die... bug... DIE......

was down with stomach flu on monday morn. got up and threw up three times between 0330 - 0700 and had major diahearo (i STILL cant spell it). so for the rest of mon, i was lying in bed all day from the backache and walking ard (whenever i absolutely HAD to) like an old woman - slow and hunched over. now tt i'm no longer attached to THE system, where i hv to produce evidence of being sick, i chose not to see the doc (the distance to my GP wld hv killed me first) and survived on panadol. thank God for panadol. calorie intake for the day was 100 cal maximum, with a couple of grains of porridge. ha ha. (i can laff NOW because i'm much better now.)

started to recover yest. taken off panadol, and went for my piano lesson which was postponed. did the sorting out and packing of the clothes for the cambodia trip. it wasn't easy. i was so easily tired. thankfully FM was there to help me out.

today did part of the packing of my own stuff for the trip. it was tougher than usual, cos like yest, i just tired out after a while, even tho it was such a light and simple task. still hv the feeling of throwing up after my breakfast of bread with sugar. die... stomach flu bug... DIE.... i'm going to cambodia....

oh, and can i add that its such a torture to smell NICE FOOD (reads: oily).... when i cant eat them .... i smell them EVERYwhere....

staying focused....

someone from church called me up to inform me abt an opening in his education institution. he's been asking me over the past 3 years with related positions. i've always been keen. cos it involves spending time with kids (but no marking, etc.). involves bringing them overseas, a couple of OCIP trips... which are my passion....

still my passion, but alas, i hv yet to go full steam yet... hence for me to drop wat i've been preparing so far.... was too difficult.... i've been telling pple one has to count the cost when dropping wat they hv to move to something new. i realize, one still has to count the cost, to press onto wat may seemingly be foolish or impractical at this moment....

well, even tho the opening was wat i've always been interested in, reasons for not going for it:
- i just got out of the system, not to get myself into another system so soon.
- i just got out of a job which took up so much of my time and life to get into perspective, not to get myself into another one like that.
- i got out to venture something new which i hvn't really tried properly yet to conclude how it will end up. i've given up enuff to get into it, not to give up halfway.
- i cant bring myself to give up wat i've put in so far into this new venture. too much put into it. too much given up for it.
- God has been stirring my passion for music, so i will follow that...

so this entry is a reminder for myself in case one day i question myself.. which i pray will neva be... for one thing i believe in: neva regret. learn.

still packing....

finally packed away the teaching materials i've packed back from school two months ago.... i packed my christian lit into a box and even spent two hrs or so typing out the titles of each bk. At least i hv an idea of wat literature i own, and now i hv a record i can refer to when i need stuff... if not, wats the point owning the books?

spent two afternoons 'packing' my inbox.... i easily have over 600 mails in my inbox 'collected' since i registered with each server. FM is appalled to see so many items in inbox, while i'm puzzled as to how anyone can only hv 15 items max in his inbox!! anywayz, i've just figured out 'archiving' my emails in my gmail account and am proud to announce that i hv reduced my items in the inbox from over 600 to over 100!! HA HA.

din get to prac piano these couple of days cos just busy going out... with frens.. for the silly funfair (where i managed to successfully dunk a person for the first time, and the farnie thing is, the first person i successfully dunked in my entire life is FM. HA HA).. going for the jam last night..

meanwhile.. my sis has given birth to my FIFTH nephew!! i wanna niece... *sulks* am gonna visit her later...

and here's my travel schedule arranged by Abba coming up:

18th Oct - 23rd Oct -- COSI orphanage, Ang Snoul Province, Cambodia
24th Oct - 1st Nov -- Nong Kai, Northern Thailand
7th Nov - 14th Nov -- Vietnam (Tentative)
5th Dec - 12th Dec -- Baguio, off Manila City, Philippines

WIll need to work on stuff on the trip, my website, my repertiore, reading up on western music, and very imptly waiting upon Him, which i hvn't spent enuff time in... hmm...

baroque - irregular pearl

that's wat baroque means...

tt's wat i've been occupying myself with other than meeting up with frens etc. hv been reading up on baroque music period on wikipedia. Whilst its 'only one webpage', i've taken 3 days and still only halfway thro it. that's cos i'm also going thro the relevant bits (e.g. counterpoints, fugue, oratorio, etc.) on other wikipedia pages. its kindof strange that i'm actually returning to the study of CLASSICAL music. but who noes, i might just end up teaching piano next year onwards, together with my pursuit of music in performance. cant say i totally understood wat was online.. but at least am trying.. its been interesting despite the 'dry' topic. like PJ told me, i'm a driven person when i find the purpose to do something. i've found purpose in learning these theoretical bits, which is wat drives me to spend time on.

meanwhile, hv been working on my fingering techniques practicisng cramer. also working on jazz pieces and classical pieces (sonata no. 13, the bell)...

today also jammed with the team going to thailand for the worship camp. last week's jam left me overwhelmed, feeling inadequate. but i noe i had to press on and trust God. and today things are working out better. its a new and refreshing experience jamming with 'rock' musicians. ha ha... out of my comfort zone.. but being out of comfort zone always means taht God is gonna teach and show me new things... :)

a comment from an *outsider

*from outside the M** system i just got out of

my piano teacher thinks that i
- 'm much much happier now.
- 'm much more patient now than i used to be.
- dun get agitated as easily than previously.
- look better now
- 'm much more energetic
- 've changed.
he's really happy for me i left service under M**

to tink that years ago, ana used to say that i dun hv a temper. the yrs in the system has changed me... to a more confident person, to a more capable person, but also one with shorter fuse (to handle the kids, u start by acting angry, overtime, it just happens as a part of my life even out of sch.)

i'm glad i've left too....

five dollars...

is wat my JC assignments, prelim papers, notes, Uni notes (over four years) and thesis materials are worth....

it wasn't easy for me to trash some of these materials. the uni notes, i even had them nicely classified before storing them years back. and my prelim papers for JC, still had the 'very good' getting 50+/75 for my physical geog paper... i tink i scored a 74.5/100 for Maths C PI and 60+/100 for Maths C PII.

with the help of a 'voice' that says 'throw', i packed them into the pile for garang guni. today the garang guni man came... and all that stuff.. worth 5 bucks.. i've sold my past for 5 bucks... but i guess i wldn't need them anywayz... part and parcel of unclutteriong and moving on in life.

five bucks is a lot from garang guni
five bucks is very little for memories....

move on gal....

uncovering....

La Campanella (Franz Liszt)
the mad song i heard in either The Pianist or Shine many many years ago... only attempted pg 1 of the score. its an impossible piece for me...

In a Persian Market - Intermezzo-Scene (Albert W. Ketelbey)
A song i really liked playing when i was learning classical piano.but over the years, my scores got all over the place. only after a 3 hr plus session of organizing the heaps of mismatched scores did i piece this score tog again. Synopsis of the piece:
The camel-drivers gradually approach the market; the cries of beggars for "Back-sheesh" are heard amid the bustle. The beautiful princess enters carried by her servants, (she is represented by a languorous theme, given at first to clarinet and cello, then repeated by full orchestra) - she stays to watch the jugglers and snake-charmer. The Caliph now passes through the market and interrupts the entertainment, the beggars are heard again, the princess prepares to depart and the caravan resumes its journey; the themes of the princess and the camel-drivers are heard faintly in the distance and the market-place becomes deserted.

meanwhile, i'm pulling out classical pieces to play as well... i actually miss playing these stuff... i might be crazy enough and end up teachign classical piano as well!! but a lot of brushing up needed la.

uncluttering is good for the soul...

some of the finds from the uncluttering:
- i used to be so active in the youth, viewed as a 'potential leader' by the then-leaders, den moving on into leadership position?!?
- found loads of nice cards (i threw quite a lot away, kept half of them), including letters from youths, prison!, TPJC and TJC classmates and letters from penpals!!
- had three singaporean penpals (david, elgin, geraldine), one malaysian penpal (marilyn), one korean penpal and one french penpal (whose names are too difficult for me to rem) and a brazilian penpal (gabriel)
- some travel finds - in dalat, ko samui, nepal, cambodia...
- currencies! i neva finish spneding them and usually just dump them into my 'travel drawer' it came up to:
indian currency - 200 rupees
cambodian currency - 3000 riels (equivalent to less than 1USD)
malaysian currency - 107 ringgits
thai currency - 1940baht
indonesian currency - 151100 rupiah (took quite a bit of calculation)
china currency - 300RMB
australian currency - 10AD
US currency - 35USD

what i relearnt abt myself from uncluttering:
- i was actually a 'nice and caring' person in my uni days, spending time nurturing the youths den (now adults). i do question wat happened when i got busy with life, career... not making excuses for myself, i do think tt i've been making differences in lives ard me, students and frens... but qns is ... was it with as much zeal as in the past? was it evidently Jesus showing from my actions? age shldn't be an excuse.

now u hv an idea y i take SO LONG to clear my stuff.. urm.. the above are just exerpts..

meanwhile hv been doing stuff i like .... waking up late, going for runs... and going for a dive trip to perhentian and mission trip to cambodia... will write more abt those stuff in next entry. now learning to rest, and wait upon the Lord. Last night, i learnt 'if u r not resting in the Lord, u are not trusting Him..."

getting the clutter out of my life...

hv been trying to pack (without much success)....

one of the thing i feel convicted to do whilst i'm on this break is to remove the clutter in my life, the physical stuff as well... i've dumped quite some stuff... my training deed (which has now expired).. some of my 1st yr uni work, interviews for social work, bills, my practicum stuff (LPs etc).... somehow i feel tt i cant really move on and start afresh with these... the beginning is easy... its getting more and more tough... the discipline and the smaller nitty gritties.. to hold (hoard) or to dump... i'm a hoarder by nature.. so it aint gonna be easy...

may God grant me the wisdom and discipline to 'work out' the clutter....

dormant blog

well.. i hv pple complaining abt my blog being dormant... so here's a quick entry abt my trip to China 11 - 18 Aug...

Well, pple kept asking me "how was the trip?" I'm glad I had clear objective before the trip (yeah, teaching does help in making you write SIOs): To spend time with my parents. If not for a clearly stated objective, i'll have died of boredom and the lack of freedom.

My answer typically includes the following points:
1. boring
2. i hv a strange grp
3. packaged tours really aint my cup of tea
4. its not easy being with my parents 24-7 (the only break i got was the 3 hrs when they joined the grp for massage which i opted out of)
5. tho it hadn't been easy, tho not 'enjoyable' i neva regretted the trip because the objective was fulfilled (oh... still stuck in the system): i spent time with my parents. :)

Ok... why do i not like packaged tours?
1. you spend more time travelling to a place than getting to noe the place.
Here's a quick run of the itinerary i've recorded for the first few days (i gave up after the first couple of days) *hardly names given cos i cant rem, we move too quickly. i dun even noe the names of the hotels i stay in or how the exteriors look like.D1
- 5 hrs flight to Shanghai. 1 hr ride to the hotel. SLEEP
D2
- 1 hr ride to some pasar malam. (see, i cant even rem the name of the place. Spent only 45 mins there. Nothing to buy. Ended up with a mint freeze.
- 2 hrs ride to Wu Zhen. Followed by 1.5hrs tour along the river settlement.
- 3.5 hrs ride to Heng dian.
D3
- 1.5 hrs ride to a mockup version of the Qing Dynasty's palace, and spent 1 hr there.
- 1.5 hr ride to YiWu. 1 hr walk in the China's largest international export center. (which i read abt in national geographic, so its kewl, tho cant buy anything cos 1. not suitable, 2. urm... who's gonna buy wholesale millions of the same item?)
- 2 hrs ride to the lei dian ta (the one that trapped mdm white snake apparently) and spent 1.5 hrs at the tower.
- 25 mins walking ard the lake
- dinner followed by a very decent acrobat show.
D4
- 1 hr ride for a boat ride in Xi Hu, boat ride tt lasts 30mins
- walk ard the garden followed by 20 mins in a museum. (TWENYY mins in museum? i spent 5 hrs in the one in india!! no wonder i hardly learn anything abt this place)
- 30 mins ride to some chinese medicine talk and hard sell place. We spent more than an hour there. finally right? why? because they are trying to sell stuff to us, in which the tour company will get a cut of the commission.
- 3.5 hrs ride to Wuxi and 1 hr to shop along a street.
D5
- 30mins ride to the mock up of the palace of the Han dynasty they used to film 'three kingdoms' and 1 hr there.
- walk ard the tai lake. Btw, because the tai lake is one that cultivates loads of sea food and pearl, the water u drink from wuxi ACTUALLY HAS A FISHY TASTE! I'm not kidding!eeks... bottled water... oh.. and eutrophication is quite evident there.
- visit to the pearl center. more talks/demonstrations and hard sell.
- visit to the tea pot center. more talks and hard sell.
- 3 hrs ride to Nanjing, 1 hr spent at pasar malam ( i can't even rem how its like except for the pasar malam being recorded in my pda)
D6
- Visited teh song qing ling mansion
- visit to jade shop. more talks and hard sell.
- visit to a China's impt bridge. den an art shop. more talk and hard sell.
- 3.5 hrs ride to suzhou. followed by a 10 mins boat ride.
No more records.. get the picture right?

2. its rush rush rush. Did i mention that we wake up at 6am EVERY morn? including sat? (worse than sch days) and retire at 11pm on the average.

3. in packaged tours in China (cant speak for other destinations as this is my first packaged tour ever), they put you thro talks of products and HARD SELL (ref above) u stuff (at exorbidant prices)... and its PART of the PLANNED ITINERARY!! we spent more time for the hard sell for pearl, jade, art pieces, some chinese dragon fengshui thing, silk, chinese medicine than 'free and easy', tea (refer #4)

4. the definition of "free and easy" is 1.5 hrs of 'shopping' in a shopping centre / street they drop you on. Doesn't matter if you are interested in the stuff in the centre / street. Just come back in 1.5 hrs.

5. Weird characters in the group.
we have an old couple who claims to be bro and sis (dun lie lah...) who are smoking like ALL the time, attention seeking, think very 'havoc and kewl'.. but i see as 'lao wan tong'. came back late for one 'free and easy'. y? not because they got lost.. but cos they were DRINKING. they look really red when they came back. and it wasn't apologies when they were back but 'bu yao jing'. sigh.
another very very lao shi and blur old lady who keeps asking pple to take pics for her using OUR cameras and later SEND (SNAIL MAIL) of the processed pics to her?!?! my mom says she's happy go lucky. i say.. yeah she blur blur happy, but the poor travel companion will be totally stressed. my mom din get the meaning of my statment until on the last day, she got really lost one day for 30 mins in a super crowded tourist attraction place... and my tour guide's heart nearly popped out.

Did i regret going therefore? I neva believe in regretting. I believe in learning from watever experiences. I got to spend time with my parents.. and i have a taste of packaged tours and can say confidently that its not my cup of tea (unless i change 40 yrs later, who can tell...) meanwhile, no more 'follow the flag'.... nuts...

i'm leaving on a jet plane....

Well, not exactly, either a boeing or airbus. *chuckles* .... soon....

i had two great days before... spent time w FM trying to research for trip in sept.. 'trying' because we ended touring sg all day to look for places w internet connection and dinner.... and met up w leez n gals for a short while during her stopover in sg.

yest, had a great time w gals i taught... it was nice to be able to talk as friends rather than as a tr per se. we were bitching a little abt trs... :P and apparently whenever i wore my long skirts, to some gals, its a 'she's wearing curtains' again... :) but it was really nice.. i really enjoyed the moment spent w them. :) makes me feel tt the three years in PL is worth it. i tink i'm gonna see some of them at the airport.. cute...

den had dinner w FM and drove a black box a couple of rounds....

today morn met up w HM to work on the website we're gonna come up w for my new career. its gonna cost a bomb too... :(

meanwhile, i'm hoping it doesn't rain too much in china. its raining all over asia and flooding all over... sigh....

Major changes in life...

Its been a long time since I've blogged. Whilst work was winding down for the past month, I was somewhat kept occupied spending time with people who are dear to me. If I don't blog soon enough, AG is gonna blame certain special dude in my life now for taking my time away from updating my blog. :)

Will be pretty busy for these 3 days, but I HAVE TO sit down and blog. Simply because I've just embarked into new chapters of my life. Just stepped out of one yesterday, and what better time than to recount these things in words...

Yesterday was my last day in school. Had to do community singing for the parade. It was.... alright... But when I saw the gals march in the parade, they were so SMART! I had the 'privilege' of being the 'GOH' during the rehearsal on Tuesday. And I saw gals from my form class marching, leading the band etc, the sense of 'wow'....

It was strange to see my table empty. To walk out of the staffroom for the last time as a proper staff. To walk to HZ's table to talk a little (and while laffing over the minutest silly stuff, we teared...). To realize that friends I've seen daily for three over years... will now be friends I only get to see once in a while. (sure we say we'll catch up, but in reality, everyone's busy. and no longer can i just row my chair over to MR's wkstation for eg.). It hasn't struck me fully yet, as I was still busy packing out of sch yest, and hving to pack for my trip this sat. But eventually it will sink in. I'm grateful for the 5 years of service in education (including JJC, MPSS, NIE, PYSS, PLMGSS). I've learnt much. Moving on to something unknown, something better, something that will grow me more in Him... but God knows.

Meanwhile, since I came home yesterday, I've trashed quite a bunch of stuff I've accumulated at home for YEARS: bills (since 2004), the notes and worksheets for JJC and MPSS, some NIE stuff... I'm looking fwd to clearing up more after my china trip. Its as if my new chapter in life is to be signified by the trashing of the old literally. I really feel like it... clearing up on the past.. and moving on....:)

Anywayz, other than trashing stuff, I've finally added my gals into my frenster account. Promised that I'll add them either 1. they graduate; 2. i leave school. Some have been on the waiting list for a while. *chuckles*

Today, will be packing a little for the china trip on saturday. I'm not looking fwd to the 'packaged' tour, which in JW's words are: high-class refugees. But I'm looking fwd to spending time with my parents. I mean, how often does one get a chance to do that? Will be doing research about a trip in Sept with FM. Then bunk over with Leez cos she's having a 24hr stayover before flying back.

Tomorrow, will still be packing and spending some time with my students... I used to teach in 2005 and 2006. They call themselves the 2b2-ians. It was really one of the classes I looked fwd to teaching. My 3B1 this year as well. Of course there are others... and for those which 'drains' energy teaching, its still all worth it as well... oh, I love teaching lah, I love the gals, my friends (ex-colleagues - urm, most, not all), just not the system... :P

Saturday will be off for a week.... Watever comes next....I dunno. I just noe God noes. It had been a little 'disappointing' for the past weeks when doors that were opened closed. But I trust that the reason is cos those are not my doors. God will open the right door at the right time. Meanwhile, I tink that's a sign to me that I shld just quit thinking abt my future and go on holiday and take my break and enjoy the time with my Abba. :)

Transform-ing....

I bought my first long black dress (a daniel yen!!)... i really like it a lot... the moment when i decided to buy it, it was.... kindof weird... i mean, yeah, all the talk of moving on to becoming a so-called professional pianist... its talk. i've been working on my repertoire... but here's something CONCRETE that is another step towards what i've aimed to become.... its really weird... i might be getting cold feet.... but i must go on....

anywayz, the dress wasn't an easy find. EL n i had to go from Marina Square to Suntec to Orchard to find it. as usual, when u need something, it doest come by easy (since its nowhere near christmas). when you dun need one, you always find nice ones on sale. ha ha. i paid almost 150 for this one... so.. yeah, it had better be nice. ha ha.

transforming for a new future.... eeks!!

anywayz, caught transformers. hmm... the lack of plot really makes it lack lustre. still, the image of optimus prime (i can actually rem the name!!) does linger in my mind... somehow reminds me of the forgiving and loving and sacrificial Jesus who leads by serving... anywayz, that aside, that show is only worth watching for... old-time's sake...

last month of teaching in sch....

sch has started. sch's gonna come to a close to me in a month or so. when i look @ the pple doing their nie prac or just starting out, it reminds me of my days in PYSS, and when i first started out here. 3 yrs hv gone by, quickly as it might have seemed, but its been a long process at the same time...

currently, i'm deployed to teach the weirdest stuff... so completely different from what i hv been used to. its a different experience. but i am relishing the last moments of teaching in the classroom setting... and with less admin sort of work, i am reminded that hey, i do love teaching after all! hv new staff sitting beside me after SY and CC have left, LR and CL sort of taking over my duties, so now trying to guide them a little, i do enjoy the bits giving my nonsensical kind of advice. :) in short, i'm enjoying and treasuring this last lap of this season.

meanwhile, there are positive signs towards the new season. PJ has asked me to do 2 sets for his bro's wedding following mon after next. LR has contact at a local rest that requires a pianist fairly urgently. tho i do get some discouragements from some concerned frens, which do shake me a little, there is no turning back. I just have to trust and take the step of faith into the new unknown.

meanwhile at sch event today, HH n i ran 3.5km in abt 24 mins. it was a leisurely jog which we chatted throughout. i really enjoyed the run and the sprint at the end. LL said she cheered for me at the finishing line. how sweet. ha ha.we finished as the first mass runners... lol.. like anyone cares...

for now, i'm just waiting for the silly cake to be done in the kitchen, den i'm gonna take my blissful nap....

THank You Abba.

(re)discovering God....

we're oft so used to noeing God as someone with 'fixed' plans for us...
we're oft comfortable with the God whom we have come to known from previous experiences...

will we ever noe God fully? i think not. today i've found something new about my Father. Tmrw, something else awaits. it prolly isn't the most comfortable idea we have, based on what we have known. at times it makes us run away from Him for a moment. but He is greater than all these, because even in the process of 'running away' it is still a part of the journey to noe Him further.

'avoiding Him' is but one stage of noeing Him more. Wrong? Oxymoron? I'm not sure. but its something i'm trying to figure out now. tight tension between am i being notti or am i noeing Him in a different manner, perspective, capacity... am i finding excuse for myself? perhaps? yet, He's above all.

that said, i do not suggest that 'avoiding Him ' is good. it is but, a journey in which steps have been chosen, but above all, He's in control.

meanwhile, two things tt made me really happy yest. one, a fren of mine agreed to pop by my 'cellgrp' 'frigrp' 'bsgrp' watever grp it is. two, PJ asked me to play the piano for his bro's wedding in jul. i just met up w him to discuss a little. 45mins for cocktail and 50mins for 1st set into the dinner. my FIRST set!! ever!! :)

i've just set up a new blog that documents the songs i'll be and am working on for lounge stuff. need to get my repertoire going. :) blog is linked at the sidebar fellow bloggers under princess... :)

an obedient student i am....

last week, my piano teacher told me to listen to jimmy chan's pieces.

so today i got two sets of cds by jimmy chan. one set with eng and the other with chinese oldies. think my mom will love the latter set.

watched ocean 13 w EL today. its quite a farnie show, minus the silly cramps that cld drive me crazy...

my sis is back from the states... to drive me nuts... no lah... she's back to try to get a flat. sigh... of course... where does all my mom's attention go to? sigh... it really neva pays to be nice... i need a lot of grace from God to last me thro the months to come....

song listening to now: what a wonderful world
in CL's words given the addition back at home "Wonderful" indeed....

my new DISC profile

D - 16
I - 40
S - 28
C - 16

I took the test abt 10 yrs ago. My dominant traits were I and C. Ppl laugh hearing I'm a C. BUt HEY, i was a C in the past based on the demands of life 10 yrs ago. Tho I must say I'm quite surprised I'm a S. Me, S? Since when? Hmm.... age does make a difference i suppose.

ST thinks that I'm a D. But we realize that I"m actually a 'functional D'.If i'm not in charge, i rather sit back, watch and support. If I'm in charge (not by choice, cos i dun like), den yes, the D will surface, not by choice again...

Well... so here we have, my new DISC profile.

i did mention that i'll be blogging more often.. but looks like it did not come to pass ey...

while i've been going thro a stage when i'm 'avoiding' God somewhat, I am thankful that He is faithful and will never let me go.

Meanwhile... what has been happening?

Sch hols hv finally begun tis week. Last wk was spent for guit prac, guit CIP (which was great, when i heard the gals played i cld cry because i knew that was possibly the last time i'll hear them play the syf pieces), followed by megacamp... good time spent catching up w ST and LL... before i leave...

scaled Gunung Lambek twice, a 510m hill. Dun be deceived by the small figure, it was mostly three point contact and to do it twice in 24 hrs was no joke. first time did it w ST as a recce and 2nd time did w the kids. really appreciated the time spent in recce w ST.

SOTA called me when i JUST finished the trek w the kids. TYpically i dun pick up calls while i'm overseas, i noe not wat made me do it.. and it was like.. GOOD NEWS! got an interview. tho i'm tasked w having to do a LP which freaked me out a bit from the expectations stated.

SO i spent d past few days working on the LP. its not spectacular, very me... but i'm proud of the hard work put in.

meanwhile hv been busy meeting up w frens... suddenly i seem more 'popular' in sch w more pple taking to me, most trying to find out y i made the decision and wat my plans are - which... i myself hv no idea! i'm quite surprised how i lived my life... actually make pple rethink their lives... its nice to realize that... somehow my life does enrich others.. simply by how i choose to look @ it.

watched pirates of the carribean III n shrek III over the past couple of days w TS n EL respectively. met P for lunch two days ago. oh... had a 'celebration' dinner w ST last week or something at IKOI. met FS for breakfast yest... he's a dad now! hung out @ zouk yest w TS, Haz, AT.... not quite my cup of tea, but the supper after that was great. :) reminded me of the suppers we had during the S3 camp. For Spice, the food is definitely better @ simpang than at river valley.

updated my work review within 45 mins today, did it w AL within 15 mins. cos there wasn't much to discuss. it was more a... formality.

today had my piano class.. after two long week. i told my teacher wat i wanted to do.. i'm serious abt playing in hotel lounge. its becoming a reality. he tinks tt i can make it!! :) and gave me a list of 10 songs to start of my repetoire. tis is exciting!

tmrw, i'll be going for the interview @ SOTA. ooh.. dunno wat to expect. but am too tired to tink tonight. so shall tink tmrw. :)

loads of rambling.. cos just too much hv gone on. i could hv gone on and on abt the CIP, on and on abt the camp... tho.... sometimes ... how much memories shld we retain??......

have been smiling quite a bit....

unconsciously...

i hv pple ard me telling me that i look happier. one even said i glow. :)

since the past couple of days, i've still have the mixed feelings, which i believe will conti for a while more. when pple online greet me and ask how i am, i dun even noe how to respond to that.

moments where its difficult to let go... e.g. when i helped colleagues with some IT related stuff.. its like.. hey i've got them going.. e.g. during the dept meeting when i no longer see my name attached to class, the project i'm down for put down as KIV, hearing another colleague anchoring the level for the subject, it was like... ouch...

but... there are some little things that God has shown me bit by bit that hey its all good... and His plan is good...

e.g. God brought in a teacher so much more experienced in Geog tis yr. He also brought in another teacher so much more experienced and capable in music tis yr as well.

besides the restlessness in my heart, suddenly there are more options opened before me, tho none concrete, but these options had neva been so stood out so clearly before, all within this period of time.

and when i looked at the deployment (which the sch at first mentioned tt my departure midyr will cause in conveniences), i realized it served the kids and staff well as well. my 4NA class will have a much more experienced teacher to carry them thro. a gap has been created for one of my colleague to move to upper sec which served her well for her career prospects esp in the current situation. only LL complains tt God doesn't seem to hv shown a 'replacement' for me in the OCIP component YET. but as we spoke today, and as we had a break during staff meeting, we both came upon another colleauge... who seems to show some potential....

i neva knew that things would fall into place so nicely even for teh school. the Lord provides. the Lord takes for pple to move on. tho now.... wat next is still the qns... tho i'm learning to just wait and trust.

meanwhile, i might be bloggin a little more often again. LOL

moving on....

finally... the sch has 'released' me....

its been a tough week since mon... hving to speak to figures of authority... and things did not go as i intended... someone revealed my plans somewhat prematurely, the pple whom i'd like to inform personally got wind of my decision before i spoke. it wasn't ideal. but the LORD is in control.

negotiations started taking place... i was sort of asked to 'justify' my decision... which did not seem to satisfy the pple... i was 'questioned' to the point when i started to doubt my own decision.. i started to doubt if that was really what GOd is revealing...

it wasn't an easy period... when i thot things were 'settled' on mon, new stuff cropped up on wed... it was discouraging... but on hindsight, the matter that cropped up on wed... was the one that allowed the full release... God has the best plan... and He's showing it by revealing bit by bit. if nuthin happened on wed, den i'd hv to make do with the 'second-best' based on the talks on mon. if only we have faith... the faith journey is slowly but evidently unfolding as i start to take the first step. when i worry how i shld speak with wisdom, He has oredi 'fought the batter for me' and paved the way. I previously questioned if I was on the right track.. this was a sign that... yup....

PJ asked wat my emotions are the moment i got the news tt i was 'released'. first... FREEDOM... den... almost immediately the feeling tt followed was a sense of loss as well.. it is official. it is confirmed. there's no turning back. i'd be packing my table real soon... putting away all that i've gathered... the experiences, the accomplishments, the possibilities in this place, the security...

but i wan to learn to trust in Him. He has shown Himself to be faithful so evidently even when i had so little faith. Yest, i wondered how i cld get thro this... and tis morn.. i din even hv to do much... except to pray.. not that i 'felt strong faith'... but He is faithful...

moving on....