Memory

1. CATS
Of all the musicals I've watched, either live performances or on computer, there is only one musical I can neva comprehend. And that is CATS. This thing about Jelico cat, a fat cat that looks like Moses, and the shabby cat which got to go out to 'outer space??'

Pardon my ignorance. I still dun understd the plot of the musical. *chuckles* Only thing I take back with that musical - the nice melody of Memory, and the inspiration of continuing with my ballet classes seeing the dancers.

2. Of NIE
I was on the cab going home from church this afternoon. Out of the blue, memory of times spent in NIE came to my mind. Tho everyone complains the course is... urm.... well.. I leave it to one's disgression, one thing for sure, we met nice people, frens we remember even tho we are all to busy to meet up. Those days spent... in NTU's canteen A ... in the computer lab queuing up to get a computer terminal... then, i wanted to be out quickly, to stop 'wasting' time and to meet real people, or at least do something for people. Now, i recollect the memory with a smile.

No, I do not intend to go back to NIE again. I dun prefer NIE days than now. Neither do I prefer these days to the NIE days. I'm just learning to appreciate them... as life goes on...

Current state: frying in hot weather, brain shutdown

proud of my gal

tis gal who encouraged me by stepping up to play guitar for morn devotion despite her nervousness.... who at a point wanted to give up....

she took the effort to prac d song w me yest.... to come early again to prac the song tis morn...

and she did very well ... *applause* *smiles* i'm proud of her, and i'm sure God is too.. because she chose to do it for Him.

first song she ever played for sch assembly was 'Find us Faithful'. May she be found faithful in these little things that she does, and may tis be the beginning of the beautiful journey she chooses to serve Him with music. i am sure this will come to pass.

Current activity: stoning and munching pineapple tarts.

of matchmaking

since friday, THREE pple told me they wanna matchmake me to some pple they noe. its not the first time pple try to matchmake me. But within four days??? different ppl just come along d way and express their concerns tis way... WAT'S GOING ON?!?

Fri, my dear bong srey LD went 'hey my sis asked if u interested in her colleauge (?? i cant rem wat the relationship is lah). he's a teacher, nice guy'.

Sun, ana used this question 'will u date a serious guy?' i went 'i dunno, it really dps. y?' she went ' oh, yest nite was out for wedding dinner. saw JMY's fren, he's tall. and i tink he's nice. but he's very serious...' and so.. it goes on....

TODAY!!! JUST.... my mom went 'u free for a chat?' i went 'well, i'm always busy. but if u wanna talk i'll talk w ya.' she went ' i have a fren.. who asked.... ' and it goes on....

i like to tink tt i dun portray myself as desperate. lol. i'd like to take it as a compliment tt frens only introduce other frens when they tink u are nice. *sweet smile*

its just farnie....

Current state: LOLROF & trying to get back to work.

This weekend....

I did quite a couple of things...

Fri afternn, met up w my bong sreys for coffee in town. LD was as bubbly as ever. :) We had a good time... catching up... talking abt end times.... My bongs encouraged me to pursue further studies... very inspiring to see them... :)

Sat was spent doing work in the day. Evening, met up w GR again! to catch Constantine. One of the comment someone gave me abt the show was "weird", and that it wldn't go down too well w Catholics. Well, i tink it doctrinely speaking (if there's such a term) it wldn't go down well w many religions. lol. but barring this, it is an interesting watch, with good sound & music effects. Bits of dark, despair, peppered with some dark humor. Some resemblance to Matrix, but, a notch higher (or maybe i just got bored of Matrix revolutions & reloaded). Watever it is, its nice to catch a movie that's not boring. :)

Sun. Church. It was a little long. :P But message was 'clean n clear'. Had lunch w Ana, Jmy, Kv & Jrmy. Its not a usual combi of pple tog. But its pretty nice. Been a while since i went out for lunch w old pals after church.

So on the overall i had a good weekend. *smile*

and i did not get to watch the movie...

went all the way to the cinema... and.... no tix!! thanks to GR who tinks tt THERE WILL BE SEATS cos its wed nite. anywayz, he got bashed up .... and i got a free meal. but stil... I DID NOT GET TO WATCH THE MOVIE!!

and i bought a glue gun. for wat? i was tinking wat to do with it on my way home, realized alas dun really noe wat to do w it. lol....

ah... i noe.... SHOOT GR!!!

i am encouraged....

by two of my gals. particularly encouraged because they were from my 'very challenging' class last year. the class tt seriously took up so much energy from me. the class notoriously known by teachers not teaching them. tis year, some of the gals started saying 'i miss you' or 'why are you not teaching us this year'. Some out of plain mischief (i'm sure), some sincerely (i'm sure too) [tho i still qns myself if i've done them any good teaching them english given i'm not trained to do it]. in any case, its been nice seeing them for music only so far. however, today God blessed me with a pleasant surprise to show me that, hey, He's at work.

During the last period I had for the day, these two gals after finishing music lesson came and tell me that they were interested in playing the guitar for morn devotion. See, I just challenged my guitar club gals yest to serve God and the sch in tis manner yest (urm, half thinking, they prob wldn't volunteer, i hv to noe them better and encourage 'forcefully'. Little did i expect them to step up... and from THAT class. These two gals have been nice all this while. But still, to expect gals from THAT class.... *smile* i pushed them further. when i knew they cld play other instruments, i challenged them to work on these instruments to play for chapel. they were apprehensive. so told them i'll train them tis year, next year den play, and they agreed!!! i was just like "oh my God, seriously..." it puts a smile on my face....

other than that.. the week has been work work work. Work is starting to pile up. Half the time i wonder if i can cope, or whether i'll screw up (yeah still tink tis way as and when). but like i say.. i tink too mych.. worry too much over things i can control THAT much...

so... just learning to appreciate the little things in life.. and to take things easie.r.. :) God is good. (its been a long time since i've said tis. i'm still using a lot of 'mind' and less 'heart' to say this... but more 'heart' than previously, bong)

Oh yeah, and i finally 'exercised' yest. How? By walking 1.5 hrs back home from sch. I'm not crazy. That's ME! mua ha ha...

Learning....

How to play mahjong

1. Get a patient tutor
2. Make sure this tutor is willing to teach for FREE (as in, not make u lose money)
3. First two rounds: Play with all tiles OPENED.
4. Get the poor tutor to explain as you play along.

I learnt how to play mahjong last nite. LOL.. oh maybe, in the wee early hours tis morn. Minus the gambling part, its fun because like dty-dti, requires wits. Under the tutelage of my mentors along the way, I managed to 'hu' two rounds (ha, tt's because I'm not the only learner there).

Generally fun because its still new. In case my mom hears abt me learning this game, let me make tis clear: I dun gamble! Am only willing to play with patient pple who urm, are out for fun, a little brain tweezing n no cash or 'rewards/punishments' etc. involved. *laughs*

The best I get out of it, at least now when I watch all the farnie dushen, duhor, duxia or watever, i noe wat they are doing (or do i?!?)

Current State: Fat like bah-kwah

of ECs

i just had a gd evening in EC (east coast) w EC. ha ha. lame, i noe. I usually hv gd times in EC. One of my fav spots. :)

it was surprisingly crowded, but bulk of the population there were non-chinese. they seem to b having such a good time out there, honestly, i'm pretty envious. wat is one thing we chinese lack compared to our frens of other ethnic races in sg? i'd tink its the family n/or community spirit.
DISCLAIMER: not all families, jus my ob. based on my family and those i've seen.

Lets just take my exp these two days n wat i see.

1. my experience on CNY's eve
knocked off home from work early. tried to help out, but wasn't of much help. :) finally dinner ready. sat down to eat quietly. my fav - steamboat. but i did not hv much to say (pple noeing me will go - r u kidding? nothing much to say? *laughs*) finish dinner, wash dishes. den watched a chinese show. at 10, adjourned into my bedroom to do my mails etc. read my bible. slept at 12ish. did not watch the CNY celeb tv show.

2. wat i saw at EC
COUNTLESS tents scattered all over, clothes hanging outside tents (they camping there for how many nites?!?). some kids sleeping in tents. cooking using mass tin. kids playing. adults sitting ard cooking or talking. one family even had a tv brought over!!! EC n i question how they get recept9ion. perhaps it was vcd they were watching, oh well, doesnt' matter.

I wish i get to do wat these pple are doing. tt's my dream kindof family. but alas... oh well... i suppose at tis moment its as good as it gets. :) muz b thankful.

meanwhile, EC n i continued w our ritual of getting drinks from 7-11/supermkts n sitting ard somewhere to talk. it was nice. sat on the sand in front of the waves, and nice starry nite tonite too! (in sg, its considered starry *chuckles*). talked abt many things. things i'm working on now in life, the future, school, our kids today, etc. it was nice just sitting there to chill. thanks EC for ur encouragement. yes, and i'm still laughing my head off at the "i cant imagine u holding a gal with one hand, and another guy beside u, and his face covered by a black dot cos i dunno who he'll be". *laughs* its a farnie pic. u're rite. neither can i.

wat hv come out of this? one more gd memory to add on to the list of memories i hv of east coast. looking at the stars i tell mayself not to be too myopic as well. the future holds the unknown. we all are uncertain and to some extent hold some fears, but i cannot allow the fear to overcome me. yes. its true. i admit it. i tink too much. nothing wrong w tinking. but certain things i tink.... do not quite add on to life. is it necessarily bad? perhaps not. but maybe i shld cut down on these 'philosopical' thots and work on wats there. :)

oh watever... which explains... the change of my blog title. :)

"when we're young we always think we know everything..
and when we get older, we always think we know nuthin"
(Js, 2005)

how much more true can tt get...

i'm good.

in case anyone thinks i'm depressed based on my previous post (or posts), let me clarify, i'm good. *laughs*

1. previous blog was just to straighten out my thots.

2. i only tend to blog things tt hit me more these days and

3. dun human beings rattle more abt negative things than positive?
it takes 1 bad experience for a person to make a complain, and about 1 out of 7 who had good experiences to make a compliment. so tis entry ... well... just to tally that out. *chuckles*

in actual fact, i'm better tis year than last yr. :) God has been patient with me. I noe there are pple who cared cos they prayed for me and reminded me to go to church or read my bible, 'non'-christian included.

i hv been very blessed tis yr. first, english was taken off my teaching load (and that means a LOT). i hv been assigned to a music group as CCA (rather than... urm.. the previous misfit, hee). i will prob b bringing my sch gals for international community service in june, which is wat i really really wanna do! in actual fact, i hv colleagues in sch asking me 'are you happier tis year?' apparently, they did see the difference. one of them even added i had a 'bounce' (literal, cos i bounce when i walk, lol) when i first came back from nepal. lol

all the above... blessings... but i suppose the most impt thing.... tt supercedes the above... wld be cos i hv decided to follow Jesus (again). nope, i'm not a siao onz christian, i'm not a super nice gal. but.... just to decide to follow Him, makes the difference and i noe there's nothing i need to be afraid of.

there are challenges. there are difficulties. my frens may hv left me. situation at home challenging. work.. challenging. my only prayer would be that... i'd learn to see and handle them the way, He wans me to.

so on the overall, i'm good. :)

making sense of the world ard me....

the past four hours has inflicted many emotions and thots, virtually on a rollercoaster ride, so much so that i'm totall confused now.

it was supposed to be a wonderful day. scheduled to meet my bong for breakfast, den a close (?) fren to watch a series... and perhaps hit the beach, or watever.

meet my bong i did. it was a good time sharing. i felt encouraged.

wat happened thereafter was a total nitemare. i was late. so my fren was totally pissed w me. there was some miscom involved, thanks to either my stupid fon or the service provider, probably the former. partly i lost track of time, so i did not respond in time. the afternn appointment was cancelled, by an sms. surprisingly, my stupid fon became super-efficient in delivery that msg to me. wat a cruel joke of life. its been murphy's law for me yesterday. looks like the law still holds on me today.

travelled home. trying to reconcile wat a christian way of handling daily issues like that should be.

made my way home anywayz. got back to.... thot of working on the 'awards' i wanted to make for my students, at least something constructive. before i cld do that... same old conflict w my @$&*#( sister. and i was insulted, again. tis time round, called 'deaf'. as if that wasn't enough, she got my mom into the picture and made me seem like a complete idiot. i was tempted to make a nasty response, but see there wasn't any point to it. just kept quiet, and let things be.

i must admit, i'm particularly emotional today. i'm just totally confused with watever had been happening lately.

*breathes in deeply* just trying to make sense of the world ard me now. *smile* bong says i tink too much. i think, its more like i feel too much. shites, i need to get out of this stupid emotional phase man. i'm tempted to give up and fall into the depths, but there are many more bigger and impt things out there to settle.

meanwhile, how did Christ tackle all these emotional crazes? or does He even go thro these? how do i look at things in life with His perspective?

Home early

today because i got so SO SO upset w two gals that i literally felt like slapping them and like @$&*#(8... so upset that i got a headache.... so hv to come home....

honestly, it wasn't worth being tis upset i admit. i dun even noe wat hv gotten over me. maybe just stressed. or took it upon myself too much. or expected too much from them. *chuckles* my colleagues told me it wasn't worth it, dun be bothered with them... that it was no point... over gals like them.... but.... i seirously tried.... i took time off for them....

frankly, it was easier to sign the papers for them and just release them. "Good riddance" was an adjective used by someone else. Yes, it was easier, but that wasn't the point! They have to learn for crying out loud... Maybe it is easier to just not care. My life will be MUCH EASIER.... less traumatic....

Watever. I shall continue to irritate them and myself. Will be meanie and carry out disciplinary action tom. If I have to become such a meanie to carry my message across, so be it.

Current state: VERY SUPER DUPER EXTREMELY Crossed

Of different professions...

Two professions came to my mind this two days as I look around me.

1. The Security Guard
Friday morn, I saw, the dark siluette of my sch's security guard at the gate, directing the gals to enter from the small gate instd of the one for the cars. I always enter by the other gate, so neva got to see him, or to notice his early-in-the-morn usual motions.

Friday afternn. I was busing home. Took a diff route. Passed by a condo. I saw a security guard sitting just outside the guardhouse on a stool.

I thot to myself, these pple, how are their jobs like? How do they pass their day? What goes through their minds each day as they go through the 'mundane?', 'fruitful?' hours.... mins.... secs...... Was this the job they really want to hold? If so, good. If not, why? Education? Age? given most of them are the retired pple....

2. The 'Pirates' in JB
I was in JB w a fren today (identity will not b disclosed given contents of tis entry). In our 'Katong' area, as expected, as we pass by these 'pirates' they will go 'Ms, wan to watch shows? Come tis way.. we have many shows.'

My fren had to buy dvds for my fren's fren. So we popped in some of these just to do some price comparisons. Much to our surprise, when we gave the name of the shows, they went 'Come inside here'. The door opens... and WOW! i mean... WOW! *laughs* {There's even a cam checking on activities outside} Tis repeats itself a second time at another shop. Did my fren manage to get the stuff? How wld I noe? I went to the bathroom.

We cont'd shopping. Suddenly, the shutters of ALL these 'pirates' shops are down. THey start sitting outside, talking on their mobiles. Business was as usual . They still ask passerbys the same qns. When anyone show interest, up goes the shutter. Prospective customers step in. Down comes the shutter. After some time, up goes the shutter. The customer/shopper exits. Down comes the shutter.

There was a sign on one of the shops saying.... Hiring employees. I wonder.... how are the lives of these 'pirates'?

As for me, I'm still a teacher, leaving my life. Monotonous at times, crazy at times, depressing at times, happy at times, contented at times...

How many possibilities and permutations of lives can there be out there? Only God knows.

My Color

BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

post-26 December 2004

Humanity shows that it is still very much alive

People become more aware of what's outside their microenvironment

But... ...

Will people also become more indifferent to impacts of natural disasters in the future?

Would they need something of the same or greater magnitude, and visibility to move them?

Life Goes On.......

like it or not.....

i can only do watever i can. circumstances where there's nothing I can do, i can only lift up to my Abba in prayers and trust, at the same time archiving watever memories that might keep me stuck.

meanwhile, life goes on.... and i hv to focus on wat i can work on.... in Him i pray....

My God, what have I done?

An sms... and ends it all....

3 years of happiness, sadness, disappointments, fears, difficulties
of laughter, of tears, of marking, of taking turns to assure each other and all....

An sms... and ends it all....

My God, what have I done?

work reviews...

are headaches (literally) and an absolute waste of time!!!! *squeezes forehead*

Under the influence of drugs....

I'm awake for less than 8 hours today!!!!

Waking hours for today:
9.00 - 1030
2.00 - 4.45
6.30 til now

This is crazy! I'm a sleeping MONSTER!!!

I'm bored now. Have work, but can't do. Scared tonite cant sleep... *sob*

EC....

rem to do wat u supposed to do on sat.