the (mis)adventures of princess

Chapter 1: "Career"
This has gotta be the most interesting and vexing. Over the past couple of weeks, I've got offers which range from exciting and challenging to the more mundane, from possibly well paid to the most ridiculously below the minimum wage offer.

I'll just mention the two which I deemed really impt, and which i seriously considered. The first is a keyboardist with a band who plays almost every night at a popular entertainment place near the bay which offers various genres of music, and the band plays for a room named after an insect. I met up with the band members (they are not locals) and we got along quite well. (In fact, later i met up with one of them a couple of days later before she went back to her country for a holiday and she termed me as her good friend!) I was excited about how this could really challenge me to work on my music, but the hours were not favorable for my social life. Even so, after much thought and praying about it, i was willing to take it up if some conditions were met. God closed the door however, when the band told me that their agent said they might not be able to get the work permit if they did not register as a full band due to stringent regulations, plus they need to rehearse back in their home country which i couldn't participated in. I wasn't disappointed as I knew I've given it to God and He's in charge. I also wasn't disappointed because I know I did not cringe and hide and choose not to take up the challenge which knowing me, ha ha, its highly possible.

Anywayz, the second opening is completely different from the first I"ve mentioned. Ha ha. Its part time teaching at a local tertiary institution. I went for the interview last tuesday. And I got the job! for a term, continuation will be subjected to performance and student reviews and all. I was informed on Fri morn that I got the job. Though I'll need to get a laptop for that... sigh....

The week leading to making the decisions on the various different openings was not easy as the timing was sort of together but yet not quite making decision making vexing. Thankfully, I know that as long as I submit them unto the Lord He will show me. Even tho I still not noe wat's next, I'm thankful for the journey so far. :) Am I still gonna pursue my dream as a pianist? I'm trying to. I think FM's getting a little worried for me as i seem to be losing steam. Perhaps i am. Perhaps i am just getting more stable. So... we'll see....

Chapter 2: Flu Bugs

It started with the stomach flu bug which hit FM last week. I tried to take care of him. Then, come Saturday the cold flu bug hit me. Actually I wasn't feeling good by Wed. Now i'm still fighting the bug. Not like I'm really fighting. There just aint much i can do. Am just really lethargic. Last night I was kept awake under my covers, perspiring away, but feeling cold at the same time. I was so confused man. To take away the covers (but I'll feel cold! cos i oredi feel cold under the covers) or to remain in it (but I'm perspiring from head to..wherever). Why are the bugs so persistent?!?!

Chapter 3: Past-times

I'm very ill-disciplined. Instead of working HARD at my repertoire, these are the activities that had been keeping me occupied instead:
- tuition
- piano lessons
- F.R.I.E.N.D.S
- chic lit 'Under the duvet'
- FB
- s**ing
- msning
- time with FM

Here, however are the list of activities that I shld be working more on:
- reading the book "The Art of Teaching Piano"
- working out my repertoire
- getting syllabus for the piano diploma
- working on the jazz instructional book and cd
- homework from the voice technique class i've been attending for two weeks (i neva practise wat i learnt... which equates what i learnt to just head knowledge)
- of course, still time with FM.

So, here are the adventures(-mis) i've been getting into... CNY round the corner.... hmm... this time round i'll appreciate the ang baos more than i did the previous years. Healthy accounts balance. HA HA.

Divinely planned

today i had a great time watching Beauty World, a local production with Agnes. Why do I say this is divinely planned? Because as Agnes reminded me, today's tickets was the evidence of God's provision and love.

I've always known in my 'head' that God will provide. He will provide our daily needs. But since the quitting of my job, when I'm more 'vulnerable' to phases of "i hv no stable job... i hv no money... my life is messed up... i cant do nice stuff cos i nid to not spend too much... life must be constrained..." i aslo become more aware (when He reminds me through people) of His providence and His love.

I realize that indeed God provides for my needs.

E.g. When Leez was in town two mths back, she was looking for someone to aid her in the transfer of funds. She called her bro, but it wasn't convenient. She was wondering who to call next, and she called me. In the process of getting the funds transferred, she felt led to transfer more for my mission trip to philippines, and that covered beautifully for the outstanding of the trip. other than that , my cambodia and thailand mission trips were also sponsored. over my years of mission trips, only were these trips sponsored (the first time i'm going on a trip without an income since i started work.)

I also realize that God not only provides for my needs, He also provides for my 'wants'. Things that make me 'happy'. Like i mentioned, i thot hving no income means.. cut down in 'pleasure' stuff. but.. He PROVIDED!! showing He cares for my little desires!

E.g. 1 Today's free tickets to Beauty World. Yest Agnes dated me for dinner today. Tis morn, she told me she's got tickets for the musical from a fren. Somehow because we've oredi made an appt for tonight, viola, I got to watch a musical (I LIKE!) that I dun even hv to pay!! Imagine someone with no income watching a musical!! with good seats!!

E.g. 2 In Manila last year, i really really liked an eye glitter i saw @ Bench. It was only 5 SGD. BUT it was OUT OF STOCK. I REALLY REALLY liked it. We went to another "supermall' only to find there's no stock too. I was really bumped. But when Fel, FM and i splitted ways for a while, Fel felt God telling her to go upstairs, where she found another Bench branch WITH THE EYE GLITTER and bought for me. Even tho its 'only SGD5' wow... i was like.. u mean God not only cared for my 'practical' needs.. He cares for the little silly things too!! :P

ALl these divine appts / divinely planned stuff.. just made my day today esp when of late i do get bumped cos of my 'career status'.

Its also nice to be at the other end of these divine appts, being able to bless as well. At Tangs today, FM and I bumped into my sis. We were going to pay for a Daniel Yam gown (On sale!! And i got it just at the last min of the sale.. talk abt divine timing...), she just finished paying for her dress. She was highly stressed abt getting CNY clothes after shopping thro Centrepoint to Tangs and rushing home to take care of my nephews when she bumped into me. She asked me to check out her new dress and i gave her some pointers how she cld make it look better. but basically i just said its good... i din noe how much it meant to her until i got an sms from her later to say... tt she was really glad to meet me to get an assurance abt her dress!! WOW..... divine appt for 'unimportant' stuff.... Does God love us or love us?

ok.. its getting long... but i must blog this.. because ... i'm human.. i may forget.. but His love must neva be forgotten.... thank You Abba.

touched.....

today is the post-XT's bday day.... altho in FM's calendar, it is a week-long festival of celebration of the princess' bday. ha ha.

anywayz, this festival came abt bcos i was a little down yest, even tho it was my bday. it was nice. mom cooked mee sua for me. so i had a simple lunch w mom, dad and FM. FM cooked me dun tang! ha ha. it was nice.



but cos both of us kena cold, so we din go out for dinner. plus worship prac was rough and ended REALLY late, and pple in prac din even wish me bday (its no big deal, but i cant help feeling disappointed.) all added up.. made me feel really really blue.... so FM came up with the week long festival thing... ha ha...

anywayz, i was really really touched by FM's sweetness today... i was practising piano and abt to go wash up and go for tuition. halfway thro a piece my mobile rang. i ignored it. after the piece, i saw the missed call from FM. called him back.. and he told me... look out .. and i saw the silhueote of a long limb waving upwards with a bouqeut. i was like HUH?!?!

thanks baby... i'm really really touched by this really really sweet gesture.... anywayz, here's the pic of the frowers that made my day... more like... the sweet act that made my day (even tho i hv to carry that.. uh-hmm for a couple of years.. haiz... ha ha)




oh... den today i had dinner with haz... after a long long time... so... its really nice.. the post-xt's bday-day...

mussels with cream sauce....

hmm.... i love seafood...

yest FM n i attempted cooking some new dishes we've neva tried before. here's a pic of wat we cooked up over a couple of hours. (i'm learning from esther, posting up pics, ha ha).



we hv
1. mussels in cream sauce (i anyhow name it. saw this on naked chef or something like that. so anyhow hantum.)

abt 1.5 kg of mussels, washed (they are really cheap at sheng shiong)
.5 cup of white wine
100ml cream
a few stalks of leeks
chopped garlic
3 ounces of butter (tts wat he says, but do i noe ounces? i noe agar agar)

fry chopped garlic in butter. stir in leeks and stir fry for a couple of mins. pour in wine and cook til the alcohol content is gone (use scent technique). pour in cream. simmer for a while. throw in mussels. simmer and stir as and when for 5 mins (he claims, but we stir for longer than that). den VIOLA.... yummy.

2. pasta soup (i coined the name again. our philippines frens gave us some after the worship prac. i asked how its cooked, she just say evaporated milk. so here's a anyhow try shot... which came out to be too milky in FM's opinion)

agar agar amt of black pepper
agar agar amt of chicken meat
1 small carrot, some garlic (i added that in myself. dun rem seeing it in philippines)
1/2 pc of sweet onion (tt's agar agar too)
1 can of evaporated milk (tt's agar agar too)
agar agar amt of butter
salt to taste
agar agar amt of pasta
water

cook pasta separately and drain.
sautee carrot, sweet onion, garlic, meat in butter. pour in milk. den water. i dunno how much. just whack. den salt. den pepper. den pour in cooked pasta. and viola... strange tasting dish.. ha ha

3. fried egg with onion

we ate til we could collapse... i really really like the mussels... :)

goodbye andies mint choc.... sobs...

they are taking andies choc off the shelves!! or so FM and i hv observed over the past few mths... first they disappeared off ntuc's shelves, den tops / cold storage and other supermarts, den now even the old provision shop near FM's place!! the only place we chanced upon them last was at sheng shiong @ paya lebar.... so we wiped out the entire shelf of the mint and choc flavor, a total of 7 boxes in all... now we are rationing the consumption ... :(

goodbye andies.... *sobs*

meanwhile, i'm nursing a purple toe from a freak accident. not really a freak accident. i was executing the 'haaiyaaaa' karate kick at FM in his kitchen. missed him and hit the metal handle of a cabinet instead.... so now.. its purple and fat... *sobs again*

hai..... ya......

tis the season to be 'marry'

i just realize tt i've been invited to six weddings over consecutive weeks year end into new year.... is it a coincidence or yr-end season is great for weddings?

24 Nov - Ly-ann
1 & 5 Dec - Mabel
9 Dec - Athena
15 Dec - Alicia
22 Dec - cousin's
1 Jan - Shawn

Must teach more to earn cash for the angbaos... either tt or cut down on christmas prezzies purchases ha ha

tark tark tark....

i finally owned my very own metronome.

i've learnt piano for over a decade, in fact, coming to two decades. its oredi a miracle i got to learn piano. so since young, we only have an old second hand piano, xerox piano pieces and books for practice. hving a metronome is.... not practical. i've been gauging tempos by 'feel'. finally i bought a metronome of my own. costs me over 50 bucks, the taktell QM2, by Wittner. i figure, since i'm getting serious into music, its time i own this 'basic' piece of equipment...

so.. tark tark tark... here we go....

on a sidenote: its been great to be out of the country for half a month in cambodia and thailand... :) i miss being with pple of other cultures...

die... bug... DIE......

was down with stomach flu on monday morn. got up and threw up three times between 0330 - 0700 and had major diahearo (i STILL cant spell it). so for the rest of mon, i was lying in bed all day from the backache and walking ard (whenever i absolutely HAD to) like an old woman - slow and hunched over. now tt i'm no longer attached to THE system, where i hv to produce evidence of being sick, i chose not to see the doc (the distance to my GP wld hv killed me first) and survived on panadol. thank God for panadol. calorie intake for the day was 100 cal maximum, with a couple of grains of porridge. ha ha. (i can laff NOW because i'm much better now.)

started to recover yest. taken off panadol, and went for my piano lesson which was postponed. did the sorting out and packing of the clothes for the cambodia trip. it wasn't easy. i was so easily tired. thankfully FM was there to help me out.

today did part of the packing of my own stuff for the trip. it was tougher than usual, cos like yest, i just tired out after a while, even tho it was such a light and simple task. still hv the feeling of throwing up after my breakfast of bread with sugar. die... stomach flu bug... DIE.... i'm going to cambodia....

oh, and can i add that its such a torture to smell NICE FOOD (reads: oily).... when i cant eat them .... i smell them EVERYwhere....

staying focused....

someone from church called me up to inform me abt an opening in his education institution. he's been asking me over the past 3 years with related positions. i've always been keen. cos it involves spending time with kids (but no marking, etc.). involves bringing them overseas, a couple of OCIP trips... which are my passion....

still my passion, but alas, i hv yet to go full steam yet... hence for me to drop wat i've been preparing so far.... was too difficult.... i've been telling pple one has to count the cost when dropping wat they hv to move to something new. i realize, one still has to count the cost, to press onto wat may seemingly be foolish or impractical at this moment....

well, even tho the opening was wat i've always been interested in, reasons for not going for it:
- i just got out of the system, not to get myself into another system so soon.
- i just got out of a job which took up so much of my time and life to get into perspective, not to get myself into another one like that.
- i got out to venture something new which i hvn't really tried properly yet to conclude how it will end up. i've given up enuff to get into it, not to give up halfway.
- i cant bring myself to give up wat i've put in so far into this new venture. too much put into it. too much given up for it.
- God has been stirring my passion for music, so i will follow that...

so this entry is a reminder for myself in case one day i question myself.. which i pray will neva be... for one thing i believe in: neva regret. learn.

still packing....

finally packed away the teaching materials i've packed back from school two months ago.... i packed my christian lit into a box and even spent two hrs or so typing out the titles of each bk. At least i hv an idea of wat literature i own, and now i hv a record i can refer to when i need stuff... if not, wats the point owning the books?

spent two afternoons 'packing' my inbox.... i easily have over 600 mails in my inbox 'collected' since i registered with each server. FM is appalled to see so many items in inbox, while i'm puzzled as to how anyone can only hv 15 items max in his inbox!! anywayz, i've just figured out 'archiving' my emails in my gmail account and am proud to announce that i hv reduced my items in the inbox from over 600 to over 100!! HA HA.

din get to prac piano these couple of days cos just busy going out... with frens.. for the silly funfair (where i managed to successfully dunk a person for the first time, and the farnie thing is, the first person i successfully dunked in my entire life is FM. HA HA).. going for the jam last night..

meanwhile.. my sis has given birth to my FIFTH nephew!! i wanna niece... *sulks* am gonna visit her later...

and here's my travel schedule arranged by Abba coming up:

18th Oct - 23rd Oct -- COSI orphanage, Ang Snoul Province, Cambodia
24th Oct - 1st Nov -- Nong Kai, Northern Thailand
7th Nov - 14th Nov -- Vietnam (Tentative)
5th Dec - 12th Dec -- Baguio, off Manila City, Philippines

WIll need to work on stuff on the trip, my website, my repertiore, reading up on western music, and very imptly waiting upon Him, which i hvn't spent enuff time in... hmm...

baroque - irregular pearl

that's wat baroque means...

tt's wat i've been occupying myself with other than meeting up with frens etc. hv been reading up on baroque music period on wikipedia. Whilst its 'only one webpage', i've taken 3 days and still only halfway thro it. that's cos i'm also going thro the relevant bits (e.g. counterpoints, fugue, oratorio, etc.) on other wikipedia pages. its kindof strange that i'm actually returning to the study of CLASSICAL music. but who noes, i might just end up teaching piano next year onwards, together with my pursuit of music in performance. cant say i totally understood wat was online.. but at least am trying.. its been interesting despite the 'dry' topic. like PJ told me, i'm a driven person when i find the purpose to do something. i've found purpose in learning these theoretical bits, which is wat drives me to spend time on.

meanwhile, hv been working on my fingering techniques practicisng cramer. also working on jazz pieces and classical pieces (sonata no. 13, the bell)...

today also jammed with the team going to thailand for the worship camp. last week's jam left me overwhelmed, feeling inadequate. but i noe i had to press on and trust God. and today things are working out better. its a new and refreshing experience jamming with 'rock' musicians. ha ha... out of my comfort zone.. but being out of comfort zone always means taht God is gonna teach and show me new things... :)

a comment from an *outsider

*from outside the M** system i just got out of

my piano teacher thinks that i
- 'm much much happier now.
- 'm much more patient now than i used to be.
- dun get agitated as easily than previously.
- look better now
- 'm much more energetic
- 've changed.
he's really happy for me i left service under M**

to tink that years ago, ana used to say that i dun hv a temper. the yrs in the system has changed me... to a more confident person, to a more capable person, but also one with shorter fuse (to handle the kids, u start by acting angry, overtime, it just happens as a part of my life even out of sch.)

i'm glad i've left too....

five dollars...

is wat my JC assignments, prelim papers, notes, Uni notes (over four years) and thesis materials are worth....

it wasn't easy for me to trash some of these materials. the uni notes, i even had them nicely classified before storing them years back. and my prelim papers for JC, still had the 'very good' getting 50+/75 for my physical geog paper... i tink i scored a 74.5/100 for Maths C PI and 60+/100 for Maths C PII.

with the help of a 'voice' that says 'throw', i packed them into the pile for garang guni. today the garang guni man came... and all that stuff.. worth 5 bucks.. i've sold my past for 5 bucks... but i guess i wldn't need them anywayz... part and parcel of unclutteriong and moving on in life.

five bucks is a lot from garang guni
five bucks is very little for memories....

move on gal....

uncovering....

La Campanella (Franz Liszt)
the mad song i heard in either The Pianist or Shine many many years ago... only attempted pg 1 of the score. its an impossible piece for me...

In a Persian Market - Intermezzo-Scene (Albert W. Ketelbey)
A song i really liked playing when i was learning classical piano.but over the years, my scores got all over the place. only after a 3 hr plus session of organizing the heaps of mismatched scores did i piece this score tog again. Synopsis of the piece:
The camel-drivers gradually approach the market; the cries of beggars for "Back-sheesh" are heard amid the bustle. The beautiful princess enters carried by her servants, (she is represented by a languorous theme, given at first to clarinet and cello, then repeated by full orchestra) - she stays to watch the jugglers and snake-charmer. The Caliph now passes through the market and interrupts the entertainment, the beggars are heard again, the princess prepares to depart and the caravan resumes its journey; the themes of the princess and the camel-drivers are heard faintly in the distance and the market-place becomes deserted.

meanwhile, i'm pulling out classical pieces to play as well... i actually miss playing these stuff... i might be crazy enough and end up teachign classical piano as well!! but a lot of brushing up needed la.

uncluttering is good for the soul...

some of the finds from the uncluttering:
- i used to be so active in the youth, viewed as a 'potential leader' by the then-leaders, den moving on into leadership position?!?
- found loads of nice cards (i threw quite a lot away, kept half of them), including letters from youths, prison!, TPJC and TJC classmates and letters from penpals!!
- had three singaporean penpals (david, elgin, geraldine), one malaysian penpal (marilyn), one korean penpal and one french penpal (whose names are too difficult for me to rem) and a brazilian penpal (gabriel)
- some travel finds - in dalat, ko samui, nepal, cambodia...
- currencies! i neva finish spneding them and usually just dump them into my 'travel drawer' it came up to:
indian currency - 200 rupees
cambodian currency - 3000 riels (equivalent to less than 1USD)
malaysian currency - 107 ringgits
thai currency - 1940baht
indonesian currency - 151100 rupiah (took quite a bit of calculation)
china currency - 300RMB
australian currency - 10AD
US currency - 35USD

what i relearnt abt myself from uncluttering:
- i was actually a 'nice and caring' person in my uni days, spending time nurturing the youths den (now adults). i do question wat happened when i got busy with life, career... not making excuses for myself, i do think tt i've been making differences in lives ard me, students and frens... but qns is ... was it with as much zeal as in the past? was it evidently Jesus showing from my actions? age shldn't be an excuse.

now u hv an idea y i take SO LONG to clear my stuff.. urm.. the above are just exerpts..

meanwhile hv been doing stuff i like .... waking up late, going for runs... and going for a dive trip to perhentian and mission trip to cambodia... will write more abt those stuff in next entry. now learning to rest, and wait upon the Lord. Last night, i learnt 'if u r not resting in the Lord, u are not trusting Him..."

getting the clutter out of my life...

hv been trying to pack (without much success)....

one of the thing i feel convicted to do whilst i'm on this break is to remove the clutter in my life, the physical stuff as well... i've dumped quite some stuff... my training deed (which has now expired).. some of my 1st yr uni work, interviews for social work, bills, my practicum stuff (LPs etc).... somehow i feel tt i cant really move on and start afresh with these... the beginning is easy... its getting more and more tough... the discipline and the smaller nitty gritties.. to hold (hoard) or to dump... i'm a hoarder by nature.. so it aint gonna be easy...

may God grant me the wisdom and discipline to 'work out' the clutter....

dormant blog

well.. i hv pple complaining abt my blog being dormant... so here's a quick entry abt my trip to China 11 - 18 Aug...

Well, pple kept asking me "how was the trip?" I'm glad I had clear objective before the trip (yeah, teaching does help in making you write SIOs): To spend time with my parents. If not for a clearly stated objective, i'll have died of boredom and the lack of freedom.

My answer typically includes the following points:
1. boring
2. i hv a strange grp
3. packaged tours really aint my cup of tea
4. its not easy being with my parents 24-7 (the only break i got was the 3 hrs when they joined the grp for massage which i opted out of)
5. tho it hadn't been easy, tho not 'enjoyable' i neva regretted the trip because the objective was fulfilled (oh... still stuck in the system): i spent time with my parents. :)

Ok... why do i not like packaged tours?
1. you spend more time travelling to a place than getting to noe the place.
Here's a quick run of the itinerary i've recorded for the first few days (i gave up after the first couple of days) *hardly names given cos i cant rem, we move too quickly. i dun even noe the names of the hotels i stay in or how the exteriors look like.D1
- 5 hrs flight to Shanghai. 1 hr ride to the hotel. SLEEP
D2
- 1 hr ride to some pasar malam. (see, i cant even rem the name of the place. Spent only 45 mins there. Nothing to buy. Ended up with a mint freeze.
- 2 hrs ride to Wu Zhen. Followed by 1.5hrs tour along the river settlement.
- 3.5 hrs ride to Heng dian.
D3
- 1.5 hrs ride to a mockup version of the Qing Dynasty's palace, and spent 1 hr there.
- 1.5 hr ride to YiWu. 1 hr walk in the China's largest international export center. (which i read abt in national geographic, so its kewl, tho cant buy anything cos 1. not suitable, 2. urm... who's gonna buy wholesale millions of the same item?)
- 2 hrs ride to the lei dian ta (the one that trapped mdm white snake apparently) and spent 1.5 hrs at the tower.
- 25 mins walking ard the lake
- dinner followed by a very decent acrobat show.
D4
- 1 hr ride for a boat ride in Xi Hu, boat ride tt lasts 30mins
- walk ard the garden followed by 20 mins in a museum. (TWENYY mins in museum? i spent 5 hrs in the one in india!! no wonder i hardly learn anything abt this place)
- 30 mins ride to some chinese medicine talk and hard sell place. We spent more than an hour there. finally right? why? because they are trying to sell stuff to us, in which the tour company will get a cut of the commission.
- 3.5 hrs ride to Wuxi and 1 hr to shop along a street.
D5
- 30mins ride to the mock up of the palace of the Han dynasty they used to film 'three kingdoms' and 1 hr there.
- walk ard the tai lake. Btw, because the tai lake is one that cultivates loads of sea food and pearl, the water u drink from wuxi ACTUALLY HAS A FISHY TASTE! I'm not kidding!eeks... bottled water... oh.. and eutrophication is quite evident there.
- visit to the pearl center. more talks/demonstrations and hard sell.
- visit to the tea pot center. more talks and hard sell.
- 3 hrs ride to Nanjing, 1 hr spent at pasar malam ( i can't even rem how its like except for the pasar malam being recorded in my pda)
D6
- Visited teh song qing ling mansion
- visit to jade shop. more talks and hard sell.
- visit to a China's impt bridge. den an art shop. more talk and hard sell.
- 3.5 hrs ride to suzhou. followed by a 10 mins boat ride.
No more records.. get the picture right?

2. its rush rush rush. Did i mention that we wake up at 6am EVERY morn? including sat? (worse than sch days) and retire at 11pm on the average.

3. in packaged tours in China (cant speak for other destinations as this is my first packaged tour ever), they put you thro talks of products and HARD SELL (ref above) u stuff (at exorbidant prices)... and its PART of the PLANNED ITINERARY!! we spent more time for the hard sell for pearl, jade, art pieces, some chinese dragon fengshui thing, silk, chinese medicine than 'free and easy', tea (refer #4)

4. the definition of "free and easy" is 1.5 hrs of 'shopping' in a shopping centre / street they drop you on. Doesn't matter if you are interested in the stuff in the centre / street. Just come back in 1.5 hrs.

5. Weird characters in the group.
we have an old couple who claims to be bro and sis (dun lie lah...) who are smoking like ALL the time, attention seeking, think very 'havoc and kewl'.. but i see as 'lao wan tong'. came back late for one 'free and easy'. y? not because they got lost.. but cos they were DRINKING. they look really red when they came back. and it wasn't apologies when they were back but 'bu yao jing'. sigh.
another very very lao shi and blur old lady who keeps asking pple to take pics for her using OUR cameras and later SEND (SNAIL MAIL) of the processed pics to her?!?! my mom says she's happy go lucky. i say.. yeah she blur blur happy, but the poor travel companion will be totally stressed. my mom din get the meaning of my statment until on the last day, she got really lost one day for 30 mins in a super crowded tourist attraction place... and my tour guide's heart nearly popped out.

Did i regret going therefore? I neva believe in regretting. I believe in learning from watever experiences. I got to spend time with my parents.. and i have a taste of packaged tours and can say confidently that its not my cup of tea (unless i change 40 yrs later, who can tell...) meanwhile, no more 'follow the flag'.... nuts...

i'm leaving on a jet plane....

Well, not exactly, either a boeing or airbus. *chuckles* .... soon....

i had two great days before... spent time w FM trying to research for trip in sept.. 'trying' because we ended touring sg all day to look for places w internet connection and dinner.... and met up w leez n gals for a short while during her stopover in sg.

yest, had a great time w gals i taught... it was nice to be able to talk as friends rather than as a tr per se. we were bitching a little abt trs... :P and apparently whenever i wore my long skirts, to some gals, its a 'she's wearing curtains' again... :) but it was really nice.. i really enjoyed the moment spent w them. :) makes me feel tt the three years in PL is worth it. i tink i'm gonna see some of them at the airport.. cute...

den had dinner w FM and drove a black box a couple of rounds....

today morn met up w HM to work on the website we're gonna come up w for my new career. its gonna cost a bomb too... :(

meanwhile, i'm hoping it doesn't rain too much in china. its raining all over asia and flooding all over... sigh....

Major changes in life...

Its been a long time since I've blogged. Whilst work was winding down for the past month, I was somewhat kept occupied spending time with people who are dear to me. If I don't blog soon enough, AG is gonna blame certain special dude in my life now for taking my time away from updating my blog. :)

Will be pretty busy for these 3 days, but I HAVE TO sit down and blog. Simply because I've just embarked into new chapters of my life. Just stepped out of one yesterday, and what better time than to recount these things in words...

Yesterday was my last day in school. Had to do community singing for the parade. It was.... alright... But when I saw the gals march in the parade, they were so SMART! I had the 'privilege' of being the 'GOH' during the rehearsal on Tuesday. And I saw gals from my form class marching, leading the band etc, the sense of 'wow'....

It was strange to see my table empty. To walk out of the staffroom for the last time as a proper staff. To walk to HZ's table to talk a little (and while laffing over the minutest silly stuff, we teared...). To realize that friends I've seen daily for three over years... will now be friends I only get to see once in a while. (sure we say we'll catch up, but in reality, everyone's busy. and no longer can i just row my chair over to MR's wkstation for eg.). It hasn't struck me fully yet, as I was still busy packing out of sch yest, and hving to pack for my trip this sat. But eventually it will sink in. I'm grateful for the 5 years of service in education (including JJC, MPSS, NIE, PYSS, PLMGSS). I've learnt much. Moving on to something unknown, something better, something that will grow me more in Him... but God knows.

Meanwhile, since I came home yesterday, I've trashed quite a bunch of stuff I've accumulated at home for YEARS: bills (since 2004), the notes and worksheets for JJC and MPSS, some NIE stuff... I'm looking fwd to clearing up more after my china trip. Its as if my new chapter in life is to be signified by the trashing of the old literally. I really feel like it... clearing up on the past.. and moving on....:)

Anywayz, other than trashing stuff, I've finally added my gals into my frenster account. Promised that I'll add them either 1. they graduate; 2. i leave school. Some have been on the waiting list for a while. *chuckles*

Today, will be packing a little for the china trip on saturday. I'm not looking fwd to the 'packaged' tour, which in JW's words are: high-class refugees. But I'm looking fwd to spending time with my parents. I mean, how often does one get a chance to do that? Will be doing research about a trip in Sept with FM. Then bunk over with Leez cos she's having a 24hr stayover before flying back.

Tomorrow, will still be packing and spending some time with my students... I used to teach in 2005 and 2006. They call themselves the 2b2-ians. It was really one of the classes I looked fwd to teaching. My 3B1 this year as well. Of course there are others... and for those which 'drains' energy teaching, its still all worth it as well... oh, I love teaching lah, I love the gals, my friends (ex-colleagues - urm, most, not all), just not the system... :P

Saturday will be off for a week.... Watever comes next....I dunno. I just noe God noes. It had been a little 'disappointing' for the past weeks when doors that were opened closed. But I trust that the reason is cos those are not my doors. God will open the right door at the right time. Meanwhile, I tink that's a sign to me that I shld just quit thinking abt my future and go on holiday and take my break and enjoy the time with my Abba. :)

Transform-ing....

I bought my first long black dress (a daniel yen!!)... i really like it a lot... the moment when i decided to buy it, it was.... kindof weird... i mean, yeah, all the talk of moving on to becoming a so-called professional pianist... its talk. i've been working on my repertoire... but here's something CONCRETE that is another step towards what i've aimed to become.... its really weird... i might be getting cold feet.... but i must go on....

anywayz, the dress wasn't an easy find. EL n i had to go from Marina Square to Suntec to Orchard to find it. as usual, when u need something, it doest come by easy (since its nowhere near christmas). when you dun need one, you always find nice ones on sale. ha ha. i paid almost 150 for this one... so.. yeah, it had better be nice. ha ha.

transforming for a new future.... eeks!!

anywayz, caught transformers. hmm... the lack of plot really makes it lack lustre. still, the image of optimus prime (i can actually rem the name!!) does linger in my mind... somehow reminds me of the forgiving and loving and sacrificial Jesus who leads by serving... anywayz, that aside, that show is only worth watching for... old-time's sake...

last month of teaching in sch....

sch has started. sch's gonna come to a close to me in a month or so. when i look @ the pple doing their nie prac or just starting out, it reminds me of my days in PYSS, and when i first started out here. 3 yrs hv gone by, quickly as it might have seemed, but its been a long process at the same time...

currently, i'm deployed to teach the weirdest stuff... so completely different from what i hv been used to. its a different experience. but i am relishing the last moments of teaching in the classroom setting... and with less admin sort of work, i am reminded that hey, i do love teaching after all! hv new staff sitting beside me after SY and CC have left, LR and CL sort of taking over my duties, so now trying to guide them a little, i do enjoy the bits giving my nonsensical kind of advice. :) in short, i'm enjoying and treasuring this last lap of this season.

meanwhile, there are positive signs towards the new season. PJ has asked me to do 2 sets for his bro's wedding following mon after next. LR has contact at a local rest that requires a pianist fairly urgently. tho i do get some discouragements from some concerned frens, which do shake me a little, there is no turning back. I just have to trust and take the step of faith into the new unknown.

meanwhile at sch event today, HH n i ran 3.5km in abt 24 mins. it was a leisurely jog which we chatted throughout. i really enjoyed the run and the sprint at the end. LL said she cheered for me at the finishing line. how sweet. ha ha.we finished as the first mass runners... lol.. like anyone cares...

for now, i'm just waiting for the silly cake to be done in the kitchen, den i'm gonna take my blissful nap....

THank You Abba.

(re)discovering God....

we're oft so used to noeing God as someone with 'fixed' plans for us...
we're oft comfortable with the God whom we have come to known from previous experiences...

will we ever noe God fully? i think not. today i've found something new about my Father. Tmrw, something else awaits. it prolly isn't the most comfortable idea we have, based on what we have known. at times it makes us run away from Him for a moment. but He is greater than all these, because even in the process of 'running away' it is still a part of the journey to noe Him further.

'avoiding Him' is but one stage of noeing Him more. Wrong? Oxymoron? I'm not sure. but its something i'm trying to figure out now. tight tension between am i being notti or am i noeing Him in a different manner, perspective, capacity... am i finding excuse for myself? perhaps? yet, He's above all.

that said, i do not suggest that 'avoiding Him ' is good. it is but, a journey in which steps have been chosen, but above all, He's in control.

meanwhile, two things tt made me really happy yest. one, a fren of mine agreed to pop by my 'cellgrp' 'frigrp' 'bsgrp' watever grp it is. two, PJ asked me to play the piano for his bro's wedding in jul. i just met up w him to discuss a little. 45mins for cocktail and 50mins for 1st set into the dinner. my FIRST set!! ever!! :)

i've just set up a new blog that documents the songs i'll be and am working on for lounge stuff. need to get my repertoire going. :) blog is linked at the sidebar fellow bloggers under princess... :)

an obedient student i am....

last week, my piano teacher told me to listen to jimmy chan's pieces.

so today i got two sets of cds by jimmy chan. one set with eng and the other with chinese oldies. think my mom will love the latter set.

watched ocean 13 w EL today. its quite a farnie show, minus the silly cramps that cld drive me crazy...

my sis is back from the states... to drive me nuts... no lah... she's back to try to get a flat. sigh... of course... where does all my mom's attention go to? sigh... it really neva pays to be nice... i need a lot of grace from God to last me thro the months to come....

song listening to now: what a wonderful world
in CL's words given the addition back at home "Wonderful" indeed....

my new DISC profile

D - 16
I - 40
S - 28
C - 16

I took the test abt 10 yrs ago. My dominant traits were I and C. Ppl laugh hearing I'm a C. BUt HEY, i was a C in the past based on the demands of life 10 yrs ago. Tho I must say I'm quite surprised I'm a S. Me, S? Since when? Hmm.... age does make a difference i suppose.

ST thinks that I'm a D. But we realize that I"m actually a 'functional D'.If i'm not in charge, i rather sit back, watch and support. If I'm in charge (not by choice, cos i dun like), den yes, the D will surface, not by choice again...

Well... so here we have, my new DISC profile.

i did mention that i'll be blogging more often.. but looks like it did not come to pass ey...

while i've been going thro a stage when i'm 'avoiding' God somewhat, I am thankful that He is faithful and will never let me go.

Meanwhile... what has been happening?

Sch hols hv finally begun tis week. Last wk was spent for guit prac, guit CIP (which was great, when i heard the gals played i cld cry because i knew that was possibly the last time i'll hear them play the syf pieces), followed by megacamp... good time spent catching up w ST and LL... before i leave...

scaled Gunung Lambek twice, a 510m hill. Dun be deceived by the small figure, it was mostly three point contact and to do it twice in 24 hrs was no joke. first time did it w ST as a recce and 2nd time did w the kids. really appreciated the time spent in recce w ST.

SOTA called me when i JUST finished the trek w the kids. TYpically i dun pick up calls while i'm overseas, i noe not wat made me do it.. and it was like.. GOOD NEWS! got an interview. tho i'm tasked w having to do a LP which freaked me out a bit from the expectations stated.

SO i spent d past few days working on the LP. its not spectacular, very me... but i'm proud of the hard work put in.

meanwhile hv been busy meeting up w frens... suddenly i seem more 'popular' in sch w more pple taking to me, most trying to find out y i made the decision and wat my plans are - which... i myself hv no idea! i'm quite surprised how i lived my life... actually make pple rethink their lives... its nice to realize that... somehow my life does enrich others.. simply by how i choose to look @ it.

watched pirates of the carribean III n shrek III over the past couple of days w TS n EL respectively. met P for lunch two days ago. oh... had a 'celebration' dinner w ST last week or something at IKOI. met FS for breakfast yest... he's a dad now! hung out @ zouk yest w TS, Haz, AT.... not quite my cup of tea, but the supper after that was great. :) reminded me of the suppers we had during the S3 camp. For Spice, the food is definitely better @ simpang than at river valley.

updated my work review within 45 mins today, did it w AL within 15 mins. cos there wasn't much to discuss. it was more a... formality.

today had my piano class.. after two long week. i told my teacher wat i wanted to do.. i'm serious abt playing in hotel lounge. its becoming a reality. he tinks tt i can make it!! :) and gave me a list of 10 songs to start of my repetoire. tis is exciting!

tmrw, i'll be going for the interview @ SOTA. ooh.. dunno wat to expect. but am too tired to tink tonight. so shall tink tmrw. :)

loads of rambling.. cos just too much hv gone on. i could hv gone on and on abt the CIP, on and on abt the camp... tho.... sometimes ... how much memories shld we retain??......

have been smiling quite a bit....

unconsciously...

i hv pple ard me telling me that i look happier. one even said i glow. :)

since the past couple of days, i've still have the mixed feelings, which i believe will conti for a while more. when pple online greet me and ask how i am, i dun even noe how to respond to that.

moments where its difficult to let go... e.g. when i helped colleagues with some IT related stuff.. its like.. hey i've got them going.. e.g. during the dept meeting when i no longer see my name attached to class, the project i'm down for put down as KIV, hearing another colleague anchoring the level for the subject, it was like... ouch...

but... there are some little things that God has shown me bit by bit that hey its all good... and His plan is good...

e.g. God brought in a teacher so much more experienced in Geog tis yr. He also brought in another teacher so much more experienced and capable in music tis yr as well.

besides the restlessness in my heart, suddenly there are more options opened before me, tho none concrete, but these options had neva been so stood out so clearly before, all within this period of time.

and when i looked at the deployment (which the sch at first mentioned tt my departure midyr will cause in conveniences), i realized it served the kids and staff well as well. my 4NA class will have a much more experienced teacher to carry them thro. a gap has been created for one of my colleague to move to upper sec which served her well for her career prospects esp in the current situation. only LL complains tt God doesn't seem to hv shown a 'replacement' for me in the OCIP component YET. but as we spoke today, and as we had a break during staff meeting, we both came upon another colleauge... who seems to show some potential....

i neva knew that things would fall into place so nicely even for teh school. the Lord provides. the Lord takes for pple to move on. tho now.... wat next is still the qns... tho i'm learning to just wait and trust.

meanwhile, i might be bloggin a little more often again. LOL

moving on....

finally... the sch has 'released' me....

its been a tough week since mon... hving to speak to figures of authority... and things did not go as i intended... someone revealed my plans somewhat prematurely, the pple whom i'd like to inform personally got wind of my decision before i spoke. it wasn't ideal. but the LORD is in control.

negotiations started taking place... i was sort of asked to 'justify' my decision... which did not seem to satisfy the pple... i was 'questioned' to the point when i started to doubt my own decision.. i started to doubt if that was really what GOd is revealing...

it wasn't an easy period... when i thot things were 'settled' on mon, new stuff cropped up on wed... it was discouraging... but on hindsight, the matter that cropped up on wed... was the one that allowed the full release... God has the best plan... and He's showing it by revealing bit by bit. if nuthin happened on wed, den i'd hv to make do with the 'second-best' based on the talks on mon. if only we have faith... the faith journey is slowly but evidently unfolding as i start to take the first step. when i worry how i shld speak with wisdom, He has oredi 'fought the batter for me' and paved the way. I previously questioned if I was on the right track.. this was a sign that... yup....

PJ asked wat my emotions are the moment i got the news tt i was 'released'. first... FREEDOM... den... almost immediately the feeling tt followed was a sense of loss as well.. it is official. it is confirmed. there's no turning back. i'd be packing my table real soon... putting away all that i've gathered... the experiences, the accomplishments, the possibilities in this place, the security...

but i wan to learn to trust in Him. He has shown Himself to be faithful so evidently even when i had so little faith. Yest, i wondered how i cld get thro this... and tis morn.. i din even hv to do much... except to pray.. not that i 'felt strong faith'... but He is faithful...

moving on....

something i've wanted to do since young....

ok.. its not major major!! like a 'dream'... not that major. but since young, i always wanted to raise the flag up the flagpole. Its always the prefects who do it. i even used thread and put a knot (liken the flag) and pull it on my door's grille when young... sang the anthem, and 'raised' the knot...

finally... couple of days ago... i raised a real flag up a real flag pole... and took it down too during the S3 camp. Ah ha ha... childish... but hey... FINALLY ok! :)

the camp was good in a sense.. (other than the nice sea breeze and waves and horizon and aeroplanes...) in the sense that... it made it very clear that... i've had enough.. and its time to move on... and move on... i will.. small steps have been taken here and there. tmrw will be one of the bigger steps... *jitters*

my tuition kid...

likes me.... so does her mom... :) tt's wat the mom said lah....

tis is kewl...

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intense two weeks....

finally over!

within a span of two weeks, i had above the markings, vetting of papers and prep of lessons:
- lesson observation
- coaching for SYF
- SYF and experiencing the disappointment and pulling myself up to encourage my gals
- set two common test papers
- prep for the kaleidoscope
-THE kaleidoscope itself

was practically out every night these two weeks for sending a loved one off, piano classes, kairos course, met an acquaintace to share experience abt teaching (tt dude is considering getting in), attending a wake, the concert.... of course, jazz by the beach & jazz @ d powerhouse last couple of sats (my form of chilling and life!)

FINALLY, offloaded!

THere had been encouragements.... heard from a kalimantan teammate who knew a gal from my class... apparently i'm quite a 'clown' and entertainer in class with my lame jokes and big actions (sometimes i feel like i'm in a talk show).
Encouragement by my guit gals who wanna really have plans (plus, i'm so proud of them when i saw them really perform during the competition & the concert... it actually makes it hard to let go...)

This two weeks... i also saw some of my loved ones (most from the kalimantan team) 'move' into a new season in their walk with God in the journey of life...
- leezi leaving SG for dubai
- Eug leaving SG for canada
- some others moving on... either to another country, or into freelance, or getting married...
i always find it so amazing how God brought this group of 'strangers' tog and now, after developing the fellowship, moving on into different journeys, knowing that we have each other behind us, supporting us spiritually when needed, because we've walked through the crossroads with each other, within that short time span since we went for the trip in dec last yr.... it also reminds me of how, as His disciples, we are really called to the ends of the earth into His purpose, but yet held together by the same Father in heaven when we look up into the sky, when we just sit in silence before Him.

ALong the way, there are pple who reminded me that faith is really not seeing where the next step is, but to noe Who to put my next step in. its something i can't completely understd... but who does? Now that the intensity is over, i no longer have reasons or 'excuses' not to sit down, and be decisive... it really gets more difficult to step out of my comfort zone, to step out in faith... with each passing day...and i'm not even talking abt months.. i'm talking about DAYS! with each event happening where i am, it gets more difficult to step out... and den i'll qns myself, am i supposed to step out? that's the quesiton i cannot escape in the week to come, and i must not escape in the week to come...

its been quite a rabbling here... but its also been quite a month... just that there aint much time to write... many things have happened thro the month... but wat is a month in view of eternity? :) wat are these but for us to learn to cling on to Him and prepare for the Kingdom....

meanwhile, my mobile has officially kaka-ed.... had to borrow colleague's one yest for the concert. i need to get one today. considering getting a razor... and my voice is gone, had been gone since wed and i hope it'll be back... cos its so tough going for services being unable to sing... :(

i'm done for now.... still hv much work to do.. but for this morn and early afternoon, i'm done for now...

i was talking to ts and realized...

that... i hvn't dived for over half a year!!
tink i'd better get wet before i lose my gills...

today i managed to get my student moving...

and to know what it means to enjoy a piece of song....

2 weeks before SYF, many sessions of 'talking to myself' trying to bring across the importance of body movements in music... and it hit blank faces and return...

today, after i 'forced' the gals to do 'standard movements' first to get them used to the idea of movements, then encouraging them to develop their own, in the 3 intense hours spent with them... i saw for the first time, them moving in their own accord (not all, but sufficient nos.), and feeling the intensity of the three latin pieces...

i felt... so... well... i cant find a word to express that... but it was priceless... nuthin could replace wat a teacher longs for... not the performance grade, not the no. of surveys drawn out, or filled in, or collated, but the 'oooh....' from the kids, the 'phew' or 'ah...' of release after the intensity of the songs...... the realization of this new knowledge, this new skill, or simply this new level of understanding and experiencing music... it is.... truly priceless.... i'm a happy gal tonight....

of course, i also feel a sense of nostalgia... because one noes tis is something that i must treasure... something precious this seaason....

performing for the Most High

i had the honor of the Most High to be my audience yesterday, my sole audience.

as written for a couple of times already, one of my dream profession is to be a lounge pianist. and i noe that that doesn't mean i get to play my favorite pieces, or to pple who would really listen to the music...

yesterday, i realize, i had the full attention of the I AM as i played. it was as if i was on a stage, with spotlight shining from above onto the piano where I was playing... and i looked up... and i saw... the Most High looking down at me performing for Him, for Him alone... i have no idea what i was playing... what chord progressions i was playing, becaues it doesnt even matter to me anymore. but it must have been one of the most beautiful that had ever flowed out from my being...

i'm not sure... but i tink... other than His full attention, i tink He was also moved with me. Ok, more like He moved my heart. i tink He is pleased, and that He liked the music that flowed out.

Oh what honor.... to tink that i've missed this for all these years.... Oh such honor.... thank You Bapa.

a reality check....

i thot i'd need to blog this, because of its significance. something tt i meant to blog a week ago when it occurred.

i thank God for the talent (or gift?) or music. pple ard me have expressed how much they like my music, or inspired to learn the piano, or impressed, or how they like my touch, etc. etc. Whilst one may think that I'm boasting here, I'm not. I'm just acknowledge the talent God has given me to invest, the gift He has given to me which i treasure a lot.

to think that i almost gave up music in my life about 3 years ago. when arrangement class in my teaching college which makes us 'dissect' an arrangement into parts and analyze the piece in a cognitive fashion, plus juggling stress in the new school environment... i wanted to just limit music in my life to "step into the classroom and teach quavers and crotchets'. of course, God's grace is sufficient. He sent ppl into my life to remind me tt it is a gift.

of late, my passion for music has been re-ignited, through the strangest means, only God can concoct. the reality check bit: while pple give me a lot of affirmation abt the music i play, after my piano tr knew how serious i was abt music, he told me in the most direct and undiplomatic fashion... 'you noe.. the way you play... is... ... very rough."

POW! that was like slap in my face. afterall, its been a long long time since someone has 'corrected' me on my music. but i really really appreciated the fact that finally, there's also someone who can teach me more... to be better. it took sometime to swallow that initial impact... but i'm glad i can improve.... :) in a sense, i guess the 'roughness' has to do with the fact that, i'm not the most 'comfy' or 'confident' in jazz, hence just whacking. like steven taught us 'if you are not sure, den play louder.' I guess not. lol. tis week, my tr says i'm not 'rough' anymore... but 'too careful'. lol. well, it takes time to get adjusted.

its time for a reality check... :)

Keeping the dream alive

Performer: Freiheit (1989)

Tonight the rain is falling
Full of memories, of people and places
and while the past is calling,
in my fantasy I remember their faces.

The hopes we had were much too high,
way out of reach but we have to try.
The game will never be over
because we're keepin' the dream alive.

I hear myself recalling,
things you said to me the night it all started.
And still the rain is falling,
makes me feel the way I felt when we parted.

The hopes we had were much too high,
way out of reach but we have to try.
No need to hide, no need to run,
'cause all the answers come one by one.

The hopes we had were much too high,
way out of reach but we have to try.
No need to hide, no need to run,
'cause all the answers come one by one.

The game will never be over
because we're keepin' the dream alive.

The game will never be over
because we're keepin' the dream alive.

The game will never be over...

What Is Education For?

A recommended reading for educators.

(An extract from Six myths about the foundations of modern education, and six new principles to replace them by David Orr, One of the articles in The Learning Revolution (IC#27) Winter 1991, Page 52 Copyright (c)1991, 1996 by Context Institute)

About:
We are accustomed to thinking of learning as good in and of itself. But as environmental educator David Orr reminds us, our education up till now has in some ways created a monster.

Extracts:

"...many things on which your future health and prosperity depend are in dire jeopardy: climate stability, the resilience and productivity of natural systems, the beauty of the natural world, and biological diversity. It is worth noting that this is not the work of ignorant people. It is, rather, largely the result of work by people with BAs, BSs, LLBs, MBAs, and PhDs."

Referring to the educated Germans and Holocaust:
"What was wrong with their education? In Wiesel's words: "It emphasized theories instead of values, concepts rather than human beings, abstraction rather than consciousness, answers instead of questions, ideology and efficiency rather than conscience."

"education is no guarantee of decency, prudence, or wisdom. More of the same kind of education will only compound our problems. This is not an argument for ignorance, but rather a statement that the worth of education must now be measured against the standards of decency and human survival - the issues now looming so large before us in the decade of the 1990s and beyond. It is not education that will save us, but education of a certain kind."

The six myths modern education's foundations are enshrined in:
1. ignorance is a solvable problem
2. with enough knowledge and technology we can manage planet Earth
3. knowledge is increasing and by implication human goodness
4. higher education is that we can adequately restore that which we have dismantled
5. the purpose of education is that of giving you the means for upward mobility and success
6. our culture represents the pinnacle of human achievement: we alone are modern, technological, and developed

Six principles to rethink education:
1. all education is environmental education
2. the concept of paideia: The goal of education is not mastery of subject matter, but of one's person
3. knowledge carries with it the responsibility to see that it is well used in the world
4. we cannot say that we know something until we understand the effects of this knowledge on real people and their communities
5. importance of "minute particulars" and the power of examples over words
6. the way learning occurs is as important as the content of particular courses

Full article can be found on "http://www.eart-h.com/text/educate.htm"

So the question now, is not "What is education?" Rather, it is "What is education for?"

How do we achieve the ideal? Can we? I always think we have fallen. As long as we are on earth, we can only do our best. I can only do my best as an educator. But how much can I really do? Can only take encourage from principle #5, the power of examples over words. Maybe only a few impacted, nonetheless, it begins from there.

In The End, It's Worth It

School has been taking a toil on me. But by the grace of God, everything's under control.

For the past weeks... its been three key words circumscribing my life.
1. Waiting.
2. Test.
3. Faith.

All three intricably linked to each other. It aches to be waiting all the time. Often the question "Lord, what's going on?" surfaces, when I look at events. Its hard not to receive a direct answer, except, "Wait."

Waiting for the unknown. Waiting about my future. Wait.

SOmetimes, I fear that while waiting (for exactly what is to come I have absolutely no idea), I might just get distracted while I enjoy things I enjoy doing. Sat, a sis said something that made so much sense. Other than teaching us to trust Him while waiting, not revealing now, also means God wants us to focus on doing well what we are tasked with now. ANd when the next revelation is given, we don't have to fret about not being able to undertake the calling/task, or that we will not have desire/passion for that. Den, we will have them.

I've been put through an 'interesting' test that makes me keep looking upwards and asking 'Daddy, what in heaven are You up to? What kindof strange test is this? Its not the usual 'suffering' etc. What kind of test is this?' I asked HD the same question two nights ago. She told me "its a test for you to trust in God, and to trust in His timing". wow... Even if the test is 'weird', indeed.. it is to teach me to trust in Him.

Growing in faith is not a one-off thing. After this season of waiting, there will be more to come. And then, I bet I'll look up to heaven and ask "Urm, now what?"

But one thing I know... as these phrases I've read from rhema aptly puts it "God orchestrated the whole thing" and "And the reason is simple: God knows that somewhere down the line He'll be able to use all that painful stuff to bring your life into focus and accomplish His purposes. With God it's never too late!"

So, its waiting again. It doesn't feel the most comfy... it aches... but its sweet too... to look to Him each time and to know that He's in charge, to know that I'm sitting in His presence, to know that He knows and He loves and He cares....

God intended it for good. - Genesis 50:20 NIV

Oh, btw, update about my jazz endeavors. Went for two sessions. Been practising my piano almost daily (this haven't happened since 10 yrs back after I completed my Grade 8!) Learnt "Dream a little dream of me" and working on "The way you look tonight". Still pretty clueless. Hehz

my personal collection..

today, i happen to talk to my bro EG and realized tt he likes jazz too, so tt boy was just asking abt my collection... so it might seem like i'm really free to type out my collection.. but hey, why not... keeping stock too (well, those I can find...).. ha ha... hard to classify some of them.. but i'll try... so here's for you bro...

Jazz
Jazz Moods (Disc 1 & 2) --> MY FIRST JAZZ CDS!
The Black Box Jazz (Disc 1 - 4)
Pure Bossa Nova
Jazz in the City 2 (Disc 1 & 2)
Pink Champagne (Disc 1 & 2)
Sympathique - Pink Martini
The Prewar Vocal Jazz Sotry (Disc 1 & 2) - Best of Jazz Records
A Declaration of Love with Jazz
Mystery Lady (Songs of Billie Holiday) - Etta James
Duke Ellington - 1952 - 1960 - Columbia Jazz
The Best of Earl Klugh
Here's to You, Charlie Borwn: 50 Great Years! - David Benoit
More Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps (Disc 1 & 2)
My Girl Josephine - Fat Domino
SaxEmble
The Fantasy Band
A Smooth Jazz Christmas - Dave Koz & Friends
Christmas Memories

World/Ethnic/Fusion/Lounge/Chill
Indian Dream (World Peace through World Music) - Emam & Friends
Bombay Lounge
Heritage (Folk Melodies of India)
West Meets East: The Historic Shankar/Menuhin Sessions - Ravi Shankar / Sir Yehudi Menuhin
Himalayan Melodies of Nepal (Sarangi) - Gaurab Music
Folk Roots - Kutumba (Nepali)
Gending-Gending Instrumental (Indonesian)
Instrumental Campursari Karya Legendaris (Indonesian)
Songs to Remember (A Jazzy Experience) - SMOMA
Making Music - Zakir Hussain
Putumayo Presents: Euro Lounge
Tantra Lounge Exotice Indian Electronica
Cocktail Nights 3 (Poolside Vibe)
Exotic Moods (Chill Out Sessions from the Far East)
- CD1 - The Mystical Lounge
- CD2 - The Sunset Lounge
- CD3 - The Late Night Lounge
Dream - Buddha Bar III
Joy - Buddha Bar III
Dancing with the Lion - Andreas Vollenweider


Christian
Worship Sampler 2 - Christ for the Nations Institute
Chosen from the Nations - Live worship from Stoneleigh International Bible Week 2000
Shout to the Lord 2000 - Hillsongs
Touching Heaven Changing Earth - Hillsongs
For All You've Done (Disc 1 & 2)- Hillsongs
Hope (Disc 1 & 2) - Hillsongs
Blessed - Hillsongs
Ultimate - Hillsongs
Worship - Michael W Smith
Rescue (Live Worship) - Newsong
Jerusalem Arise - Paul Wilbur
Lion Of Judah - Paul Wilbur
Shalom Jerusalem - Paul Wilbur
Lounge Worship 2
I Could Sing of Your Love Forever (Disc 1 & 2) - Worship togethercom
Our God Reigns - Bob Kilpatrick & Friends
Winds of Worship 7 - Vineyard Music
Now Is The Time: Live At Willow Creek, Chicago, U.S.A. - Delirious
I Will Sing - Don Moen
Unspeakable Joy IV
Christian Love Songs (Piano Solos) - David Hamilton
I Love You Lord/Instrumental Praise (Violin and Oboe with Full Orchestra)
Heavenly Melody Instrumental 3 - ORTV
Decide - Freedom House
Still on the Journey - Sweet Honey in the Rock


Others
All-Time Greatest Movies Instrumentals (Disc 1 - 3)
Golden Greats: Golden Songs from Stage and Screen (Disc 1 - 3) - Frank Sinatra
Les Misérables (Disc 1 & 2)
Moulin Rouge
Maksim the piano player
Super Hits 1993 - 2003 (Disc 1 & 2)
Talk on Corners (Disc 1 & 2) - The Corrs
Borrowed Heavens - The Corrs
Non-stop Christmas Disco Medley
24 Disney Christmas Favorites
Carols by Candlelight
THe Little Drummer Boy
The Golden Collection of Richard Clayderman
Tchaikovsky the Masterpieces
Singing in English Can be Fun
singapore '98 festival of songs

inspired... by my kids....

i rem starting off the year (not too long ago still) wishing to be inspired so that i can be an inspiration for my kids...

it hasn't been an easy start. i rem being totally upset on the first day of school, being thrown an unexpected piece of news of having to teach two new levels (the very next day), and not having a most conducive physically environment to conduct my teaching... it upsetted me because, out of the little time left after all the other extra responsilibities, i really wanted to teach. to inspire learning. and i wasn't able to do that properly (at that point of time). for that day, i wanted to give up teaching. i wanted to move on, since i thot i cldn't even do the minimum.

things hv settled for the better. donch hv the most conducive environment, but its good enuff. someone told me on day 1, 'use ur personality to teach'. cant do that for long. :) but things have settled. but i wasn't too inspired thereafter.

along the way however, while expecting other sources of inspiration, God brought along another source of inspiration i did not expect. my very own kids i taught last year, my geog students and my form class.

i got a note from a gal i taught last year and carried out a crazy field project with. it was stressful but fun. she said they only expressed their gratitude now, because they were afraid of being taught of as 'buttering up' to me last year. for the hard work i put in, i taught i've wasted my time. but now, i realized, truly the gals learnt and were inspired.

got other gal who smsed me saying the class missed me. some other gals asked me couple of times why i wasn't teaching them anymore.

this morn, my very own ex-form class... with one of a very interesting gal, who told my colleague that she missed me. later when i met her and another ex-form class student, they both told me in the usual 'i-talk-to-you-like-i-don't-care-if-you-are-my-teacher' manner that, they knew that although i scolded them often, i cared for them. lol. they rem my scoldings. *smile*

this is not a 'i'm here to feel good and think that i'm good' entry. but its just a testimony of how God reveals Himself to me, and how He uses me to touch lives. Sometimes (esp last year) when I read inspirational quotes on how teachers touch lives without knowing, i balk and went 'yeah right, whatever'. today, i still have the 'yeah, right, watever' attitude towards that. nonetheless, i've been encouraged by these students who intentionally or unintentionally, inspired me to go on, to impart the passion for life, and to see the world in a different light.

i will go on.... with Christ....

jazz jazz jazz....

i've finally signed up for my jazz classes! :) Been getting contacts and called up a few places/pple. It wasn't as easy as i thot it wld be. the music schs dun hv evening slots. All taken up. Was going to do it with a more 'pro' and costly teacher (which I only intend to get at later stage), until this morn, out of the blue, i read yest's Life! section and saw a 'dodgey' music school i've neva heard before. checked outthe website and called up to check who the teachers are. pretty decent. and they've got decent evening slots for me!

so made my way down to register. and i'm starting class THIS THURSDAY!! really really excited. apparently my teacher-to-be played for some reputable hotels for many years. so, i'm really really excited!! :)

was at jazz@southbridge yest w AO. planned to go to blujazz cafe. but there weren't enuff seats during to drizzle. but i was glad i was at j@SB. cos they will be moving downstairs on mon, with dining facilities and all. but... that feel... that i have for j@SB since yonds ago... will no longer be there... so i'm glad to be there for the last time, the way its been.

ok... i've been talking a lot abt jazz these while. (but tt's cos... its something exciting i'm embarking on!!) what other good things hv happened?
1. my pc's cd-player is working!! thanks for CL for putting a new cd-reader (watever u call it) into my pc. so now, i can start ripping all the new cds i've bought over the past few mths and enjoy them on my pc and my ipod! hurray!
2. wld like to tink my guit skills hv improved. foudn a kewl set of guit chords w pretty nice voicings online. thnx to LY for the guit. its so accessible now! :) dun tink i shld get a guit casing. cos tt'll make reaching for it less 'easy' and i might not fiddle w it as oft. hehz.
3. new timetable. which is 'interesting'. used to end lessons at 4.10. followed by meetings. now i dun end at 4.10 anymore. which is GREAT! and tues, i only hv ONE period that starts at 2pm. lol. can i sleep in? but of course have to pay the price on thurs n fri when i have 8 - 40mins periods. but i'm not complaining.
4. my form class. poles apart from 06 form class. i'm not saying it was bad last year. but it was really really draining last year. i've learnt much and i'm thankful. its nice to have a change for some recharging at the same time too.

had loads of meetings the past 2 wks since sch started. norm time of reaching home... sevenish (and tt's cos i take cabs home). after the meetings, also noe there are A LOT of things ahead. but i'm leaving a period at a time (not even a day at a time anymore). am still tinking of taking the reefcheck refresher course (over five weeks and two weekend dives) and kairos course. ha. i'm ambitious. but one period at a time.... :P

til we meet again, stvn, HC and family...

just came back from the airport. sent stvn, HC and family off. migrating to melbourne. over the past two years, they have shown me so much love in practical ways. stvn's commitment to the worship team and his heart for worship will be something i'll always rem. God has called them away for His purpose.

its difficult to let go, of these people whom I've gotten to noe and work with in His kingdom. but i thank GOd for their season in sg, the season we've all spent tog.

til we meet again, may the Lord bless and keep you, stvn, HC and your two princesses...

dream... dream... dream....

yest... was at Balaclava w Stvn, PJ n TS... and one of the songs was on living out ur dreams... life is so short... and i'm glad i hv my dreams, my dream jobs... and so here they are:

1. travel journalist
which i obviously cant make it owing to a lack of vocabulary and poor grammar structure, etc. get the pic?

2. humanitarian aid worker / community devt co-ord / teaching in a developing country / the like (not in sg)
i suppose its not time yet.

3. lounge pianist
i'm taking up the first step. i just spent a like 80 bucks on a fake book! intending to take up jazz lessons. got some contacts. BUT i realize, to take the first step to CALL UP to enquire can be quite daunting. because that's really putting in the first step and committing somewhat! because, i'll be talking to a real person abt it! so... hvn't gathered enough courage to dial the numbers yet.. soon... soon... i aim to do it by next weekend.

4. flight attendant
i just realized tt the cut off age has increased! which means I'm still eligible! if i cant be a travelogue writer and travel for free, this comes the closest? :P

Anywayz, I'm really really excited that I have actually chosen to pursue one of my dreams a little more seriously. Nevermind if I don't really get to be a lounge pianist. BUt for a long while, I'm finally working on something I really really wanna do. :)

Meanwhile, its keeping my focus on God... and praying for wisdom and grace that I might be an inspiration. Am hardly inspired by thephysical things happening around me. WIll need supernatural inspiration. :)

dream... dream... dream....

living out my dreams... bit by bit...

2007 - A new year of adventures and possibilities!

2006 has been a very fruitful year. Just the month of Dec has been POW for me. And I'm really thankful to my Abba for growing me. Even as I was reflecting while journalling en route to Delhi, I realized how He has been growing me, showing me more of Him, drawing me to a more intimate relationship with Him over the year to prepare me for greater things ahead, in this new year. What? I hv no idea yet.

So wats been up for the past month, and what for 2007?

For the couple of days i'm in town while not in Indonesia/India, been hanging out a lot w the kalimantan troopers. hehz. It was great fellowship. Been hanging out real late, even for the past few nights (movie marathon @ leez, crashed jd's party, watchnight svs), so really dunno how i'm gonna wake up early tmrw onwards!

Saw the sch calendar for next yr. Really dunno how i'm gonna survive, w the new tasks added onto my plate as well. PLus the stuff tt i'm considering taking up (ref below). But I'm really gonna trust in Him for the strength cos I noe, there are more things to come, and growing in faith does come w stretching. Not gonna be easy, but i'm gonna trust.

So, what are some stuff tt i'd like to do for 2007?
1. my bond's ending in july! opens up every possibility. i'm leaving everything open. perhaps conti teaching. perhaps take time off to wk in some other cty. i dunno. only God noes.

2. kairos course. its 'suicidal' to take up this course. takes plce in mar/apr, when i'll be crazy prepg for syf and the concert. but... i shall trust...

3. jazz piano! JJ really inspired me to take it up. as previously mentioned, one of my dream ambitions is to be a lounge pianist. but neva thot i was gd enuff. (still dun tink so). but sometimes, i do hv to work on something, something I'm really interested in and not just brush it asie simply because of my own inadequacies. So it shall be my new next challenge (after diving) for next yr! But for now, i need to find a teacher. Any contacts anyone?

2007, a new yr of adventures w Him. :) Its not gonna b smoooth sailing, but it'll b good. thank You Daddy. :)

Day 7 - and still counting

India has been incredulous!If anyone asks me how my trip was, I wldn't even noe where to begin! It is definitely not the place for the faint-hearted, if you decide to do it the 'free and easy, on your own' style.


This is really not a chill vacation. Imight probably return more exhuasted than when I left. Here, its so stimuating. Everything on the street is demanding my attention. The colors, the sounds, the movements, the contrasts of wealth and diversity of things happening... Physically, I've been on the move. Mentally, I've been challenged. Need to start to sl owdown (which is almost imposible here).

For the past 4 days, we spent 2 days with BJ and her family. So for a while,my guard was down. It was n ice to be around people you can trust. I take back what I said inmy earlier entrythat India's nottoo bad a place in terms of safety. One really h a s to be on his toes all the time. No wonder BJ's family(locals) were worried for us to be on our own. Pple are out for your money and physically ifthey can. After all the encounters, my mantra for this trip is "Trust no one". One really dunno whlo's sincere and who's not.

We went to Agra to se the taj mahal o n fri only torealise thta its closed. The red fort was closed too by the tim ewe reached the place. SO,for 4 hrs of traqvelling to Agra from Delhi, we did not see wat we expect4ed tosee. In any case, we will be taking a 6 hrs drive to agra againtmrw from jaipul the crazytown i'm in now to spend ourchrimstasthere.

Yest, we arrivedat Jaipul. If anyone thinks that Delhi is bad, Delhi's only an ORIENTATION to INCREDIBLE India! It wascrazy. horse carraiges, camel carts, rickshaws, tuktuks, minivans, buses of al assortments, bikes, death-defying pedestrains (we have joinedthe ranks), bicycles, etc all on the same street! Of course, tere are a million things going on atthe same time... guys trying to entice you (harass actually, iwas physically harrased by a 5 yr old boy! til i gave him a loujd 'hey' followed by a teacher-stare), guys using the 'public bathrooms - a.k.a walls', vendors peddilng ALL SORTS of goods (brushes, metal utensils, bags , spices, jewelry, shoes, etc.), pple making candies, touts trying to sell their ware etc.. all going on simultaneously. If Kalimantan was surreal, this beats it all hands -down.
Well, I'velearnt much. Its just hard to imagine whn I'm back in the classroom treaching, these scenes still exist constantly here. I ask God where is my place in this crazy world (not India per se) and just wait and see. :)

Meanwhile, will be traveli ng back to Agra tmrw to seethe Taj Mahal and the Red Fort. Its prettykewl. Taj Mahal either on CHristmas or my bday. Den it'll be back to Delhi and then home.

I do look forward to home just as much as i find India fascinating. One has to move on... in order for more 'adventures' to come. Asking the Lord for new inspiration in teaching, so taht I can hopefully inspire my kids too. :)

Signing off for now... Apologies f or bad typing. Keys are stiff, and the spacebar is constantly stuck. *laughs* That's what I call 'character'. Afterall, I'm in India. ;)

day 3 - and still more adventures...

Ok. Today, my blog entry will have less typo-errors, as I've finally secured a proper internet place, with an hour to use, unlike the previous nights.

Prior to my trip, someone asked 'you are looking for adventures?' i replied 'no. i'm not going to go round looking for adventures, but if they come along the way, i'll ride on them.' actually, as long as we are on journey with God, life will be full of adventures! *chuckles*

today, JJ and i decided to spend the day venturing without a guide like yesterday. but while looking for breakfast, don't ask me how, but we ended up in the travel office again having breakfast! Of course, they tried to do hard selling for us to engage their services for today and the trip out of delhi. finally, we managed to 'break loose' from their persistence and went off on a motor-rickshaw (the equivalent to the tuk-tuk in thailand). First stop: National Museum.

We spent freaking 5 hours in the museum! We already spent a fair amt of time in other museums and memorials yesterday, so i told JJ, i love museums, but i tink its enough for the trip! :) There was much to see, archaelogy, musical instruments, buddhist arts, miniature paintings, etc. But there were so so so many paintings and statues of the hindu and buddhist gods, that i really ask God "Where are you in the lives of these people, who have crafted these, truly believing in the things that they are (re)"creating"."

But the ADVENTURE OF THE DAY occurs when we were finally leaving the museum. DUe to confusion that arose when we entered the musuem in the morn (there was a coachful of Chinese-Hk/Twnese entering the same time as us), we left our bags outside at the instruction of... i don't even know who - a worker from the museum or the grp's tour guide. When we left the museum, of course lah, our bags were no longer there. JJ and my cameras were in our bags as we couldn't bring them into the musuem. We got a 'reprimanding' from the lady security officer at the entrance when we tried to engage their assistance. So we got sent from one office to another. But the miracle was: WE GOT OUR BAGS BACK! Imagine: India, bags left OUTSIDE in public, for FIVE HOURS. ANywayz, we both prayed quietly throughout the entire process and truly, God protected us. It was quite an interesting adventure, not that i'll wanna go through it again. :)

Next stop was Dili Hardt. I have no idea where it was. Suggested by JJ's frens to visit. We took THE PUBLIC BUS!! Fare was really 'reasonably'-priced. And ride was... interesting. yo've read it before in guidebooks. crowded, mostly males... jst cramped. i stood like 'superman' with both arms forward and up holding on to whatever strucutre i could hold on for support. but unlike what the guidebooks said, we (female travelers) weren't really harassed physically in crowded bus. my bus driver quarrelled with some passengers right before me... so it was interesting...

Dili Hardt wasn't a touristy place. ended up in a wet market which was like WOW. fish, live poultry (including turkey!!), etc. Took a motor rickshaw to parhargarj, a backpacker's area ( i love this place!) , where i'm using the Internet at a cheaper rate now, and later I'll be going back to connaught later. less lively, but oh well, at least i've got accomodation.

Tomorrow, AG will be joining us. SO the dynamics is gonna change, but nonetheless fun! :)

As to the questions that i've been musing over yesterday:
How is Jesus different from the other gods or the philosophies that the 'wise/enlightened' offer?
1. Jesus is real, a historical figure. SOme religions are more 'mythology' and 'philosophy' rather than really based on history.
2. Jesus is Savior. No other religions/wise/enlightened men claims that they save.
3. Jesus is relational. We have a relationship with our Lord even to this day through the Spirit and in days to come. ONly in Him is there true hope and certainty of being in His presence for eternity.

SO, anywayz, even though i thought i was on a vacation to just chill, it hasn't been that simple. Its been pretty intense on my little brain, but God has chosen to reveal more of HImself to me, so that's realy kewl. Anywayz, my one hour is almost up. and I'd better go.....

THank you Daddy,Abba,Bapa!!

day 2

i dun usually blog my trips so often. but.. india is just full of stuff.. if i dun.. i'll forget.

anywyz, more observtions:

1. india is not as chaotic as how ple imagined it to be. its not as dangerous as well.

2. where are the ladies? u see men everywhere.. and few women. yest, we went into a pastry shop and guess wat? there wasn't a SINGLE female in there. we were the only 2 females! today, we found out from our driver for the day that tt's cos 80% of workforce in delhi are men. tt explains.

Other things today:

1. felt how its like to be walking 'exhibits'. was at red fort. there was many school kids. some excursion. when they saw jj and i... they started looking at us.. talking and laffing/smiling. guess chinese gals are not usual there... so... as we walked on, we just et looks and sniggers and comments... at a point of time, the kids even started shaking our hands and say 'hello'.... like some weird things they wana rem for.

2. gandhi-fied... went to quite a few memorials and musuems on gandhi and his family. many thots... philosophical, intellectual and all... visit to a temple to. exhasuted with many questions in my mind.. lookng at these pple's 'realities', comparin gandhi and Christ, comparing the hindu god and Christ, comparing the social and economic disparities.... and at the end of all the qns, my main qns is: What is it that Christ has to offer that the other (relgions/gods/philosopies) do not offer?

Day 1 in New Delhi

Yes. I am finally in India! One of the countries I've always wanted to visit. Its hard to believe I'm here, and it takes some time to adjust because of the rush from church to packing to kalimantan debrief yest and early flight tis morn.

The time now in India is 7.06pm, 2.5 hrs behind sg. I begun my trip at 6.30am SGT after being awaken by my mom at 4.30am SGT, sleeing at 1am last night. So i'm pretty zonked out now. 5 hours 45 mins flight.

India's interesting. We are staying in a guest house at connaught area. Just spent the afternoon waiting.. to clear immigratio.... waiting... for pre-paid taxi. We are tahnkful to be able to find acomodatio, because that was our concern. We hvn't goten accommodation settled before we came. So thank pple who have prayed for us, ad God too.

Guys in delhi are quite 'frenly'. This silly guy at the airport counter. i went to buy a bottle of mineral water. he gave me change that's short of 100 rupee. So i told hi... and he said.. sorry.. not enuff sleep. i said.. its k. next thing... oh... u look very sweet... ca we be frens? OF COURSE NOT!

Discovered.. that along the streets in New Delhi, the walls are just... the gents. You ca just walk alog the street and see guys facing the walls.. and a foul smell.. gosh.

Being in Delhi is like... being immersed into a sea of pple. Pple pple pple everywhere. And vehicles... and none-stop honkings.... Pple are just vying for your attention.

We had KFC for dinner. The servins are smaller. Ad they dun cost much cheaper. We haven't foud the cheap places to eat yet. Hopfully will find those soon.

THere is no supermarket. We were directed to a place.. ad only found that there was a Shankar market... which is... nt a supermarket. THey have 'emporium' which is like our old emporiums back at home with many small shops. But nothing that resembles supermaket. There goes my snacks and chocolates.

Anywayz, those are just random ramblings. I'm slowly etting the hang of crossing the busy roads 'my way' like the road belongs to me. tmrw's gonna be an exciting day. gonna tour ard the city. tonight just gonna go chill, read, ad pray ... and experience the 'beauty of waiting'.

The beauty of waiting....

thank You Abba Father... even though its difficult... thank You.

Just Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming Your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and You tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learnt of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
so I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting.. for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said,"I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause the mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know wthat I give, and I save, for a start,
but you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late inot the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
from an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in teim you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late
My most precious answer of all is still... WAIT".

excited.....

we are finally going to kalimantan!
leaving in a while.
I'm excited that i dunno wat to blog now.
jitters....
EEKS!

But I'm sure God will teach us loads of things...