the (mis)adventures of princess

Chapter 1: "Career"
This has gotta be the most interesting and vexing. Over the past couple of weeks, I've got offers which range from exciting and challenging to the more mundane, from possibly well paid to the most ridiculously below the minimum wage offer.

I'll just mention the two which I deemed really impt, and which i seriously considered. The first is a keyboardist with a band who plays almost every night at a popular entertainment place near the bay which offers various genres of music, and the band plays for a room named after an insect. I met up with the band members (they are not locals) and we got along quite well. (In fact, later i met up with one of them a couple of days later before she went back to her country for a holiday and she termed me as her good friend!) I was excited about how this could really challenge me to work on my music, but the hours were not favorable for my social life. Even so, after much thought and praying about it, i was willing to take it up if some conditions were met. God closed the door however, when the band told me that their agent said they might not be able to get the work permit if they did not register as a full band due to stringent regulations, plus they need to rehearse back in their home country which i couldn't participated in. I wasn't disappointed as I knew I've given it to God and He's in charge. I also wasn't disappointed because I know I did not cringe and hide and choose not to take up the challenge which knowing me, ha ha, its highly possible.

Anywayz, the second opening is completely different from the first I"ve mentioned. Ha ha. Its part time teaching at a local tertiary institution. I went for the interview last tuesday. And I got the job! for a term, continuation will be subjected to performance and student reviews and all. I was informed on Fri morn that I got the job. Though I'll need to get a laptop for that... sigh....

The week leading to making the decisions on the various different openings was not easy as the timing was sort of together but yet not quite making decision making vexing. Thankfully, I know that as long as I submit them unto the Lord He will show me. Even tho I still not noe wat's next, I'm thankful for the journey so far. :) Am I still gonna pursue my dream as a pianist? I'm trying to. I think FM's getting a little worried for me as i seem to be losing steam. Perhaps i am. Perhaps i am just getting more stable. So... we'll see....

Chapter 2: Flu Bugs

It started with the stomach flu bug which hit FM last week. I tried to take care of him. Then, come Saturday the cold flu bug hit me. Actually I wasn't feeling good by Wed. Now i'm still fighting the bug. Not like I'm really fighting. There just aint much i can do. Am just really lethargic. Last night I was kept awake under my covers, perspiring away, but feeling cold at the same time. I was so confused man. To take away the covers (but I'll feel cold! cos i oredi feel cold under the covers) or to remain in it (but I'm perspiring from head to..wherever). Why are the bugs so persistent?!?!

Chapter 3: Past-times

I'm very ill-disciplined. Instead of working HARD at my repertoire, these are the activities that had been keeping me occupied instead:
- tuition
- piano lessons
- F.R.I.E.N.D.S
- chic lit 'Under the duvet'
- FB
- s**ing
- msning
- time with FM

Here, however are the list of activities that I shld be working more on:
- reading the book "The Art of Teaching Piano"
- working out my repertoire
- getting syllabus for the piano diploma
- working on the jazz instructional book and cd
- homework from the voice technique class i've been attending for two weeks (i neva practise wat i learnt... which equates what i learnt to just head knowledge)
- of course, still time with FM.

So, here are the adventures(-mis) i've been getting into... CNY round the corner.... hmm... this time round i'll appreciate the ang baos more than i did the previous years. Healthy accounts balance. HA HA.

staying focused....

someone from church called me up to inform me abt an opening in his education institution. he's been asking me over the past 3 years with related positions. i've always been keen. cos it involves spending time with kids (but no marking, etc.). involves bringing them overseas, a couple of OCIP trips... which are my passion....

still my passion, but alas, i hv yet to go full steam yet... hence for me to drop wat i've been preparing so far.... was too difficult.... i've been telling pple one has to count the cost when dropping wat they hv to move to something new. i realize, one still has to count the cost, to press onto wat may seemingly be foolish or impractical at this moment....

well, even tho the opening was wat i've always been interested in, reasons for not going for it:
- i just got out of the system, not to get myself into another system so soon.
- i just got out of a job which took up so much of my time and life to get into perspective, not to get myself into another one like that.
- i got out to venture something new which i hvn't really tried properly yet to conclude how it will end up. i've given up enuff to get into it, not to give up halfway.
- i cant bring myself to give up wat i've put in so far into this new venture. too much put into it. too much given up for it.
- God has been stirring my passion for music, so i will follow that...

so this entry is a reminder for myself in case one day i question myself.. which i pray will neva be... for one thing i believe in: neva regret. learn.

moving on....

finally... the sch has 'released' me....

its been a tough week since mon... hving to speak to figures of authority... and things did not go as i intended... someone revealed my plans somewhat prematurely, the pple whom i'd like to inform personally got wind of my decision before i spoke. it wasn't ideal. but the LORD is in control.

negotiations started taking place... i was sort of asked to 'justify' my decision... which did not seem to satisfy the pple... i was 'questioned' to the point when i started to doubt my own decision.. i started to doubt if that was really what GOd is revealing...

it wasn't an easy period... when i thot things were 'settled' on mon, new stuff cropped up on wed... it was discouraging... but on hindsight, the matter that cropped up on wed... was the one that allowed the full release... God has the best plan... and He's showing it by revealing bit by bit. if nuthin happened on wed, den i'd hv to make do with the 'second-best' based on the talks on mon. if only we have faith... the faith journey is slowly but evidently unfolding as i start to take the first step. when i worry how i shld speak with wisdom, He has oredi 'fought the batter for me' and paved the way. I previously questioned if I was on the right track.. this was a sign that... yup....

PJ asked wat my emotions are the moment i got the news tt i was 'released'. first... FREEDOM... den... almost immediately the feeling tt followed was a sense of loss as well.. it is official. it is confirmed. there's no turning back. i'd be packing my table real soon... putting away all that i've gathered... the experiences, the accomplishments, the possibilities in this place, the security...

but i wan to learn to trust in Him. He has shown Himself to be faithful so evidently even when i had so little faith. Yest, i wondered how i cld get thro this... and tis morn.. i din even hv to do much... except to pray.. not that i 'felt strong faith'... but He is faithful...

moving on....

In The End, It's Worth It

School has been taking a toil on me. But by the grace of God, everything's under control.

For the past weeks... its been three key words circumscribing my life.
1. Waiting.
2. Test.
3. Faith.

All three intricably linked to each other. It aches to be waiting all the time. Often the question "Lord, what's going on?" surfaces, when I look at events. Its hard not to receive a direct answer, except, "Wait."

Waiting for the unknown. Waiting about my future. Wait.

SOmetimes, I fear that while waiting (for exactly what is to come I have absolutely no idea), I might just get distracted while I enjoy things I enjoy doing. Sat, a sis said something that made so much sense. Other than teaching us to trust Him while waiting, not revealing now, also means God wants us to focus on doing well what we are tasked with now. ANd when the next revelation is given, we don't have to fret about not being able to undertake the calling/task, or that we will not have desire/passion for that. Den, we will have them.

I've been put through an 'interesting' test that makes me keep looking upwards and asking 'Daddy, what in heaven are You up to? What kindof strange test is this? Its not the usual 'suffering' etc. What kind of test is this?' I asked HD the same question two nights ago. She told me "its a test for you to trust in God, and to trust in His timing". wow... Even if the test is 'weird', indeed.. it is to teach me to trust in Him.

Growing in faith is not a one-off thing. After this season of waiting, there will be more to come. And then, I bet I'll look up to heaven and ask "Urm, now what?"

But one thing I know... as these phrases I've read from rhema aptly puts it "God orchestrated the whole thing" and "And the reason is simple: God knows that somewhere down the line He'll be able to use all that painful stuff to bring your life into focus and accomplish His purposes. With God it's never too late!"

So, its waiting again. It doesn't feel the most comfy... it aches... but its sweet too... to look to Him each time and to know that He's in charge, to know that I'm sitting in His presence, to know that He knows and He loves and He cares....

God intended it for good. - Genesis 50:20 NIV

Oh, btw, update about my jazz endeavors. Went for two sessions. Been practising my piano almost daily (this haven't happened since 10 yrs back after I completed my Grade 8!) Learnt "Dream a little dream of me" and working on "The way you look tonight". Still pretty clueless. Hehz

2007 - A new year of adventures and possibilities!

2006 has been a very fruitful year. Just the month of Dec has been POW for me. And I'm really thankful to my Abba for growing me. Even as I was reflecting while journalling en route to Delhi, I realized how He has been growing me, showing me more of Him, drawing me to a more intimate relationship with Him over the year to prepare me for greater things ahead, in this new year. What? I hv no idea yet.

So wats been up for the past month, and what for 2007?

For the couple of days i'm in town while not in Indonesia/India, been hanging out a lot w the kalimantan troopers. hehz. It was great fellowship. Been hanging out real late, even for the past few nights (movie marathon @ leez, crashed jd's party, watchnight svs), so really dunno how i'm gonna wake up early tmrw onwards!

Saw the sch calendar for next yr. Really dunno how i'm gonna survive, w the new tasks added onto my plate as well. PLus the stuff tt i'm considering taking up (ref below). But I'm really gonna trust in Him for the strength cos I noe, there are more things to come, and growing in faith does come w stretching. Not gonna be easy, but i'm gonna trust.

So, what are some stuff tt i'd like to do for 2007?
1. my bond's ending in july! opens up every possibility. i'm leaving everything open. perhaps conti teaching. perhaps take time off to wk in some other cty. i dunno. only God noes.

2. kairos course. its 'suicidal' to take up this course. takes plce in mar/apr, when i'll be crazy prepg for syf and the concert. but... i shall trust...

3. jazz piano! JJ really inspired me to take it up. as previously mentioned, one of my dream ambitions is to be a lounge pianist. but neva thot i was gd enuff. (still dun tink so). but sometimes, i do hv to work on something, something I'm really interested in and not just brush it asie simply because of my own inadequacies. So it shall be my new next challenge (after diving) for next yr! But for now, i need to find a teacher. Any contacts anyone?

2007, a new yr of adventures w Him. :) Its not gonna b smoooth sailing, but it'll b good. thank You Daddy. :)