they said they'll give me hell....

yes. that's wat my nitemare class told their art teacher... that they'll give me hell during my next observation. they did. i did badly for my observation today, but still, i insisted to my CT to consider it a formal observation because I cannot bear the thot of having one more extra observation with this class. Still have one last one to clear with them on monday.

wat happened during class? so many things that i cannot be bothered to type them out. i dunno wats gonna happen during the next observation. my fren kept saying 'dun worry'.. but see, i'm not worried. they can give me all the hell they want to... but i'm disappointed.... disappointed that despite all the trying.. being nice to them... etc... (of course i will tell them off every single lesson because they neva bring books, come in late, sleep in class, etc), all the efforts put in.... (i tink abt this class the most, how to make things interesting, how to help them, how to manage my time to ensure they can complete the syllabus before the midyear.. which i'm really really doubtful, give them priority for remedial classes).... this is wat they think of me... i was also shocked given that i was quite sure i'd won some of the gals and guys as well over.

so wat have i done wrong? maybe they tink i'm just a proud trainee who thinks highly of myself...maybe they feel that i discriminate against them, that i like to pick on them (esp some of the boys)... maybe they feel that i'm negative towards them since i always start off each lesson 'picking on something' to scold them, without fail.... ... i can understd y it can get unmotivating with me around like that.... but... surely i haven't made their lives so miserable that they wanna do such a malicious thing to me? on my observation? to get back at me?

yes.. they manage to get back at me... not by making me fare poorly during my observation... but rather, somewhat breaking my heart. okiez.. tt can be extreme.. breaking my heart? but seriously, its disappointing.

yet later during the break of the staff meeting, i spoke to students from other classes... its all smiles... i asked one of the students to teach me guzheng casually, and she told me.. okiez.. after exams (i was so tempted to tell her i won't be ard oredi by then... but i resisted the temptation to...)...

i dunno.. i'm just confused now... wat shld i do to improve my relationship with this class? or rather, this handful of students, whom i'm not even sure exactly who... who are so affected by me in a negative manner... how do i make reconciliation possible given the lack of time, the pressure of completing the syllabus, and not even noeing exactly who they are and why they feel that way? Or do i have to live with the fact that in my profession, i will definitely antagonize some pple.. and tt's just the way that it is?