yeah i did it again

i just successfully shouted at my sis to f***off. No i'm not proud of it. But neither am i ashamed of it. Because I'm just damn pissed off. and i'm damn pissed with her stupid bf for making her decide to stay here instead of the damn big place she has in my eldest sister's place. say should stay as a family? my foot! if stay as a family den stop doing unreasonable things.

bong, tis is something you will never ever understd. u did not understd the foreboding feeling you noe things WILL happen. either a matter of days, or in this case, close to immediately. thanks for understanding E.

actually tis is stupid. i kindof expected it. Tuesday, the CG was speaking abt how God works for the good of all He loves through difficulties and suffering. Some may question: you call this suffering compared to the many others out there? Ok, call me immature, call me very selfcentered, but yes, this is suffering to me. and this is a thorn in my flesh.

Oh God, I seriously need Your grace. Daddy, I'm sorry for my selfcenteredness and I noe You are in charge. I dunno how I'm gonna go thro these days. Moving out - is but an escape You are not pleased with. Staying put - yet being bonded by the sense of foreboding and dread of home is not what You ask of me either. Help me to glorify You. Remind me of Jesus I pray.

Meanwhile, I'm about to leave for my dive trip. I was angry with my mom just now because I partly blame her for how things have turned out all these years in relation to this matter. But yet I love her and dun wanna hurt her the way I noe i had.

Crap. God help me.