13.49

clocked 13.49 for my 2.4km i did w TN n DY in sch. hvn't done a timed run in a long long long time... esp for 2.4. usually does 3km now. but v happy w results cos its close to my sec 1 time at 13.38. i mean, i was light and small and all then.. den over the yrs in sec n jc.. the time started to deprove. d fact tt my timing is close to sec 1.. ha ha.. i'm happy.... but.... i miss running longer distances at east coast n macritchie....

"You are the only teacher who don't answer your own questions...."

*chuckles* One of my classes's comments.

I asked them a simple question "so what are some of the examples of weathering processes?"... *silence*

I waited....

*silence*

I looked around and saw faces spacing out...

*silence*

I stood up poised... and waited....

*silence*

thinking to myself... hey i'm supposed to be the 'master of waiting in silence til they give in... but they are taking .... way too long'

*silence*

i spoke. "for your info, i hv just posed you a question. and we can continue waiting until you answer".

*class looks stunned*

i spoke again. "for the benefit of those of you who have spaced out, my question was - so what are some of the examples of weathering processes?"

class decided to defend themselves and spoke. "but ms ting, all the teachers never expect answers from us. they will answer their own questions..."

*i tried to hide my shock* and went "well, then here is one class where YOU will have to answer the questions. i will always stand here and wait until someone answer."

*answers came streaming in*

Is there meaning to life?

had a discussion w J couple of nites ago... trying to iron out our existential purposes. Is life meaningless (stepping out from the religious points of view)? So is there meaning to life? If so, what is it?

Smile again....

i was exhausted today... even tho its only mon.... but after my last period, something made me smile.

i was on my way back to the staffroom when i saw one of my students. din noe which class she came from, but i just smiled at her. she smiled back. and she told me 'Ms Ting, thank you. People in my class smiles now. I'm happy.' Den i realized she's from my weakest class in sch, whom during my last music lesson when i was doing My Favorite Things with them, I encouraged them to smile - whenever, good or bad times.

that made me smile for today... :)

What say you?

Just came across this in a book I'm currently reading - How to Listen to God by Charles Stanley.

"God never says anything unless it is important and worth remembering. He doesn't engage in chitchat. He doesn't preface His remarks with anything. God is always to the point. He has something to say, and He says it precisely and concisely."

Is that the case? I thot He takes time to say things to let us know more of Him too?

TRIVIA

Which word has no vowels in it?

on middle grounds....

getting quite swamped with marking.. tt's PILING UP!!! and deadlines due with papers to be set.. trying to stay... calm....

quite happy in one of my geog class. my weakest geog class. some gals who are always disinterested. i spoke to one of them briefly during class that time, and today, she's responding to my lessons!! so happy.. i mean.. she used to be disinterested. told me she din like phy geog cos its a lot of work compared to human geog. told her she hv to work on both cos they will link tog eventaully. today, she was participating in grp discussion.. asking qns when i was teaching hydrograph.. and eager to present her grp's pt from the discussion!!! i dunno if this is only temporal.. but.. it makes me.. *smile*

on middle grounds because... i'm encouraged but tired sometimes mentally. surprisely, i've been doing fine physically by the grace of God. i only pray that He will grant me more wisdom to teach, handle the load, organize my time and keep the right perspective, more love for pple ard me... and more of Him... so tt He may be glorified...

Smile....

was telling my dearest class about smiling.. when they commented that it was the third time they were greeting me for the day. Told them.. greeting is good.. since we wish others 'good' ... juz like smiling... it makes one's own day better... simply saying positive things.. or smiling.. (since there is apparently some physiologically effect... yada yada)...

it did not occur to me tt.. i do smile? at least, i was pleasantly surprised n encouraged when TS who has been my 'big sister' in this school told me that she's encouraged by my smiles... .. cos noeing tt sometimes deep within, i might not be all well.. but yet.. i still smile to others.. and my smiles brightened up her day.. esp when she's going thro a lower patch...

i was a little surprised yest when she revealed to me tt she was affected by students comments (just as she was the one who advised me earlier last week not to be unnecessarily affected by students' comments). i guess in tis line, or in life in general, no one, no matter how mature is totally immune to these.. and we all have to take turns to pat each other on the back and say 'hey, you are doing just fine!'

i'm glad my smile brightened up her day. din noe i smile.. tt much?

i'm still growing... going thro growing pains.. learning... maturing.... but i'm thankful tt i'm growing.. and tt He is the One carrying me thro...

Nerve-wrecked....

just came back from a visit to a doctor.. waited for 2.5 hours before my turn!! thot that was bad... til.... i took a cab home...

the driver... lets just put it tis way... i tink i can drive better than he!! he was just driving very unsteadily.. simply put, not in a straight line... the entire journey was a torture. initially i gave him the benefit of the doubt.. tinking that he's an older man trying to make a living... he cldn't be drunk cos he did not stank of alcohol.. but after sometime he started to talk.. and i just cldn't make out wat he was trying to say... finally the only thing i cld discern from his unclear pronounciation is the mandirin of 'the motor(biker) in front is a ghost'. i cld have fainted. i seriously dunno wat that guy was up to... the entire ride.. was like... I WANNA GO HOME SOON!!! but he was not fast.. and just.. going left rite left rite....

in the cab, i knew i'd be safe because my seat belt was buckled (rarely! lol). no... more because i knew God is with me and is taking care of me. just need to .... reach home soon... it was only until i got off the cab den did i realize... my legs did go soft...

good gracious me.... i cld hv driven better...

PSI Index Gone Up

Running was much more strenuous than usual. Haze from Indonesia creeping in plus smoke from the burning of joss sticks watsoever for the Lunar Seventh Month has made air unconducive for exercising... how long will this last?

L.O.V.E

Nope, not the song by Frank Sinatra (which is supposedly up on my site, but has disappeared since... whenever...)

Attitude in life has gotta change. During convocation, I was talking to thamps, telling her that at that moment my attitude was the 'Just do it' which accounts for my msn nick... dun feel.. dun even tink too much, just do it! It is 'emotionless', nonchalant, deviod of feelings for my students.. but at least i'll survive at that moment. Either that, or fall into depression... Both of us agreed it cannot be the long term solution, but at this phase, out of the two, 'Just do it' is the more feasible one.

I am thankful that God, being a faithful and God of grace is slowly changing my heart. Slowly, a third 'alternative' has emerged.. and that is to look at life in totality again, and not to look at things in a myopic manner. Well, more like a heart change. I knew these things earlier.. but my heart was... cold.. hardened... deaf... blind.. watever.. Many things that have overwhelmed me are but.. temporal and small things in comparison to the many other important things God intends. He has reminded me again.. to LOVE.

How do i noe? I dunno. lol. But this morn just before church, i dunno wat made me smsed a close fren.. telling her tt she's got a fren in me. well, i SINCERELY meant it. strangely, that made me feel 'good' inside. many frens have been encouraging me. i hvn't been encouraging pple for long. den it occurred to me... that He wans me to love... well, apparently today's sermon happened to affirm that.

I wanted to love.. I wanted to love my students.. but I did not know how to. Honestly, I still dunno how to. But I am trusting Him to teach me to. I'm just allowing Him to do it at this moment. Sometimes my heart still quivers at the thot of the week coming up.. facing the students.. worse! having an observation for ENGLISH class?!? but... are those really THAT important to Him?

People are asking who i wanna love... at least those who just saw my new msn nick saying 'giraffe wans to love'. All i can say is.. 'people in general'. my frens, my students.. and even the challenging ones.. the teachers.

well... the week going to begin again. much tasks. (much because uncountable. mua ha ha.. english tr. :-P) i'm sure i'll waver.. but by the grace of God, may He help me love.. just as He loved...

An Interview with God

Author Unknown

"Come in, God said to me, "so you would like to interview Me?"
"If you have the time," I said.
God smiled and said; "My time is called eternity and is enough to do everything; what questions do you have in mind to ask me?"
"None that are new to you. What’s the one thing that surprises you most about humankind?"
God answered: "That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.
That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.
That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.
That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived…."
God’s hands took mine and we were silent. After a long period, I said, "May I ask you another question?"
God replied with a smile.
"As a Parent, what would you ask your children to do for the new year?"
"To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved. To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.
To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.
There will be others better or worse than they are.
To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
To learn that they should control their attitudes, otherwise their attitudes will control them.
To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.
To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
To learn that there are persons who love them dearly, but simply to not know how to show their feelings.
To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.
To learn that they are masters of what they keep to themselves and slaves of what they say.
To learn that they shall reap what they plant; if they plant gossip they will harvest intrigues, if they plant love they will harvest happiness.
To learn that true happiness is not to achieve their goals but to learn to be satisfied with what they already achieved.
To learn that happiness is a decision. They decide to be happy with what they are and have, or die from envy and jealousy of what they lack.
To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.
To learn that those who are honest with themselves without considering the consequences go far in life.
To lean that even though they may think they have nothing to give, when a friend cries with them, they find the strength to appease the pain.
To learn that by trying to hold on to loved ones, they very quickly push them away; and by letting go of those they lvie, they will be side by side forever.
To learn that even though the word "love" has many different meanings, it loses value when it is overstated.
To learn that they can never do something extraordinary for Me to love them; I simply do.
To learn that the shortest distance they could be from Me is the distance of a prayer.

I take things too seriously?

It just occurred to me these two days... that in this year... at least 3 persons have outrightly told me to 'chill'... 'take things easy'... 'not take things so seriously'....

there's my bong earlier this year.... there's DR some time ago.... its only when even people I'm not that close to me who observed that I seem stressed out like AO just kept mentioning it to me of late that makes me question... "Am I taking things too seriously?"

One of the things I've learnt after my dive trip previously was to work hard, and play hard. Its not an easy feat, someone like me who can be quite a perfectionist, on myself. I must say I've improved a little, on not thinking too much about things and circumstances in which I can't do much about. Yet, sometimes I struggle, because I'm learning.

Still, do I take things too seriously? With so many tasks at hand, how to be carefree? With life so short, how not to ensure that time spent is fruitful? Yet, does that mean that we should be so hard on myself? Then again, am I being hard on myself? *chuckles*

When do we be serious? When do we have fun? Surely God has blessed us with times of fun and happiness... If He has created the word called 'freedom', then surely He wants us to enjoy freedom as well. When? How? Where is the balance? How to live with both co-existing together? *ponders*

chocolate overload...

was out w G tis evening. she decided to pop by my place to drop me some cookies i told her i was craving for weeks ago. little did she noe tt i had been a cookie monster for the past week, gobbling up at least like 4 HUGE cookies. lol. but thanks G, i really appreciate it!! will savor the cookies. :) in the end we ended up at a certain hotel where i had the dessert buffet. yes, i was scolded by EC cos instead of running, i ended up w a chocolate overload. lol.. sighz.... dun dare to see the weighing scales now.

had a nice time catching up w some nie music frens online.

did some clearing up of my place. so now my room's neater than usual. 2 months of accumulation of ironing and junk all over the place. only 60 percent cleared. the rest still in a mess.. but at least my room is more 'livable' now. i cldn't continue with the rest. too tired.

tom will be a full work day. sch hol, but cos i had been running abt this weekend (as in.. doing stuff.. and not running running lah). today, i'll just take it tt its public hols. lol... also learning to strategize in my teaching methods... as in... where i'm gonna put my time into. i'm just working and working without thinking. not smart.. need to work smarter... hmm... *tinks*

exhausted but waiting for the fotos to load up online...

juz came back from D's wedding. waiting for the fotos to load. its been a long and tiring day. but pretty good. for the first time in my life, i'm a wedding coordinator. not that i did a good job at all.. but it was a good expereice. tiring walking up and down tho. thanks D for the chance. :)

ventured a few strategies in the morn to trick CT. quite funny. but i'm too tired to fill in the details. lol. for dinner.. i had a good time getting to noe Jn better. really nice lady to talk to. :) its always nice talking to someonemore mature and experienced in life.

tinking thro the question now: is it better to love or be loved? this world is less than perfect... so is it gonna be an either / or? *yawnz*

One of my dreams came true today....

I gotta wear the sari!!! :) FINALLY!

finally cleared up Ground Zero...

This is what I have termed my table since week 2. I had given up clearing up the mess of papers (be it students' assignments, worksheets, stray sheets of announcements, minutes, song sheets, etc.)

Finally today I made myself clear up the mess. It looks much much better. Tho... how long it may last I have no idea. Well, at least til tuesday. lol....

Met up w Ana for dinner. Once again, eat eat eat without tinking. (This does not include the mee soto, pizza, bao, and what have you I've had in the day). We ordered quite a bit from Thai Express. Decided to move on to coffee club next door. lol.. more desserts.... (and yes, i hv definitely put on pounds).

And guess wat?!?! CAFE CARTEL HAS STOPPED SELLING MY FAV DOUBLE CHOC CHIP COOKIE!!! :( i thot only the one in raffles city dun hv it. apparently, they've stopped selling it... :( and coffee club has some time ago swopped our fav piping hot brownie topped w a generous scoup of icecream with some sad brownie (tt's cold and sticky). Don't they know what their customers want? I wrote down our (me and many other gals!!) feedback w.r.t the brownie. Whether they will return us our brownie.... is another matter.

GIMME MY COOKIE!!! AND MY BROWNIE!!!

a good run.... ....

is what i need to settle me down from a .... day....

still working on the teaching prep for RIVERS. Man, I've been working on this topic for like at least 2 weeks. But nothing concrete has come up. Spending way too much time on this super duper gigantic daunting topic. I love rivers. I love physical geography. But to teach it.. is yet another different story....

Just thrown another curve ball today. I'm to set the CME paper for the Sec 1s. Out of 10 classes, I teach ONE class. And i'm chosen to set it. Over and above the Pure Geog and ENglish papers.. Daddy, what on earth (or in heavens) are You trying to do? TS was looking at my situation and was telling me that she thinks that Daddy is trying to teach me something. Tt i shld ask Him.. she feels He wans me to learn to be... shrewd?? I dunno... I seriously have no idea at all...

Day went on. A gal from my class cried saying she wans to go home cos she's sick but my co-tutor refused to let her go back. She is a 'challenging' gal. SO to believe her or not? I'm too trusting sometimes. I dunno how either. Anywayz, I spoke to her. Took my stand on certain things. So at the end of the day, I stuck firm to my conditions. SHe cld not accept my conditions, so she has to stay in school. Apparently she seems okiez thereafter. I'm learning to be firm. One lesson learnt. During the same period, one of my gals just cried during music class. She and the other gal claim that they are seeing things. I took time off after the period, spoke to them, prayed with them. Frankly, I dun really noe wat to do, wat to say, wat to think. Consulted my co-tutor who says that its attention-seeking strategy the gals are pulling. How much to believe? I still need time to learn. Anywayz, giving them the benefit of the doubt, but praying for wisdom and discernment... tt's wat i seriously lack and need at this point. After tt, i was awakened to realize tt i've been very diligent and spending a lot of time on preparing the content for my gals.. and its time i work on this area...

Anywayz watever happened earlier got me really tired.. the curve ball.. all the... watever 'nonsense' happening.. when i'm oredi half overwhelmed w workload. During the next music lesson w 4E1, i was pleasantly surprised they responded to me. Last week they were uncontrollaby talkative. tis week, i have about half of them responding? and copying out the responses their classmates contributed? i was encouraged... last minute curveball again.. i was down for NDP concert rehearsal again?!?! took some time to speak to the Indian dances, some of them from my 2E1, some from my 4E1, all my music students. The gals from 4E1 told me something tt encouraged me. They told me the gals quite 'like' me. as in there are mayn others they dun like.. because i dun scold them 'stupid'... etc... I mean... that made my day. It was nice talking to them. They helped me with some actions i'm supposed to teach the school during community singing on friday for the indian song. When i was on stage doing that for the rehearsal, they were supporting me at the back of the hall by doing it with me so i can model after them, (cos i'm not too familiar)... until, my mentor who was on stage with me got them to go on stage to do it too!! so now they are blaming me for getting into the act! *laughs*

yet, the thot of the CCA in which i'm totally uncomfy with... sighz.... but.. i tink i tink too much.. no point thinking at this point of time. by the time rehearsal ended it was late, headed straight home for my run. it was a good run. got my mind off the silly things.. and feelings..

wanted to set the eng paper tonite. but alas.. realized i dun have the breakdown of marks for each section!! meanting.. i can't set.. oh watever... the run has done me some good.. :) life goes on... like this for at least 3 years. wat is there to come? i dunno. each day is already so packed with thots, feelings, activities like today. 3 years!!! gosh.. i wonder wat i'll turn out to be by then.. all i can say is that.. by faith.. someone better... for the extension His kingdom.. I dunno how.. but i pray that will be the case...

spent a bomb...

on jeans... on a top.. and on my new pair of running shoes....

time to scringe!