Questions beyond my comprehension

As the year come to a close, I am challenged with some things concerning the natural and yet not-so-natural world which I haven't found the answers to/resolve.

1. Natural - The Tsunami
I have always marvelled at the awesomeness of God whenever I get to see the handicraft of His hand. Tis year alone, I got to look under the sea, the tallest snow-capped mountains, slugs, and the familiar and new sights of flowers and trees I'm familiar with. The tsunami that just struck the coasts of many countries and islands, causing large scale devastations (an understatement of course!) Like the mountains and coral colony etc, it is natural. Can I say I'm awed by God? Perhaps,..., not really actually.... How are we supposed to look at God's glory in nature in this case? Its nature too... but..... I question at the same time, what is the Father's heart in relation to this matter? How does He look at this event when He allowed that to happen?

2. Natural and Not-so-natural
This is based on my interest on the infinite possibilities of life stirred up by a discussion (slight debate) with DR tis afternn. Its pretty complex and it'll be difficult for me to lay out the points and my final take but I shall make a feeble attempt to here.

Cosmology. According to DR, time is relative (and I agree to a pretty high extent). Each man is bound by time which offers infinite possibilities. That, I agree too. The way our lives take place are tightly woven into the cosmology, meaning, someone out there who's born at exactly the same time as I am have a similar cosmic, meaning, we will have similar occurances in different parts of the world. We might be doing similar things at this very moment, but bound by opportunities and situational factors and the infinity given by time, we might be doing different things, but at some other point of time, our lives will converge at certain crossroads and end up doing something similar.
I never believe in horoscopes because to me, it means that there are only 12 kinds of personalities in the world. At the same time, they serve more as entertainment and possibly self-fulfilling prophecies, consciously or subconsciously. However, the fact that even a machine can 'calculate' accurately (detailed) occurances in one's life {i cant argue spirits if predicted by fortune tellers} makes one wonder about cosmology. The fact that ancient civilizations spread across the earth evidence heavy influence (to the point of dependence) of cosmology surely meant there's something about it more than just useless calculations?

DR's propositions stop at... relativism. The stars sort of influence our path but time is infinite. Possibilities are infinite. But I cannot stop there, because, much as I like what relativism has to offer, there is the ABSOLUTE, who is the Truth, and that is God. I cannot stop at "everything's what you perceive it to be".

I do not claim to know this well. In fact, I'm fairly clueless. But what had been said holds some water based on historical and experiences of people. My take for now - perhaps cosmology does reflect our lives. It reflects but not control/bind our destiny. Because out there (beyond many's comprehension, mine only goes by faith) lies the One who controls the cosmology, the very path and site of each star. That's where the Absolute comes in. That's my take for now - till more is revealed. Like I will have the brains and time to tink further.

Anywayz, I have been mulling over these from 2004 into 2005. Its 12.03am now. Whoever's reading my contemplations and still awake, or lucid *chuckles* Merry new year!! lol... Why merry? I dunno... Blessed new year. :)

oh.... views on these are very appreciated. :)

I Want To Know You

Who are You
You who brought me out of darkness
Who are You
You who gave me life anew
Who are You
You give me freedom and hope in life
I want to know You

Who are You
You touched my soul each time I come
Who are You
You who healed my broken heart
Who are You I call on everyday You are there

Chorus 1:
Jesus, Father, Spirit
I want to know You
Savior, Abba, Counselor
I want to know You

Instrument Interlude

Chorus 2:
Jesus, Lamb of God, Lovely Kindness
You are my Lord

Bridge:
I want to know You
I want to know You Lord
Show me Your face

Chorus3:
Jesus, Father, Spirit
Show me Your face
I want to know You

This my prayer to You O Lord in the coming new year... Who are You?

gingerbread man

i am eating a gingerbread man now. its right leg. mua ha ha....

actually, its weird eating a gingerbread man!! G gave me one on my bday. its so cute, seriously.

i just decided to take it out to munch on. looking at it, i did not noe where to start from! so i started with the left arm. but after breaking it off, two things. one, it does not look cute anymore, in fact pathetic. two, its so weird to be eating a gingerbread man!! i mean, limbs are easier, how on earth does one go about eating its head?!?! so cruel!!!

or maybe, i just think too much...

Good news....

I'll be out of Eng for at least one semester... will be taking another level of Geog instead. :) Still hv to complete eng stuff for this year, but i'm happy enough.... now i dun hv to spend my time waiting ard for pple to be ready.... efficiency has been absent w those i've worked in.. so i'm really glad to move on to Geog. temporal, but good enough. :)

OPERATION CLEANUP

it was operation cleanup most of the day.... decided to clear up my place before new year comes (or work starts tom). see, i'm a sentimental junkie, pun intended for JUNK. i collect junk, like nice wedding invites, outdated presents from frens (2003 calender?!?), nice packagings of my previous mobiles and so forth.

today, i took out a trash bag and started trashing, things that i wldn't notice are gone after trashing. i'm still a sentimental junkie, so there are still things i ought to trash but have not done so. but fairly proud of my achievement compared to previous attempts. so now my room is a LITTLE roomier than previously... :) getting ready for new year!!

Mango sale.... ....

*SHIVERS*

was out w ana for the evening. accompanying her for the mango sale. we went to ALL FOUR outlets in orchard... (to tink i thot i missed out christmas in town, now, a tad overdose *chuckles*) see, i dun rush down to mango sale like many do. in fact, i avoid it. this had been my first mango sale and not many ahead. will only go down for pple worth my company for. :P

had dinner at OD and guess who i bumped into??? some of my music classmates!! after dinner w ana, joined the noise-producing-gang for a drink.. it was nice to catch up again.. to see each other freshened before most of us start our work again TOMORROW... bleah. *laughs*

anywayz, during dinner w ana, we had a good talk. its farnie actually. previously during our last outing, she was worried for me.. worried that i was having such a good time being single i'll neva wanna get settled down. after tonite, she understood that its not that i dun wanna get settled down. its just, i'm in no hurry (because, per-lease, how do you hurry tis kind of matter?) see, if there no one there, den enjoy life as it is!! if the rite person comes along, den i suppose u enjoy life in a different manner? the point is, i'm learning to appreciate whichever situation i'm in. but we also spoke deeper abt stuff, leaving me feel a little bruised. hehz... but tt's life lah huh? well, new year ahead, means new things ahead too. look ahead!! in any case, its always nice to catch up w ana.... maybe i shld just take her advice and 'jump'. lol

i'm still no fan of mango sales... it takes someone i treasure for me to go for them... *chuckles*

Current Mood: bruised

tis yr's Christmas and bday....

when i toucheddown on 23 nite, or i shld say when i got home on Christmas eve, i was like... Christmas, wat Christmas?

In any case, it had been 3 days jam packed with times spent with frens and i must say, as with last year, I am really thankful for my frens, and how God has been faithful despite my faithlessness and unfaithfulness.

24th evening met up w sandfly. found a nice and quiet place w good food. :)

Christmas... managed to 'drag' myself to church. 'drag' because i'm used to not waking early just to go to church. but i noe i have to go. :) it was nice meeting frens. had a short family dinner. after which, met up with my diving frens. they were so sweet, they actually waited til like 12 to wish me bday. by the time i got back it was like 3. but it was a good nite. as usual, they were trying to teach me the 'ways of politics in work'.... having to not only manage my students, but to 'manage my boss'. lol.. but tt'll b a challenge...

tis morn, somehow, i dunno, must b His divine grace, somehow i made it to church, albeit a little late. quite nice to catch up w ana a little. she gave me cookies!! man.. i'm suckered for cookies.. even w sorethroat.. i went on munching (urm, E, i've finished those u baked. :P) had lunch w P. we realized we prob hvn't met up for a meal for 2 years?!? evening met G for dinner. also been a long time since we met. at first were wandering round AIMLESSLY in orchard (yeah, i finally saw the christmassy orchard) til we were both sian but din say anything abt it. den ended up in M9 for dinner. i overate the dessert. :P evening was more subdued than usual, than our previous meetings. guess we've changed? but as i said gal, it not wat we do but the company tt matters. thanks. :)

all in all, i had a good time meeting up w pple... i tink i've put on a couple of pounds... told myself its the festive season plus my bday so can indulge... but urm.. tink i'd better stop man.

oh, guess wat? i got something from my christmas wish list!!! i mean, i wrote it down for fun, not expecting anyone to get the stuff.. seriously, but E got me a dive sausage!!! thanks!!! i'll definitely learn to launch it during my next dive! :)

as i've mentioned to a couple of frens, i'm thankful for the trip. it was a good break, and a badly needed one as some of u oredi noe. :) my prayer was to see God during the trip, and He answered my prayer, in a subtle manner. i still dunno wat holds ahead, wat challenges i might face, how i might respond to them, victorious or defeated, but i noe one thing, that is that He is faithful, and unchanging, and also thank you to all who have been praying for me.

Current mood: Bliss

Of Nepal... Chapter Two

1. Of checkpoints

Level of security at checkpoints intensified with each day I'm there. Has gotta do with the Maoist movement. We got stuck in Pokhara an extra day cos the maoist declared 2-day strike, roads were closed. When we travelled back to Kathmandu a day later than scheduled, we got stuck mid-way cos apparently 10km ahead, was a clash between the maoist n the army!! a bus was bombed.. saw the bombed out bus and another bombed out depression on the road (the day earlier) later when we were finally allowed to pass hours later. BUT I DIGRESS.... lol... see... checkpoints are everywhere... in the beginning, at checkpoints, the army police merely popped in his head into our vehicle and inspect the passengers... Later part of my trip after the insurgence, all the locals who were travelling would have to get down their bus/whichver vehicles and have their baggage searched, followed by a body search. I am not talking abt major airport baggage search. its just any other road... but yes, there are these searches.... and i've neva gone thro such thorough search in airports before... at the airport... i was frisked thrice! (the last one just before we board the plane on the apron!)...had my hand carry thoroughly searched as well!! i was ticklish.. so the security officer who frisked me the second time round at the apron area recognized me. once she saw me.. she laughed... *chuckles*

2. Of simplicity and choices

On the mountains, life is simple. You reach your destination for the day, either relax (if early) or just have your dinner. The sun sets at 5.30pm. Thereafter, there'll be nothing to do. I try to read in my room by the candle, until the cold forces me to stop reading as even my gloved fingers are frozen stiff. Choice of food? Not much. But I liked that. When we finished the trek, back in more 'civilized' areas, I was suddenly slapped with choices... so many choices!! Choice of food... choice of activity... choice of which shop to go into.... choice of what to buy.... Suddenly I was at a loss.... confused... :) I miss my simple life... :)

3. Of sherpas and others

Clearing a misconception. People think that all mountain guides are sherpas. They are not. Sherpa is just an ethnic group. Perhaps why pple mistakenly relate guides/porters with sherpas has got to do with the first man who mounted Mt Everest Sir Edmund Hillary did it with a sherpa? But no, they can include other ethnic groups as well. :) Malang, my mountain guide for example is a Tamang. My two nice porters, Puchong and Nima, however, are sherpas.

4. Of traversing the mountains

According to Lonely Planet (i cannot locate the page), trekking in most mountains means going round the mountain and up. In Nepal however, trekking in the mountains, means trekking UP and DOWN the mountains, LITERALLY. To get to the other side, means I have to go all the way down, and then up. I have no idea how many mountains we've gone up and down. But the most testing one was on Day 2 of trek, from Pottana, 1900m, we went down to approx a 1000m high valley, followed by a seemingly endless ascend (may i emphasize, steep) to approx 2000m peak for rest. I was just glad that wasn't repeated everyday of the trek. *laughs*

5. Of a modern & strong Nepali lady

I met this lady..She's 28, but has seen more than enough of the ugly world a 28-year-old should have seen. At 15, she was married as her husband threatened to kill her parents. Given that her husband was of a lower caste than her, she was ousted out of the house. Now, she's divorced, with two children. Husband used to beat her up, and now has a new wife. She cldn't return home. Worked hard for her children. Just embarked on a new form of 'employment' selling tibetan jewelry so that she can be home at nite for children. Still, inexperience and the fact tt she's sincere and not a tibetan, its difficult in this line. All she wanted, was good education for her children. She may come from the village, not be educated, etc. But the way I see it, the way I hear her, she is definitely a modern, strong and beautify lady...

6. My name is not called 'pen'.

Kids in the village are used to trekkers giving them pencils, pens, chocolates, sweets... so it is not uncommon to have kids passing by greeting you 'Namaste pen?'
'Nameste sweet?'..... I din like wat i see... seriously... wat have we done to kids? anyhow, i only gave away pencils to those who did not ask for it, those who are sincere is just greeting. ... but den again, am i going to be a guilty culprit causing this one child i've given a pencil start going 'Namaste pen?'... i hope not... :(

Of Nepal....

1. Of rapids & drains

We did rafting across rapids. Highest grade was 3+, so no big deal. Out of curiousity, i asked my guide cum instructor whether he knew how rapids were formed. I would teach my students that rapids are resultant features from presence of riverbeds with bands of rocks with different resistance. (or something like that, cant phrase it correctly now). He's answer was interesting.... Using limited amt of vocab, he explained to me that... underneath the river are drains.... Same concept, different expression. :)

2. Of hills & mountains

We started our trek at about 1500m. Technically speaking, we are oredi on mountains. I stood amazed at the endless mountain ranges as far as my eyes can see... my guide Malang pointed out to us when i referred to those ahead of me as mountains... 'Those are not mountains, they are JUST HILLS." To them, mountains would encompass big buddies like Everest, Daulakiri, etc, snowcapped ones.. the rest... could be 3000m in height, etc, but they are only hills in comparison to those rising above 6000m. In sch, i teach my kids, hills are 600m and below, mountains above 600m. Den again, wat gives me the right to tell my guide that he is wrong? He is more right than anyone of us given the context of where he comes from.... where 2000m highlands are considered midgits.... :)

3. Of the smell.... of smoke..

I realized that in Nepal, whether you are in the city, or the mountains, you will smell smoky (as long as there is 'civilization' or, presence of human). However, smokiness can be differentiated as well. In city, the smokey smell comes from incense... offered in temples... in small worship corners dedicated to their gods along the streets.. everywhere... or worse, cremation... (i witnessed one, it wasn't pleasant, more thots abt it later).... In the hills, smoke comes from burnt firewood.. for warmth.. for cooking... Wherever I got, I smell of smoke... but I'll definitely prefer the latter over the former for obvious reasons....

4. Of Karmasutra

This is a joke. I mean, a sad joke lah. At Dubar Square, our self-declared guide Toya was pointing out to the roof of one of the temples (out of the many in that small area!! very bizarre area!!), saying, if you note, underneath that carving is the carving of karmasutra.... I looked hard... very hard.... Looking for something 'sutra-like'. Sutra to me is like.. scriptures? Am i wrong? I DUNNO!! Anyhow, I cldn't find any inscriptions etc.. and i looked REALLY hard.. and I asked him... "Wat's karmasutra?" My travelmate was shocked! Both of them were embarassed... more for me than anyone else.... *chuckles* But hell, I REALLY DUNNO WAT IT WAS!!! only heard of makan sutra wat... so karmasutra shhld be something like karma-sutra (scripture for karma/doing good?) Oh watever. i noe wat it is now.. *laughs*

Many many more thots but I'm way too tired to post for now... Overall, its been a good trip... Amongst the many things, the mountains are my favorite!! :) Still loading up my fotos, will take days to get things done (if i can even find time to!!) Those interetsed in seeing the pics, email me. :)

You are 53% Capricorn

href="How'>http://www.blogthings.com/astrologyquizzes.html">How much do you match your zodiac sign?

Nepal.... here i come!!!!

I cant believe my wish had come true.... Unbelievable!!! Din realize that its reality until a couple of hours ago when on my way to change currency... in approx 16 hours.... i will touchdown!! The feeling is quite strange actually. the last time i was away for over a week was last year in Thailand... strangely, i'm gonna miss my frens!!! weird isn't it? always thot i've wanted to be away... but when its here, its so surreal. *laughs*

wat will i come back w? .... ... ....

in any case, final packing done. uploaded fotos n cleared my flashcard, charged the batts, test-walked GR's army boots and it failed the test inflicting blisters, meaning... its trackshoes for trekking...

NEPAL HERE I COME!!!!

Current State: Esctatic

here... and... there.....

a short continuation of yest's blog... in any case, cos of the late nite, EC n i did not manage to run at 6am as we wanted to (well we slept at 4am after watching Finding Nemo while drinking Corona w lemon we bought from Carrefour. It was a chill out and watever rubbish goes nite. lol). The funniest part was, we did not even hear the alarm go off!!! Suddenly, it was bright, i saw her at the door look at me asking 'guess wats the time now??' *laughs* late enough for me to jump out of bed, washup and get out so she wldn't b late for her meeting. anyhow, i was so dazed i wore my running shorts the front at the back! *laughs* and did not even realize it!! walking ard in the house until she burst out laughing... :) man.....

anyhow.... skip watever happened yest since (i baked!! ah ha ha) ... it was late nite again... nonetheless, i managed to get up early enough to meet my godbrother for breakfast. it was a good breakfast as we shared abt our lives here and there. i was encouraged. as usual, i am reminded that i need to tidy up my messy life... and my hope is... by next year... because, i can see the next year a better year, if i stop procrasinating, nuahing (according to bong's words) and 'rebelling'. have been in silent rebellion for too long. the road ahead though, is uncertain... and difficult...

FINALLY got down to my packing and more or less completed. just need to get some cash n change currency and i'm almost there.... actually... by the time i'm back.. the holidays would have ended.... how fast.... *sighz* wat on earth do i wan in my life?

Current state: Sleepy

Date: 7 Dec 2004
Time: 9:56am
Venue: Clinic in Tampines

Waiting for my turn to see the doctor. This is the ‘da-pai’ doctor where you have to wait for hours, which explains why I’m doing my blog here and now.

Finally, I’ve compiled PART of the Eng SOW, while waiting for the doc. This is seriously the best that I can do for now, the rest have to wait til I’m back from Nepal.

Super-duper sleepy now. Just trying to stay awake til I reach home later. *laughs* Yesterday was an amazing day. Was supposed to meet up w JT, my godbrother for dinner, but plans were changed when I realized that I seriously had a lot of things to do for my Nepal trip.

Checklist:
Take foto
Buy stuff for the children there
Clear my memory card n charge my camera batt.
Get extra batts for torch.
Change currency for visa.
Get book and boots from GR.
PACK!

In any case, I was supposed to go and collect my air tix etc yesterday at Chinatown. Managed to drag EC to accompany me down. It was actually more for us to catch up cos we had been running around such that our schedules did not allow for us to meet, so this was the one slot where both of us are in town and sort of available. After meeting up with her for a while at the agency, I sort of know that, hey, just two hours are not gonna be enough. We’ll somehow just stick around for hours. Plus the fact that I realized that I’m SUPER ILL-PREPARED for the trip in terms of the things I need to get, I had to call up JT and arrange for another time instead.

EC and I then planned to get my stuff, go for a run… dinner… Later the plan was changed to get stuff, dinner…. Go my place to collect my stuff and run in east coast in the nite, and I’ll stayover… but by the time I tried out all the little beanie for my head, gloves etc etc.. (totally exhausted!!) and reached my place…. It was like 11 plus!! So no running. We were exhausted… but managed to make our way to her place. Hey, bus 10 and 14 resumed its route on nicol highway. Cool!

Oops… my turn to see doc.. she’s fast today… laterz….

Last 42 hours.....

Many things happened..... but too long for me to expound... so in summary.....

Sat
got up at 6 plus to go for run at east coast w AG. Did my 5km, and that boy... he merely walked.....

rushed down for KY's wedding's 'worship prac'. was a little cheezed off. first i had to be there like 2 hours before that... not to prac only 3 songs.. but... to pray... i noe where he was coming from.. but given my present current state... oh... spare me...

rushed down for KY's wedding dinner. hardly got time to take breather. got like &*^@& to find myself alloted an... interesting.... table. AD was very sweet n swopped seats w me so i cld sit w my 'sisters'...

during the dinner.. i did some 'pao tai' to meet my dive buddies who were just across the road at forum hving a feast!!! some of them were 'shocked' to see me dressed up... see... u dun dress up when u go diving.. lol... after the wedding dinner we cont' to hang out..

RG's car tyre was kindof flat so we drove to a kiosk (SPC - they are bad!!! trust me!!) to pump in some air. den we figured there must be a pinhole which is pretty serious cos it went flat shortly after we pumped it.. so decided to change tyre. bad mistake, cos we did it on a very gentle slope... the jet got deformed halfway, the car almost toppled over!! *shivers* we tried to get help from the kiosk.. they gave lame replies.... called 24-hr mechanic, he said he'll take 45 mins to get there (he was in punggol, and we.. in holland v)... so the car was like tilting precariously .... held by the deformed jet, half out of alignment tyre... and the grace of God.... thankfully a pickup drove in.. we borrowed a 'power jet' from them... and changed the tyre.. *phew*

later had a chill session at CC at liang seah str where we just talked and talked. it was nice cos we started talking abt wat we thot of each other.. it wasn't a 'praise pple session'... we just told each other the good and bad impressions we hv of each other.. nice.... :)

hit the bed at abt 4am... got up next morn at like close to noon!!! :P

Sun
Din go church... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Got up. Read papers.... read book..... slept again!!!

Spent most of day sleeping.... got up... did some touch up to my SOW and sent to my geog HOD. Eng SOW still stuck... its a long story.. basically i just hv to tink how to draft a 'nice' letter to my eng HOD to explain to her i cant get it to her til... urm... when i'm back from nepal... *SIGH*

went airport to collect something from SND. it was nice.. as was all my trips to the airport.. brightens up my mood.... yeah.. this weird thing abt the airport... :) did i ever mention i hv a fetish for airports and planes? *laughs*

went downtown to meet sandfly n GR. chatted... bitched... gossipped... updated.... before we split out ways to go for our various activities ahead - npcc training camp (sandfly), NZ (GR), Nepal (me)......

last 42 hours... oops.. i tink more than a summary oredi. hehz.

Things I learnt today... (since my waking hours)

1. Never change a tyre on a slope.

2. People think that I am a 'strong' woman.

3. I stand by my frens, but can indulge in them too much.

Three main things I've learnt on an eventful day. But its too long for me to blog tonite. Shall update later..... Meanwhile, need to catch some snooze....

share.....

computer dummy needs help....

me tinking of displaying the books n cds tt i own (not tt they are fantastic) on a webpage or something like that linked to my blog so can lend to pple.. IF they wan (cos i dunno wat to do w them after i've read the books/ripped the cds!!)

any smarties can tell me how to do it?

twisted.....

yeah... again.....wat else?.... my ankle... *sighz*

my ankle gave way when i went running the evening before... it was okiez den.... i suppose i've forgotten that the effects will only surface a day or two later... its not painful.... but certainly aching and kindof 'out of alignment' when i walk... not good for trip ahead... but guess i'll just hv to be more careful...

spent the entire day reading... sleeping.... the latter took up half of the day... *laughs*

its back to school again tom... got Eng meeting tom morn... yeah.. eng again... in any case, i have yet to find out how to get to the new holding school!!! tom just hantum.... lol.... hmm.... better wear ankle guard n my track shoes jic........

HMV....

Without fail, every time i drop by HMV, i will spend... *sighz* And I just bought another set of CDs... oredi had to restrain to prevent myself from buying another two!!! Anywayz, I'm enjoying myself listening to it now. Its quite nice... Exotic Moods - Chill Out Sessions From the Far East featuring Buddha Bar and the likes. Question I'm asking myself though.. these pieces are a little 'religious'... so .... not sure whether its 'safe' to listen to them.. but i like.... :-S In any case, must seriously stay away from HMV!!! I'm broke!!

Woke up extremely late tis morn!!! at like 1030?? but its good.. rare that i can wake up late.. as in.. my body clock allows me to wake up late.. spent the afternoon finishing up my geog SOW *smug smile*, ironing my mountain of clothes (yeah.. trust me.. a LOT of clothes).... and guess wat?!? I cooked fish and vege to eat for lunch!!!! HA HA.. pple who noe me noes 1. i eat junk... 2. i'm so lazy i cant even be bothered to go downstairs to buy food, or cook maggi mee just eat biscuits.. dunno wat got into me... 3. i'm so out of touch with cooking.. i was like looking at the fish fillet and wondering wat to do w it...so cooked it two ways.... one, pan fried w butter, salt n crushed pepper, two, microwave w salt n crushed pepper... lol... Anyone wans to give me some advice on how to cook them properly??? But they turned out decent enuff.. at least for me!! *laughs*

Umizaru is a nice movie... we all enjoyed it... given tt we all dive, we found the show engaging cos we can somehow identify w it....

Supper was good... now we wanna start a business to sell bra... ah ha ha ha.... but it'll b fun to work on something... doesnt hv to be braaaaa..... :-P

Hmm..... i really quite like this cd... in fact, more than SMOMA.... maybe its my mood... maybe... its really this nice...light.... relaxed....clear yet mystic.... feeling the songs give me... hmmmm....


Current piece playing: Lotus Flower by Deep River Corp

Interesting day i heard interesting things....

spent the entire afternoon working on my geog SOW... as in, ENTIRE afternoon... aim to finish it tomorrow.. *fingers-crosed*

supposed to go wheelock in the evening for a workshop on imovie... but they were so unprofessional... cancelled the wksshop without informing us!! fortunately my colleague called up and informed me. so changed my plan to meet GR tt early to collect the Left Behind series books from him.. while waiting for him to decide where to go for dinner, i got bored and decided to go running... stamina down all the way.. *sighz*

anywayz, he remembered that there was a chalet booked by EW and so we might as well pop by. waited a while and got a lift from RG to changi. supposed to wait for KR cos she said she'd arrive at 12... little did we noe that.. the wait... ... was till 2!!! gosh..

in any case, had interesting conversations.

first with EW's sis, EV, who was my practicum mate, finally got to see her little baby!! :) It was nice to catch up... she also kena hv to teach eng next year.. poor gal. but her baby was so adorable!!! only 3 months.. but strong!!

den, guess wat? AG Tan was there too!!! We were shocked to see each other.. how many years had it been? She's still the same.. always give the 'scared' look whenever she talks to me.. *chuckles* we used to play in the youth band before, i was like the da jie last time, but my my, she's grown up to become a young lady!! and i must say, very sensible lady.. good.. :) i asked her for a walk to the little playground nearby and we sat to chat. a little awkward actually.. but it was interesting.. after chatting for a while.. she made the comment that.. i seem more 'leng' (cold) now... i was like.. huh? 'leng' as in to people? to things in life? she said 'spiritually'.... sadly, i noe wat she said was absolutely true. who i was years ago when we were together is different from who i am... it wasn't a revelation.. but it was 'surprising' that from a short conversation, it was so evident to her.... *sighz* move on.....

third 'interesting' conversations will of course b with the dive gang... as usual... crap and not so crap. it seems like the 'group dynamics' have changed. as usual, i am having a fun time sitting there watching and observing the changes in interaction patterns as people begin to know each other more (or realize that they dun) and as familiarity starts to change how people value others... unpleasantries start to surface. I'm not saying that's bad. i tink its perfectly natural... but it was interesting to observe since i've been around since the 'beginning' when the group 'formed'. wish i cld expound more on my observation.. but tt'll only get too personal. *laughs*

finally, en route home when RG was sending LDV n me back, we were tlaking abt the schs we attended. as usual, RG thot i was from a gals sch (as many pple thot). but the interesting part was, when he heard tt i was from nus, he was surprised cos he thot i studied overseas... *laughs* another interesting perception others have of me... :)

in any case, its late... and in order to finish my SOW tom.. plus go watch the jap movie.. i'd better hit the sack!! interesting nite.......

The Incredibles.... A**

Absolutely hilarious movie. Brought out much laughter from the a little blue me. Kids, couples n families ard me were laughing away too... Laughing together w others added on to the fun. :)

Did my full payment for trip to Nepal. It is finalized!! :) I am coming...

In Orchard today, the atmosphere of christmas is so evident. The lights... the crowd... the little stalls set up. But usually, the mood doesn't fully set in until you hear carols... I had the full package tonight while passing by the street for a couple of minutes. I miss the 'christmas-es' I've spent as a kid... with my family... as a teenager... with my church youth... I wonder what this coming christmas holds in store...

Just finished the second book of the Left Behind series - Tribulation Force. Book is getting exciting... Cant wait to get hold of the next one!! Currently working on The Song-Writers Idea Book (shuttering between tis and Lonely Planet - Nepal). Its interesting to consider how personality type and brain dominance affects the creativity process and types of lyrics/songs produced. More comments on that at a later stage.

GOOD GRACIOUS!!! Just checked my fon bills.... WAT ON EARTH HV I BEEN UP TO!?!? Double the subscription charge?!?! I must stop talking on the fon!!! DRATS!!

meanwhile... SOW SOW SOW SOW SOW.....

blah blah blah

Rough session for worship today. The sound was horrible.... Someone's effects just went 'out-of-control' creating so much feedback I gave up. I thot one of us overplayed.... P tinks its band leadership probm... spoke to S briefly while he was giving me ride home... how to broach topics like this to pple sometimes? *sigh* anywayz, i was just glad its over....

While out to buy book on guitar n Le Mis dvd for music lessons next yr, i chanced upon tis CD, SMOMA - Songs to Remember... cost a bomb.... but it really sounded good lah... at least the pieces they were playing.. now listening to it, doesn't sound as fantastic. *laughs* You've gotta hear it G, u might like it, well, i mean the pieces i heard while i was browsing in the shop.

Almost bought the le mis dvd... except .... IT WAS SO EXPENSIVE!!! and i was worried the sch wldn't reinburse me... so smsed my 'head'... and to my surprise... i might not b teaching that level!!! *grumble* i neva noe wats going on... wasted so much time thinking.. *sighz*

Highlight of the day: 'bumped' into my student from MPSS on my bus home. I was reading my book. Usually, students wld just take the chance to 'slip by'.... *chuckles* but he actually called me!!! We chatted for the rest of the journey home. It was very pleasant. Taught him geography last yr, 2C1, the talkative class. *laughs* come to tink of it, do 'miss' them a bit. :) I was shocked after we alighted to realize that he was leaving in the same block as I am!!! but he only moved here a week ago, so... *laughs* but it was nice...

December is coming... GB camp over, school planning retreat over.... only left with the SOWs and prep for next year... I'm beginning to feel more relaxed, more human... *laughs* Time to clear up the mess of and in my life (literally and figuratively) before the next craze wave hits...

i wanna watch The Incredibles!!!

What is the meaning of life?

What is the purpose of your living?

F

That's the overall grade I have awarded the trip.... Grade F for the hotel service, Grade F for hotel facilities and maintenance, Grade F for the guide, Grade F for the food....

If this was ever my first trip to Malaysia, I bet you I will never ever step into the country again. Don't get me wrong, Malaysia has a lot to offer, everything just went WRONG this trip.

When I was just commenting to my colleagues, EH asked "I thot you are very rugged sort?"

My respond - Expectations are different.

She replied "Oh, so you have high expectations..."

My respond - No, expecting water supply in a 3* hotel is not high expectation, expecting the food not to be chao sng or not cooked properly is not high expecation, expecting my keycard to work is not high expectation, and this list goes on....

Most of us were SO EXCEEDINLY GLAD to be back home in Singapore, one of the rare times I miss my motherland when I'm away. Din help most of us were sick during the retreat. In any case, in view of Teach Less Learn More (TLLM) initiative by our boss, THIS is a good retreat cum NE lesson.... Good gracious...

I'm going melaka...

its been a while since i've updated my blog... a couple of days ago decided to just browse thro my blog to see wat i've gone thro tis year.. .man.. its a LOT!! thanks to AO who 'inspired' me to go browse my blog, now i'm 'inspired' to start updating it again, so tt when i take time to browse thro again.. i'll rem so many things i often forget... :)

in any case, leaving for melaka in abt 7 hours time.. nope not for leisure.. but for sch planning sessions... just go lor.. but looking forward to my nepal trip in dec.... keeping tis short.. til i'm back... :)

meanwhile... GB camp's over, invigilation's over, packing is done... tt's wat ive been up to.. okie.z. everything is in a mess.. cos my brains in a mess now too.. i need to concuzz........

in the time of pain....

literal pain that is.. to the point i was lying on the bathroom floor.... yeah gross...

but when i was on the floor.. wat was going thro my mind? there wasn't anything i cld tink of... wat had been bothering me for weeks.. or months? at least.. cumulated and exploded over the last few days... suddenly those did not matter anymore.

i was just trapped.... in the bathroom... all by myself... was too weak to call sandfly i was supposed to meet... too weak to get up and out to get panadol and rest on bed instead... just feeling the pain... the only good thing that was there... that i knew.. was tt... i was 'all by myself' with God.... and He was the only One i cld call out to... tink was there for a good half an hour.. *laughs* (yeah, i laugh NOW)...

finally manage to stagger out... seeing black spots all over.. grabbed some panadol... and plopped myself on bed... managed to call sandfly (thankfully her's was the last no. i dialled cos i cln't bring myself to find anyone's name to call)... got her to pray for me.. ...

still feeling weak... but the time when i was all alone in the bathroom.. it was terrible.. but... it was special... i was forced into a situation where i was alone... and can look to none.. but on Him....

in any case, my christmas wish still remains the same. still dunno wats going on... ... ... ... ... just thot i shld record tt special moment.. which i still dunno the purpose of...

My Christmas wish list...

1. dive sausage
2. wet suit
3. camera casing for underwater photography
4. snockel
5. mastering treading water
6. taking my first aid course
7. a long long trip or dive dive dive
8. having the SOWs completed
9. not having to teach English
10. gloves
11. a room of my own
12. my room cleaned up... somehow
13. all my old friendships rekindled
14. knowing wat my future holds
15. brains... i feel stupid n incapable in this competitive world
16. be a lounge pianist
17. end of 3-yr bond
18. freedom... (from what?)
19. noe wats going on in my life now

20. GOD

Somehow, i noe... all the things in the wish list... amounts to nothing... until i get the last one.... and somehow... all the 19 items... doesn't matter... or will be dealt with... once... i'm dealt w by #20..... when will that be?

Space on bus - A geographical study of personality n experiences on spatial preferences ... (Part II)

Thank you pple for ur contributions....

This leads me to the next question... Does where one sit on the bus reflect one's personality? I'm sure it reflects experiences.. as evidenced by some of ur comments... but how abt personality????

Aisle seat means??
Window seat?
Front?
Back?

I like to think that a character study can be made on these preferences... then again,.... i might just be too simple-minded... *chuckles*

Post your comments...

If you board an empty bus (single deck), where would you sit?

Front? Middle? Back? Last row? 'Window seat'? 'Aisle seat'? By the door? ??...???....???

Where?

A quiet dive trip...

Yup. Finally I'm updating on my dive trip last weekend. Thot I'd better do this before I decide not to do it when the buzz of school work pours in...

Generally, a quiet dive trip compared to all my previous trips. Its a small group I'm diving with. Went w my fellow musical geographer as my buddy, she's good company, a v independent buddy.... except... AH HA HA HA... a bit difficult to wake her up!! :P (dun whack me thampies :P) Got to know some really 'ordinary' folks... as in.. they are not 'glamourous'.... 'strikingly good looking' .... 'loud'.... 'extremely funny'..... but they make good company... very good company... :) ... making this a very pleasant trip... farnie how I was so pissed w the instructor in the beginning...

Highlights of the trip:
1. Getting to know Mohammark, David, Stephanie... ...
2. I know what it means to be frozen STIFF. I've always been frozen, but to be stiff (muscles and joints...) .. first time I've ever experienced it... Man I'm gonna bring sleeping bags to all my dive trips from henceforth.
2. Best night dive ever... I touched the cat shark!!! Ah ha ha ha
3. Monsoon's coming in. So new learning challenge this trip is to 'fight' current.
4. This really really adorable little boy. I think he's about 5 years old? I was walking on the beach (yeah, i actually have the time to do that! :) ) and he was near me... Was just standing there... watching him play... He started with a broken piece of styrofoam box.. went to a 'gully' carved out on the sand by water flowing out of the sand (due to a high water table - or so Thampies n I hypothesized)... Steph n Thampies then came along and sort of played with him (sort of because he was so oblivious to wat/who's ard him) Then he started using a half coconut shell (with a hole in the center) to play w the 'gully'... After that, he managed to find an empty metal can.. and played with it.. After a while, he's gotten a little 'kitchen' of his one.. *chucklez*.. When we left for lunch, he was still sitting by/in the 'gully' by himself... oblivious to all... self absorbed in his little world... How nice... I dunno.. the sight of him playing... happily... with no cares or worries... with the minimum, making use of watever that is available... it tugs something in my heart... *smile*
5. I was Mohammark's jinx. First I slipped at the dive platform and my tank fell on his toe. Then, I accidentally turned off his air... :-P

It was a different experience... And on the overall, tho I laugh less, it was good... :) Makes me wanna get really serious into diving and move on to rescue. :P

Money sunk into the deep blue....

Okiez... won't write abt my trip as yet... Just making a calculation of how much I've spent on diving alone since June...

OWD course (Jun) - $430
AOWD course (Sept) - $420
Leisure dive (Oct) - $320
Leisure dive (Nov) - $265
Gears - $240
Misc - $ 50
=======================
Total $ 1725


OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!

Life.....

I'm going for my dive tom. Was excited and happy for the past few days.. until 5 hours ago....

What have I been up to these while? Thinking about a lot of things... Thankfully nothing emotional... Just a lot of things to work out n check out ... Nepal, SOWs, getting my scuba gear etc.

Had been invigilating for this week... its..... BORING. *yawnz* The way I look at it, it pays for my dive gear... to keep myself from going insane. 1 1/2 more weeks of that to go...

Decided finally that... I'd after all not go to Nepal. Reason: I have no time. I have to work on the many SOWs for the different levels of music and for geography. I wanna be prepared for the next year so that I can focus on other matters rather than preparation. Strangely, the reason had nothing to do with safety of trekking alone in Nepal. Call me stubborn.. whatever.. sigh.. the lonely planet has gone to waste... for now.

Considering if I should take up a classical Indian music class... considering whether I shld pick up the sitar, tabla, or flute. But I shall wait til next year's schedule.

Spent a bomb today on my dive gear. Got my mask, weight belt, booties, fins and mesh bag. It feels FANTASTIC to own my own mesh bag of equipment!!! Sense of.. achievement.. ah ha... was happy.. and excited.. until...

I had to drop by the dive shop last minute due to some silly screwups they had in order to try my wet suit, BC n reg. Sandfly n I got cheezed off after we overheard a rude comment the instructor made. I wasn't angry angry... but pissed off... and all I could think about w. r. t. that instructor is... F*** OFF!! (sorry. I was really pissed). He even asked whether I wanted to bring the rented equipments home and bring it tom with me.. i'm like "wat the.... hello..." In any case, he asked me whether it was the first time I was diving w them. I replied yes, having to bit my tongue so hard in case 'and the last time too' slipped out of my tongue. Now I dun look forward to seeing that @$#&* (i ran out of vocab word to describe him, more like i cannot be bothered to think which category he comes under) during the dive... I mean... I am trying to put this away from my mind so I can enjoy my dive... We'll see...

Haven't packed. Too tired to pack. TOm will be a day of meetings... and i hope i can make it back in time to pack!!!

Meanwhile, I hate the way I do things sometimes. I dunno... usual... I noe wat is missing in my life... and I noe why I'm feeling the way I am. I've tried... Maybe not hard enough? I don't know. Why is there such a big dicotomy between a 'spiritual christian' and a 'worldly christian'? Meanwhile, I'm having 'fun' partly.. while it 'sucks' partly...

Booboo strikes again...

Got my dates mixed up.. went for the wrong module for training.. instead of going for mangrove n data mgmt.. ended up in intro for field techniques for Pri sch... *laughs* *cries*

still looking for travel buddy to nepal... :(

Time well spent...

just came back from dessert w G after the church's anniversary service... we got pretty cheezed off w the servers in a parti coffee place in taka... that we were on the verge of blowing up at them....

we were talking abt the company of pple we have been hanging out with in our own lives... and realized that there are things we need to work on... :) in any case, i'm glad tt i'm beginning to spend time with impt pple rather than laughing my evenings away....

need to lose some pounds.. hv been eating a lot... btw, din get to jog in east coast.. as anticipated... it rained...

just realized i'm not only computer-jinxed.. i'm also blog-jinxed!! this is the THIRD time i'm entering this entry.. and i'm trying to stay patient... well.. to play safe i was advised to copy and paste... and while i was blocking out the words... before i cld click on ctrl-C, the entire entry DISAPPEARED!!! not once, but TWICE!!! *faints*... *patience.. patience*... blog-jinxed....

lately, hv been reflecting and searching abt my purpose n direction in life... find myself torn between... living for the moment and enjoying life... vs.. living my life in view of eternity.... well... the fact tt i'm starting to struggle may signify that i'm moving (in the rite direction i hope!!).. i can only pray for God's mercy...

Chilling....

Did not go out tonite... supposed to go out.. but it rained... tom hv to be up early for GB (meaning... nitelife is quite curtailed)... etc etc.. so decided to just stay home.. rot.. chill.. whichever..

Spent a little time talking abt the weirdest topic w Js *laughs* and my canoeing buddy.. dive fren... and another fren... its nice.. not doing much... have been a little more laidback these few days... cos school load slowed a little these few days.. next weeks will be more hectic again... :)

I hope to run in east coast tom. Its been a long time since i've run there... the last i ran there was months ago, before May!! either with EC or DR, i can't rem who. Tom, if i get to run (if it doesn't rain, that is), i'll be running alone. I haven't run in east coast alone for a long long long long time.. but i tink it would be nice.. :) some time alone... I hope it doesn't rain tom....

East Coast...

Who have been my running buddies in East Coast...
lets see.. I started w G, den there was J, Chee and Tong, there was EC, there was DR...

What have I done there before?
There was a camp for the Methodist Primary school kids i was helping out when in sec sch at the PA campsite where in the middle of the nite a storm brew and tore down some tents... caused blackout from the lightnings.. causing us to evacaute our tents...
There were the numerous bbq sessions held in during secondary school days...
Did my rubbish field studies for NIE geog module....
A place I've 'dated' a couple of guys.... hmm.. usually ending up watching planes
Attempted learning cycling (of which i failed, only to master the skill in cambodia)..
Of course there were the twice a year family outings as a pri sch kid.. i'd bring my little green pail... my sis wld bring her bigger red pail... :) I would pick shells.. bring them home to wash and keep.. mom will bring her fried beehoon...
the chatting w all my different running buddies.. all sorts of topics...
Oh.. not forgetting the couple of sunrise services, one of which we were caught in a heavy rain...

've seen many more beautiful beaches outside singapore. Krabi, AoNang, Raley, Tioman, Dayang, (just some i rem off hand)... but... when in singapore... east coast.. is a place i like to be... many memories.. it was flooded on my 21st bday cos of dunno wat increase in sea level/tide!! okiez.. tt's not part of my memory.. *laughs*... but east coast.. seeing families... seeing the not so nice horizon, sand, sea... just.. nice... and peaceful..... (other than when i'm cycling!!)

Corny...

This was supposed to be yesterday's post. But due to the #@#^&**, I am attempting to post it again... but.... much will be lost as i will not repeat watever i've typed yesterday. I'm just gonna enter the most... 'interesting' thing which happened.

Early in the morning, i brought a book down for silent reading during assembly. HOwever, straight after flag raising before i got a chance to read the book, two gals came with another gal who had swollen eyes and running nose. I got swollen eyes when i was younger once, and it was due to allergy, so i thot it cld probably be that. so i brought her to the office, called her parents, signed for her the sick bay form etc etc... den went upstairs.. went to the restroom and suddenly it occurred to me that i hv left the book on the teachers' bench. so i went down to check whether it was still there.. it wasn't... i asked the teachers who were ard then, they din take it up for me. One relief teacher (WPP's wife!!) was sweet enough to bring me down to show me where the lost n found box was.. but it wasnt there. i was feeling quite upset and more sian than any other thing cos the book wasn't mine - borrowed it from EW. So i told some of my colleagues tt i felt very sian cos i lost a book which wasn't mine.... so SLN asked me... 'What's the title of the book?"

I thot for a while and went... 'urm.. its very ironic... the title is LEFT BEHIND'.... all my colleagues laughed.. i mean.. how corny can it get? LEFT BEHIND got left behind?!?! So given the book talks abt tribulation n rapture, one teacher commented.... it will be back .. i mean.. alrite.. corny... okiez not very farnie on blog.. but when the conversations were on.. it was.. realyl hilarious lor.. in a corny manner. fortunate thing is i checked the lost n found box again a couple of hours later.. and it was left there... thankfully....

other than that. .in short.. wat else got erased? oh... promotional meetings (which i din noe was held on tt day!!)... i was appalled to discover the kind of thigns and decisions made behind closed doors.. other than tt.. met up w sandfly for the first time in town NOT WORKING!!! ah ha ha...

okiez.. watever.. i'm tired again.. man.. i really shld do something abt my 'sleeping requirements'. i'm losing out in waking hours because i need 8 hours of sleep.. irritating....

and of course.. before i post this entry.. i'm gonna do a copy and paste JIC!!!

Frustrated....

This entry was supposedly titled Corny.. supposed to be farnie.. but not anymore... because after typing a long entry, blogspot just somehow... did not upload my entry.. and... LOST IT!!!!

ARGH!!!! so now i'm frustrated.. from farnie to frustrated.. #$*#&*(

I suck......

I have been a bad friend.. or I haven't been a fren...???

I've been spending a lot of time with my friends, doing a lot of things together... movies, JB, marking, dinner, etc etc... Sometimes I spend time with my frens on the pretext that i'm accompanying them... listening to them and trying encourage them... BUT... it seems to me tt... wat i hv offered them is.. just material things tt i can afford... time.... words... company....

One of a social theory says tt... we give out as much in relationships based on wat we expect/perceive to receive. As i gave, i gained company as well, acceptance, listening ears from others... Is that all that i am? this selfish brat i am? i suck.... when did i realize tt?

Friday nite... I was out marking w sandfly. she told me she had actually paid for a 'fortune telling session'... which would take like 1.5 hours so i was supposed to wait for her (well.. it took THREE long hours in the end...) but the point was tt.. i told her i'll go to the shop w her and i'll do my marking while waiting for her. she was worried i'll be uncomfy there noeing my stand on these things.. but i told her doesn't matter. i'll do my work...

den when she went in for the session, i was on the outer area of the shop marking.. while marking.. a thot came to me... i shld b praying for her... wat did i do? i thot "God, pls take care of her huh?" and...... i went back to my marking...... there.... was my fren.... and here i was... den yest nite when i was on the fon w her.. we were sharing out troubles etc.. and she said actually when she was in the room, two things went thro her mind. one of which was: is sheryl praying for me outside?

i suck... sigh....

wat do i offer my frens? my new frens of late? company.. laughter... just as they offer me the same... but have i more to offer them? I hv the biggest and best thing to offer - God.. but... where have i done that? maybe its gotta do w my own struggle to find my place back in Daddy's arms... but.. yet ... and for my old frens.. so many of them.. hv i even been in contact with them? have i cared abt how they have been? NO!!! ... I SUCK!!

Dedicated to all the markers...

Deck the desks with piles of papers

Falalalala Lalalala

Tis the season to be marking

Falalalala Lalalala

To my dear pals marking out there

Falala Lalala Lalala

We are in this mess together

FALALALALA LAAAAAA LAAAAA LAAAAAA LAAAAAAA....

laaaaaaa......... si...........

I got up early than usual... thanks to the extra lassi i went for last nite... ah ha ha.. but better early.. than during invigilation!!! So i'm thankful to God for that... *hehz*

Yesterday went out w the dive grp to hv curry at racecourse road.... been wanting to try curries at racecourse... finally... our dear fren RG ordered a tad too much... and ended up... well.... i was trying to serve out all the fish in the curry so it wldn't go to waste. heh....

there was a 'second round' for ktv... i'm not a ktv person.. sometimes go for company.. but yest nite.. was not in ktv mood AT ALL... but in a sense dun wanna be 'shao xing' so just tagged along for a while... at least i hv my buddy LN to talk to me... so it wasn't too bad....

Feeling for now.... bleah.... also dunno y.... actually i tink i noe y... *laughs* but bleah den bleah lor... life goes on doesnt it?

Meanwhile.... wat shall i do today? its friday!!! mark.... :-S

Sleep deprived and narcosed and pleasantly dreamy....

too tired to blog.. to many things to blog.. in short, refer to Esther's blog. MUA HA HA HA.

Other little things in the dive:
1. I had FOUR buddies this trip.. good gracious..
2. CORAL SPAWNING!!! can u believe such luck? but also mean v low visibility of abt 4m n weird white stuff sticking on us.
3. I am a fairly decent 'hoverer' now. mua ha ha. next skill to work on: finning
4. I dropped my no. of weights (thanks to some inconsiderate person who took my weights from my weight belt. blessing in disguise. ah ha)
5. I touched a frenly turtle!!! Its crazy... lol
6. Finally got to see closeup the infamous moray eel the whole world has seen.
7. Got dumped into the sea even tho i cant tread water.. *grumble*

Great company. Great food. But it means... weird to be back in a 'different' world teaching in less than 8 hours after arriving back at newton. *laughs*

Hugs n kisses to lovely gals like Es, Sandfly, Kris, Ln, EV... not forgetting my fav boys like J, EW, LDV (quite a mouthful to pronounce), RG (who offered to mark my papers during dive).

excerpts of the day...

my dear class got really... noisy and rude during class presentation time. i was so tired i gave up scolding them during the presentations. i ended the presentations before they were completed, instructed them to go to the open space outside when i spoke to them. asked them to rate themselves. out of 1o, wat score did their behavior warrant them. they said... most settled for 4 or 5.... asked them y.. they cld tell me the reasons.. sighz.... tried speaking to them.. whether it got in.. is another issue.. sighz... told them tt sometimes teachers do tink tt gals from NA are hopeless.. but its cos of their behavior.. and i dun tink they're hopeless which was the reason y i spoke to them.. den they started complaining abt other teachers scolding them hopeless and stupid.. when can they see tt... they are responsible for their behavior? *sighz*

two of my sec 3 na class music students looked at me with tied hair (i rarely tie up my hair)... 'cher, u shldn't tie up ur hair.. makes u look auntie...' i just looked at her and the gal beside her.. tinking 'watever.... anywayz, not quite polite to tell teacher tat... ' then the gal beside looked intently at me and said... 'cher if ur complexion is better, i tink u will be v pretty'... sighz... do i care?

finalyl got my notebook.. its an iMac... guess wats the best part? ;) its got.. uh hmm... tt program i always wanted to have!!! (to noe wat prog, ask.. ) pretty cool.. but i still feel a little silly cos i dun quite noe how to operate apple... well, not yet.

home earlier. cabbed home cos i was ehxasuted.. plus rain.. plus plus plus ... moody... its a cold day!! for singapore, its cold today. been marking for the past few hours. gave up.. cos i got really REALLY bored... feeling quite restless... is it cos i'm going on the dive tom ? or is it the thot tt i hv to bring my marking w me during the dive (which completely broke my rule of just play during dive trips)? or is it the piles and piles of marking coming in..? or is it the small little marks... marking... etc i hv to submit soon? I DUNNO!!!! just feeling.. really restless... man......

heartache.....

of late, i've experienced a slight heartache as and when. but that is no issue, since i've found my brains.

tis afternn... i experience a heartache of a different sort. while trying to iron out some disagreements between some gals due to a grp project i set them to do some time ago, i saw a gal with marks of shallow cuts on her arm...

i spoke to her alone. she teared. my heart went out to her as i held her hand. i did not noe wat to say.. i did not noe wat to tink.. i felt inadequate to handle the situation cos i din noe wat are the actual factors/causes ... i almost teared a little.. but i noe i cldn't.. heard of it so much.. even where i'm teaching.. but encountering one... touching one's hand like that for myself... my heart ached... these people.. they need the LORD so much...

yet at the same time pple tell me life is short.. enjoy it.. dun tink too much... sighz.

Eventful Day

last minute got a call from SN. Vuthy is in town, from cambodia. so met up w him for lunch. always good to see Vuthy with his beautiful smile. :)

got to see G for a while en route to Gill. Poor gal, she's kindof overworked and really tired. good thing her break is coming... :) her break time.. will be the start of my marking season... lol

went to Gill.. met up w pple.. buddy, xiaomei, some familiar faces and a couple of new ones. nice.

went for the talk on coral spawning w EW. Man last min the rest of those who were supposed to turn up played us out. Supposed to be 5, left 2. *sighz* in anycase, bumped into DR there. Only after i attended the talk den did i realize... i dunno many things abt corals!! yeah.. learnt geographical stuff abt them in sec sch.. but the biological part... still a little confused. LOL.

met sandfly at the place where the talk was held. den went for salsa course. it was so-so. i tink the guys there hv to learn how to 'lead' if not it becomes hard for the gals too. but its not easy, considering its the first lesson... and also given not everyone has a good sense of rhythm, so they cant really come in (but they have to lead?!?) in anycase, i myself suck at psychomotor skills.. so i dun fare too well too... cant do/feel the watever tension thing they were talking abt... #*@&#(* lol

J was very sweet. she picked me up from the dance center to go to DL's place for her housewarming. met more new pple.. ate a lot of food (wats new...) happy for her.

joined the divers for a KOK session. but i left within a short while cos tom hv to be up early to play for morn service. while Es was driving me there.. she helped me 'tackled' a problem by telling me wat words to use to pple.. boy she's good w words. lol... anywayz, those worked! also, she told me something which came as a surprise to me... sighz... @#*$&(#

now.. time to sleep.... its been an eventful day. no work done.. but eventful enough.. i tink that's enough. i need a break. lol.. nites

on the verge of falling sick...

tired... feeling sick.... physically and mentally....

Thank you EC

Thanks for your pollution song.. Really hilarious!! definitely something i'll listen to when i'm blue... *smile* appreciate it heaps.

Things not as 'fantastic'... but it sure brightens up w frens like ya... :)

Its a good day and I thank the Lord for that.

well...

generally there are the ups and downs...

ups from students...

downs from sudden arrows shot in tis direction which may very likely jeopardize one weekend dive trip i intend to go on. okiez.. its 99% gone.

heard from a fren a piece of 'interesting' news. just taking the news as it comes. not surprised to hear it. its something i'll hear eventually. thankfully... i'm okiez. :)

so... its a good day and i thank the Lord for that...

A week in a teacher's life... ...

7 points for 7 days

1. Geography and English Exam papers more or less vetted and nearing printing press.

2. More or less finished marking CME exam papers minus those absentees who have to sit for their exams.

3. Spoke to a few gals abt their behavior. One of which - the gals copied work BLINDLY. Qns 1 - 10 can be from Passage A, and Qns 11 - 16 from Passage B. AND the spelling and gramatical errors are EXACTLY the same... write down to the smallest atom. How can they claim it is group work? Yeah, sure, group copy work? *laughs*

4. Got 'scolded' by a parent for over 20 minutes. It is tough. People think it is easy being the teacher. Worse, they shaft all the blame to teachers. *sighz* I'm glad not all parents are like that, and that I have nice colleagues to rally behind me to support me. Tho... the call spoilt my mood for a while... but as i've learnt, life goes on. There are things I can control, there are those I cant. There are things that matter, there are those which matter less. *smile* Life goes on.. for the important.

5. Had a short chat with two of the gals I brought for the music IT competition. It was nice. They told me their seniors think that generally I'm nice. Even one gal told me her seniors said I taught geography well. I'm like?!?!?! With the poor quality of materials I produce...?!?! But it was encouraging. *smile*

6. I am still learning how to tackle 'uninterested', 'you suck', 'i cannot be bothered with you' faces... still get discouraged seeing these faces. Still learning...

7. Point for reflection: How 'smiley' a teacher should I be? Esp the first time I meet a class (Esp lower sec)

Life Goes On......

when happy things happen...

life goes on....

when disappointing things happen...

life goes on....

whether or not i am prepared to face up to tomorrow...

life goes on....

In short.....

life goes on.... face it....

Some random conversations

Venue: Staffroom
Time: Sept 11, 2004, Approx 11 am
TS: So are you prepared for school?
Me: Prepared or not still have to face it. School's still reopenning soon, does it matter? Just face it lor.

Venue: Along the river, Boat Quay
Time: Sept 10, 2004, Approx 1015pm
Me: I just realize I've actually met quite a couple of guys tis year, comparatively more than in previous years.. but alas, all the wrong ones... how tiring...
EV: Yeah, we always meet the wrong ones...

Venue: In AG's van
Time: Sept 11, 2004, Approx 1215am
AG: Actually in army its very free. They don't do much. Regulars have a lot of time. Still get paid loads.
Me tinks to myself: &@*#% all civil service.. but y so different?

Communication Mode: Email
Time: Sept 9, 2004, Approx 12pm
EW: i'm going for another dive over d weekend... was thinking if u would go for another dive over d next weekend,take it as i chio u, how???
Time: Sept 10, 2004, Approx 3pm
Me: thanks for d invitation for d dive. i'd love to. but two major factors.1. i dun print money. maybe if i find a rich old man who's gonna kickd bucket soon.. sure, i'll dive every week. LOL.2. i dun hv d time. attached to a CCA tt's got me stuck in sch allsats. well, den again, maybe if i find a rich old man who's gonna kickd bucket soon who can pay up my bond, y not? den i'll get him to godiving too... den he'll kick d bucket in the sea and.. MUA HA HA HA...

Venue: Swing, Near Centerpoint
Time: 8 Sept, 2004, Approx 11pm
Me: Since when do you start smoking? Neva seen you smoke all these years.
FL: Since I was 14. Now that my bf smokes, its not helping...

Communication Mode: MSN
Time: 11 Sept, 2004, Approx 9pm
EC: eh comment on my blog leh, no one has commented yet
Me: LOL since when u wan tis kindof attention one. I setting exam paper. Later....

HA HA... dun kill me EC. ;) Just felt like putting urs in. :-P

of junk... and food....

check out wat i had within the past 24 hours from 7pm yest to 7pm today:

- popcorns (salted and sweet)
- amos cookies
- KFC (crispy)
- frozen magaritta
- more cookies for breakfast
- kueh dadah, sandine puff and dunno wat malay kueh kueh
- jap food (the only healthy meal!!)
- Mackies strawberry shake
- OO-jian (fried oyster)
- an entire plate of sea haarm (by myself!)
- some fish keropok
- two servings of fried chicken skin (i've found the place to buy fried ckn skin without having to eat the meat like in kfc!!! absolutely fabulous... and sinful...)

well.. these doesn't include the more than one entire big mooncake i finished just before that 24 hours begun...... hmmm.......
-

Life since I was back ....

Monday -
1. marking
2. marking
3. marking
4. some karaoke session w pple who went on the dive
(no, i dun sing, its for the company and break out of marking)

Tuesday -
1. extra class w my sec threes
2. setting term four test
3. setting exam
4. setting exam
5. setting exam
6. getting a little irritated with a fren i got to noe over the dive trip
7. setting exam
8. catching up on emails
9. setting exam
10. catching up w some frens online
11. setting exam

Today?
1 - 10 . setting exam
11. @#(*^$ some silly 'socializing' meeting a more senior teacher w the other new teachers. yes, teachers have to socialize to... @#*$&#*

God's forgiving grace....

juz came back from my dive. totally pooped. so mayn things to write... so little energy... but something i tink of imptance....

God's Forgiving Grace

My first two dives weren't 'fantastic' cos i was nervous n trying to get accustomed to the feeling of being underwater again. Subsequent dives i slowly got time to appreciate what i'm seeing all around me intermittently (when i'm sure i wldn't sink/'over-float') *laughs* i thot 'hey finally i get to really appreciate wat God has created under the sea too!'...

On my way home, thots of the comments my student came back briefly. Suddenly, it occurred to me (i believe God told me *laughs*) that... i have to forgive that gal. Its not a huge 'sin' she committed against me, cos its not even about me. BUT, i have to forgive her.. to make the decision to let it go. I asked, how to forgive? Letting go and letting God have everything that has happened. The disappointment.. the hurt.. Continue to do my best and love and nurture as He has placed me there for.

Then, I heard something along this line... what you have seen... the corals, the fish, etc etc, the beauty of what has been created... is a reflection of the Creator. Let it serve as a reminder that... as He is beautiful, as He is good, and as He is faithful as the creation has so testified, He has forgiven our sins. Creation testifies to His goodness and forgiveness. Meaning, if and when i feel hurt again, maybe i'll just have to tink of the things i saw this weekend? and remember His forgiving grace on me... and so i have to forgive and entrust my gals to him...

All glory to God....

(ARGH... so many things more to write.. but i shall sleep!!)

GIMME MY KFC!!

craving for kfc now...

who cares abt the pounds?

GIMME MY KFC!!!

woman in black...

or almost...

wore my dark grey long dress... black covered shoes... hair tied up in black scrungee...

one student commented to another one... she looks like a married woman today...

yeah.. maybe black widow? *mua ha ha*

my English paper just came back, vetted, major changes to be done....

exhausted...

Food Glorious Food....

its Teachers' Day today.

Had been 'in touch' with food a lot lately.. meaning... ha ha ha... the weighing scales are starting to creak under my weight. Yesterday during Teachers' Day celebration it was makan makan... in the evening, met up w Ana and makan makan. Tis morn went for a conference and makan makan... still makaning the stuff the kids baked for us too. lol

Besides food so wat have i been up to?
1. went crazy over the last weekend and monday night marking to meet the deadline for CA submission.
2. Teachers' Day celebration was... hmm... lets say most of us teachers were trying to keep awake during the 'concert'.
3. Was trying to keep awake for the Christian Teachers' Conference tis morning.
4. perpectually tired...

Looking forward to my dive trip this coming weekend!! :)

This is my life story... boring...

13.49

clocked 13.49 for my 2.4km i did w TN n DY in sch. hvn't done a timed run in a long long long time... esp for 2.4. usually does 3km now. but v happy w results cos its close to my sec 1 time at 13.38. i mean, i was light and small and all then.. den over the yrs in sec n jc.. the time started to deprove. d fact tt my timing is close to sec 1.. ha ha.. i'm happy.... but.... i miss running longer distances at east coast n macritchie....

"You are the only teacher who don't answer your own questions...."

*chuckles* One of my classes's comments.

I asked them a simple question "so what are some of the examples of weathering processes?"... *silence*

I waited....

*silence*

I looked around and saw faces spacing out...

*silence*

I stood up poised... and waited....

*silence*

thinking to myself... hey i'm supposed to be the 'master of waiting in silence til they give in... but they are taking .... way too long'

*silence*

i spoke. "for your info, i hv just posed you a question. and we can continue waiting until you answer".

*class looks stunned*

i spoke again. "for the benefit of those of you who have spaced out, my question was - so what are some of the examples of weathering processes?"

class decided to defend themselves and spoke. "but ms ting, all the teachers never expect answers from us. they will answer their own questions..."

*i tried to hide my shock* and went "well, then here is one class where YOU will have to answer the questions. i will always stand here and wait until someone answer."

*answers came streaming in*

Is there meaning to life?

had a discussion w J couple of nites ago... trying to iron out our existential purposes. Is life meaningless (stepping out from the religious points of view)? So is there meaning to life? If so, what is it?

Smile again....

i was exhausted today... even tho its only mon.... but after my last period, something made me smile.

i was on my way back to the staffroom when i saw one of my students. din noe which class she came from, but i just smiled at her. she smiled back. and she told me 'Ms Ting, thank you. People in my class smiles now. I'm happy.' Den i realized she's from my weakest class in sch, whom during my last music lesson when i was doing My Favorite Things with them, I encouraged them to smile - whenever, good or bad times.

that made me smile for today... :)

What say you?

Just came across this in a book I'm currently reading - How to Listen to God by Charles Stanley.

"God never says anything unless it is important and worth remembering. He doesn't engage in chitchat. He doesn't preface His remarks with anything. God is always to the point. He has something to say, and He says it precisely and concisely."

Is that the case? I thot He takes time to say things to let us know more of Him too?

TRIVIA

Which word has no vowels in it?

on middle grounds....

getting quite swamped with marking.. tt's PILING UP!!! and deadlines due with papers to be set.. trying to stay... calm....

quite happy in one of my geog class. my weakest geog class. some gals who are always disinterested. i spoke to one of them briefly during class that time, and today, she's responding to my lessons!! so happy.. i mean.. she used to be disinterested. told me she din like phy geog cos its a lot of work compared to human geog. told her she hv to work on both cos they will link tog eventaully. today, she was participating in grp discussion.. asking qns when i was teaching hydrograph.. and eager to present her grp's pt from the discussion!!! i dunno if this is only temporal.. but.. it makes me.. *smile*

on middle grounds because... i'm encouraged but tired sometimes mentally. surprisely, i've been doing fine physically by the grace of God. i only pray that He will grant me more wisdom to teach, handle the load, organize my time and keep the right perspective, more love for pple ard me... and more of Him... so tt He may be glorified...

Smile....

was telling my dearest class about smiling.. when they commented that it was the third time they were greeting me for the day. Told them.. greeting is good.. since we wish others 'good' ... juz like smiling... it makes one's own day better... simply saying positive things.. or smiling.. (since there is apparently some physiologically effect... yada yada)...

it did not occur to me tt.. i do smile? at least, i was pleasantly surprised n encouraged when TS who has been my 'big sister' in this school told me that she's encouraged by my smiles... .. cos noeing tt sometimes deep within, i might not be all well.. but yet.. i still smile to others.. and my smiles brightened up her day.. esp when she's going thro a lower patch...

i was a little surprised yest when she revealed to me tt she was affected by students comments (just as she was the one who advised me earlier last week not to be unnecessarily affected by students' comments). i guess in tis line, or in life in general, no one, no matter how mature is totally immune to these.. and we all have to take turns to pat each other on the back and say 'hey, you are doing just fine!'

i'm glad my smile brightened up her day. din noe i smile.. tt much?

i'm still growing... going thro growing pains.. learning... maturing.... but i'm thankful tt i'm growing.. and tt He is the One carrying me thro...

Nerve-wrecked....

just came back from a visit to a doctor.. waited for 2.5 hours before my turn!! thot that was bad... til.... i took a cab home...

the driver... lets just put it tis way... i tink i can drive better than he!! he was just driving very unsteadily.. simply put, not in a straight line... the entire journey was a torture. initially i gave him the benefit of the doubt.. tinking that he's an older man trying to make a living... he cldn't be drunk cos he did not stank of alcohol.. but after sometime he started to talk.. and i just cldn't make out wat he was trying to say... finally the only thing i cld discern from his unclear pronounciation is the mandirin of 'the motor(biker) in front is a ghost'. i cld have fainted. i seriously dunno wat that guy was up to... the entire ride.. was like... I WANNA GO HOME SOON!!! but he was not fast.. and just.. going left rite left rite....

in the cab, i knew i'd be safe because my seat belt was buckled (rarely! lol). no... more because i knew God is with me and is taking care of me. just need to .... reach home soon... it was only until i got off the cab den did i realize... my legs did go soft...

good gracious me.... i cld hv driven better...

PSI Index Gone Up

Running was much more strenuous than usual. Haze from Indonesia creeping in plus smoke from the burning of joss sticks watsoever for the Lunar Seventh Month has made air unconducive for exercising... how long will this last?

L.O.V.E

Nope, not the song by Frank Sinatra (which is supposedly up on my site, but has disappeared since... whenever...)

Attitude in life has gotta change. During convocation, I was talking to thamps, telling her that at that moment my attitude was the 'Just do it' which accounts for my msn nick... dun feel.. dun even tink too much, just do it! It is 'emotionless', nonchalant, deviod of feelings for my students.. but at least i'll survive at that moment. Either that, or fall into depression... Both of us agreed it cannot be the long term solution, but at this phase, out of the two, 'Just do it' is the more feasible one.

I am thankful that God, being a faithful and God of grace is slowly changing my heart. Slowly, a third 'alternative' has emerged.. and that is to look at life in totality again, and not to look at things in a myopic manner. Well, more like a heart change. I knew these things earlier.. but my heart was... cold.. hardened... deaf... blind.. watever.. Many things that have overwhelmed me are but.. temporal and small things in comparison to the many other important things God intends. He has reminded me again.. to LOVE.

How do i noe? I dunno. lol. But this morn just before church, i dunno wat made me smsed a close fren.. telling her tt she's got a fren in me. well, i SINCERELY meant it. strangely, that made me feel 'good' inside. many frens have been encouraging me. i hvn't been encouraging pple for long. den it occurred to me... that He wans me to love... well, apparently today's sermon happened to affirm that.

I wanted to love.. I wanted to love my students.. but I did not know how to. Honestly, I still dunno how to. But I am trusting Him to teach me to. I'm just allowing Him to do it at this moment. Sometimes my heart still quivers at the thot of the week coming up.. facing the students.. worse! having an observation for ENGLISH class?!? but... are those really THAT important to Him?

People are asking who i wanna love... at least those who just saw my new msn nick saying 'giraffe wans to love'. All i can say is.. 'people in general'. my frens, my students.. and even the challenging ones.. the teachers.

well... the week going to begin again. much tasks. (much because uncountable. mua ha ha.. english tr. :-P) i'm sure i'll waver.. but by the grace of God, may He help me love.. just as He loved...

An Interview with God

Author Unknown

"Come in, God said to me, "so you would like to interview Me?"
"If you have the time," I said.
God smiled and said; "My time is called eternity and is enough to do everything; what questions do you have in mind to ask me?"
"None that are new to you. What’s the one thing that surprises you most about humankind?"
God answered: "That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.
That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.
That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.
That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived…."
God’s hands took mine and we were silent. After a long period, I said, "May I ask you another question?"
God replied with a smile.
"As a Parent, what would you ask your children to do for the new year?"
"To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved. To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.
To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.
There will be others better or worse than they are.
To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
To learn that they should control their attitudes, otherwise their attitudes will control them.
To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.
To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
To learn that there are persons who love them dearly, but simply to not know how to show their feelings.
To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.
To learn that they are masters of what they keep to themselves and slaves of what they say.
To learn that they shall reap what they plant; if they plant gossip they will harvest intrigues, if they plant love they will harvest happiness.
To learn that true happiness is not to achieve their goals but to learn to be satisfied with what they already achieved.
To learn that happiness is a decision. They decide to be happy with what they are and have, or die from envy and jealousy of what they lack.
To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.
To learn that those who are honest with themselves without considering the consequences go far in life.
To lean that even though they may think they have nothing to give, when a friend cries with them, they find the strength to appease the pain.
To learn that by trying to hold on to loved ones, they very quickly push them away; and by letting go of those they lvie, they will be side by side forever.
To learn that even though the word "love" has many different meanings, it loses value when it is overstated.
To learn that they can never do something extraordinary for Me to love them; I simply do.
To learn that the shortest distance they could be from Me is the distance of a prayer.

I take things too seriously?

It just occurred to me these two days... that in this year... at least 3 persons have outrightly told me to 'chill'... 'take things easy'... 'not take things so seriously'....

there's my bong earlier this year.... there's DR some time ago.... its only when even people I'm not that close to me who observed that I seem stressed out like AO just kept mentioning it to me of late that makes me question... "Am I taking things too seriously?"

One of the things I've learnt after my dive trip previously was to work hard, and play hard. Its not an easy feat, someone like me who can be quite a perfectionist, on myself. I must say I've improved a little, on not thinking too much about things and circumstances in which I can't do much about. Yet, sometimes I struggle, because I'm learning.

Still, do I take things too seriously? With so many tasks at hand, how to be carefree? With life so short, how not to ensure that time spent is fruitful? Yet, does that mean that we should be so hard on myself? Then again, am I being hard on myself? *chuckles*

When do we be serious? When do we have fun? Surely God has blessed us with times of fun and happiness... If He has created the word called 'freedom', then surely He wants us to enjoy freedom as well. When? How? Where is the balance? How to live with both co-existing together? *ponders*

chocolate overload...

was out w G tis evening. she decided to pop by my place to drop me some cookies i told her i was craving for weeks ago. little did she noe tt i had been a cookie monster for the past week, gobbling up at least like 4 HUGE cookies. lol. but thanks G, i really appreciate it!! will savor the cookies. :) in the end we ended up at a certain hotel where i had the dessert buffet. yes, i was scolded by EC cos instead of running, i ended up w a chocolate overload. lol.. sighz.... dun dare to see the weighing scales now.

had a nice time catching up w some nie music frens online.

did some clearing up of my place. so now my room's neater than usual. 2 months of accumulation of ironing and junk all over the place. only 60 percent cleared. the rest still in a mess.. but at least my room is more 'livable' now. i cldn't continue with the rest. too tired.

tom will be a full work day. sch hol, but cos i had been running abt this weekend (as in.. doing stuff.. and not running running lah). today, i'll just take it tt its public hols. lol... also learning to strategize in my teaching methods... as in... where i'm gonna put my time into. i'm just working and working without thinking. not smart.. need to work smarter... hmm... *tinks*

exhausted but waiting for the fotos to load up online...

juz came back from D's wedding. waiting for the fotos to load. its been a long and tiring day. but pretty good. for the first time in my life, i'm a wedding coordinator. not that i did a good job at all.. but it was a good expereice. tiring walking up and down tho. thanks D for the chance. :)

ventured a few strategies in the morn to trick CT. quite funny. but i'm too tired to fill in the details. lol. for dinner.. i had a good time getting to noe Jn better. really nice lady to talk to. :) its always nice talking to someonemore mature and experienced in life.

tinking thro the question now: is it better to love or be loved? this world is less than perfect... so is it gonna be an either / or? *yawnz*

One of my dreams came true today....

I gotta wear the sari!!! :) FINALLY!

finally cleared up Ground Zero...

This is what I have termed my table since week 2. I had given up clearing up the mess of papers (be it students' assignments, worksheets, stray sheets of announcements, minutes, song sheets, etc.)

Finally today I made myself clear up the mess. It looks much much better. Tho... how long it may last I have no idea. Well, at least til tuesday. lol....

Met up w Ana for dinner. Once again, eat eat eat without tinking. (This does not include the mee soto, pizza, bao, and what have you I've had in the day). We ordered quite a bit from Thai Express. Decided to move on to coffee club next door. lol.. more desserts.... (and yes, i hv definitely put on pounds).

And guess wat?!?! CAFE CARTEL HAS STOPPED SELLING MY FAV DOUBLE CHOC CHIP COOKIE!!! :( i thot only the one in raffles city dun hv it. apparently, they've stopped selling it... :( and coffee club has some time ago swopped our fav piping hot brownie topped w a generous scoup of icecream with some sad brownie (tt's cold and sticky). Don't they know what their customers want? I wrote down our (me and many other gals!!) feedback w.r.t the brownie. Whether they will return us our brownie.... is another matter.

GIMME MY COOKIE!!! AND MY BROWNIE!!!

a good run.... ....

is what i need to settle me down from a .... day....

still working on the teaching prep for RIVERS. Man, I've been working on this topic for like at least 2 weeks. But nothing concrete has come up. Spending way too much time on this super duper gigantic daunting topic. I love rivers. I love physical geography. But to teach it.. is yet another different story....

Just thrown another curve ball today. I'm to set the CME paper for the Sec 1s. Out of 10 classes, I teach ONE class. And i'm chosen to set it. Over and above the Pure Geog and ENglish papers.. Daddy, what on earth (or in heavens) are You trying to do? TS was looking at my situation and was telling me that she thinks that Daddy is trying to teach me something. Tt i shld ask Him.. she feels He wans me to learn to be... shrewd?? I dunno... I seriously have no idea at all...

Day went on. A gal from my class cried saying she wans to go home cos she's sick but my co-tutor refused to let her go back. She is a 'challenging' gal. SO to believe her or not? I'm too trusting sometimes. I dunno how either. Anywayz, I spoke to her. Took my stand on certain things. So at the end of the day, I stuck firm to my conditions. SHe cld not accept my conditions, so she has to stay in school. Apparently she seems okiez thereafter. I'm learning to be firm. One lesson learnt. During the same period, one of my gals just cried during music class. She and the other gal claim that they are seeing things. I took time off after the period, spoke to them, prayed with them. Frankly, I dun really noe wat to do, wat to say, wat to think. Consulted my co-tutor who says that its attention-seeking strategy the gals are pulling. How much to believe? I still need time to learn. Anywayz, giving them the benefit of the doubt, but praying for wisdom and discernment... tt's wat i seriously lack and need at this point. After tt, i was awakened to realize tt i've been very diligent and spending a lot of time on preparing the content for my gals.. and its time i work on this area...

Anywayz watever happened earlier got me really tired.. the curve ball.. all the... watever 'nonsense' happening.. when i'm oredi half overwhelmed w workload. During the next music lesson w 4E1, i was pleasantly surprised they responded to me. Last week they were uncontrollaby talkative. tis week, i have about half of them responding? and copying out the responses their classmates contributed? i was encouraged... last minute curveball again.. i was down for NDP concert rehearsal again?!?! took some time to speak to the Indian dances, some of them from my 2E1, some from my 4E1, all my music students. The gals from 4E1 told me something tt encouraged me. They told me the gals quite 'like' me. as in there are mayn others they dun like.. because i dun scold them 'stupid'... etc... I mean... that made my day. It was nice talking to them. They helped me with some actions i'm supposed to teach the school during community singing on friday for the indian song. When i was on stage doing that for the rehearsal, they were supporting me at the back of the hall by doing it with me so i can model after them, (cos i'm not too familiar)... until, my mentor who was on stage with me got them to go on stage to do it too!! so now they are blaming me for getting into the act! *laughs*

yet, the thot of the CCA in which i'm totally uncomfy with... sighz.... but.. i tink i tink too much.. no point thinking at this point of time. by the time rehearsal ended it was late, headed straight home for my run. it was a good run. got my mind off the silly things.. and feelings..

wanted to set the eng paper tonite. but alas.. realized i dun have the breakdown of marks for each section!! meanting.. i can't set.. oh watever... the run has done me some good.. :) life goes on... like this for at least 3 years. wat is there to come? i dunno. each day is already so packed with thots, feelings, activities like today. 3 years!!! gosh.. i wonder wat i'll turn out to be by then.. all i can say is that.. by faith.. someone better... for the extension His kingdom.. I dunno how.. but i pray that will be the case...

spent a bomb...

on jeans... on a top.. and on my new pair of running shoes....

time to scringe!

Ms Booboo strikes again...

I hope VN dun read this post. If not, she'll kill me!! lol.. no she wldn't. but perhaps.. just *shake head*... anywayz....

0550
Awoke and decided to off my alarm set for 0600 to go running. Set my alarm to 0700.

0650
Awoke for the second time wondering if I should set my alarm to 0715 so I can sleep a little more. Decided to get up.

0730
Left home for school.

0830
PBL training cum makan to stay awake.

1230
SEM briefing.

1315
Left for City Hall to meet VN to collect sari from her.

1400
Met Vani. Sat down at BK for lunch and talk abt.. sch...

1500
Left for home. Decided to stop by Paya Lebar to get some stuff.

1530
Reached Paya Lebar. Was stuck in Watsons for very long becoz of the super inefficient staff, who got quite a few pple in the queue.. VERY irritated. The sales assistant was so flustered after the complains that.. she forgot to return me my card! gosh! Went to NTUC to buy more stuff.

1600
Walked to busstop.. relieved that i'm finally gonna be home soon.

1615
About to reach home on bus 154. suddenly realized.... THE BAG OF SARI IS NOT WITH ME!!! tried to recollect and was pretty certain that it shld be in watsons.. but whether it 'is' in watsons at that point of time.. was an unknown oredi. Half wanting to scream at myself, half praying.. ran up the bridge to get across to take a bus back to sing post. cabbing wasn't an option cos it'll prob b slower.

1630
Found the Hardrock Cafe paperbag still sitting in front of the counter. Was shocked that there were so MANY sales assistants around, but no one spotted it (den again, they were inefficient). But yet relieved that I found it.

1640
Thot i'd miss my bus when i saw it across the road. Thankfully, the terrible traffic condition allowed me to actually cross the bridge and still manage to catch the bus JUST IN TIME!!! Am thankful to God for that. Seriously. Cos I was oredi so exhasuted. Getting on board the bus does help heaps!

1655
Finally home.... Showered... Nice and clean. Still tired. Looks like I'm gonna postpone my run to another day AGAIN. Been munching away... chatting w frens online.

1751
That's my life for now today.