In The End, It's Worth It

School has been taking a toil on me. But by the grace of God, everything's under control.

For the past weeks... its been three key words circumscribing my life.
1. Waiting.
2. Test.
3. Faith.

All three intricably linked to each other. It aches to be waiting all the time. Often the question "Lord, what's going on?" surfaces, when I look at events. Its hard not to receive a direct answer, except, "Wait."

Waiting for the unknown. Waiting about my future. Wait.

SOmetimes, I fear that while waiting (for exactly what is to come I have absolutely no idea), I might just get distracted while I enjoy things I enjoy doing. Sat, a sis said something that made so much sense. Other than teaching us to trust Him while waiting, not revealing now, also means God wants us to focus on doing well what we are tasked with now. ANd when the next revelation is given, we don't have to fret about not being able to undertake the calling/task, or that we will not have desire/passion for that. Den, we will have them.

I've been put through an 'interesting' test that makes me keep looking upwards and asking 'Daddy, what in heaven are You up to? What kindof strange test is this? Its not the usual 'suffering' etc. What kind of test is this?' I asked HD the same question two nights ago. She told me "its a test for you to trust in God, and to trust in His timing". wow... Even if the test is 'weird', indeed.. it is to teach me to trust in Him.

Growing in faith is not a one-off thing. After this season of waiting, there will be more to come. And then, I bet I'll look up to heaven and ask "Urm, now what?"

But one thing I know... as these phrases I've read from rhema aptly puts it "God orchestrated the whole thing" and "And the reason is simple: God knows that somewhere down the line He'll be able to use all that painful stuff to bring your life into focus and accomplish His purposes. With God it's never too late!"

So, its waiting again. It doesn't feel the most comfy... it aches... but its sweet too... to look to Him each time and to know that He's in charge, to know that I'm sitting in His presence, to know that He knows and He loves and He cares....

God intended it for good. - Genesis 50:20 NIV

Oh, btw, update about my jazz endeavors. Went for two sessions. Been practising my piano almost daily (this haven't happened since 10 yrs back after I completed my Grade 8!) Learnt "Dream a little dream of me" and working on "The way you look tonight". Still pretty clueless. Hehz

my personal collection..

today, i happen to talk to my bro EG and realized tt he likes jazz too, so tt boy was just asking abt my collection... so it might seem like i'm really free to type out my collection.. but hey, why not... keeping stock too (well, those I can find...).. ha ha... hard to classify some of them.. but i'll try... so here's for you bro...

Jazz
Jazz Moods (Disc 1 & 2) --> MY FIRST JAZZ CDS!
The Black Box Jazz (Disc 1 - 4)
Pure Bossa Nova
Jazz in the City 2 (Disc 1 & 2)
Pink Champagne (Disc 1 & 2)
Sympathique - Pink Martini
The Prewar Vocal Jazz Sotry (Disc 1 & 2) - Best of Jazz Records
A Declaration of Love with Jazz
Mystery Lady (Songs of Billie Holiday) - Etta James
Duke Ellington - 1952 - 1960 - Columbia Jazz
The Best of Earl Klugh
Here's to You, Charlie Borwn: 50 Great Years! - David Benoit
More Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps (Disc 1 & 2)
My Girl Josephine - Fat Domino
SaxEmble
The Fantasy Band
A Smooth Jazz Christmas - Dave Koz & Friends
Christmas Memories

World/Ethnic/Fusion/Lounge/Chill
Indian Dream (World Peace through World Music) - Emam & Friends
Bombay Lounge
Heritage (Folk Melodies of India)
West Meets East: The Historic Shankar/Menuhin Sessions - Ravi Shankar / Sir Yehudi Menuhin
Himalayan Melodies of Nepal (Sarangi) - Gaurab Music
Folk Roots - Kutumba (Nepali)
Gending-Gending Instrumental (Indonesian)
Instrumental Campursari Karya Legendaris (Indonesian)
Songs to Remember (A Jazzy Experience) - SMOMA
Making Music - Zakir Hussain
Putumayo Presents: Euro Lounge
Tantra Lounge Exotice Indian Electronica
Cocktail Nights 3 (Poolside Vibe)
Exotic Moods (Chill Out Sessions from the Far East)
- CD1 - The Mystical Lounge
- CD2 - The Sunset Lounge
- CD3 - The Late Night Lounge
Dream - Buddha Bar III
Joy - Buddha Bar III
Dancing with the Lion - Andreas Vollenweider


Christian
Worship Sampler 2 - Christ for the Nations Institute
Chosen from the Nations - Live worship from Stoneleigh International Bible Week 2000
Shout to the Lord 2000 - Hillsongs
Touching Heaven Changing Earth - Hillsongs
For All You've Done (Disc 1 & 2)- Hillsongs
Hope (Disc 1 & 2) - Hillsongs
Blessed - Hillsongs
Ultimate - Hillsongs
Worship - Michael W Smith
Rescue (Live Worship) - Newsong
Jerusalem Arise - Paul Wilbur
Lion Of Judah - Paul Wilbur
Shalom Jerusalem - Paul Wilbur
Lounge Worship 2
I Could Sing of Your Love Forever (Disc 1 & 2) - Worship togethercom
Our God Reigns - Bob Kilpatrick & Friends
Winds of Worship 7 - Vineyard Music
Now Is The Time: Live At Willow Creek, Chicago, U.S.A. - Delirious
I Will Sing - Don Moen
Unspeakable Joy IV
Christian Love Songs (Piano Solos) - David Hamilton
I Love You Lord/Instrumental Praise (Violin and Oboe with Full Orchestra)
Heavenly Melody Instrumental 3 - ORTV
Decide - Freedom House
Still on the Journey - Sweet Honey in the Rock


Others
All-Time Greatest Movies Instrumentals (Disc 1 - 3)
Golden Greats: Golden Songs from Stage and Screen (Disc 1 - 3) - Frank Sinatra
Les Misérables (Disc 1 & 2)
Moulin Rouge
Maksim the piano player
Super Hits 1993 - 2003 (Disc 1 & 2)
Talk on Corners (Disc 1 & 2) - The Corrs
Borrowed Heavens - The Corrs
Non-stop Christmas Disco Medley
24 Disney Christmas Favorites
Carols by Candlelight
THe Little Drummer Boy
The Golden Collection of Richard Clayderman
Tchaikovsky the Masterpieces
Singing in English Can be Fun
singapore '98 festival of songs

inspired... by my kids....

i rem starting off the year (not too long ago still) wishing to be inspired so that i can be an inspiration for my kids...

it hasn't been an easy start. i rem being totally upset on the first day of school, being thrown an unexpected piece of news of having to teach two new levels (the very next day), and not having a most conducive physically environment to conduct my teaching... it upsetted me because, out of the little time left after all the other extra responsilibities, i really wanted to teach. to inspire learning. and i wasn't able to do that properly (at that point of time). for that day, i wanted to give up teaching. i wanted to move on, since i thot i cldn't even do the minimum.

things hv settled for the better. donch hv the most conducive environment, but its good enuff. someone told me on day 1, 'use ur personality to teach'. cant do that for long. :) but things have settled. but i wasn't too inspired thereafter.

along the way however, while expecting other sources of inspiration, God brought along another source of inspiration i did not expect. my very own kids i taught last year, my geog students and my form class.

i got a note from a gal i taught last year and carried out a crazy field project with. it was stressful but fun. she said they only expressed their gratitude now, because they were afraid of being taught of as 'buttering up' to me last year. for the hard work i put in, i taught i've wasted my time. but now, i realized, truly the gals learnt and were inspired.

got other gal who smsed me saying the class missed me. some other gals asked me couple of times why i wasn't teaching them anymore.

this morn, my very own ex-form class... with one of a very interesting gal, who told my colleague that she missed me. later when i met her and another ex-form class student, they both told me in the usual 'i-talk-to-you-like-i-don't-care-if-you-are-my-teacher' manner that, they knew that although i scolded them often, i cared for them. lol. they rem my scoldings. *smile*

this is not a 'i'm here to feel good and think that i'm good' entry. but its just a testimony of how God reveals Himself to me, and how He uses me to touch lives. Sometimes (esp last year) when I read inspirational quotes on how teachers touch lives without knowing, i balk and went 'yeah right, whatever'. today, i still have the 'yeah, right, watever' attitude towards that. nonetheless, i've been encouraged by these students who intentionally or unintentionally, inspired me to go on, to impart the passion for life, and to see the world in a different light.

i will go on.... with Christ....

jazz jazz jazz....

i've finally signed up for my jazz classes! :) Been getting contacts and called up a few places/pple. It wasn't as easy as i thot it wld be. the music schs dun hv evening slots. All taken up. Was going to do it with a more 'pro' and costly teacher (which I only intend to get at later stage), until this morn, out of the blue, i read yest's Life! section and saw a 'dodgey' music school i've neva heard before. checked outthe website and called up to check who the teachers are. pretty decent. and they've got decent evening slots for me!

so made my way down to register. and i'm starting class THIS THURSDAY!! really really excited. apparently my teacher-to-be played for some reputable hotels for many years. so, i'm really really excited!! :)

was at jazz@southbridge yest w AO. planned to go to blujazz cafe. but there weren't enuff seats during to drizzle. but i was glad i was at j@SB. cos they will be moving downstairs on mon, with dining facilities and all. but... that feel... that i have for j@SB since yonds ago... will no longer be there... so i'm glad to be there for the last time, the way its been.

ok... i've been talking a lot abt jazz these while. (but tt's cos... its something exciting i'm embarking on!!) what other good things hv happened?
1. my pc's cd-player is working!! thanks for CL for putting a new cd-reader (watever u call it) into my pc. so now, i can start ripping all the new cds i've bought over the past few mths and enjoy them on my pc and my ipod! hurray!
2. wld like to tink my guit skills hv improved. foudn a kewl set of guit chords w pretty nice voicings online. thnx to LY for the guit. its so accessible now! :) dun tink i shld get a guit casing. cos tt'll make reaching for it less 'easy' and i might not fiddle w it as oft. hehz.
3. new timetable. which is 'interesting'. used to end lessons at 4.10. followed by meetings. now i dun end at 4.10 anymore. which is GREAT! and tues, i only hv ONE period that starts at 2pm. lol. can i sleep in? but of course have to pay the price on thurs n fri when i have 8 - 40mins periods. but i'm not complaining.
4. my form class. poles apart from 06 form class. i'm not saying it was bad last year. but it was really really draining last year. i've learnt much and i'm thankful. its nice to have a change for some recharging at the same time too.

had loads of meetings the past 2 wks since sch started. norm time of reaching home... sevenish (and tt's cos i take cabs home). after the meetings, also noe there are A LOT of things ahead. but i'm leaving a period at a time (not even a day at a time anymore). am still tinking of taking the reefcheck refresher course (over five weeks and two weekend dives) and kairos course. ha. i'm ambitious. but one period at a time.... :P

til we meet again, stvn, HC and family...

just came back from the airport. sent stvn, HC and family off. migrating to melbourne. over the past two years, they have shown me so much love in practical ways. stvn's commitment to the worship team and his heart for worship will be something i'll always rem. God has called them away for His purpose.

its difficult to let go, of these people whom I've gotten to noe and work with in His kingdom. but i thank GOd for their season in sg, the season we've all spent tog.

til we meet again, may the Lord bless and keep you, stvn, HC and your two princesses...

dream... dream... dream....

yest... was at Balaclava w Stvn, PJ n TS... and one of the songs was on living out ur dreams... life is so short... and i'm glad i hv my dreams, my dream jobs... and so here they are:

1. travel journalist
which i obviously cant make it owing to a lack of vocabulary and poor grammar structure, etc. get the pic?

2. humanitarian aid worker / community devt co-ord / teaching in a developing country / the like (not in sg)
i suppose its not time yet.

3. lounge pianist
i'm taking up the first step. i just spent a like 80 bucks on a fake book! intending to take up jazz lessons. got some contacts. BUT i realize, to take the first step to CALL UP to enquire can be quite daunting. because that's really putting in the first step and committing somewhat! because, i'll be talking to a real person abt it! so... hvn't gathered enough courage to dial the numbers yet.. soon... soon... i aim to do it by next weekend.

4. flight attendant
i just realized tt the cut off age has increased! which means I'm still eligible! if i cant be a travelogue writer and travel for free, this comes the closest? :P

Anywayz, I'm really really excited that I have actually chosen to pursue one of my dreams a little more seriously. Nevermind if I don't really get to be a lounge pianist. BUt for a long while, I'm finally working on something I really really wanna do. :)

Meanwhile, its keeping my focus on God... and praying for wisdom and grace that I might be an inspiration. Am hardly inspired by thephysical things happening around me. WIll need supernatural inspiration. :)

dream... dream... dream....

living out my dreams... bit by bit...

2007 - A new year of adventures and possibilities!

2006 has been a very fruitful year. Just the month of Dec has been POW for me. And I'm really thankful to my Abba for growing me. Even as I was reflecting while journalling en route to Delhi, I realized how He has been growing me, showing me more of Him, drawing me to a more intimate relationship with Him over the year to prepare me for greater things ahead, in this new year. What? I hv no idea yet.

So wats been up for the past month, and what for 2007?

For the couple of days i'm in town while not in Indonesia/India, been hanging out a lot w the kalimantan troopers. hehz. It was great fellowship. Been hanging out real late, even for the past few nights (movie marathon @ leez, crashed jd's party, watchnight svs), so really dunno how i'm gonna wake up early tmrw onwards!

Saw the sch calendar for next yr. Really dunno how i'm gonna survive, w the new tasks added onto my plate as well. PLus the stuff tt i'm considering taking up (ref below). But I'm really gonna trust in Him for the strength cos I noe, there are more things to come, and growing in faith does come w stretching. Not gonna be easy, but i'm gonna trust.

So, what are some stuff tt i'd like to do for 2007?
1. my bond's ending in july! opens up every possibility. i'm leaving everything open. perhaps conti teaching. perhaps take time off to wk in some other cty. i dunno. only God noes.

2. kairos course. its 'suicidal' to take up this course. takes plce in mar/apr, when i'll be crazy prepg for syf and the concert. but... i shall trust...

3. jazz piano! JJ really inspired me to take it up. as previously mentioned, one of my dream ambitions is to be a lounge pianist. but neva thot i was gd enuff. (still dun tink so). but sometimes, i do hv to work on something, something I'm really interested in and not just brush it asie simply because of my own inadequacies. So it shall be my new next challenge (after diving) for next yr! But for now, i need to find a teacher. Any contacts anyone?

2007, a new yr of adventures w Him. :) Its not gonna b smoooth sailing, but it'll b good. thank You Daddy. :)

Day 7 - and still counting

India has been incredulous!If anyone asks me how my trip was, I wldn't even noe where to begin! It is definitely not the place for the faint-hearted, if you decide to do it the 'free and easy, on your own' style.


This is really not a chill vacation. Imight probably return more exhuasted than when I left. Here, its so stimuating. Everything on the street is demanding my attention. The colors, the sounds, the movements, the contrasts of wealth and diversity of things happening... Physically, I've been on the move. Mentally, I've been challenged. Need to start to sl owdown (which is almost imposible here).

For the past 4 days, we spent 2 days with BJ and her family. So for a while,my guard was down. It was n ice to be around people you can trust. I take back what I said inmy earlier entrythat India's nottoo bad a place in terms of safety. One really h a s to be on his toes all the time. No wonder BJ's family(locals) were worried for us to be on our own. Pple are out for your money and physically ifthey can. After all the encounters, my mantra for this trip is "Trust no one". One really dunno whlo's sincere and who's not.

We went to Agra to se the taj mahal o n fri only torealise thta its closed. The red fort was closed too by the tim ewe reached the place. SO,for 4 hrs of traqvelling to Agra from Delhi, we did not see wat we expect4ed tosee. In any case, we will be taking a 6 hrs drive to agra againtmrw from jaipul the crazytown i'm in now to spend ourchrimstasthere.

Yest, we arrivedat Jaipul. If anyone thinks that Delhi is bad, Delhi's only an ORIENTATION to INCREDIBLE India! It wascrazy. horse carraiges, camel carts, rickshaws, tuktuks, minivans, buses of al assortments, bikes, death-defying pedestrains (we have joinedthe ranks), bicycles, etc all on the same street! Of course, tere are a million things going on atthe same time... guys trying to entice you (harass actually, iwas physically harrased by a 5 yr old boy! til i gave him a loujd 'hey' followed by a teacher-stare), guys using the 'public bathrooms - a.k.a walls', vendors peddilng ALL SORTS of goods (brushes, metal utensils, bags , spices, jewelry, shoes, etc.), pple making candies, touts trying to sell their ware etc.. all going on simultaneously. If Kalimantan was surreal, this beats it all hands -down.
Well, I'velearnt much. Its just hard to imagine whn I'm back in the classroom treaching, these scenes still exist constantly here. I ask God where is my place in this crazy world (not India per se) and just wait and see. :)

Meanwhile, will be traveli ng back to Agra tmrw to seethe Taj Mahal and the Red Fort. Its prettykewl. Taj Mahal either on CHristmas or my bday. Den it'll be back to Delhi and then home.

I do look forward to home just as much as i find India fascinating. One has to move on... in order for more 'adventures' to come. Asking the Lord for new inspiration in teaching, so taht I can hopefully inspire my kids too. :)

Signing off for now... Apologies f or bad typing. Keys are stiff, and the spacebar is constantly stuck. *laughs* That's what I call 'character'. Afterall, I'm in India. ;)

day 3 - and still more adventures...

Ok. Today, my blog entry will have less typo-errors, as I've finally secured a proper internet place, with an hour to use, unlike the previous nights.

Prior to my trip, someone asked 'you are looking for adventures?' i replied 'no. i'm not going to go round looking for adventures, but if they come along the way, i'll ride on them.' actually, as long as we are on journey with God, life will be full of adventures! *chuckles*

today, JJ and i decided to spend the day venturing without a guide like yesterday. but while looking for breakfast, don't ask me how, but we ended up in the travel office again having breakfast! Of course, they tried to do hard selling for us to engage their services for today and the trip out of delhi. finally, we managed to 'break loose' from their persistence and went off on a motor-rickshaw (the equivalent to the tuk-tuk in thailand). First stop: National Museum.

We spent freaking 5 hours in the museum! We already spent a fair amt of time in other museums and memorials yesterday, so i told JJ, i love museums, but i tink its enough for the trip! :) There was much to see, archaelogy, musical instruments, buddhist arts, miniature paintings, etc. But there were so so so many paintings and statues of the hindu and buddhist gods, that i really ask God "Where are you in the lives of these people, who have crafted these, truly believing in the things that they are (re)"creating"."

But the ADVENTURE OF THE DAY occurs when we were finally leaving the museum. DUe to confusion that arose when we entered the musuem in the morn (there was a coachful of Chinese-Hk/Twnese entering the same time as us), we left our bags outside at the instruction of... i don't even know who - a worker from the museum or the grp's tour guide. When we left the museum, of course lah, our bags were no longer there. JJ and my cameras were in our bags as we couldn't bring them into the musuem. We got a 'reprimanding' from the lady security officer at the entrance when we tried to engage their assistance. So we got sent from one office to another. But the miracle was: WE GOT OUR BAGS BACK! Imagine: India, bags left OUTSIDE in public, for FIVE HOURS. ANywayz, we both prayed quietly throughout the entire process and truly, God protected us. It was quite an interesting adventure, not that i'll wanna go through it again. :)

Next stop was Dili Hardt. I have no idea where it was. Suggested by JJ's frens to visit. We took THE PUBLIC BUS!! Fare was really 'reasonably'-priced. And ride was... interesting. yo've read it before in guidebooks. crowded, mostly males... jst cramped. i stood like 'superman' with both arms forward and up holding on to whatever strucutre i could hold on for support. but unlike what the guidebooks said, we (female travelers) weren't really harassed physically in crowded bus. my bus driver quarrelled with some passengers right before me... so it was interesting...

Dili Hardt wasn't a touristy place. ended up in a wet market which was like WOW. fish, live poultry (including turkey!!), etc. Took a motor rickshaw to parhargarj, a backpacker's area ( i love this place!) , where i'm using the Internet at a cheaper rate now, and later I'll be going back to connaught later. less lively, but oh well, at least i've got accomodation.

Tomorrow, AG will be joining us. SO the dynamics is gonna change, but nonetheless fun! :)

As to the questions that i've been musing over yesterday:
How is Jesus different from the other gods or the philosophies that the 'wise/enlightened' offer?
1. Jesus is real, a historical figure. SOme religions are more 'mythology' and 'philosophy' rather than really based on history.
2. Jesus is Savior. No other religions/wise/enlightened men claims that they save.
3. Jesus is relational. We have a relationship with our Lord even to this day through the Spirit and in days to come. ONly in Him is there true hope and certainty of being in His presence for eternity.

SO, anywayz, even though i thought i was on a vacation to just chill, it hasn't been that simple. Its been pretty intense on my little brain, but God has chosen to reveal more of HImself to me, so that's realy kewl. Anywayz, my one hour is almost up. and I'd better go.....

THank you Daddy,Abba,Bapa!!

day 2

i dun usually blog my trips so often. but.. india is just full of stuff.. if i dun.. i'll forget.

anywyz, more observtions:

1. india is not as chaotic as how ple imagined it to be. its not as dangerous as well.

2. where are the ladies? u see men everywhere.. and few women. yest, we went into a pastry shop and guess wat? there wasn't a SINGLE female in there. we were the only 2 females! today, we found out from our driver for the day that tt's cos 80% of workforce in delhi are men. tt explains.

Other things today:

1. felt how its like to be walking 'exhibits'. was at red fort. there was many school kids. some excursion. when they saw jj and i... they started looking at us.. talking and laffing/smiling. guess chinese gals are not usual there... so... as we walked on, we just et looks and sniggers and comments... at a point of time, the kids even started shaking our hands and say 'hello'.... like some weird things they wana rem for.

2. gandhi-fied... went to quite a few memorials and musuems on gandhi and his family. many thots... philosophical, intellectual and all... visit to a temple to. exhasuted with many questions in my mind.. lookng at these pple's 'realities', comparin gandhi and Christ, comparing the hindu god and Christ, comparing the social and economic disparities.... and at the end of all the qns, my main qns is: What is it that Christ has to offer that the other (relgions/gods/philosopies) do not offer?

Day 1 in New Delhi

Yes. I am finally in India! One of the countries I've always wanted to visit. Its hard to believe I'm here, and it takes some time to adjust because of the rush from church to packing to kalimantan debrief yest and early flight tis morn.

The time now in India is 7.06pm, 2.5 hrs behind sg. I begun my trip at 6.30am SGT after being awaken by my mom at 4.30am SGT, sleeing at 1am last night. So i'm pretty zonked out now. 5 hours 45 mins flight.

India's interesting. We are staying in a guest house at connaught area. Just spent the afternoon waiting.. to clear immigratio.... waiting... for pre-paid taxi. We are tahnkful to be able to find acomodatio, because that was our concern. We hvn't goten accommodation settled before we came. So thank pple who have prayed for us, ad God too.

Guys in delhi are quite 'frenly'. This silly guy at the airport counter. i went to buy a bottle of mineral water. he gave me change that's short of 100 rupee. So i told hi... and he said.. sorry.. not enuff sleep. i said.. its k. next thing... oh... u look very sweet... ca we be frens? OF COURSE NOT!

Discovered.. that along the streets in New Delhi, the walls are just... the gents. You ca just walk alog the street and see guys facing the walls.. and a foul smell.. gosh.

Being in Delhi is like... being immersed into a sea of pple. Pple pple pple everywhere. And vehicles... and none-stop honkings.... Pple are just vying for your attention.

We had KFC for dinner. The servins are smaller. Ad they dun cost much cheaper. We haven't foud the cheap places to eat yet. Hopfully will find those soon.

THere is no supermarket. We were directed to a place.. ad only found that there was a Shankar market... which is... nt a supermarket. THey have 'emporium' which is like our old emporiums back at home with many small shops. But nothing that resembles supermaket. There goes my snacks and chocolates.

Anywayz, those are just random ramblings. I'm slowly etting the hang of crossing the busy roads 'my way' like the road belongs to me. tmrw's gonna be an exciting day. gonna tour ard the city. tonight just gonna go chill, read, ad pray ... and experience the 'beauty of waiting'.

The beauty of waiting....

thank You Abba Father... even though its difficult... thank You.

Just Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming Your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and You tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learnt of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
so I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting.. for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said,"I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause the mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know wthat I give, and I save, for a start,
but you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late inot the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
from an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in teim you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late
My most precious answer of all is still... WAIT".

excited.....

we are finally going to kalimantan!
leaving in a while.
I'm excited that i dunno wat to blog now.
jitters....
EEKS!

But I'm sure God will teach us loads of things...

my bones still grew at my age!

I shant disclose my age here. A bitta sensitive. *heks*

People know me as this talk gal with fairly long legs. (My mom always complain that I'm disproportionate, long legs, short body, but hey, I'm not complaining. ;)) But not many people know that my legs are (WERE!) of inequal lengths.

My left leg is an inch shorter than my right. I only realize that abt a decade ago. Those era, like to wear long boot-cut jeans. After a while, on my fav jeans, I noticed, that the left bottom of the jeans is frayed, but not the right side. And this is a repeated observation for my long pants and jeans. I don't have a scientific mind. But started wondering why. So came up with 'hypothesis'. NO lah. started thinking why. So I got my mom to measure my legs and true enuff, my left leg was shorter. Perhaps that's the reason why I walk with a bounce, to compensate this.

Anywayz, I've grown 'resigned' to this status. I mean, life functions as per normal rite? Only according to my physiotherapist, I might get backaches when I grow older. SO when I read abt Mk's 'adventures' in PHP, healing the sick, backaches, growing legs, etc. I'm like "God, that's not fair. WHy to the people in PHP but not me?" Inside me, I did not dare to ask actually. I fear 'rejection'. LIke quite malu... and like... maybe I don't hv enough faith. tt sort of thing.

Yesterday, God planted Mk and HD there for a purpose. At the end of tuesdies when HD and i were leaving, we saw Mk outside the room. He's preaching next wk (but we cant make it cos of the Kalimantan trip). So I just mentioned in passing that 'hey i've got a shorter leg'. I dunno y i did that. I wanted to be made 'whole'. but same thing, there was hesitation. Tt's y i said, God placed HD there.. who encouraged me... and was with me throughout.

It did not take sweat, or shouting, or repeated prayer. Mk just uttered a prayer.. and we waited.. and waited.. the process was so slow u cant see it, unless u tape it and fast fwd it. *laughs*. But IT HAPPENED! According to Mk, it was slow because my BONES ARE ACTUALLY GROWING! no. I din feel warmth... etc.. but it was just so simple. We were commenting on how we shld hv taken a before and after pic! *laughs*

Ask and it shall be given....
If the earthly father who is not perfect can give good gifts, how much more our Heavenly Father.

Its not 'spectacular'. But having experienced His goodness so tangibly... its just so different... He gave His word that He's going to grow me... He did, literally, physically. He's also grown me so much in other sense, which I'll blog abt later. Now going to prepare to go school to settle an... not too pleasant issue. But I believe He is with me and that He will settle it for me....

Praise be to God.

Fact vs Truth

Yest's sharing during tuesdies was abt Fact vs. Truth.

In short, Fact, is something that's tangible. You don't need faith to see fact. Fact can make us fear and withdraw.

Truth, on the other hand, it requires faith. Truth centers around the Jesus and His work on the cross.

"Jesus said to the people who believed in Him, 'You are truly My disciples if you keep obeying my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free'.

It takes revelation from God to see the truth. It also takes time to wait upon the Lord and the step of faith. Focus on Jesus, and the truth will set us free.

Of dresses....

This is a very 'shallow' entry. lol. I did a major tidying up of my wardrobe today. Simply bursting to the seams. Yet, I still do not have enuff space. After tidying up... here are my clothes....





I have two of these drawers for stuff I wear at home...





Those in the ironing basket in which I cant fit into my wardrobe...





Another drawer of tshirts...





My main wardrobe. Do not be deceived... Those hanging there are so tight its very hard to put in or take out any clothes. And those folded ones, there's another set behind those in front...





THese are the remaining I really do not noe where to place. SO they are on my piano stool...
And these don't include a bag of woolen clothing and pants i'm placing behind my bedroom door... and those church youth camp tshirts i've collected over years at G's place. If she asks me to bring them home I'm dead.

And today... went to Leez's place to discuss trip class stuff... and ended up with another bag of clothes.... OOPS....

and of dressing up....

well... its sort of the vacations... so i'm more dressed up than usual whenever i go out. and i like dressing up (including sporty attire). it makes me feel happy.

i rem when i was going out w stv, my colleauges commented that i dress up more.. i was like 'rubbish. i've always dressed up like that... u were just not conscious abt it. i dress for myself. to make myself happy'. den they thot abt it and agreed...

after clearing my wardrobe... i realize... hey! i'd better wear even more of these stuff and experiment with them.

on the way for my meeting today, i was also thinking... my bond's ending. more footloose. no idea when God is gonna say 'ur time here is up. time to go to other places (where i cant dress fancifully like here)'. it could be any time from 6 mths later. makes me tink... I'd better make use of this time left to dress up as much as i wan!!! before i dun get to!!

and yeah. i take pride in it. i hv fun w it. oh yeah... i'm tinking of wearing another long skirt as a tube dress w a belt tmrw... lol. but den again, w the new additions... hmm... maybe i shld wear the short dress over jeans... hek hek hek... y do i hv a feeling i'll be late for svs tmrw? :P

and of being seen 'dressed up'

something shallow today happened that made me happy for a while.

i was at clementi. was gonna get some flowers for a sista. ended up stuck there for a while waiting for another fren. tt's another story.

as i was walking w the nice bunch of red roses (did i ever mention tt i love frowers?? lol), suddenly a taller!! lady ran towards me from the back.

taller lady: excuse me..
tall me: yes? (suspicious, like wat do u wan?)
taller lady: i'm korean..
tall me: *tink* (ah..yah... so?)
taller lady: are you singaporean?
tall me: urm... yes...
now we are joined by a shorter lady.
shorter lady: (something like that, cannot rem details) oh... we are from korea and we just had an event that uses models. so we saw that you are very tall.. and was tinking next time when we have another event we can contact you?
tall me: i'm not that tall (in the modelling line, i'm short lor)
taller lady: how tall are you?
tall me: 1.72m
taller lady: oh.. u look tall
tall me: urm.. cos i'm wearing these *shows wedges*
taller lady: how old are you?
tall me: *revealed my age* (all women wat.. so its ok)
taller lday: you look young
tall me: THANK YOU! *grinning from ear to ear*

so anywayz, i did leave my contact. real a not i dun care. tt's just life. but it made me happier in a shallow manner for a while. lol

the last time someone appraoched me was couple of mths ago in town. was w stv then. well, but tt sort, we suspect is want you to just go, pay a sum of money for a portfolio tt sorta thing. anywayz, i din get to talk that time cos stv did all the talking. so basically he just told them we'll contact them if we wan to, leaving me to tink at the side 'hello??? she's asking me?? u neva even ask my opinion?!?!' but its ok... den i can accept it... life's like that...

the last last time.. was even further ago... was like... before i went to cambodia, so that was 1999? 2000?

well.... 'perks' of being tall...

today's entries are totally shallow and bimbotic. but its ok. doesn't hurt... one day i'll look back at these entries and laff... tt's more impt... ke ke ke....

Preparation for the trip has been painful...

literally.....

we had been meeting over the past two weekends for dance practices. Last week, we had two sessons on worship and this week, I had three sessions. One to accompany HD for the dance worship as she's missed the previous weekend, and two to learn the hip-hop piece.

For the two weeks, moving around has been a series of 'ow...'s, 'aw...s'. Sitting down... ouch... moving down the stairs/steps... yeouch.... In short, my thighs feel like a ton of lead. Ended up with bruised knees, back, and 'tail-bone'. I even had a swell at the side of my spine... Blame it on my not-so-proportionate skeletal structure.

Meanwhile, my wardrobe also suffered a casualty. My white cotton pants splitted while I was doing the hip hop practice. How pathetic. Hek.

ALl in all, it was quite 'successful', for someone like me who can't differentiate between the left and the right. Cognitively, yes. But there's just a shortage of nerves that connects this to my body. The signals just don't get sent. My instructor laughs at me, but its alright. Its all kewl.

Meanwhile, am reading the book 'The Air I Breathe' about worship. We might be working on the theme of heart of worship in one of the bible classes. We'll see....

XT's journey with Abba, Jesus, Friend

I had to prepare a testimony for my trip to Kalimantan. I've been procrastinating like crazy. Just like the work review, I don't sit down and get it down til its the night before the deadline. Or the day itself. *laughs* Kindof long. Well, we are told to prepared for 5 - 10 mins! So here it is....

Hello there. My name is Sheryl. Meaning ‘beloved’. I am going to share with you my journey with the One who calls me His beloved. Its not spectacular, but its beautiful. I will begin with the hymn titled “Blessed Assurance” that pretty much sums up the love story that I’m going to share with you.

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine
Oh what a foretaste of glory divine
Heir of salvation, purchase of God
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood

This is my story
This is my song
Praising my Savior all the day long (Repeat)

I grew up in a Christian family. In other words, my parents are Christians and I went to church every week without fail as a child. There, I learnt about God. I learnt about Jesus. I learnt about the bible, the stories in the bible, pretty much what you do when you come to the training center.

Jesus has been a Friend to me as early as I can remember. He sits by my bed each night, and I talk to Him. I knew He is God. And the BIGGEST and the MIGHTIEST Person in the world. I trusted Him, even when my relationship with Him was so elementary.

Two incidents as a child I remembered clearly. Once, at the age of less than 8, one of my eye started swelling. It was in the night. In those days, clinics close early. My father did not earn much. We couldn’t afford to have a house call, unless it was really serious. It could be an allergy. But as a child, I knew not what was going on, except for the discomfort, and possibility that I could go blind. Well, I was a kid! As I laid on the bed in the dark, I spoke to God. That’s called praying. So I started talking to Jesus. I told Him, God, I know You are Almighty. You are Healer. You can raise the dead. Jesus, please make my eyes recover. And made my eyes recovered He did. The swell went down and I told my parents about my prayer. Jesus, Jehovah Rapha. He showed me He is the Healer.

Another time, my mom dropped a small part of her earring just as we were leaving for a dinner. It was a very small piece and hard to locate. She quickly engaged the help of her little ones to look for it. As we searched and scrutinized the floor, I prayed to God. I said “Jesus, please open my eyes and illuminate Your light on what we are looking for”. In a while, I spotted the little piece, before my other siblings. I told my mom about it.

Some people might discount these as trivial, and of no significance. But it meant a lot to me as a child. In my faith journey, that is to continue over the years to come till today, and the days to come, till I breathe my last.

To be specific, those incidents happen even though I do not even know if I could be considered a ‘true blue saved Christian’. Being born in a Christian family, knowing the bible stories well, knowing the model answers to the ‘christian’ and biblical questions during Sunday School classes, going to church weekly, being the ‘model’ Sunday school kid, does not save me. It is having the relationship with God that matters. It is accepting Jesus Christ as the Savior and Lord of my life that matters. Just calling Him Savior does not suffice. He has called us to journey with Him in an intimate relationship to know Him as our Lover, to follow Him to be like Him, to be His disciples.

I ‘formally’ raised my hands to receive Jesus as my Savior and Lord at the age of 11 in a religious class in school. I continued to seek Him as much as possible. I can’t say daily, because we all fall behind at times (but He is faithful). Nothing much has changed. God is still God. I continued to journey with Him. Served Him in church and in school. Then at the age of about 18, God revealed to me something rather suddenly. (He likes to surprise us.) It was a revelation that: God is MY God, and not MY PARENTS’ God. For many years while walking with Him, I haven’t realized that He is MY God.

What am I getting at here?

Firstly, even when we are blind and not known Him as who He really is, He still cares for us. And if we seek, we will find. If we knock, He will open. If we ask, He will add. Before I ‘formally’ acknowledged Him, when I asked sincerely, He listens.

The second one applies to those who are brought up in a Christian family. Jesus is YOUR personal God. He cannot be your parents’ God. You have to know Him for yourself. The relationship has to be unique between you and Him and no one else. When you develop this relationship, you know what? You do not know when exactly you are saved. But, you are saved. Period. Its like when you start walking in the forest in the night. Its dark. Eventually, day time comes. Still, its dark because the canopy cuts out most of the light. You do not know when daylight starts. But you know that when you get out of the forest, there will be light. (Is this confusing? Lol)

The journey does not end when you know that you are saved. The journey has just begun. What is this journey about?

This is a journey of love, of faith and of revelation.

The journey is not smooth sailing. I don’t pray to Him every day in all the days. There were days I do not read the bible. There were days when He seemed far away. He was never far. But my heart could be distracted, grown cold. I could not feel Him. I could not hear Him. In those days, it was miserable. Why? The heart knows, that I cannot live without Him. I might try. I might try to do my things, things that give me pleasure for that moment. But I was miserable because I’ve turned away from Him. The heart missed the fellowship with the One its grown to love. Not something we might be able to feel. This ‘love’. But the heart was created to love Him.

So, how does this journey work for me? The basic people always say is: set aside time to pray to Him daily; set aside time to read His word daily; set aside time to listen to Him daily. Indeed.
It’s not just setting aside time. It is also as simple as keeping your mind and heart connected to Him by talking to Him wherever, whenever, whatever.
I wake up in the morning saying ‘Good morning Daddy’, whatever mood I’m in. I talk to Him on the bus. I talk to Him while waiting for the bus, even when I’ve missed it. I talk to Him in Singapore. I talk to Him when I’m on the mountains when I went to Nepal. I tell Him, its so BEAUTIFUL! I talk to Him when I go diving in the sea. I tell Him, its so AWESOME! You are so creative. I talk to Him when I’m here with You in Kalimantan. I ask Him, what do You want me to see? I talk to Him when I need Him. Wherever, whenever, whatever.

And this journey is beautiful. Because as you embark on it, keeping your mind and heart connected to Him, and to seek Him, He will show you more and more about Himself. In the first two incidents I spoke about earlier, He showed me that He is the Healer. He showed me that He is the Helper.

Just more incidents, big and small, He reveals more of who He is personally to me.

I remember when I was in Chiangmai in Thailand. I wandered into the outskirts of the main town looking for two museums on my last day there. When it was getting to late afternoon, I had to try to get back to the main town so that I could catch my train to another city Bangkok. But I could not get any vehicle to stop for me for quite some time. It was worrying! A single young gal, out in the suburb, who cannot speak the language, the sky darkening, it was potentially worrying. There was fear in me. As I walked in the direction leading towards the main town, I prayed in my heart. I asked Him for His protection and provision of a vehicle to bring me back. In a while, I managed to hail down a little taxi-truck. The driver only knew how to get to the main town. But he did not know how to go to the hostel that I wanted to go to. But he agreed to take me. And guess what? I did not even have to bargain for a low fare. He offered me a low fare! By the grace of God, and by turning the rudimentary map in all directions, we managed to get me back in time. He is God the Protector and Jehovah Jireh, God the Provider.

Another ‘incident’. I was in a relationship earlier this year. Throughout that season, He taught me not to just put my attention on the relationship or the guy, but to keep my eyes on Him. (See, when a lot of us young people get into a relationship, we lose our focus on God). Whenever I was disappointed with things that happened, I realized, hey, with Jesus, this can never happen because He is perfect. He is Jesus, the Perfect Lover.

The most recent revelation of His attribute that He is showing me is that He is the most Creative Artist at work. When I considered the ecosystem, how He has made things move in sync., when I considered out of NOTHING, He created the earth, human, this thing we called love, that we all can’t fuly comprehend, His Plan of redemption. Who would come up with these from NOTHING? And as I sat in His presence lately a couple of times, He tells me ‘Come, My beloved. Sit beside Me here. Look, look at what I am painting…’ And I see Him coloring on the canvas… Swipes of paint.. colors… So beautiful. He showed me that He’s coloring the world He has created, He’s coloring my life, and He’s coloring the lives of all His children, meaning each one of you…

This is my journey, and my love story with my Lord Jesus. He calls us to walk in a relationship with Him. He calls us to know Him.

I am thankful and amazed of how He calls me into this journey with Him. Its not always easy.  But I guarantee, it’s the most beautiful thing that can happen, because this is what He has created us for: To journey with Him, to know Him, to love Him, and through that, glorify Him.

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine
Oh what a foretaste of glory divine
Heir of salvation, purchase of God
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood

This is my story
This is my song
Praising my Savior all the day long (Repeat)

All glory to Him. Amen.