what a week to thank God for...

last week....

Monday, went to mom's place and nursed JI there. First time nursing him outside of home.
Wednesday, went to paeds and nursed JI there. First time nursing him in safer public.
Friday, brought JI to mom's place on a carrier, by myself, on mrt and bus!
Saturday, brought JI to FM's uncle's housewarming.. evening event. our latest excursion with JI. came home at 8+pm.
Sunday, went out with JI for lunch outside for the first time, and nursed him in more typical public area!

silence for a long while because...

the baby is out.... its been close to 6 weeks.... 6 weeks ago, this time, i just left my parents' place after cooking lunch (fried orh mee and kang kong) for them... now knowing that in the evening... labor would commence, and little JE would be out in the middle of the night...

it had been a turmoil since he was out... many major decisions and hence changes were made to our lives, things we neva expected all within the 40+ days. we did not want a confinement nanny. one week into his birth, we engaged one. we neva thot we'll need a helper, she's now with us for almost a week (this evening would be a week).

Many things i miss so much about the past. i cried loads... but there are also many good things that arose from JE's birth:
1. FM and i got to know how deep our love for each other is. its so true.. u get to know the depth of one's love when you get thrown into deep waters.
2. we've never been so desperate for God in our lives. in the early days, we cried and prayed to God every morning and evening.
3. God showed us his goodness and faithfulness so abundantly. truely, they are new every morning... His timing is perfect:
- we did not plan for a baby this particular month. but we got him during this month. it coincides with FM's hols. JE came out just when FM's hols began, slightly earlier than EDD, but full term, so that FM gets to spend the most time with us. otherwise, i'd have fallen into depression..
- we did not plan for a confinement nanny. one week into JE"s birth, we were falling apart, esp me. last min, a friend came by God's divine appt, suggested getting a nanny. its the dragon year season. it'll be virtually impossible to get one. we got one by the next day. she did drive us nuts, but it was crucial for her to be aroud for us to rest, for me to recover physically, and for us to make the next big decision.
- we did not plan for a helper. along the way, we realized, we needed a helper. and God provided a perfect one for us... in the perfect timing. she's got experience with young babies. her biodata came in on the very day we went to interview aother transfer maid. she could come in shortly after the nanny left. we get to spend 3 days alonne with JE again to get to know him more before she arrives. she arrived one week before FM goes back to work so tht we can work with her/ orientate her tog before he starts work.
4. today it occured to me, i got to know myself better. days ago, i got to know how weak i am... today i realized somethig abt myself. i always had an image of what kindof mom i'll be. i realize, i am not that kind of mom. it is just not me... and now its realizing and accepting that. i thought i'll be like my mom... or my sis... den i realize, that's not me.... self discovery again....

what holds ahead i dunno. i'm glad to find time to write this down.... becaause in the midst of these flux, there are many thoughts and lessons that come and go. and i'm thankful i get to note them down before i forget.... His goodnesss...

pregnancy ramblings...

week 38!! we just went to visit our obs yesterday... he said we're not even close...  aiya.... sometimes i wish this fella is out esp when the tummy feels so stretched and when it gets hard to breath... but of course, there are times i'm pretty sle fine ure i'll miss hving him moving inside my tum tum (when it doesn't feel like its stretched and bursting to the seams.)

thought i'll write down some of the strange things that happen to my body as i got pregnant.. since i prolly wouldn't rem them. according to mom, some might stay, some might disappear.... so here goes:
1. i become a water guzzler... i used to drink.. way less than 8 glasses of water a day. when FM passed me water to drink, i sip them. i take a medium mouthful, and then it'll take me two or three swallows to get them down. and i'll say... ok.. enuff thanks. now? i gulp them down. like free flow... i drink so much water a day! (to the point i think sometimes the liquid becomes lubricant for my dinner baffs...) but i just love drinking... ice ice ice cold water (since i cant hv hot tea and other types of infusions..) me gonna miss the ice ice ice cold water when bb's out during confinement...

2. i hv a small hairy patch between my rib cages.. i think its rib cages... since i cant really feel where there are now.. ha ha... not major hairy. but little fine hairlets i ever used to have...

3. i hv a shiny, white, smooth patch of skin around my belly button (which is no longer an innie at this point in time). mom says it will go. i hope so. sometimes when they itch lately cos of stretching, i try to scratch and it feels a little numb too.. somewhat like the irritating ezema scar on my back.

4. i hate the smell of a certain shokubukso shower gel. funny thing is, elvis and i bought it tog from a shop in bedok. i even used it for a while. den one day, i just suddenly realize i hated the smell. it made me feel sick...

5. i've got little 1mm -diameter brown patches around where i'll be feeding the fella in the future. mom says they will go... we'll see...

6. i ask the qns: where have my brains gone to? FM says my brains are getting lazy... what does the man know??!?

7. i've got weird big patches of darker colored/slightly brownish skin around the lower ass and upper thighs... mom said maybe poor blood circulation - blood got stuck... who knows what those are...

8. third trimester... its back to baffing time, if i eat anything with a drop of oil / grease...

9. according to the hairdresser, my hair has thinned. my hair thinning?!? WOW!

Meanwhile, there's a violinist somewhere around our unit practicisng pieces these two days.... the person is pretty good.. makes me wonder... what would our little fella be like? musical? atheletic? only God knows...

And its time to feast (lunch time mostly.. otherwise, the feasting will come out from the top...) we had durians, koka, chilli crab... before the fella comes out.. and we might just be eating porridge for a while.. ha ha ha....

now.. we shall wait....and wait... and wait....

ooooh.... so that's a contraction.......

apparently i've been experiencing braxton hicks contractions from time to time for months, and i did not even know it!! whenever my tummy becomes 'sharp', i would think... you little fella... you must be twisting and turning again!! sometimes it makes me feel like i need to go poop... but i thought it was just that little fella... turns out... those were actually contractions!

we only realized today when we visited our Obs. the moment he looked at my tummy just before the ultrasound scan, he went 'oh.... you are having a contraction....' i was like... contraction?!?!

wat a blur mommy i am... alamak...

at 35wks6days, junior is weighing close to 2.7kg.... anytime soon.... eeks!

the pregnancy glow?!?

i can't believe it.. but apparently i have the pregnancy glow.. even tho i feel so exhausted 90% of the time!!

2 months back, one evening in the bedroom, FM told me... u are glowing.. i'm like... seriously? its the end of the day.. i'm ready to ko.. and you think i hv the glow? and he said.. maybe in the mornings before i tire myself along the way...

yest in church, i went to the restroom. a lady looked at me and said... you look very good... cant tell you were pregnant for a while... and she added... you look better than previously... i just kept saying thank you... not knowing whether the last comment was really a compliment... but yes.. i think it is supposed to.. but makes me wonder... so i din look as good previously? lol.. women... we are too sensitive... lol...

after church, we went for lunch with ana etc. i mentioned to her my encounter in the restroom... along the way, she gave me a second look and said.... yes.. you do look different.... there is a glow...

LOL....

so you can still hv a glow despite feeling tired? i guess the glow is not about energy... perhaps its about a certain joy.. i dunno.. elvis said maybe that's cos i'm more rested than usual (which is true. despite feeling tired, i've been in bed resting / sleeping more than usual)....

oh well, looks like i'd better treasure the glow (and the 'you look better now') because it aint gonna last long! week 34... and about 4 - 7 weeks to go... LL will be out anytime then!!

top ten adjectives to describe 32nd week of pregnancy...

1. HOT HOT HOT
2. sweaty
3. sticky
4. tired
5. lethagic
6. nauseous (evenings)
7. emo
8. heavy
9. stretched (around the tummy)
10. achy
 

price for baby....

it feels strange... i only reject enquiries for quotations in the past for vacation trips... now i've said no to three possible gigs in november because we are not sure when pumpkin will be out... feels strange... life is changing.....

meanwhile, a visit to our obs revealed that currently, pumpkin has a big head, thin torso, and long legs. FM and i laffed when our obs said 'he has long legs'.... well, JTng already already referred to him as a long bean... and dun think anyone would be surprised if he comes out lanky..... weighing approx 1.7kg now... so far so good... always relieved to see the obs to find out he's doing ok....

8 more weeks... plus minus... gosh...

ate char kuey teow...

puke char kuey teow

ate kfc, puke kfc...

don't tell me my daily dinners from henceforth have to be bread, bread, bread...... sighz...

for a 1kg+ babe at 30 weeks...

this fella is taking up a lot of space in my tummy AND at home! there is a cot, a play pen, three rockers, a car seat, two bath tubs, two strollers, a $3k vacuum cleaner, some books and toys sitting in the music room and LIVING room and recess area. That excludes the entire two-doored wardrobe space specially dedicated to the babe for diapers and clothes and misc stuff... and we are not done by stuff... He's good!!

Meanwhile.... still fussing over his name.... Oh Abba, pleasee tell us soon ok?

Watching Olympics 2012 highlights

Was watching the finals for women 100m... I told FM, if I run at that speed, baby sure drop out one... Lol

the pregnancy glow.....

i was told by quite a number of friends that i look good pregnant....

thank God!! (no bloating, no acne, no pigmentations...) and to a certain extent, thank cosmetics for adding color to my face... hee hee...

last mon... 25 jun...

my obs showed us the 'little package' of our little one.. in full glory. it was as if the bb wanted to make sure we see clearly, after the obs spotted it, the bb shifted to give us a clearer view.... its a boy...

i din go.. its a boy! i went... its a boy..... i went home and cried so badly... was going thro gender disappointment... thank God i'm much better after two days... still not sure how i'm gonna connect with a boy, but I'm sure God noes, and He knows whats the best...

so now.. its time to start naming the little one.. i did not realize how that would be a challenge..maybe its just realizing that this name will follow our loved one for the rest of his life, ... and you really want to make it the best... tough! i've always wanted to name my child 'Shalom'. an internet search showed that most people will think that Shalom is a boy.. but somehow, i prefer that name on a gal... so it seems... the search is on... will i ever have 'Shalom'? only God knows...

meanwhile, the bb bump is growing.. and sometimes i feel like my stomach is stretched so thinly, hence i feel so bloated and fat.. aiyo... ana just told me it'll get worse.. eeks! but my bb bump is well-provided for.. ana just passed me some clothes.. my sis just passed me some bb stuff too.. so am thankful to my Provider...

Awesome in Cambodia

Plans keep changing by the minute, but I'm enjoying every bit of it... Who knows when I'll be back again, and who I'll get to see again.... Was supposed to head straight into the orphanage the day I touched down. Hoping to meet TV, I asked if I could stayi. Phnom penh for an evening in a hotel before heading in the village. A suggestion to stay in town to bunk in with CL for two days, got extended to the entire trip.now I'll only head into the village today for the celebration. As it turns out, that was perfect. I met up with so many peeps. Spent time making pumpkin cake, cooked sphagetti for CL and baked with VML. Met TV, sivath, vuthy, Dara,and the many youths who are now in their early twenties!! How time flies. I even got the chance to eat my fav Korean food here, suki soup and go to psar tmai. Met folks from my church from the other services too... Yest met Rev C. I went up to him and told him how I sat in his office twelve years ago when I had to consider between continuing with the honors course offered to me, or to fulfill my commitment to come to Cambodia... Chatted a bit, and he even suggested me exploring some edu comm thing...we'll see how that pens out... I was telling FM, in fact, I feel more energetic here, and ate more. Within two days of arrival,my baby bump has grown tremendously. And my best buy from psar tmai: two pairs of maternity pants at usd25 each!! Ha ha... Really enjoyed the time spent with CL. Such a wonderful and generous a bong srey she is to me, and mother to many youths. Wonder when I'll be back... And how much more things will change... But am thanking God for every bit of this trip....

when i thot its time to rest my fingers......

there's been many changes in life... well, mainly one, but the little one has loads of repercussions to the rest of my life, activities, social life, etc. have been tired and playing for gigs is more challenging.... at least getting to start the gig (but usually when the gig gets going its better).

today while playing for a wedding luncheon, i was thinking to myself... is it time for my fingers to rest from gigging... since my life stage is evolving and all.... and i thank God for little (and big) signs to let me know that... my music making is far from over!!

just before the second march-in, the emcee introduced me to the guests, and it was farnie that he jokingly said that requests were pouring in... one uncle wanted ye4 lai2 xiang1 and shanghai tan1, to which he will sing the latter with my piano accompaniment for the second march-in... i asked if he was serious... and the emcee said no... well, the second march-in passed and i continued with my second set. just as i was ending the set, i was wondering if i shld play the shanghai tan1 piece, since i know the melody, even tho i did not prac the piece. i hesitated and continued with other jazz pieces because i rem that the bride is the more jazzy kind of person (she did not want the pop pieces provided by the hotel for the first dish). i was apprehensive how she would respond to a chang chang chang chinese piece, and shanghai tan is pretty... chang chang chang! ha ha... in the end, i decided to play a more 'refined' and toned down version of the piece... and guess what?!? at the end of the piece, there were guests from a certain table who stood up and clapped for me!!!!! wow!!! i've neva had that sort of response before. (even if i played requests, people did not respond this way!) after that, i continued with the piece Besame Mucho and while I was playing that, there were a few little gals and a middle-aged gentleman standing behind me watching me play. Pretty used to this. But they were waiting for me to end (i gave them a 'false ending' after the improv and they clapped, making me realize they were waiting for me to end the piece). So when i finished, they said it was very nice, and two gals in white gave me a white rose and a pom pom like chrysamthemum flower!! so sweet. one of them even wanted to give me two, and when i asked her if she wanted to keep one for herself, she was like... oh yes!! after that, the bride and groom told me they really enjoyed the pieces... so did a few more people including the emcee and other guests.. it was really nice.. i've neva gotten such responses before!!

A week ago, played for an expat's wife's 40th bday... and after that, he wrote me an email to commend my elegance, pieces and professionalism...

these are such timely signs from Abba that... music making is still on!! thank you Lord!!

Here's the photo of the pretty frowers....

Way to go....

Today, I downed 3 cream crackers, iced milo, dry laksa from church, half a fu pi Juan,half chives dumpling, half fried dumpling, half chansiusu, half bowl of century egg porridge, one fragrant pear!! Wow... Wat an achievement!

snail pace of disgestion..

really not enjoying the weeks of indigestion... and constantly feeling like i've eaten the biggest buffet in my life, when i love food so much!! weight has gone down to record low since i got married... oh well... waiting for the next couple of weeks to pass and hopefully it'll get better. meanwhile... here's a list of food i'm looking forward to stomach when things get better:
1. shui jiao mien
2. roast duck skin
3. hokkien mee
4. choc cookies
5. curry vegetables
6. seafood platter
7. sashimi (i hv to wait much longer for this one)
8... will update when i think of more along the way...

Steamed Pumpkin Cake with Homemade Fried Shallots and Homegrown Spring Onions..

Made for a friend who's allergic to wheat flour

300g rice flour
500g grated pumpkin
1 liter water, separated to use in two different steps (includes water used to soak dried mushrooms and dried shrimps)
5 - 8 pieces dried chinese mushrooms, soaked for an hour in hot water, then sliced/diced
handful (2 tbsps?) dried shrimps, soaked in cold water for an hour, then diced slightly (but i think more is better)
2 cloves of garlic, minced
salt & pepper to taste
one shallot, finely sliced and fried til slightly golden
spring onions to garnish

1. Stir the rice flour into half a liter of water and leave to set aside for at least one hour.
2. In a hot wok, fry the dried shrimps in oil until fragrant. Add the minced garlic and fry til fragrant.
3. Add the pumpkin into the wok, and try until soft (to bring out the natural sweetness). Season with salt and pepper.
4. Add the remaining 1/2 liter of water (which would include the liquids used for soaking). Bring the mixture to a boil. Big boil!
5. In a separate pot (large enough), the rice flour mixture till even again.
6. Pour the contents from the wok into the pot with the rice flour mixture, stirring continuously even while pouring the pumpkin mixture. Taste to make sure its seasoned enough (the flour mixture will make the initial seasoning bland still). But spit out the stuff you taste cos the flour is still raw! Season accordingly with S & P.
7. Pour the mixed contents into a stainless steel vessel / ramekins.
8. Steam until high heat. For larger vessels, 50 mins to one hour. For ramekins, maybe 35 - 40 mins?
9. Serve with fried shallots, spring onions and chilli garnish....

Its a whole new life... (or maybe two...)

have been 'inspired' by a pregnancy homepage that its time to start documenting life with my new little one, since we will forget everything.. the ups and downs (mostly the latter for now) the moment the precious arrives... so here goes... the 'exciting' moment was revealed some three weeks ago, after my last sashimi dinner (call it denial), oh, my calendar says its the 25 mar, on a preg stick. the second line was so faint, my dear FM decided that it may not be reliable. (the woman noes better, since her body has been acting weird). nvm. the following day, we tried on another brand's kit when FM came back for lunch during his reservist. this time round, its a clear second line, and FM has finally decided to be happy! its been quite a tough journey since then. the ups: people who know (esp our parents) are super duper happy! another up is the excitement of knowing how this precious one is gonna journey with my Abba, just as I had... and hopefully and prayerfully even closer, makes me excited... the downs: indigestion, constant fatigue, inability to down food (and i LOVE food!!)...man... its really tough. i can accept spending time with family, making the home, baking for loved ones, etc. rather than earning $$$ as 'productive'... but its hard for me to accept the concept of making a placenta, forming cells, etc. 'productive'.... everyone says it'll get better in a couple of weeks time... i can only wait and count down..... here's a snapshot of the little one (just the size of a blueberry) 2 weeks ago at 7 weeks.. looking forward to see more in the upcoming weeks... that's it for now.. my pregnant brains don't write smart or farnie posts... well.. i'm just documenting ! ha ha...

(re)turning to blogging?

Been YEARS since i blogged... i noe hardly anyone does that now.. but wat better place to post my food stuff? heh heh...

here's the Carrot (Pulp) Muffins with Cream Cheese Frosting
Used carrot pulp left after juicing. Froze them until I wanna use. What better way to use them?

1 1/3 cups flour
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 eggs
3/4 cup white sugar
3/4 cup canola oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups carrot pulp / grated carrot
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup cashew nuts, coarsely chopped

1/4 cup cream cheese, softened
2 tablespoons butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups sifted confectioners' (icing) sugar

Sift together the flour, cinnamon, baking soda, baking powder, and salt.
In a separate bowl, beat the eggs and sugar until frothy and lightened in color. Stir in the oil, vanilla extract, carrot pulp, raisins and cashew nuts.
Fold in the flour mixture.
Pour the batter into the prepared muffin tins.
Bake in preheated oven at 180 degrees C for between 15 to 20 minutes. (I did 18 mins).
Cool on rack.
For icing, beat tog cream cheese, butter, vanilla, icing sugar till fluffy. I tried to blend them in using spoons first. Tedious, but at least I don't have icing sugar flying all over the place!! (Lesson learnt after first icing session during buttercream.)
Frost on cooled muffins.
Must store in fridge if not eaten soon.

(Makes between 18 to 21 muffins.)

audition at the changi airport

its been a long long time since i've updated... over the year

1. i got married
2. i'm staying at a new place
3. i got a full time job doing developmental work... one of my 'dreams' fulfilled, tho not fully.
4. traveled to cambodia for 4 times over the last 6 months for work, who'd noe i'll go in and out of cambodia now like my second home...
5. i got an offer to play at 5* hotel in macau for 3 mths, but alas declined because of #1
6. no. i'm not pregnant.

it hasn't been an easy year, still trying to figure out which one is more impt to me. music or developmental work. til this date, i have not found a way to dovetail both.... only God noes...

today, i took leave and went to changi airport for an audition for piano stint that lasts a month. i prepared as much as i could (which is not much, considering i have full time work which requires travel, still harboring the thots of being a good wife and cook and bake as much as possible, teach piano, and still harboring the hope to stay fit - just started jogging two weeks ago). when i got there, alas! i saw people who are 'better qualified' than i am auditioning for the same position! that was this jazz master i've wanted to study under, i shook his hands! another aussie chap studying in a local arts sch (good one).... i look at these peeps... and thot... yeah... tt's another of my dream life. ha ha ha... be a master in jazz.. or get to study music (no money. :() was pretty intimidated at first, but thot, hey anywayz i told myself i'll go there and have fun! just play music at as many places as possible. ha ha.. and i did just that...

oh well... its been fun....