I suck......

I have been a bad friend.. or I haven't been a fren...???

I've been spending a lot of time with my friends, doing a lot of things together... movies, JB, marking, dinner, etc etc... Sometimes I spend time with my frens on the pretext that i'm accompanying them... listening to them and trying encourage them... BUT... it seems to me tt... wat i hv offered them is.. just material things tt i can afford... time.... words... company....

One of a social theory says tt... we give out as much in relationships based on wat we expect/perceive to receive. As i gave, i gained company as well, acceptance, listening ears from others... Is that all that i am? this selfish brat i am? i suck.... when did i realize tt?

Friday nite... I was out marking w sandfly. she told me she had actually paid for a 'fortune telling session'... which would take like 1.5 hours so i was supposed to wait for her (well.. it took THREE long hours in the end...) but the point was tt.. i told her i'll go to the shop w her and i'll do my marking while waiting for her. she was worried i'll be uncomfy there noeing my stand on these things.. but i told her doesn't matter. i'll do my work...

den when she went in for the session, i was on the outer area of the shop marking.. while marking.. a thot came to me... i shld b praying for her... wat did i do? i thot "God, pls take care of her huh?" and...... i went back to my marking...... there.... was my fren.... and here i was... den yest nite when i was on the fon w her.. we were sharing out troubles etc.. and she said actually when she was in the room, two things went thro her mind. one of which was: is sheryl praying for me outside?

i suck... sigh....

wat do i offer my frens? my new frens of late? company.. laughter... just as they offer me the same... but have i more to offer them? I hv the biggest and best thing to offer - God.. but... where have i done that? maybe its gotta do w my own struggle to find my place back in Daddy's arms... but.. yet ... and for my old frens.. so many of them.. hv i even been in contact with them? have i cared abt how they have been? NO!!! ... I SUCK!!