a really really great bday this year...

i had a really great bday this year, just yesterday. one of the best..

started off on christmas day, when my mom made dte gua mee sua for me, and hving that with elvis and my parents.

den yesterday, in the morning, i prepared food for a picnic that elvis n i were going for at sentosa. we wanted to go to the tanjong beach, cos its really nice and quiet. but the road was barricade so we went to siloso beach instead. for a non public holiday and a weekday, it was very crowded. the cools thing is that, its been raining for a couple of days. and yesterday, the day was bright and cloudy for the part when we were having our picnic, and sunny when we went for the luge ride. anywayz, when we reached there.. i got my bday present from elvis!! last year, the present wasnt 'suitable' for me.. this year, i noe he tried really hard, its pretty farnie... i got a zicornian (i dunno how to spell it) pendant on a necklace... :)


pictures clockwise from left: my bday prezzie from elvis; the picnic; bread cup with creamy chicken n veg filling; the picnic from another angle

i made bread cups and had creamy vegetable and chicken fillings and tuna fillings. we brought grapes, orange juice and a lot of chocolates. but we were so stuffed with the bread cups that din eat much chocs....








we walked to the luge station. waited really really long for the first luge ride. the first time we went up the skyride... i almost freaked out!! i felt so exposed to the surroundings as the seat we were on moved higher and higher. the first ride down the luge, elvis said iwas going v slow too. by the time we had the second and third rides, i was enjoying them already.

after sentosa, we went back to my place to washup and went to party at ping's place. as usual, meeting new peeps from all over, loads of alcohol, music, jamming... it was so fun... we had some fun at the expense of the host, joking over his lack of rhythm.. despite being a jazz musician... :P den ping passed us a 'light fruit punch' which turned out to be... eeks!! even his 'alcohol' buddy said it was strong for him.. it was pretty farnie.... den it was jamming time... a lot of singing.. a lot of tinkling of the piano... and i think the peeps pretty much likmy playing.. :) at the end of the day, they sang me a bday song. it was SO NICE!!

i was sharing with elvis, its been a good holiday this year. first, a long trip to bangkok. since i came back, two gigs, one of which i got to SING my debut. and this bday was so special and nice cos i gotta do things i like with my loved ones, all in one day!!!

thank You Daddy....

blessed christmas...

its been a busy but very enjoyable week since i returned from bangkok last thurs. in a week, God has blessed me with the chance to hv 2 gigs. One in a home party, which is something different, and one at TTSH again, with ping.

FOr the first, it was a little stressful because i had to be ready with a repertoire of at 70 songs (and i only had abt 24 hrs to prepare since i return home). For the second, it was really fun jamming with ping, and i did my debut singing in the public. well, kindof debut. it was so fun!! ha ha...

today played for christmas service. sound was bad, stvn was pretty frustrated w the sound.. but... well, i've kindof gotten accustomed to it and just 'live with it. or maybe cos i'm on piano, so i din care as much as if i were on the keys. ha ha.

elvis came by my place after service. we had a nice lunch at this new cafe called pinch of salt. the price was very reasonable. food was good. only the server taking us was a little 'blur'. but still... the service was pretty good. at my place, my mom suddenly realized i'll prolly be out all day tmrw and it'll be hard for her to cook the 'dte gua mee sua' for me.. so she said she'll cook it for me for dinner tonight. so for dinner, elvis joined my parents and i in my round table in the kitchen. my mom said a prayer of thanksgiving.. it felt weird... like... this is gonna be the 'last' bday i'm gonna b celebrating at my place like this.. this is gonna be the 'last' christmas i'll be hving with this place as my home... whilst i'm looking fwd to the future, i feel really nostalgic too... that life moves on so quickly...

after dinner, i dunno how i ended up starting to clear my drawers. i tink i wanted to show elvis my accessories, etc. ended up clearing the stuff... with elvis ard, i threw away a lot of things i've kept for YEARS. tickets and maps and passes from my previous trips... notes from a church camp yonds ago.. i finally cut up the expired credit cards (6 in all). stuff like that... i think its a process where i'm beginning to clear the past to move on to the future... its kindof strange... i told elvis there was a reason why its easier for me to trash some of these things.... i said... in the past i kept them for memory sake... to look back. but after showing him things i've done (trips, etc.), i've 'shared' that part of my life with someone, and so i cld move on and trash them.. strange ey... later after he left, i was telling my mom too that, actually in the past i tend to keep because i thot there will be days when i look back... but now that i'm moving on with someone else, there are many more things to look forward to... and so i dun need so many 'things' to look back to... strange again? ha ha.. i tink so.. but tt's me..

anywayz, am making elvis bring me out on a picnic tmrw to celebrate my bday! ha ha.. hope it doesn't rain. den will be a home party at ping's place. sat will be party at ana's shop. hmm.. my partying just only JUST started AFTER christmas... ha ha...

God is good.. so good .. so so good...thank You...

five dollars...

is wat my JC assignments, prelim papers, notes, Uni notes (over four years) and thesis materials are worth....

it wasn't easy for me to trash some of these materials. the uni notes, i even had them nicely classified before storing them years back. and my prelim papers for JC, still had the 'very good' getting 50+/75 for my physical geog paper... i tink i scored a 74.5/100 for Maths C PI and 60+/100 for Maths C PII.

with the help of a 'voice' that says 'throw', i packed them into the pile for garang guni. today the garang guni man came... and all that stuff.. worth 5 bucks.. i've sold my past for 5 bucks... but i guess i wldn't need them anywayz... part and parcel of unclutteriong and moving on in life.

five bucks is a lot from garang guni
five bucks is very little for memories....

move on gal....

uncluttering is good for the soul...

some of the finds from the uncluttering:
- i used to be so active in the youth, viewed as a 'potential leader' by the then-leaders, den moving on into leadership position?!?
- found loads of nice cards (i threw quite a lot away, kept half of them), including letters from youths, prison!, TPJC and TJC classmates and letters from penpals!!
- had three singaporean penpals (david, elgin, geraldine), one malaysian penpal (marilyn), one korean penpal and one french penpal (whose names are too difficult for me to rem) and a brazilian penpal (gabriel)
- some travel finds - in dalat, ko samui, nepal, cambodia...
- currencies! i neva finish spneding them and usually just dump them into my 'travel drawer' it came up to:
indian currency - 200 rupees
cambodian currency - 3000 riels (equivalent to less than 1USD)
malaysian currency - 107 ringgits
thai currency - 1940baht
indonesian currency - 151100 rupiah (took quite a bit of calculation)
china currency - 300RMB
australian currency - 10AD
US currency - 35USD

what i relearnt abt myself from uncluttering:
- i was actually a 'nice and caring' person in my uni days, spending time nurturing the youths den (now adults). i do question wat happened when i got busy with life, career... not making excuses for myself, i do think tt i've been making differences in lives ard me, students and frens... but qns is ... was it with as much zeal as in the past? was it evidently Jesus showing from my actions? age shldn't be an excuse.

now u hv an idea y i take SO LONG to clear my stuff.. urm.. the above are just exerpts..

meanwhile hv been doing stuff i like .... waking up late, going for runs... and going for a dive trip to perhentian and mission trip to cambodia... will write more abt those stuff in next entry. now learning to rest, and wait upon the Lord. Last night, i learnt 'if u r not resting in the Lord, u are not trusting Him..."

getting the clutter out of my life...

hv been trying to pack (without much success)....

one of the thing i feel convicted to do whilst i'm on this break is to remove the clutter in my life, the physical stuff as well... i've dumped quite some stuff... my training deed (which has now expired).. some of my 1st yr uni work, interviews for social work, bills, my practicum stuff (LPs etc).... somehow i feel tt i cant really move on and start afresh with these... the beginning is easy... its getting more and more tough... the discipline and the smaller nitty gritties.. to hold (hoard) or to dump... i'm a hoarder by nature.. so it aint gonna be easy...

may God grant me the wisdom and discipline to 'work out' the clutter....

wat a day....

woke up from an exhausted week. ag texted me for lunch @ arab str. so thot i might as well bake for her, ana and fel when i go for jazz tonite. so baked.

went to arab str to hv a nice lunch w ag. i bought a really pretty dress! ag and ana says it was a steal at 20 bucks. but i paid almost that amount for a matching belt. LOL. so much for a steal. but i love it and look fwd to putting it on, after ana does some magic to make it fit me better.

met fel and hmd @ sentosa. fel n i went for a dip in the dirty sg waters. i cant believe i actually went into it. but nonetheless, who cares, as long as it feels good.

jazz tonite was horrid. it wasn't jazz. it was more blues and rock. they said its funk. i dun tink so. the 'lead' singer was omigosh.. in my words a tree trunk. total eyesore. i thot he was a poser. i mean, music-wise they are seriously not bad. but lack showmanship, particularly the tree trunk. i'm not sure if he tink he's cool that way... but its just hard to enjoy a performance when u look and right at centre stage is someone who cant literally MOVE to the groove.

anywayz, there's only so much blues that one can take in a day. it just sounds the same after a while (unless u hv a super zhai band). so hmd, fel n i decided to go to the musical fountain halfway thro the jazz perf. (we got inspired after we spoke to two american tourists and suggested they visited the fountain.) fel broke her slippers. so, to show wat frenship is all abt, hdm n i decided to go ard w her barefooted. so, without our slippers, we went to the carpark (i cldn't help leaping as if i was doing ballet. everytime i go barefooted, i just feel like dancing. cant help it!)

waited for the bus to sentosa. stv just arrived. but we left him @ the terrace w the kids he brought along. board the bus. an indian fatherly guy (with his family) saw us barefooted as we squeezed up the bus excitedly. i was trying to capture our feet on my camerafon. and he laffed a bit. we were happy he laffed. lightens up the mood. everyone's relaxed n happy. when we reached the musical fountain, the driver announced 'ferry terminal, musical fount...'. spontaneously, fel, hmd n myself just went 'YAY'. so the driver responded with '... fountain, YAY'. lol everyone on the bus laffed. it was nice...

like kids, we ran all the way to the fountain. it feels nice. with the breeze, nite time, open skies, stars, little lights, fountains along the way, we just ran... and laffed... ran and laffed... as if that place was our secret garden... and the musical fountain did not disappoint us. the entire mix of being barefooted, two pony tails, fantasy and magic music plot of the fountain, and the physical landscape... totally made me feel like a kid all over again!

den we squeezed on another bus and went back to siloso beach to meet stv n his kids. had to endure more of those music again. finally... we made our way out of the magic island....

BOOBOO... usual... i see one thing.. my brain thinks of another thing. i misread teh bus no. got up the wrong bus. instead of taking the highway, i ended up touring sg's town area. man..... it totally doubled the time taken to go home. but i'm grateful at least the wrong bus i took do take me somewhere near my home, rather than somewhere i'm totally lost. so it cld hv been worse. BUT... when i reached where i shld alight, I MISSED THE STOP. tell me abt booboo.. when it rains, it pours... and at the same time on the bus, my mom called and we had a sort of 'argument' which left me just frustrated. anywayz, i decided to walk home from the wrong busstop. it was a about 25 mins walk.. but i did it nonetheless. ( i just walked from geylang to stadium waterfront yest cos i lost my way again. wats wrong w me).

so now i'm home... tired... tired from chilling.. gd gracious.. but i'm happy i had a day off... before... AH HEK HEK HEK.. dun wanna tink....

princess of a magical island...

"barefooted, we roamed our little island, venturing into the little discovered nooks and corners. the sensations from the different textures of the ground makes me start going into hops, twists and turns, prancing and dancing ard like a ballerina. we took the bus, filled with people from different walks of life, and brought some cheer to them with our own from the sense of being free to express ourselves. that, brought a smile to myself everytime i tink of the smiles we brought. we arrived at a place where i recall, yet unfamiliar from distance in time. it was quiet. it was grand with carefully crafted symmetry, pillars and fountains. we ran, and ran, towards the unseen ahead, which we knew promises us more magic. running fwd and upwards in the cool, with darkness interspersed with beautifully-liting, we reached where we noe we will gasp with more wonder. the swaying strings of water dancing to the beat of the music, fireballs hurled into the sky, and the colors of a fantasy island, i found myself truly feeling like a princess of a magical island..."

"kodak" moments of 2006

Day 4 of 2006. Here are some of the memorable bits / bits worth talking about:

0000am, 01012006
I was 'stuck' in a fren's fren's car. We were supposed to go watch fireworks somewhere, but somehow due to heavy traffic and bad timing, we were stuck on the road in between the padang and the court. Its not too bad cos we still get to watch the fireworks, only the lower portions got blocked. Still, some are so large and spectacular, i cld still see them in full view and go 'wow'. What made this moment a 'kodak' moment is to hear some of my Thai frens' voice over the fon. I called them at midnight, wishing them a happy new year, when its still new year's eve at their end. And everyone I knew from the shop happened to be together then and I spoke to my DM there as well. The feeling was so warm... looking at the fireworks.. hearing their voice... so excited. Man, that really made that moment special.

Still on friends...
I met up w the fren who 'dropped' me last year on NYE for dinner. It was nice. We caught up. Even though I'm cautious abt not committing fully into this r/s the way I did then, it was still nice to have a 'close' to that strange episode that left me bewildered, disappointed, sad and to some extent angry.
Another dear thing is i got to talk to someone i was really close to years ago. Strange how relationships regress / progress. Its really comforting to be able to have both parties just opening up and talking, as in, just talk the way we are without having to consider too many things.

Others...
Don't wanna talk too much about school. Its really challenging. But I'm constantly reminding myself that I am going to look forward to relying more on God, to see how He works in the many challenging issues and tasks I'm assigned. All in all, I'm feeling real strange teaching. Guess its been months since I stood in front of a class and teach proper. Not used to it. Sometimes, I'm not too aware of what's going on, but just going through the motion. Of course, I attribute that to a large extent the fact that I hvn't been well. All the coughing is really making pretty stoned and tired. Really hate that feeling. Cant wait to be well and alert in class.

Long-sighted giraffe
Just came back from a checkup for my lasik in the evening. Thot this would be the final consultation. But NO.... according to my doc, my left eye is over-corrected by 100 degrees. Its not a lot, but that explains why my left eye feels 'stupid' or 'retarded'. Also, when I'm tired, my left eye's vision does blur. Well, also cant see clearly when I read the papers. Now I know the reason why. I'm not upset. Never regretted the procedure. But its not something anyone wans to go through again. But in two months, if the next review shows the same eye degree, I might have to do an 'enhancement' to 'correct' this 'overcorrection'. Eeks! Meanwhile, I"ll just have to leave with it, who noes i might just get used to this 'stupid-eye' feeling.

Resolves...
Doesn't come under 'kodak'moments. Does it matter? *laughs*
1. Do my rescue diving course. (failed in 2005, possibly in 2006 too)
2. Still under consideration: Get my driving license? (probably fat hope)
3. urm... ....
Well, lets' just say I've given up with coming up with new year resolutions. Just hopes here and there... and that's pretty much it. :) Life's easier that way.

Sandman

I looked at the coat of sand that has dried and lightly stuck on my feet. This look... reminds me of a person I met when I was little - younger than 6.

We were on the bus on the way to a bungalow for my maternal's family chalet. Somewhere in the north/east of Singapore, we transfered onto an old SBS shuttle bus.

I was sitting near the front of the bus, where there were two rows of seats facing each other. Apparently, the bus was travelling along the beach (I couldn't see the beach, well, by deduction). At a quiet stop, one man board the bus and sat on the row of seats facing me. I looked at him. I was shocked. He looked like some weird person with sand coated like all over him, even on his forehead. He was carrying a crew cut, and some of the sand were like falling off him as and when. Strangely, this strange being was eating a brightly colored swiss-roll-like bread. He looked scary, the Sandman. He looked at me with his big eyes and smiled and offered me his brightly colored swiss-roll-like bread after looking at me (probably?) stare at him. I was frightened and shook my head.

Perspective of sandman has changed as life moves on with new episodes of experiences for me. My guess now, Sandman was probably a teenager or even like army boy who got saboe-ed by his pals with 'mua-chee'. Like any usual being, sandy, he made his way home on public transport while munching on his food. (It was ok to eat on buses previously.) Sandman saw a young (cute?? actually 'gong-looking') girl staring at him and out of goodwill and well soft spots for kids?? offered his food.

Over twenty years has passed. I wonder where Sandman is. I wonder who Sandman is. In a weird sense, as I'm thinking of Sandman when I associated the coat of sand on my feet, there is only ONE Being in this whole wide world who knows the whereabouts of this Sandman. Of course, I'm sure Sandman do not remember this episode.

This episode strangely surfaced from my memory archives during my walk on Siloso beach today with Fel and her friend when we went for the Jazz by the Beach in Sentosa.

Rattana

Five years ago, I met her in my 3-mth stint in Cambodia. She was the daughter of Laundy. They were staying with us in my aparrment to take care of an infant.

Rattana, was a dark, 5-year old. Thin. Long limbs. Pretty curls. Big eyes. She was smart. What makes my heart each time was when she broke into her sweet smile and chuckle.

She would come into my room in the day. Sit beside me by the table while I prepare for the English classes. She would draw using the paper and pencil provided for her. Sometimes house, sometimes cat. I have a cat in my journal drawn by her on one of the occasions. My table always had some snacks, one of it was preserved fruits (long and squiggly type). I would feed her with those and each time we both put those into our mouths, we would cringe together. But the practice continued. She was a curious lad everready to learn new English words. I was folding away my laundry, and she would ask me what they were in English - skirt, shorts, shirt. We played lanterns during Mid-Autumn festival.

Two years later, I saw her in COSI. As usual, I carried her and piggy-backed her.. But she got heavier. One afternoon, while we were at the playground, she was sitting on my lap on a swing. Her dark palms on mine. And I thought to myself, one day, she will outgrow me. Her hands will grow bigger, she can't sit on my lap anymore.

Two days ago, I saw her in my church sanctuary. She was tall - at my chest. She's 12. Her hair was less wavy. But still the same sweet smile. She brightened my tough day.

That night, the memories came back so fresh to me. The smell of the dust in the evening air outside the MC in Cambodia, the touch of the dark hardwood study table I use each day in my room, my currently 5 years old notebook, the smell of the soaps I used, the golden sunsets, the feel of the tiled floors of the office on barefoot, the babies, the dusty sanctuary. That night, I remembered Cambodia the way I have not for a long long time.

I will be meeting her soon today with CP and OL. For her, I will make time. :)

Of Memories...

2. Fireworks

At 0000hr tis morn, while I was still working on my computer, i heard the sounds of fireworks booming away. But no, i cant see the fireworks. Why? typical high rised buildings.

20 years ago, when I was still in Pri sch, we would be able see most of the fireworks, at least half of the top of the fireworks from my living room when we look out into the corridor. The biggest and highest fireworks, yes, we can catch the full sight. If we really wanted to, we would go up to the 10th storey (i stay on the 9th) and catch the lights in its splendor.

Now, I can only hear the fireworks. I can't see the 'culprit' high rise, but am pretty sure they are the ones who are blocking me from it.

In any case, the mood of National Day is really here. Why? Early last morning, I have to lead in community singing... and rouse the girls to a 'high' singing... thereafter, brought some kids to practise community drumming. That was a torture. I ended up with a swollen head ready to explode from all the noise (bad accoustics that trap the sounds of drums of kids which were so not syncronised for at least 5 hours) and a pretty deaf pair of ears. By the time we got back to school, it was 9pm (spent 15 hours working), and I was totally exhasuted with the 'prep' for National Day. How can I not feel the mood? *laughs*

Of Memories...

1. Drinks during Chinese New Year

As far as I remembered, as a young kid 20 years ago, it was the glass-bottled F & N orange soft drinks. The bottle was unlike even the old glass bottled soft drinks in the other SEA countries we are familiar with. It had a straight narrow 'neck' and a straight wider 'body'.

A couple of years later, other colored soft drinks came into the picture. There were the colorful (red, green, orange, purple) FANTA (the red and green gone now), caffenited soft drinks (huge war between SARSI, PEPSI, COKE den, of which SARSI seemed to have vanished and I just realize today I cant find Pepsi original anymore), SPRITE, 7-Up.

Soon, the generation prefered 'healthier', 'non-carbonated' versions of drinks. In came the lemon tea (mostly Yeos, if I remember correctly). Today, many other teas entered the market... Green tea, green tea with jasmine, white tea (the latest, so haven't had that during chinese new year yet).

I wonder what's next. But one thing that seems to have survived all these 20 years, despite all the new drinks that have emerged (essentially simply water and sugar), the orange soft drink has remained.

I miss the old days.

Five years ago

25 July 2000, Tuesday, 0846hr
Day 43 in Cambodia

At LD's place having breakfast now. As usual, in the past 6 days, many things happened. I can cycle! At least balance, but still can't turn. :(

.... ... ... ...

Yest while we were going out for dinner with the field director, etc (whoever), supposed to wait for Js. Where we were supposed to wait for them, there were police doing inspection, along the road, doing body search, holding rifles. It was a little scary waiting there. Actually not scary, but you will feel concerned. Was praying half the time for safety...

In the meantime, saw a mother squatting by the side of a photo shop, with her baby asleep on the floor. I was commenting to AR abt d guy, in front of us who was munching on a 'nom-pang' (bread)that its prob his dinner, and how blessed we are. He was saying tong2 ren2 bu4 tong2 ming4. Which was absolutely true. Wat's d only diff? The diff is where you are born in. There are so many more out there. Am I just going to settle for wat i have while many others are out there suffering? What if Jesus had decided to stay in His own glorious heaven and not come down as a lowly baby?

Then practical thots come along. THots abt yah, spend a few yrs in d mission field, then wat? COmpetition in Spore wld have made me'obsolete'. Maybe work a few yrs, gather some experience as a safety net? Actually, in the first place, I have made education my safety net already. How many safety nets do I need? Isn't the Lord more than sufficient? ...
...

Yi-hee. yest AR & Vim/CO were saying they'll give me an "A" for my khmer considering d fact I was here for only 1 mth plus & without a teacher. But I know it is of an d from the Lord, with all the prayers. If not, dun tink i can move so quickly. :) Can get a little scary sometimes when emailing or wirting stuff, will tink of typing/writing d khmer words.

Sok Mean gave me a little heart which says Just for You on Sunday. So cute & so sweet. :) Chaya passed me foto we took tog. so nice of him to rem. Can still rem how he wanted the nice bkgrd behind us, then pose, then no negative!! hee hee. Received a little from .... yest. Very interesting letter. Shall end here. Tired already. :)

0916hr