai express then. hmm... i realize i really like thai food!! more and more!! gosh.. but they are so spicy... :(

so wats up for the next few days? need to get visa done, hope to squeeze sometime to prac treading water, meeting more frens for dinner, watch the vcds/dvds i've accumulated, get the scuba thing SETTLED, aiya.. dun wanna tink oredi. getting confused.

*yawnz* shall go and clear more mails now... its a ... so-so day.. wats wrong w me? lol

Just came back from my first briefing in school posted to

Generally good... some new updates (some SHOCKING updates too):-

1. can ONLY wear SKIRTS!!!
Are you kidding? *sighz* Well, dun get me wrong. i like wearing skirts. but i like wearing pants too.. it reflects... mood... the kind of personality u wanna bring out to students for the day etc etc.. and pants are comfy!!! hmphz...

2. I probably have to teach ENGLISH!!
Well, see, I DUNNO HOW TO TEACH ENGLISH!!! only learnt wat verbs, nouns, adjectives, etc are in University!! Sighz.. but they say there will be schemes of work so that wldn't be that bad?

3. I'm going to teach PURE Geog.
Lotsa homework to prepare for this hols. :) But i'm not complaining. Pure geog is good... cos physical geog is good. whoever came up with the idea of elective geog... tsk tsk tsk.. how myopic.

4. my honor's supervisor Prof WPP's wife is teaching geography in the school too!! *faints*

5. think i'm gonna get real busy cos of the musical they are hving in july. might need to help out a little in the arrangement part. no experience in that.. but well.. good to try out, as long as i dun mess things up. but i dun tink i will lah, God is too big to let me mess His business. :)

Anywayz, think i shld go hunt myself some food. Hvn't makaned yet cos was rushing to school this morn. :) I'm not extremely excited but i do feel positive about this. As i was doing my run (finally!!) this morn, i had a feeling i haven't felt in a long while... getting myself in the beginning of something worthwhile.. The last i felt this way while running could be 3, or was it 4 years ago, when i was going to cambodia. It feels good... *smile*

keiki died....

my last entry on keiki was 'keiki and cookie made me smile'.... but now....

at the same time as i'm doing this entry, my student just told me she failed her geography. feeling confused as to how i should feel... tink abt my favorite keiki or console my student. anywayz, things are going on quite well for the moment. had a good rest in jakarta... thankfully my heart matters are really quite settled by the grace of God.. but just when i'm happy, came back home wanting to write a happy entry, my baby died.

keiki... i wanted to write about my two babies.. about how their personalities are so different.. so adorable.. neva got round to doing it.. and now... alittle too late... but keiki.. so active, a little like me... whenever it can climb, it will climb. it will try to crawl to the highest height available, be it the stalk of the kangkong, or watever... it is always so active, constantly on the move... but no more shall it move. haven't playd with them since i went to jakarta on friday. thot i'll finally have the time to play with them tom. but when i took them out to clean up just now, keiki wasn't moving. i thot it was asleep. i tried to disturb it... but... the eyes remained closed... after trying for a while, i began to fear... and after a while, my fear came to pass... it is gone.... *sob* fortunately my mom happened to be beside me... she just took it and threw it away... i cldn't have done it. to her, its no point looking at it cos i'll just be more sad... but i'm still sad... :( its my baby... *sob* i should hv suspected something when i thot its shell was a little soft. but it had always been soft to begin with... could i have prevented it from dying so soon? *SIGH* now poor cookie is by herself. i dun tink i'll ever find any other terrapin like keiki. out of the four that i've owned, she's my favorite. but she's with me the shortest too.... :( i'm a terrible caretaker...

think i'll postpone some other things i wanna talk about. they are good stuff.. but can't tink of them for the moment...

thank you frens.... but i need to clarify....

The previous post was just a thought I have posed to myself to ponder about for the rest of the period while i'll remain nonchalant. *chuckle* see, i do not intend to remain nonchalant forever, or that'll as well mean I'm dead, esp for someone with my character. It is just a phase I'm going through, that I have to go through, so that over time, I can then slowly refocus... ... but i think God challenged me with this question myself, that do I in the first place have the right to be nonchalant? given there are so many people hurting out there, so many people needing love, needing the basics, needing... God... Further, i even have so many of you here who cares for me. Do I therefore have the right to be nonchalant? Given that, and that I've chosen to go into the 'nonchalant' mode, shldn't i try to make this phase as short as possible... therefore, how long will i remain here?

I am thankful for all your encouragements and concern, G, Js and bong. Do not be worried for me. :) The fact that i'm posting this 'clarification' perhaps shows that i'm not entirely nonchalant... but as mentioned, its a phase, i'm going through, thinking and searching (sometimes, depending on how nonchalant i'm feeling for the moment!! *chuckles*). It'll not do my God any justice given that I'm actually taking more efforts to find time to be still before Him, and yet still making so many of you worried. I guess what I'll really need now perhaps is prayers.

I will overcome, by faith. Thank you brothers and sisters in Christ. :) And even pple like LN, PW, YC. Thanks. God is good. Praise Him!! *smile*

Nonchalance....

A defensive mode to protect myself from further sadness and hurt....

but how long can I remain nonchalant? Do I have the right to remain nonchalant?

getting a little bored blogging....

maybe running around too much.. but nothing too eventful. lol

today... got up early at 5am, thanks to the NTU SAF session.. ended up at tuas naval base. it was... okiez.. but the officers there are really nice, as in can really see they are trying to make all of us comfy and fairly sincere in presenting their stuff. that's... the only... good thing. the rest... boring...

went queensway w thamps to look for my 'i can eat watever i want' nike singlet... but cannot find.. :(

came back.. got more 'bad news' for the scuba diving thing.. so at the end of the day, to cut cost, change the operator.. meaning.. i seriously have to go learn to tread water oredi.. sighz*

played the piano for a while after a long time since i had the hand surgery. finally.. how long? hmm... close to a month...

oh.. one happy thing. thamps say she'll go my church tis sunday!! so excited!! but den i'll be out of town... :( nvm, next time u see me in church okiez thamps? :)

okiez.. i'm bored... i shall go and sleep.. really tired...

I Got My New Canon Ixus 430!!

Just came back from shopping for my digital camera. I FINALLY GOT IT!! cost a bomb.. but i tink it'll be worth it. :) Was deciding between a Sony and this canon. Reason, the sony is cheaper (at 3.2 Megapix vs canon with 4 megapix) and the movie function can be used to the entire card (rather than the 3 minutes limit for canon). The biggest contending reason is.... Sony has gotten like blue and red for me to choose from!!! and its not 'common' like canon. I was like so indecisive.. walking here and there between the shops that i almost killed G who went camera shopping with me!! lol... Poor gal... she said it was torture... :( but hey, i really appreciate it.. :) juz wish canon has more unique designs!!! hmph...

While deciding which camera to choose, G says that I'm an easy prey for dealers. They just need to come up with fanciful designs and I'm suckered to go for them. Well, i call this.. i go for the 'unique'.. something which reflects my style (but not necessarily better!! lol). And we also both decided that I'm an easy prey.. for people in general. guys? *chucklez* gotta do with how trusting i am... @%#&!@# oh watever...

now charging the batteries. Given how gadget-dummy I am, I seriously need to go sit down and read the manual. yes yes.. i noe.. no need to.. but its me we are talking abt... *sighz* frankly after i paid for the camera.. iwas like.. jittery like i have to handle all that buttons.. *faintz* lol...

gonna meet another fren for coffee later.. not particularly looking forward to it.. but.. nonetheless.. heh... go lor....

i thank my Father that I have many who love me....

I am going through a tough patch again... but I can take joy despite my unhappiness that He has shown Himself to be so faithful. I realize again that it is not the material things that brings me joy, it is not getting what i desire that brings me joy. They may bring me happiness... for now... but eventually... what can they bring me?

I am not saying that I'm happy now. I am not saying that things are easy just because God is here for me. What I am saying is that... I have the assurance that He loves me and hence in difficult times like this I am not alone. I have nothing to fear... the impending loss that leads to aching... I do not look forward to it... but yet it gives me peace (bittersweet) to know that my Abba Father is in control of it all. Not only that, because He loves me so dearly, He will carry me through and bring me to the best pastures, with the greenest of all green grass (sounds weird.. lol),....

Tonight even as I go through a tumultous moment in my mind and my heart, He has shown Himself faithful by bringing people around me to show their love for me... either by talking to me (about things which bore me, its my mommy!! lol)... encouraging me (thanks bong), showing me concern with daily matters (G and ADW)...

What is my point? I dunno what I'm talking about oredi. But I thank my Abba Father ... even in tough times like this... because in all things, He will work them all for the good of me (and others too!! cannot be so egocentric lol). And I hope that those reading this will be encouraged that our God is a faithful God who will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be there... good times.. bad times.. boring times...

FAITH is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Heb 11:1

i have a nice and clean workdesk....

thanks to the advice of my another brother YC who called me out of the blue. Well, not exactly out of the blue, needed to check the status of the scuba dive trip. So anywayz, we chatted for an hour or so. Updated him with watever stories... So his advice for me to get my mind off something i shouldn't be thinking about was to clear my room... Clear my room I did. (But actually, it still requires more work!!! :P will probably continue with phase 2 of the cleaning tom to keep my mind occupied!!!) but i'm fairly satisfied with my room now...

did online research for digi cam. still pretty clueless.. just cannot rem all the details. but by hook or by crook, i must get it before i leave for jakarta next week!!

in the evening, met up with AN from my cambodia team to discuss about english teaching. only when we met up den did we realize we are SO SHORT OF INFORMATION!!! that seriously, no planning can be done at this stage!! shld i hit the panic button? *chuckles* not as yet. i'm taking things too easy now cos i'm just distracted once again. lol.. in any case, i must say it was good talking to AN. Young boy, but yet, his heart to follow and trust in God encourages me. I wonder where has my heart like that gone to. I used to be like him... but now? *weak smile*

and yes, to remind myself again:
GIRAFFES BELONG TO THE SAVANNAS WHILE PENGUINS BELONG TO THE ARTICS!!

Giraffes Belong to the Savannas While Penguins Belong to the Arctics....

I RESIGNED FROM CIVIL SERVICE!!!!

yeah, but am still bonded. *chuckle* Just sent in the resignation letter to MOE and signed on to SCH as an aided staff. Heard that will need to report on the 29 May at 7.30AM!!! and i'll be given my timetable and CCA!!! *jitters*

later went to JB with EC. We were both so tired. Couldn't get a cab at first. We ended up spending out time doing things we can easily do in Singapore like warming the seats in the sushi bar for over an hour and watching a movie!! Both too tired to shop. So silly, we still exchanged quite a bit of currency to spend!!! After sushi, we shopped a bit. Me bought two pairs of footwear. *proud smile* we cld have done much more!! had it not been because of our fren piglet. we decided to check out the cinema for shows before shopping in the second venue only to realize that the show TROY screens within the next ten minutes. Well, both of us were juz talking abt the show over lunch and how we wanna watch it in singapore next week. Since the timing is perfect, and its the opening (can't get tix easily in singapore) wat better time than today to watch it!! so got the tix and settled in with some chezels and murukus (no time to buy food lah). the show was good. much better than the crap i watched the last time round. altho... the violence is... sighz.. so sad... the hero Hecta in the show died... :( by the time we reach singapore, it was like ten oredi. and by the time i reach home... 11 plus. lol

I'm now having a super duper craving for Mackies' strawberry shake because BOTH the machines in TWO OF THE VENUES we visited have broken down!!! I can't believe it. *faints* super craving for strawberry shake (like the craving I had for ice kachang after three months in cambodia!!) now thirsty thirsty after cup noodles ..... bleah... lol... but i enjoyed myself today!!! :)

keiki and cookie made me smile...

yeah... one simple thing in life that made me smile.. just watching my babies eat.... munching off the leaves happily.. watching the leaves get smaller and smaller in size... *smile* haven't spend time looking at them for a while... had been too busy... usually just do my duty cleaning up their habitat.. but juz spending time watching them is good... :)

got used to waking up early in the morn such that altho i slept at 3am last nite, and only need to be up late for afternoon session today, i got up early!! and cldn't get back to sleep despite being sleepy.. hence explaining why i'm feeling really quite drowsy now. anywayz, it was to campus for a project work talk. its really boring. during the break, i found out from my frens that they will not be taking attendance.. so my happy music classmates all decided to.... like my secondary students like to use the term... charbok... ended up in JP eating... i finally garnered enough courage to go take a look at the digital cameras (cos i feel like a dummy not noeing wat to look out for).. boy they are really expensive!! need to do a little more shopping ard. but hope can get it before i leave for jakarta next week.

and with that fren.... i tink i'll like to speak to that party and clarify things.. need to give the person a fair chance to hear another point of view... but i wonder when i'll do it.... still need time off from this matter...

A friendship abused.....

Today is a sad day for me. I learnt from another friend that one of my friends have breached my trust where it comes to our relationship. I was surprised when I first heard the news, after which I felt disgust and distaste. I had invested time, love and concern, only to have the friendship abused... ... ... What should I do? I can't bring myself back to giving what I have given. To me, that is worse than what my students who wanted to give me hell had done to me. *sighz*

On the other end, met up with my old gals C and AG. Had a good dinner. Updated them with my life and the little stories attached to it. They offered their two cents worth of advice. It was good catching up. Told them abt the above incident as well. C just said that I'm too trusting. Am I too trusting? *sighz*

Spent a bomb on CDs and a choker todayz. CDs are all for people.. none for myself. But its worthwhile i hope.

Having heard how computer-jinxed I am... my fren's advice to me....

GET A TYPEWRITER INSTEAD..... and no.... not even the powered ones... the old manual typewriters...

Giraffes Belong to the Savannas While Penguins Belong to the Artics....

Finally a little good nap...

haven't been sleeping well of late. despite being tired and all, cldn't sleep well. finally got a good nap this afternoon.. had dreams.. hmm.. well i can only rem one weird dream.. but nonetheless.. it was... good sleep...

met up with my geog n music frens in ntu today. it was really good to see them again.. like a reunion.. sadly, tis is one of the last few occasions we'll see each other in school together, getting together and bitching about the inefficiencies and purpose-less courses, talks, seminars.. lol... gonna miss them.. but i have to keep reminding myself even as i'm enjoying their company that.. that's life.. people come and go.. the most impt thing is to make the full use of the time / seasons that we get to spend together... juz like years ago.. i was in cambodia.. i remembered my other brother and sister in Christ was in Canada (and now they have a baby!!!) we all spent happy and fruitful moments together.. but yet.. we have to part with each other.. at least physically.. altho it feels good to remember that we are under the same sky (just like the song Somewhere out there in American Tale!!).. alright.. i digressed.. but my point is... life will move on like it or not.. thus hv to constantly learn to make the best out of watever season one is in now... i'll miss times with my classmates still...

den it was the debriefing session with my sup and other trainees tt came under his supervision.. it was.. okiez... so so...

will be going to ite dover tom for visitation.. tink i'll hit town after tt to find cds for a fren in jkt and get my mobile serviced...

i need to find my way back home to Daddy.....

its been a frustrating day....

i waited SEVEN long hours before i finally get my broadband connection. wat exactly happened? i still hv no idea at all... was online til three plus when suddenly my connection died.. den no matter wat i did i cldn't get online still.. i tried paying my bills online using dialup (they did not send me my bill so its so not my fault!!).. but it did not work.. so i waited and waited.. til just a while a go, i called up the technical helpdesk. That guy was just like confusing me.. asking me to do this and that.. to disconnect all the other phonelines.. den troubleshoot to see whih microfilter could be giving me the prob. and if that fails, we'll have to call in a guy to come down my place and check the internal line.. i'm like?!?!?! to me first tell me wat u suspect the prob is.. in any case.. since my sis was on the fon, i decided to washup first. when i came back to try my luck.. i got the connection!! wat on earth was going on... *faints*

yeah.. and i'm miss boo boo again today... supposed to go for my nephew's full month celebration. i thot it was held at my sis's place.. and i was a little late.. well quite late.. i left my place at 2.. so oredi late.. and en route there, i was trying hard to ask all my other sisters via sms which block and unit her place is (i neva rem the nos.) finally... by the time i was on the MRT platform ready to board the train, i got an sms telling me that its not at my sis's place.. rather.. it was held at her in-law's place... well, see, her in-law's place is nowhere near an mrt station... and i dun quite noe how to get there... PLUS i was oredi late to begin w, so i got fedup and got out of the station, took a bus and headed home... man, was that a joyride around aljunied and my estate or wat? got me all dressedup for nothing.

ARGH!! wats wrong with me... is it cos i neva go to church today? *laughs* *sighz*

well, the only nicer things that can make me smile today is interacting with my students on msn. Have been doing that since friday evening after i left!! they are really fast in locating me. *chuckles* I wonder if it was strange for them to see me type in all the abbreviations and little emoticons and all.. but it was good.. i had time to talk to them as individuals, personally... and i got to noe their names finally.. i mean.. they had to describe themselves .. and i had to try to guess by asking questions.. its like playing the game "whats in the bag".. *chuckles* but thankfully, i am able to put a face to each of the names i'm talking to. Its been good.. :)

now... the heat.. or lack of air movement is killing me... keeping up all the frustrations i've felt for the day... i feel like a rotten christian now.. i dunno... haven't been doing my quiet time and all.. life goes on.. hv been running ard so much.. tinking abt so many things.. i hvn't have time to do wat is impt. and now i find it difficult to do it.. becoz life goes on as per 'normal' except more frustrating, sianz and rotten? *faints* *sighz* where shld i begin again? :(

i got a new mousie....

my mouse died last nite. so i slept ultra early.. like at eight plus nine? coz got sianz.. and felt handicapped... early tis morn, travelled all the way to jurong to acer's service center.. got a new mouse... soon after i arrived home.. went to chinatown point again to collect my air tix to jakarta... upon arrival to the agency, i was informed tt the airline had cancelled my reservation!!! in any case fortunately, there were still seats on the plane.. so made another reservation, paid up, this time round, i'm definitely leaving for jakarta.

did my run... only 4km today.. had dinner with some old frens at igor's. really cool idea of combining dinner with the interactive play with a haunted theme. was bored at first cos my company.. wasn't the crazy sorta pple (who are needed to have fun there). but the music/play/musical was great... music was well chosen and crafted for the plot.. it was really cool.. the way they mixed songs from phantom of the opera, celion dion, YMCA, etc etc... den had coffee.. juz came back.. tired...

i need a break from everything still... two more weeks... to be exact.. 13 more days.... ah......

Goodbye to hardcore neighborhood schools...

for now.....

Last day in PYSS today. Next ground I'm hitting is XXX. Was just commenting to some of my friends that I'm like a nomadic teacher, moving from place to place... But its always been the more 'hardcore' neighborhood schools (HCNSs)... I am so accustomed to dealing with students in these settings... It feels strange to move out of my 'comfort zone'. All the teachers who heard where my posting is told me I'm very lucky... I think I'm blessed... But yet, there is still a sense of apprehension. Afterall, I'm so used to the ways of the HCNSs. If I can't comprehend the students' thoughts and train of logic, the least that I am able to do is anticipate their behaviors. *chuckle* Being in a completely new environment... hmmm....

Today was another crazy day. From 0945 onwards, I was just like a busy busy busy bumble bee.... zipping from class to class... Nonetheless... its a day i've experienced a myriad of emotions. Just before assembly, two reps from 303 passed me a big hand-made card with their fotos and wishes in it. I have yet to read it yet (owing to the list of tasks I have to complete today)... but... I was moved... FOr the rest of my non-teaching periods, students came and go, either doing last minute work, asking me about concepts, or just asking me if I'll be back. It felt 'good' saying that I'm not coming back here.. but at the same time.. it felt sad... especially when I look at their hopeful faces.

The last class with my 'nitemare' class was... as usual. The few 'challenging' students continued their stances. But tis time round I refused to let them disrupt the class and do their fellow classmates a disservice. So splitted them up. They slept. But well, I have to think of those who are interested but have suffered at the expense of their frens mischieve. Sometimes... one has to let go, and today, I have done that.. Not completely, for the benefit of those who deserves it more, I have to let go.... *ponders*

311 was such a sweetie. They prepared a surprise farewell for 3 of us. It was last minute according to a gal. But I thot they did well.. they put in the effort. They got our CTs to be there to hand us a super duper big card... or should i call it chart? with a little gift from perlini's, some pop music in the backgrd and a little cake from angie's. Its not so much what they got us, but the thought... I was really touched... It made me feel like all the efforts I've put in.. are really worthwhile. I'm not saying that this is the goal for doing what I've done.. but its juz when your love and efforts are reciprocated, its one of the most beautiful things... *smile*

THe last music class I had was... chaotic when I tried to get the class to sing the song in parts. They sounded horrid!! (because the boys refused to sing properly!!) But my consolation is that.. they had fun. ANd I scolded less in that class today. lol den it was the mad rush doing the markings... packing... teaching students who came over after school...

Now I'm still a little dazed by today's activities... Haven't gotten time to sit down and consolidate my thoughts and feelings yet. Its goodbye to HCNSs for now. My experience with students from MPSS and PYSS has been tough. But rewarding and good at the end of the day. I grow as a person and learn to love others more in different situations that can arise. I enjoyed the interactions (all kinds!!) with these students... Moving to students of a different profile.. and the absence of boys!! I think I'll miss these sorta students a bit.

But yet, I'm excited about going to the new school where the school adopts the same purpose as me. The frustration in teaching many a times comes not only from students, but from the school systems as well. In PL at least I am given the impression that there is a 'fit' in our purpose and philosophy. How true is this impression? We shall see....

For now, it is goodbye to HCNSs. I do not think its goodbye for good. It might be, but it may not be. Only God knows. But for now... I'm gonna miss my students.....

I went running finally.....

and it got me all happy and high.... seriously.... went to run with WC yesterday evening after I decided that the drizzle was 'becoming no drizzle' afterall... so juz need to whine a little bit, and my old boy brother will oblige. lol.. poor boy. but the run at bedok reservoir was good... cos its been a long while since i did my last km. i was in such a happy mood i literally became his maid during dinner.. i'll go like... sir wan water? sir wan bread? sir wan tomato ketchup or chilli? lol... it was... SHIOK!!! *chuckle*

one good thing i'm happy abt last nite was i managed to clear the air with a fren of mind. see, things were a little complexed, at least for me, but now it is all clear. i like clarity especially in frenships... i dun like the muddy guess this guess that... its detrimental to health of frenships!! so it was a good nite...

well, almost a good night with the exception of pple who really almost spoilt my evening with regard to the open water dive course thing.. i tell u, its no easy arranging for a few pple.. sometimes u feel like pple start abusing ur service and think u are their operator.. *faint*.. harlow, serously, i'm so busy dun expect me to cater to all nitty gritties.. and nitty gritties which are not importatn!! *faint*

o hoh.... someone might be going Jakarta with me!! So happy... In a sense.. safer lah huh.. *chuckle* but good good.. :)

it seems like tho i said a few days back tt i'm gonna take a break, i'm still meeting people every single day since then!! and it seems like my schedule is still booked til next tues/wed... good gracious me.... see... i need to leave the country... juz being in singapore... cannot escape.. lol... but its all good... the meetings are all good.. :)

ritto. gotta get ready for school.... think i need to hire a truck tom to pack my things home!!! lol.. *faint*

i think i finally taught something in music...

i always think that i'm a bad music teacher.. because seriously i dunno how to teach music... be it in my contract school or here, i suck at teaching music.. in fact, sometimes music seems to be a filler for the students and myself...

today, did the closure of the music arrangment course with 201. And somehow, finally i thot i successfully taught them something this term. I can't say the same for the other classes, since their classes are usually disrupted by other activities, plus i spend more time managing the classes than teaching.. in tis class however, they do pay attention and participate most of the time. in fact their FT told me that the class likes me and my style of teahing... mua ha ha.. let me indulge in a bit of gloating... mua ha ha... the point is today.. FINALLY i tink i taught a little something in music.. *smile*

really tiring day today. its rush rush rush.. classes and classes since i took on extra 4 periods today from other teachers to cover syllabus... preparation of my practicum file (last min notice from my sup)... reflection for the P (i completely forgot abt it!!! only did a draft in ten mins and dumped it on a dear fellow trainee to edit and do the conclusion.. lol)... it just a mad rush today. Im juz glad school is done for today.. supposed to go running w WC.. been two week.. but alas.. the rain...

now making plans to go to Jakarta in a week plus' time... i hopei 'm doing the rite thing.. :-/ a little apprehensive.. but.. :-/

tt's my boring life for now... had a lot of things on my mind... maybe its good i'm so occupied i havn't gotten time to think abt the things... abt which trip to go for... abt matters of the heart... abt wat to get for my CTs and students... abt the arrangements for the scuba dive (liaising for my frens is killing me).... maybe its a good thing my brains are juz thinking of map reading for now.. lol....

people.. people... people..

hv been meeting up w pple. had a good lunch w CHR and ADY yest, met my brother for lunch today. all the meetings were good. i enjoyed the company. ha ha... i'm making some progress in accomplishing wat i set off to do some weeks back... to meet up w my old frens.. *smile*

today my brother asked me n interesting qns. he asked me whether or not i'm a 'tensed up person' who's literally stressed and unable to relax? lol... come to tink of it... i tink its of late tt i become such a 'purpose-driven' person. life is so short... and somehow everything i do must have a purpose in it.... den again, i recalled something i told a fren 2 years ago.. that not everything happen for a purpose? lol.. is it theologically sound? hmm.... dunno... but well... one thing i realize tho.. i need a break. i need a break from students.. from church?!?! from frens... from matters of the heart... i need a CLEAN break from this place.. at least for a while... can i do that? hmm....

well, juz as i'm saying this, i'm juz tinking of the 'schedule' tom.. its running from place to place.. and den spending time w pple again... hmm... *ponders* maybe i shld try do a getaway sometime next week. anyone got cheap accomodation or air tix somewhere? lol...

hey, Js, i got bad news for u. see, i promise u i'll check w my fren rite? but den... i tink i hv to disappoint u. see.. things are slightly more complex... so.. i'm truly sorrie.

alrite back to marking. i've gotta start running boy!! two weeks of inactivity is gross!!

its a quiet morning...

i juz came down from my doing invigilation. the entire school is having its english mid-year today.... as i was coming down.. there was a strange feeling... *chuckle*.. the school is unusually quiet.. devoid of the sounds it usually contains... voices of teachers teaching... scolding.. shouting.... voices of students... sounds produced by all sorts of activities from students like tapping on the window pane etc... its a strangely quiet morning i'm not used to in this school...

early this morn.... one of my students really melted my heart. I got a little envelop sitting on my table. in it was a note from her, and a little red pen with my surname done up on it using some kind of threading.... my heart melted.... juz as i was feeling wat i felt last nite.. now... *sob*

these are the little things that makes me smile... i'm really touched and happy.... y do i allow things that not worthy to affect me so much too? i was juz talking to my brother yest. and i concluded that i have a foolish heart. so foolish that i can be a complete idiot even if i may be 'smart' enough to think and rationalize. its so sad that i allow small things to distract...

ooh!! i juz got a call from the VP from XXX. i'm confirmed joining them!!! and the VP spoke to me, asking me to join them for the SIF trip to Sarawak!! This is so exciting!! Becoz one of the things i wanna bring into the school i'll be posted to is to bring students out of Singpaore to do community service work, to see the world out there, to see others' needs and realize how blesseed we are... but now i dun have to push for it!! cos they are doing it!! YIPPEES!! Its like a dream come thro.... :) Such happines *smile*

oopps.. too excited typing now my wrist hurts... :(

5 more school days....

and i'll kiss PYSS goodbye (unlikely that I'll be posted back, altho all things are possible)...

I'm not 'happy' or 'overjoyed' about it.. in fact... I'm a little sad... Was just marking the test of one of the classes juz now.... While writing comments on the papers, I looked at the name, remembered the things I've talked about to these students... as the faces appear in my mind, I begin to feel sad.. Its been a challenging nine weeks... But these challenges have made me think, and grow as I learn to handle people, and situations.... Chances are, I wouldn't see them again.. the smiles, the rubbish we talk about... and I can't help them with their work anymore.. Becoz I'll have to let go soon... So many things to pack up.. My physical belongings there.. really brought half my house there.. with my radio, keyboard, notebook etc etc to teach... More than that.. I have so many people to express my gratitude to, esp one of my CTs who really inspired me with her passion... And my students... would like to do something for them... but... no time!! esp with the prep of the practicum file and finishing up the heaps of marking i've accumulated because of my hand surgery...

About a month ago, I asked myself what I would have myself do to help these students in my remaining 5 weeks. Now with a week left, I still question what I can do for them... I pray that despite my failings, I have loved them... and that in some ways, God has blessed them... Life will resume as per normal after I leave. It'll be mid-year exams and a lot of them will still adopt the nonchalant attitude about their studies and lives. Then it'll be after exam programmes, hols and back to school, except with their formal teachers. I pray that God will continue to send people to love them... to show them that they have been entrusted a life each to hold and to treasure.. That they are loved and they are to love in return too... But I don't think I'll get to see it... I can only pray and hope... and trust.. that somehow... God who is so sovereign and omnipotent sees that that comes to pass....

Its a kind of relief .... but facing the new unknown again.... *smile*... can be little tiring at times... but tt's how it is.... I'm gonna miss my kids..... :(

no work done....

i tried to rush out the music assignment before heading for ADN's wedding. mission failed.

went for the wedding. it was good to see old frens and youths i used to work with or 'take care' of becoming pretty and handsome young ladies and gentlemen. :) sign that age is catching up with me.

ML closure with the gals. Happy that Sats will be free henceforth... but God noes I enjoy every single session with them. Sharing was good as each of them had seen how the Lord has worked and changed them throughout their walk with Him thro ML. I'm encouraged. Also a little sad that I'm gonna miss the little sessions with my lovely and adorable gals... :(

Last min got called by ADW who got tix for the Abraham & Frens concert at the ROCK. So rushed all the way down. Walking thro the Sat evening crowd from City Hall station to the Rock in 13 minutes was no joke!!! But the music was FANTASTIC!!! Enjoyed most of it. :)

Supper w ADW n his colleague. ANW was talking a lot and sharing a lot abt wat he has learnt from New Creation this year plus. Really huge change in him!! Unfortunately, I was really tired out from the entire's day activity without a break, so was really struggling to keep up with his sharing. His sharing was good.. but I'm sure there are moments I'm gone.. and so.. cant rem wat the entire sharing was abt. but gd enough to make me wan to tink abt it when time permits.

No work done thus far this weekend. *sigh*

Suffering from my stubbornness.. typing with two hands and been playing the KB for prayer watch on thurs n today for ADN's wedding's special item. tink its time i start typing with a hand again.. *sign*

and now? i'm exhausted... Zzzzzzz......

Finally... Blessed....

Finally... i bought my Blessed CD... after a long long time...

Dinner with CRN was good.. did so much catching up. After which, did a short grocery shopping trip with her.. my goodness.. it was 'interesting'.. i mean.. i cldn't imagine her buying the household items.. its CRN!! well, but its natural lah huh, our fren is married, has her own little home to take care of.. it was just interesting a sight.

Caught a midnite movie w DR. Dawn of the Dead. GOsh, the show has absolutely NO PLOT!!! simply the worst show i've watched in my entire life.. i mean, serious, the entire show is just.. sudden bursts to shock the audience, and gore... period. nothing else. no substance. no storyline. no plot. wat a waste of my time!!! Went to Velvet after the show. It was 'interesting'... how 'interesting' can my life be? *sigh*

In any case, its gonna be work work work today and tom. Well, of course gotta fit in all that with ADN's wedding and the ML. One more wedding today to attend. Increases the tally to 4 this year? or is it 5? lol...

argh... work....